Sunday

So much for the air show, it's raining sideways every hour on the hour today. Instead I see blanket forts and board games on the agenda maybe even a movie or two.

***

I finally stitched up the little summer dress pattern and fabric Ella and I picked out over the winter. I'm disappointed about it. When I left it long like she wanted she couldn't run in it without it seriously cutting into her stride and when I shortened it, it wasn't as cute and the stretchy part around the torso started to unravel because I didn't run a stitch up the side before I started futzing with it and Ella says the stretchy part is kinda itchy. The few tops and summer dresses I have with that stretchy stuff are itchy to me too so I know what she means. I really just need to find some soft old fancy embroidered pillow cases and transform them instead.

***

Ella is watching the Disney planning guide DVD for the 40,000th time today. Dan is researching booking our room, park passes and meals. He's built a spread sheet and is comparing every option in detail, park hopper passes, character meals, amount of days, differences in resorts. It turns out if we went for 5 days there instead of 3 not only would we be saving some insane amount of money per day but our brain washing would be complete and we'll experience totally Disney Nirvana. I'm pretty sure that like a casino knows they have a slightly better chance at you giving your winnings back to the table if they give you free drinks, Mickey knows that making the 5 days pass cheaper isn't really cheaper, but the rest of my family drank the Kool-Aid already. No matter I'm sticking firm on at least three days at the ocean to deprogram them before the flight home.

Why I heart DJ.

RT: Is this the hot stuff?

Me: Yes, that's wasabi. Try it. It's like sex! First it's explosively hot and it's unbearable and you can't take any more, and then it's over and . . .

DJ: And then he rolls over and you start crying and counting the money on the dresser . . . what?

OMG! MY SAHM IZ MKING ME CRZY!

Have you ever watched someone eat and thought "This person is the cutest chewer in the history of chewing"? I tried to take a video to explain and she's was all "Mom! Just let me eat!" Yes, I embarrass her already. It's a hard pill to swallow. Last week my skatey-mate Breetlejuice was here for a photoshoot for the latest derby poster. Bree was sitting on the floor crimping her blonde and pink hair in front of the mirror and Ella was sitting crosslegged next to her chatting up a storm. When I walked over Ella said to me "MoooOOOooooOOM! We're talking about girl stuff, we need some private!" Sigh.

Pictures of a June Afternoon

Today is too overcast to make the long trek to the beach but it is warm enough to get the plastic vacuum formed swimmy pool out and put it under the tiny elm that is growing at just the exact rate to give Ella shade. I sit in a lawn chair doing the crossword, Ella sits in six inches of cold hose-water happily splashing and the dog laps at the biggest bowl of water ever. We eat popsicles. I get the chicken out of the freezer and set it on the stove to thaw. Ella discovers going down the slide in a wet swimming suit is incredible. I finish all but three answers on the crossword. I cut the grape vines out of the wild flower patch so the daisies can see the sun. Grass clippings and dead ants float across the little blue pool. Ella bails water into her sand box and forms tiny roadways for a truck. Dan gets home and starts the grill. We talk about our day and discuss the disposition of the chicken. Dan begins to cook. He is trying to use one of the many bottles of bar-b-que sauce left over from Memorial Day weekend. We hear the roar of Thunderbirds flying over. There is an air show this weekend, we'll go on Sunday. My carpool for derby practice will be here soon. When I get home tonight I'll finish the crossword.

Blah Blah Blah

My four year old is fond of grabbing my cheek and squeezing it like she's my great aunt while saying to me "I'm just kidding you." Next she'll be patting me on the head and muttering "they grow up so fast."

***

The first warm and sunny day we have I am packing up the kiddo and going to the beach. We'll leave a sign on the door that says "Gone swimmin' - back after we're done" Then I will turn my phone down to vibrate and put it in the mini-cooler with my keys.

***

I get Cookie Magazine and at first it was a little politics, a few musings on an egalitarian family life, artistic photographs, odd homes, reviews of hip toys, vacation places that are great with kids and articles about the merit of mud pies and sheet forts, it had a rich bohemian flavor, with edgy articles and black and white baby butts on it's glossy pages. I recommended it. Dan even liked the music reviews that gave him ideas for music we like that is compleatly kid friendly but leap years ahead of the Wiggles.

This month I got my latest issue and discovered articles helping me become a "Beach Goddess" and have "Easy Summer Hair" as well as learning how to "Contain Children's Clutter", and of course the Father's Day article quizes me about "What kind of father is he?" - UG! Give me break, if I wanted to know about easy summer hair or beach goddess charateristics I'd be getting some fluffy magazine that tells me all about it along with how to please my man so he'll never leave and what eyeliner I just have to have. And let me also say that I know what kind of father my husband is because... get this... we are IN THE SAME FAMILY and I PAY ATTENTION!* So while the article was cute it was still fluffy and I was originally sold on a magazine that was a little more intelectual. I fret my favorite alternative parenting magazine is loosing it's substance and turning into Good Housekeeping mashed up with Cosmopolitan. If next month, a mear six months from a presidential election, I get a magazine filled with diets and quick tips for vaccuuming I'm cancelling it and ordering Bitch.

*The need for magazines to reduce my complicted and fabulouse husband into a neat little box drives me crazy! I'm beyond needing to put a label on the type of Dad/lover/listener/sock-wearer he is. Did nobody see the Breakfast Club?! We are more than just a The Jock, The Nerd, The Criminal, The Princess, and The Basketcase!

Sweet as Honey

Also go see THIS!

Dirtbags

Grandma sent us a pack of sunflower seeds and we planted them all over the place including some old yogurt containers that are now sitting in the window sill. The plants are at least eight inches tall and I'm sure their little roots are feeling too scrunched to grow anymore and so I have two bigger pots to put them in and no dirt. It seems a little silly to go buy some as dirt is free and abundant in my back yard but it also doesn't seem appropriate to dig a couple of holes out back either. Maybe while I'm up at the hardware store buying dirt I'll get some bottled water for these sunflowers too.

Lethal Dancer

What a wonderful weekend. I had the honor of catching up with some good old friends and spending time with brand new friends yesterday. Today I am left with a mostly clean house and lots of left over potato chips. You just can't beat that. Now we look forward to the big ballet recital. The last ballet class is today and parents are invited into the studio today to see our bitty kids' whole routine. Next weekend we travel to the next town over to see our performers on the big stage and then we'll be off for the summer. I know I said I wasn't going to sign us up for anything but our local kick-boxing instructor invited us out Monday nights and it kinda sounds like a good mother daughter kinda thing. I know the classes sure wear me out, it'd be nice if she was worn out at the same time.

No Permanent Marks

No, I'm not dead yet, but the question made me laugh out loud, thanks for asking. We won! Stateline 140 Mid-Iowa 119.

President Stiletto Steel had this to say: "If you weren't at the bout last night you missed HITS GALORE, A FIGHT, GIRLS slamming into each other--- the floor,and the stats table! This was the kind of bout people talk about for a LONG FREAKIN TIME!

Injuries were kept to a minimum but the scratches all over Annsanity's well endowed bosom, the punch mark on Warriors face, the rink burn on Breetlejuice and the other ladies are a testament to the fact THIS IS REAL!

As a matter of fact if one more person asks me if this is "real" I am going to strap skates on them and throw them to the wolves...the Stateline Roller Derby Divas that is!

Thanks to MId-Iowa for coming out and playing hard and well as a team! In the words of Mr. Rogers from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood when he sang in that comforting voice of his:"Won't you be my neighbor?!"

Hugs and Bruises to all!
Stiletto Steel
SRDD President"

Most of these pics in the sldie show below are by Tim Speer Photography.
(BTW I'm #00 and no I didn't get into a fight it was #217 our sweetest player)

My Last Day Off This Week

Cripes it's going to be busy weekend. Today is my last day to loaf around in my jammies while sipping instant coffee and scratching my butt. Tomorrow Dan agreed to be in a dunk tank for the Make a Wish Foundation and so I need to clean house like crazy in hopes of gathering up enough couch change to dunk my husband 7 or 8 times - oh, and also because there are people coming over to the house and I feel obligated to at least pick up the dirty socks and put out the clean hand towels before they get here. Tomorrow night is roller derby and the party afterwards and so that'll be a hoot and then on Sunday I will drag my sore and hung over self to Ella's end of the year school program where I will watch 20 or 30 parents and grandparents jockey for position with their cameras while the kids fidget and poke each other in the ribs while singing. On Monday is the big parade, it'll go right in front of the house and the kids will get sugared up to high heaven and then we'll run them like dogs in the back yard while we grill and drink margaritas until we all collapse sun burnt and covered in dirt... ah summer time.

Why I haven't been around...

Hello roller derby friends and fans! We just wanted to remind you that our next home bout is this weekend! Saturday night at 7pm we have a re-match against the Mid-Iowa Rollers at Skatin’ Station 1230 Inman Pkwy. Beloit, WI 53511, the doors open at 6pm and we haven’t sold out yet but it’s getting there. We don’t expect to have may ticket available at the door, so if you know a roller girl ask her for tickets today or better yet hop on the website at http://www.statelindivas.com/ and charge it, we’ll hold them at will call for you.

We expect this bout to be especially good (I know, I know, fishnet tights and ladies knocking each other down how can it not be good?!) but let me say that both teams want to win so bad we’ll be playing for blood this weekend. We also have the JBXperience coming to entertain during the break (seen the movie Roll Bounce? They were in it!) and Mad Rollin’ Dolls have loaned us their mad announcer Bob Noxious for the evening. After it’s all over we’ll be rolling over to Mick and Tony’s for Diva shots (part of the proceeds go to the team, so drink up!) and the band Mr. Big Stuff. We can hardly contain ourselves we are soo excited!

Hope to see you all there!
Mad Derby Love,
The Stateline Roller Derby Divas

Letting Go

I'm going through 4 years of baby clothes, trying to figure out what I love so much I have to keep... This is really hard. It's nine giant tubs of memories, Christmas outfits and birthday dresses, tiny shoes and sun hats and when I open each tub it smells like baby Ella.

Yeah, I'm gonna sell them to fund our vacation. I'm gonna sell them because other mommies need baby clothes. I'm gonna sell them because elastic rots over time. I'm going to sell them while they're still in style. I'm going to sell them because Mom assured me the next baby won't go naked. I'm going to sell them because they take up too much space. I'm going to sell them tomorrow during the tiny town-wide garage sale because it's the smart thing to do. I'm going to sell them because I said I would. I'm going to sell them because when I look at this picture I don't notice the dress.

Full Swing

It's one of those weeks where I am wishing for an eighth day. Between garage sales and roller derby and birthday parties I will be attempting to keep the house clean for the next weekend's festivities that include a parade, a school program, some margaritas and another roller derby bout. In July I am planning NOTHING. Ok, maybe the beach, and the zoo but I swear that's it! and a picnic, and some fireworks that's all I'm planning! and this lamp, and this ashtray and this paddlegame, and this remote control... but that's it!

Prison Tats

Dear Ella's Ballet Teacher,

When Ella cheerfully skipped into class yesterday cute as a button and said "Look at my new tatoo! I got it at the jail!" and you nodded politely and said "Hmmm, very nice" and I didn't tap on the glass and try to yell to you "we toured the jail with some good friends that work there" I want you to know I was laughing on the inside... alot. You might also be delighted to know I let Ella take a pen and draw herself a thorax, it covers her entire front section and compliments her jail tatoo nicely. And I bribe her to listen to you with chocolate. Just thought you should know.

Sincerely,
Me

Grabbity:

It's when you are high up in a apple tree and you walk out on a branch and then you fall but you try to grab on.

Old Jokes

Ella is fond of taking her jacket and putting the back of it on the top of her head and walking around like a tiny Humpback of Notre Dame. This cracks me up and I tell her so and then she gets even sillier which consists of sticking her tongue out, flinging her arms in every direction and doing a the Stooge style running in place and I laugh even harder. Later while she's in the tub we get into an insult war and she calls me "Butty McButterson" and I tell her that can't possibly be my name because I'm "Star McButterfly Rainbowlady" and her name is "Stinky Head" and she should wash her hair and she insists her name is just Ella but mine is still "Butty McButterson" and then she totally splashes me. This weekend I asked her what was on her shirt and when she looked down I fliped my finger up to her nose and said "snert!" she exploded with laughter and then immediatly asked me "what's on YOUR shirt?" and giggled like crazy. These are the sorts of things that crack me up big time when my kid does it and make me roll my eyes when someone elses kid does it. I suppose it's because I get to imagine my husband as a little kid hurling silly insults or doing the stooge dance and he's so much the straight man in our world. Or maybe I see how funny she wants these things to be and and that makes it soo much more rich, maybe I'm hard wired to find these things hilarious so that she will develop a healthy sense of humor, or maybe she's got good delivery...

That Funky Monkey

So my mother's day has been wonderful. Coffee and breakfast and chocolate and all the time I want to do whatever I want, but the one thing my family got me that they didn't even know I wanted was a "Brass Monkey" ring tone! It is my first ringtone besides the ones that came with my phone. GASP!

So I looked all over you-tube for a good video to Brass Monkey to post here and alas there wasn't one that really stuck with me. The Sponge Bob version was kind a funny but not super funny, wich seems a shame for such a great song. So herein lies the challenge, make the video. I'll be putting one together too and the rules are simple; it can contain dancing or cartoons or your own rapping/singing/trumpet, or pictures or whatever just as long as the song is "Brass Monkey". Let's put the deadline at Father's Day... June 15th, that'll give us a month and a few days.

So come on who's up for the "Brass Monkey challenge?" Experimental videos anyone? anyone?

Slacker

I've spent hours watching "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" on Hulu.
It's almost 1:00 and I'm still in my jammies.
I'm also wearing tennis shoes without socks.
I called Dan on his cell phone when he was just downstairs.
I'm too lazy to blog so I'm telling you about the slacking I've done instead.

Heartbreak

She cried "All my thousands of beautiful dandelions! Why did he have to mow?!"

Saturday night's alright

Here's me and Subpoena Envy during the second break. I am packed in ice after a nice fall during us vs the Chicago Outfit. Don't worry, nothing's broken in fact I don't even have a fragging bruise. I'm actually kinda bummed about that. After my ribs got crunched I laid down on the floor and watched my skatey mates skate short with just 11 on the track for the last two periods. That means they skated every other jam (even the jammers) as fast and hard as they could while knocking the other team down and like wise getting knocked down. This goes for like two minutes at wich time some of them get to sit down for a two minute break and then get back in there and go around another two minutes. This goes on for about 40 more minutes - I know, these are some hard core skatey ladies, and I heart them. We have another bout at the end of this month May 24th in Beloit, WI against the Mid-Iowa Rollers (It'll sell out so get your tickets now!)

DJ Ira G.

Dan and I went to see the other man I’m in love with last night, Ira Glass from This American Life, do a live broadcast at the theatre near me. There were several surprising things that happened, firstly instead of previews we played hang man on the big screen with the 70 or so other NPR junkies, totally fun. Secondly when I listen to NPR it’s kind of a solitary experience, I’m in my car or doing dishes in the kitchen and sometimes I listen to the Pod Cast of This American Life after Ella goes to preschool because I can listen completely and uninterrupted, so it was odd to look around and see what a group of people who listen to This American Life looks like. I was faced with a lot of thirty -something people with horn rimmed glasses and hand knitted scarves a few smelling of patchouli, a few with pierced eyebrows, and a few grey hairs.

Dan and I totally smuggled strawberry Twizzlers into the theatre because we like to buck the system, fight against the man, and plus I don’t like paying $11.50 for Twizzlers and the chick sitting next to us totally smuggled in a ham & turkey sandwich with mustard on wheat bread and a Yoplait. I tried to take a picture, but she was sitting right next to us and taking a covert picture of someone sitting right next to you is really hard.

I also discovered that Ira mixes his own stories, he’s talking and running the sound queues and I guess I always imagined that he had scads of people on the other side of the studio glass doing that but once I saw it all happen on the big screen it made sense that only Ira would know when he was about to finish talking and fade into some odd tune. But the best part of watching Ira work the sound board was when Ira mixes his story he moves his arms around as if he were doing synchronized swimming in slow motion, like a performance artist and I didn’t quite expect that from someone who I imagined would be acting more like a news anchor. The mere idea that Ira strums his sound board and caresses buttons that play interview clips with giant sweeping arm gestures made me realize how much of an art it is to be able edit and mix right there live, like he is the fifth Beastie Boy only instead of mixing music he mixes life.

Relic

I am completely amazed how many magical powers I have amassed since Ella was born. I can totally negate the sting of a fall with a well placed smooch and I can forbid the entrance of ghosts or monsters into this house by just saying it and I can declare regular waffles “fairly waffles” with a pinch of sprinkles and a bit of whipped cream rendering them totally delicious. I discovered these powers one at a time with ease but the one that has me reeling as if I discovered flying is “the night necklace” it had been under my nose for 11 years and I didn't even know I was in possession of such a powerful relic. Ella’s been waking up every night at 3:30am to tell me that alligators have been chasing her trying to nibble her toes, I grab the night necklace and put it around her neck and she rolls over and goes back to sleep. The night necklace was thrown to Dan and me from a giant sparkly float during Mardi Gras in New Orleans while on our honeymoon. While people danced all around I cought this necklace and wore it around my neck for the rest of the trip. With all that happiness wrapped into one little orange plastic necklace no wonder it keeps the gators at bay.

Coolness

That's how often I roll.

Yes, I am totally doing it again this weekend!

Spring Sting 04.26.08

Saturday morning we dropped Ella off and Grandma’s and picked up three derby girls and a referee and drove to Des Moines. Road trips with derby girls are the best, the excitement was palpable and the junk food and the conversation are never ending. We passed our three other caravans on the highway and I now have butt prints on the back window on my minivan (that’s all I’m saying.) We dropped my derby sisters off at their hotel and Dan and I went to ours. We used up our points and stayed at the Sheridan and so when I walked into the lobby and saw a six story waterfall I had to call Tally Turmoil and ask her what her room was like. She said their bed was 6 inches from the bed next to it and then she told me to put a sock in it about the waterfall. So that’s all I’m saying about the hotel (except maybe the shrimp cocktail sucked, but that’s what we get for ordering shell fish in a land locked state.)

Soon enough we were at the rink suiting up and checking out the digs. Their floor was very similar to ours and so that was nice that I didn’t have to change wheels or anything. We played a very tough game, and in the end lost by a few points (115 to 87) but the crowd was very lively and the band was great. We found our way down to the after bout party where we drank cheap beer and I liberated a piece of chicken from Liberty Bella’s plate (thanks again) and did birthday shots with Chuck You - Mid Iowa’s announcer. I also got to meet and talk to the Cedar Rapids Rollers who are just starting out and super nice and have the best Myspace song called "Cedar Rapids Roller Girls" by Hyperfuzz, too cool.

At about 11:30 we bid our derby pals goodbye and Dan and I wandered over to the casino and played black jack for a couple hours before heading back to the hotel $20.00 richer (Yay for free breakfast.) So after we slept in and picked our pals back up we hit the local Perkins and gorged ourselves on pancakes and corned beef hash. On the way home we talked about roller skating, passed around a Mad magazine and ate circus peanuts (um no, we are not 15.)

Counting to 35

I was the third caller to the radio station and won tickets to THIS! My Grandma sent me a gift certificate to one of my favorite restaurants and Ella made me a purple card with a heart on it. Dan gave me some really comfy jammies and let me sleep in and my skatey ladies bought me tacos and beer last night. It rained super hard this morning and now the sun is out warming up the dirt, my sunflowers are likely to raise their little green heads soon. We had a nice little walk up to the park where we helped plant a tree in the park for Arbor Day today and I have a new DVD to watch tonight. I found five summer dresses that fit perfectly for five dollars apiece on Wednesday and I finished the crossword in less than 20 minutes. I had some fantastic sushi yesterday with a very dear friend. Ella didn't have any snarls in her hair this morning when we were in a hurry. Red Robin sent me a free burger (a coupon, not an actual burger), Vitoria's Secret sent me $10.00 and JC Penny's sent me $15.00. It's official as of Monday, we reached our fund raising goal for the library this year and I'm still inspired to gate more artwork done. The Skate Rink gave us glow in the dark necklaces to throw out this weekend at the bout, we play Mid Iowa Roller Girls tomorrow night. Dan and I used our points to stay at the fancy hotel, Grandma & Grandpa are watching Ella for the weekend and our dear neighbor is comming to watch the dog. Ella picked up all of her cootie game without being asked. Coffee was ready before I even woke up this morning and I'm having a great hair day. Today is my 35th Birthday.

Somewhere Over the Sidewalk

Yesterday after breakfast and sesame street/e-mail time and playing in the yard Ella announced that she needed to go somewhere and rolled her trike out of the back porch onto the sidewalk. We fastened her new basket to the front and I pulled her hair back into a pony so it wouldn’t get into her eyes and we proceeded to “go somewhere.” Ella in her little patchwork dress peddling as fast as she could with me in tow walking at a brisk pace found our way up to the local One Stop and spent a dollar on an ice cream. As we walked out of the shop with change jingling in our pcockets I was thinking about how much we looked like a Normal Rockwell painting. Ella climbed back on her trike with ice cream cone in hand and I told her to slow down as there was a car entering the parking lot. We stopped at the edge of the handicap parking spot and waited for the little old lady in her caddy to park somewhere, but alas the little old lady in the caddy didn’t see Ella or me for that matter and instead f parking somwhere she parked in the handicap spot we were standing in. Just as I hustled my child and her little red tricycle to safety, I resisted the urge to bang on her hood and scream “You must park in the handicap ‘cause you’re blind! You old bat!” I didn’t think it would be good to teach my four year old to bang on the hoods of cars that get in her way while chewing them a new one, instead we just talked about the dangers of riding in the street.

Just What I Always Wanted!

- After a trip to the grocery store with Dad: "I want my strawberry stretch curlies, please."

- When I flipped the classical station on in the car "No slow music, I want a song with saxerphone [sic] in it."


- Hanging around the house playing dress up" I'm gonna pretend I'm older - like 15 and my name is gonna be Katrina Taffy."

***

Conversation via phone:

Me: We just finished up at practice, I'm going to get a beer and a burger with the girls and then I'll be home.

Dan: Ok, what time... hang on...

Ella half singing half shouting in the background: Dad! Dad! Dad I got you a present! It's a present for yooou!

Dan: I think Ella just wrapped a Cheeto up in your dirty pajamas for me.

My Two Dollars!

It really chaps my hide when companies offer to give to charities only after you stand on your head and send in your pink yogurt lids and used shoe laces while telling five friends about their products. Shut up and just donate the money already!

"...Receive a complimentary fitting in a Wacoal, DKNY Underwear or Donna Karan Intimates bra from a Wacoal fit specialist ... For every woman that participates *Wacoal will donate $2 to Susan G Komen for the Cure for breast cancer research and outreach programs. Wacoal will also donate an additional $2 for every Wacoal, DKNY Underwear or Donna Karan Intimates bra purchased at these events... "

Make it out to My Best Pal Jenny

I charged up my battery and then forgot to put it in my camera and so I have no pictures from last night (until my pals send me some). All the art sold for quite a good amount and I think we hit our goal again this year without ordering too much wine or food so I can without a doubt say last night was a success. Yes, my Mom bought the second painting but she had to bid against some people to get it so I feel pretty good about that. The first (pictured below) was bought by the bank to go next to the one they bought last year.

The caterer who swooped in last minute and put together hor'devoures in a week’s time after the first caterer fell through was incredible. Next to the award winning Eichman’s sausage tray and the wonderful cheese squares and fruit our local grocer donated AACE Catering did a nice little smoked salmon with a cream cheese mousse on a cracker and chicken salad with cucumber and grapes on a little crustini followed by the most beautiful petit fours in five different flavors and little tiny bite sized cheese cakes! BITE SIZED CHEESE CAKES!

I think next year I want to add in some autographed books for auction. I just need to start writting letters and asking. Ahhh, a fun summer project.

Do I hear $200.00?

Yay, the Library fundraiser is here! Tonight we get to dress up, sip wine, munch smoked salmon on a cracker and auction some art. I did two paintings this year and totaly forgot to take a picture of the other one, so I'll have to post it tomorrow. This is the first one, it's a view of down town - tiny town. The second is a countryside view of flat farmland. I know it sounds boring but made a very pleasing painting, it has a little bit of a modern feel with it's sweeping horizontal lines. I'm sure they'll get bids as I make my Mom promise to attend and bid if no one else does (I'm such a dork.) I'm hoping to pick up a stained glass Sock Monkey sun catcher made by our friend Hidden Dragon's Dad. Hopefully everyone will think it's terribly silly and I'll get it for a song, but I doubt it as it's generated quite alot of comments already by the people volunteering.

The Earth Moved

We had an earthquake this morning and it isn't the only one in the last 10 years. People describe the feeling of a heavy truck driving by and we have lots of heavy trucks driving by so I didn't notice (plus I was sleeping at 4:30 this morning.) I looked around to see if any plaster fell off the ceiling and it seems our old house danced with it just fine.

Earthquakes make me think of tornadoes and I just flashed back to the tornadoes we've had and the very traumatic moment we realized we were on the freeway in a traffic jam six cars wide driving through seven inches of water heading into a tornado. The radio was telling people to immediately get into the basement and we were in a minivan with glass on all sides driving towards it. I shudder still just remembering it.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

We saw 21 last night. It was alright, turns out it's kinda hard to make an interesting movie out of counting cards. Counting cards IS a little boring in itself. What I really don't get is why card counters don't win 40 and then loose 15 and still walk out with 25 and not get busted. It doesn't seem like it's that hard of an equation

Greedy = broken face

Win lots loose some = lucky

If you can remember what is happening with 8 decks on three different tables it seems that you should be able to just win 65% of the time putting your money making abilities at 15% and that is far better than and CD or money market fund right now.

Ok, I know, movies aren't supposed to make total sense - it's drama, but really come on! I'm in a crabby mood anyway, somebody should know this and make movies that make some sense so that I don't get all pissy and have to wonder why the dude didn't get a safety deposit box for $10.00 dollars instead of hiding $350,000.00 in his dorm ceiling tiles, it's just plain annoying. It's supposed to be a true story but somehow I don't think it went down quite like that.

From what I understand it's more likely a card counting winner gets taken by muggers while staying in a seedy hotel off the strip. That may have been a good addition to this story but instead we got exactly the ending we predicted. Dan said he tried to nap but 10,000 BC was playing next door and the base was rumbling through the wall keeping him up. Dang... that was my pick. Wish we would've caught Bank Job instead but it moved on. Maybe it'll resurface at the dollar theatre next week.

Liberty

After reading this "The French parliament's lower house adopted a groundbreaking bill Tuesday that would make it illegal for anyone - including fashion magazines, advertisers and Web sites - to publicly incite extreme thinness... "

and then this "French President Nicolas Sarkozy on Thursday left open the possibility that he might not attend the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics because of the way China has handled unrest in Tibet..."

and then this "...Parental leave* France was the most generous with parental leave: All women workers get a fully paid, job-protected, mandatory maternity leave six weeks before and ten weeks after birth (with increasing amounts of time for twins and multiple births). After this period, paid leave is available to either parent until the child's third birthday, or as long as at least two children at home need care..."

and finally reflecting on this "...From the outbreak of armed rebellion in 1775, many in France sympathized with the colonists. Young, idealistic French officers like the Marquis de Lafayette volunteered their services and in many cases their personal wealth to help equip, train and lead the fledgling Continental army..."

I just don't understand why Americans (especially Democrats) dislike the French. The more I read and pay attention the more I love them. Did the love affair end after Viet Nam? Was it their lack of participation in NATO? Why Freedom Fries? I mean, really, what am I missing?

Why did we break up with France? Why don't we hang out anymore and what's with all the snarkieness between the two of us?

Parts

Ella got her first haircut yesterday, nothing major just a little trim to make brushing it out easier in the morning. She's playing' in the tub right now and soon I will get do the first brushing of the new do. When we got in the car after getting it cut we asked her how she liked it and she said "It didn't even hurt." (Thanks KJ for being so wonderful and gentle with Ella and for that matter all of our heads. We all love the new cuts.)

I saved a little lock of Ella's hair to put in the little silver box that Auntie N. gave Ella before she was born and now I'm not sure what to do with the box. Should I keep it on my nightstand? Put it in with the family photos? Keep it in my jewelry box? Should I give it to Ella later? Is that something you take with you when you grow up in your hope chest or is it something I will to her after I'm gone, do I put her first baby tooth in there too? What's the custom?

The Daughter of Man

Link

Idol

that stinks, I guess that's what I get for recording it and not voting.

I Work Well Under Pressure

I am just stuck in procrastination mode. The list of things I should be getting done is ridiculous and the list of things I am actually getting done is ridiculously frivolous, um yeah I totally sorted the department store coupons sitting on my desk today into two piles, one's I'll use and one's I should walk over to the garbage and throw away. No, I didn't actually walk over to the garbage and throw them away I've penciled that in on tomorrow's schedule, it just seems too arduous right now to accomplish considering what I am actually supposed to be doing. I just need Richard Simmons to come on over and and help me run errands and do chores to the oldies or something.

He Was A Quiet Man

I ordered this movie at the hotel over the weekend and I would just like to say I am still enamored with Christian Slater even when he's slouchy, bald, wearing bad shirts and talking to his Goldfish.



I was a decent movie in that "odd rainy afternoon need something more thoughtful than 'The Devil Wears Prada' on HBO" sort of way. I kinda wished the ending was a little more developed or perahps I had watched it with someone that was ready to discuss it beyond just muttering "wierd."

Chicago April 2008

(Ella & Little Fox look at Lake Michigan & the Chicago Skyline 2008)













We just came back from our long weekend away and it was wonderful, no, phones, no computers, and almost no camera. Ok, ok, I couldn't help myself when we arrived at the Shedd Aquarium, so many cool things to take pictures of. We paid for the Premium Day passes that included all the shows and all the 4-D movies.

We saw Sponge Bob in 4-D which included getting sprayed, rattled, poked and holding our terrified children in our laps. When Plankton came at our heads wielding a cartoon saw, Ella screamed so loud I'm pretty sure she has a very secure future dubbing horror movies.

Our very good friends Little Fox and Foxy Momma came with and it was nice to have someone to hang with while we waited for the dolphin show.

And later at the hotel it was especially nice soaking in the not so hot tub where Little Fox spent the evening guarding the perimeter of the jacuzzi from five of the tiniest ants ever seen and Ella sang "the song that never ends" ad nasueum and Foxy Momma and I soaked until we all shriveled up into happy relaxed raisins while our husbands played toy soldiers.

(Ella checks out a King Kong diorama)

As always the Sushi at Wakaba was very fresh and the hotel was wonderful. We shopped out at the mall where I really can't afford anything and people felt free to wear silk leopard print suits




















and they have a giant tree for the kids to snub each other while pretending to text on play cell phones play on. (It's not the first time Ella and I have been puzzled by children in this area's lack of ability to interact with each other - odd little well dressed kids.)

Of course our country-ness spilled over when we gawked in awe at the ipod vending machine at Macy's and then we asked the Clinique lady if she had a cup we could spit our chewin' tabaccy in.

Here's a picture of us showing off our matching smiles

Dreaming

I'm going out again to search for swimsuit bottoms. I really just want some new boy shorts that don't flash my crack when bend over for under $75.00.

Let's Do lunch

I started researching our trip to Disney World yesterday. Yes, yes, we have been swallowed up by the marketing monster and wallowing in pink princesses and sparkly happiness where employees cast members are required to end every interaction with me by saying "Have a magical day" seems like a perfect way to invest our vacation. I spent hours reading everything about the Magic Kingdom. Where to park, what buses run where, what Cinderella eats for lunch, when the extra special don't you dare miss it "magic hours" are and which resorts are attached to what chlorinated waterslide. Dan thinks we should spend five days exploring all the theme parks and I'm pretty sure that one day of plastic happiness is all I can or should tolerate so we settled on two days at Mickey's followed by an attempt to balance out all that paid for happiness with some found seashells. We're going to trek out to the gulf shore and beach comb for two days, make sand castles, get up early to find shells, loose our sunglasses in the surf, poke dead things in the sand with a stick, go to dinner in a bikini and visit relatives. While I can't seem to book the flight from our local airport for another month I do have to make reservations for lunch with Cinderella this week. My people called her people and her royal disney-ness needs 180 days notice to receive guests from the Midwest. That chick is just too popular, seriously.

Just Playin' Blocks

Luke out! Here comes another knock knock joke!

“Knock Knock” is an integral part of my daily routine especially while we are driving, I answer the proverbial knock knock door to “Alawishus Formy Twofronteeth,” “Julwanna Havesome Icecream,” “Lettuce In Itscoldouthere,” “Who I didn’t Knowyouwerean Owl” and my favorite visitor “Olive You” on a very regular basis. It’s almost like a roller derby party but instead of “Emma Hurtin’U” stopping in, I have “Emma Crackin’YouUp” hanging around knocking on my door all the time.

Today after a very pleasant lunch out, Ella tried to execute the very difficult “banana knock.” After oh say 37 runs through the “Knock knock,” “Who’s there?” “Banana” “Banana who?” algorithm Ella finally blurted out “Orange ya glad I didn’t say banana!” and I laughed and then she realized she skipped the part about “Orange” and “Orange who?” inadvertently answering my “Who’s there?” with a too hasty “Orange ya glad I didn’t say banana!” This is when I saw her inner guitar string snap and she stared off into space with a very puzzled look, the sort of look the carpenter had after he cut the wrong notches in the stringer board for the stairs up to our back door. He had measured carefully, set it up nicely and cut it precisely but in the end he had left something out and it just didn’t fit. After staring at it long and hard, he had to leave and buy a new board.

So, I honestly thought we would run through the Banana Knock arrangement another 37 times to set it up again but instead I was on the receiving end of some very crankily delivered literal knocks that went along the lines of this (please imagine it told by a very pouty four year old in the same irritated tone you would use while muttering to the whole house and nobody in particular “Who the hell put this jar of jelly back into the fridge, when it’s EMP-TEE!”):

“Knock knock,”

“Who’s there?”

“Car Tire,”

“Car Tire who?”

“Car Tire that goes A-Round!”

This went on in that same exasperated tone while “Purse on the floor”, “Coat that I’m Wearing” and “Van that We’re IN” all angrily banged on my knock-knock door, at which point I had a fit of the giggles and when Ella started screeching for me not to laugh at her knock knock jokes, I could barely get a breath in I was laughing so hard. I’m pretty sure she’s traumatized now.

bleah

It’s snowing again.

Yeah, What She Said!

Go read "The Evangelical Pro-Life Guide to Sexy Feminism" I love Liz's remarks, she put into words what I've been having a hard time articulating, and of course viva la writings of spinster aunt Twisty.

(Ok, I was trying to pick a quote from the article to put here and ended up just reprinting the entire text so just click the link a go read it)

Recycled Roar

The following are my comments from a post on feminism almost one year ago:

"Let’s switch to your definition and say “Taking control of one’s sexuality” means no longer feeling guilty about sex. It still does not make a liberated woman. In fact low income women are often the most oppressed and giving them the sense of power by telling them they can now enjoy sex freely without being called a hoochie doesn’t liberate them, put food in their kids bellies, promote them in the work place more often than men, or help them get health insurance. One has nothing to do with the other, it’s just “feel good feminism” no pun intended.

In fact the idea that one’s sexual projections can translate to power is dreadful; it puts too much value in one’s sexual identity. Feminism is about finding worth in humans regardless of what their sexual value is. Whether whore or nun, twenty something or crone, we have value far beyond our capability to orgasm or how we feel about it. I would even add when sexuality becomes influenced by power and vice versa it becomes dangerous.

***

It's like saying: Society conditioned you to believe wearing a board strapped to your head until one side is flat and foot binding is nice because it makes your walk look fabulous and implies you’re powerful, but don’t feel guilty about wanting to deform your body it’s a natural urge to want to be beautiful.

***

or in it's simplist form:

It’s ok to like the chains placed on you even though you’ve been conditioned since you were born to believe you like chains*."

*Original post says Yoke

Seriously?!

U.S. says missile parts mistakenly sent to Taiwan
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The U.S. Defense Department accidentally shipped ballistic missile components to Taiwan, the Pentagon said Tuesday...

Photo Editing Software - Look what followed me home, can I keep it?

Dan found this great photo editing program called Paint.NET v3.22. It does just about everything my old program did, at least all the things I liked. It has clone tools, layers and transparency gradation as well as gobs of filters. Best of all it's FREE.

I researched all weekend and tried to download the free trial version of Adobe Photoshop Elements (now only $99.00 - cough) and the trial version wouldn't run the edit portion, it kept crashing. So I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and navigated the website until I could find customer service form and dropped them an e-mail asking for help fixing the problem, that was last Friday. I haven't heard anything back yet. It's nice to get a little taste of what customer service might be like before I'm a customer.

I also found a very fun program with tons of filters and animated tutorials called VCW Vicman's Photo Editor. Vic Man offers each of his components for free individually here or all bundled together here re-named Pho.to the site also offers an "Online Photo Service" also at the magical price of FREE. I think the online photo service works similar to Flicker but I haven't looked into it too much yet. The photo editor I installed is fun, it has gobs of filters I haven't seen before installed in it and though it does the same thing Pain.net does with less ease I couldn't bring myself to uninstall it because of all the filters, I want to keep them.

Conclusion:
Adobe Photo Deluxe from 1996 - five stars (I loved this program - R.I.P.)
Paint.net - four stars
Adobe Photoshop Elements - no stars
VCW Vicman's Photo Editor - three Stars

Photo edited with VCW Vicman's Photo Editor - Sapphire #5 filter

What the Sign at the Lutheran Church Says

a.k.a. Why I'm kinda glad my kid doesn't read yet.

"For all you do, his blood's for you"

Spring

Just outside of town there’s a big curve in the road, the kind that recommends with a little yellow sign you take your speed from 55mph to 20mph. On the outside arc of that curve is a little household garden belonging to the farm house on the inside of the curve. Every year, there are sunflowers and tomatoes, green beans and peppers; it’s a nice little garden, like one I aspire to have in my own yard. One summer, some years ago, a man on a motorcycle didn’t make the big curve and lost his life while lying in the little garden on the outside arc. I’ve been thinking of it when I drive out of town. I wonder if he stared up at the summer stars that night. I wonder if I would have the fortitude to still garden there or if it would feel more errant to neglect the soil. I wonder if anyone asked to put a make shift memorial there; a plastic cross with silk flowers like so many others I see dotting the highway marking the dirt that someone laid on when they lost their life. I imagine how it might look among the sprouting young plants in the spring. I think of it when I see pictures on the news of teddy bears piled high mixed with throngs of cards, notes and flowers on public sidewalks after a tragic event and I imagine the same outpouring of public grief piled high in the middle of a small kitchen garden. Soon enough the family on the inside of the arc will till the soil on the outside of the arc and sew their seeds.

New Software

I can not believe how fast I can get things done when my computer isn't crashing every two minutes and my e-mail loads faster than it takes me to walk to the post office. Although my old photo editor program from the last century (1996) is not allowed on the newer version of computer de Bombadee per my live in tech-support man. So can anyone recomend a program you like? I'd like it to have paintbrushes and clone tools and and filters and effects and layers and text and fun stuff like that. What do you use?

Lucky

Dan reinstalled Windows for me yesterday in an effort to shorten the amount of time it takes to oh, say open the freaking calcuator. Praise Bill Gates, it worked and I still own all my data. Although I did stay up until at least 1am fighting with Yahoo/Verizon (stinks!) and their auto-installed settings for Explorer (bleah!) have I mentioned Verizon sucks? Just in case I didn't, they do. That is all.

Corned Beef

Dan: How come you didn't eat those bits?

Me: Because it's all fat.

Dan: But that's where all the flavor is.

Me: That's where all the heart attack is.

Dan: Mmmm heart attack flavor, yum.

Tricky

I've been backtracking through This American Life episodes on the net when Ella's in Preschool. And yesterday I listened to #178: Superpowers and Act One has me thinking.

"John Hodgman conducts an informal survey in which he asks the age-old question: Which is better: The power of flight or the power of invisibility? He finds that how you answer tells a lot about what kind of person you are. And also, no matter which power people choose, they never use it to fight crime. (13 minutes)"

The question on the table then is would you rather be invisible or be able to fly? In the story, people spend gobs of time pondering the merits and drawbacks of both and one woman makes a comment about having guile and being torn on which super power would be best for her. I on the other hand immediately, without hesitation knew I would like to fly. I dream about it all the time and there is no question in my mind. And then I had to look up the word guile - (I know it seems like I should know what it means but I didn't so I looked) For sure I do not have guile.

I have a very hard time keeping a secret especially if it's really exciting. While I can refrain from telling you what I bought you for Christmas, I can't keep hidden the fact that I bought something. When I started roller derby it was an opportunity to create and alter ego, anything I liked... yeah, I'm just me only sweatier, and with funnier socks. Even in politics I didn't want to hear "the plan" too closely because chances are I would forget what portion of it was "top secret" and tell someone in casual conversation the next week all about how so and so was planning to throw her support behind so and so long before anyone was supposed to know. I'm pretty sure this is why magicians are like rock stars to me.

David Bowie? Yeah he's hot and all but David Blaine? I'm speechless. The way I used to swoon over any long haired boy that could strum three cords out of a fender in high school, I am immediately enchanted by the guy at the mall levitating a card around the counter. I refrain from reading magic books as I want to remain a gullible fan and I prefer my magic acapella. The simple coin tricks and cards disappearing right in front of my eyes beat flashy sliver boxes and swords on a stage any day, just the way a person might prefer the unplugged version of their favorite song. The simplicity of it astonishes me and the hardest part about some of these tricks is having the guile to pull it off.

And now I don’t feel like I have a good ending to this rambling piece so I’ll just ask you what I really wanted to know… invisibility or flight?

mikeink.com

My long time mysace friend launched a blog. http://www.mikeink.com/

Let's just say he's full of all the snarky things people wish they could think of on a split second and then actually had the nerve to say.

Gross and Inappropriate

So, I always thought the song went "Blinded by the light. Wrapped up like a douche in the middle of the night." and for over 30 years I wondered what the hell this all meant. Like did some emergency require this lady to require a major personal cleansing in the middle of the night and then she felt the need to wind like a gob of TP around the used portions and then perhaps some duct tape and finally a paper bag and twine before she threw it away? It must've been a very dramatic wrapping up for there to be a song about it. Ok, so I finally looked it up on the Internet today... Um yeah it's "Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night."

The 'stache

I booked a room for Roller Con 2008 today. I was reminiscing about last year and remembered this reoccurring scenario; on any given day at the convention you could witness some old gambler scrutinizing the back of some roller girl’s fish-netted legs and sweaty tank top with her gratuitous name printed on the back, only to have him jump out of his own skin when she turned around and her accessories included a nose ring and a curly handlebar moustache carefully drawn onto her upper lip. I delighted in watching this little vignette play out several times last year.

Well, this week Ella keeps drawing on her face with marker. She says “Look at my lipstick!” and I turn around to see she’s drawn a circle around her lips with whatever marker or pen she found and because we are writing utensil heavy around here, it’s easy. I’ve given up immediately scrubbing her face off with soap as her skin is so delicate and the weather is so dry her cheeks end up chapped and itchy. And because she’s had a cold we’ve been home for most of last week so mostly I just let her walk around with pen that partially wears off and becomes a little purple moustache on her face and then I secretly crack up all day long every time I look at her. I feel I should add, her father is horrified at this whole production.

Cutie Pies

I'm totally junking out watching American Idol today and I really only like one of the women this year Brook White. She's just comes off as really genuine and nice, someone I'd like to actually know and her voice is fantastic. The rest are sort of forgetable, accept maybe Amanda Overmyer who is good but only because she's so different. I suspect if you put Amanda (the rocked out chick with streaks in her hair) up next to other rockin' chicks, I just don't know that she would really stand out at all. On the other hand there are three guys who are just dreamy. (Yes, I said dreamy.)

David Cook plays guitar and has a great voice and style and while he isn't necesarily very photogenic he is really handsome when he's singing, maybe it's the attitude...

Jason Castro would be hanging on my bedroom wall were I still 17 and I would be grasping for any tidbit about the shy cutie and snatching up his music for my cell phone.

Michael Johns has an aussie accent that makes me crazy and is more my generation so naturally it's a little easier to want to put a poster of him on my bedroom wall, perhaps I'll get to settle for buying his CD.

As long as these three are still in, I'll still tune in.

Tripical Fish

We have a weekend away scheduled and I am getting so excited I can hardly take it. No cell phone, no computer, an IMAX theatre, a pool, a play ground, a masseuse on staff, plenty of places to shop and eat and a few very nice friends to share it with. It's exactly what I need. If the weather is really rainy I am thinking of venturing into the city and hitting the Aquarium or the Science and Industry Museum with kiddo, but sometimes I hate to make a plan and then get irritated when it doesn't go like I planned, so it's probably better if I don't think about it at all beyond looking forward to it. It's like standing on the dock on a very hot day with a snorkle on... you know when you jump in it's going to be good but you really don't know what you'll see.

Finale

Yay! Christian won Project Runway! I would wear everything he's ever deisgned (if I could fit into it.)

Just in Case

I've hit that part of the year that makes me want to rearrange the house, fling the doors open, wash every corner of the floor and breathe fresh air. We live in a very old place and as a consequence have no closets. Everything we own is out all the time, in a way that when new people visit and I give the tour it often includes phrases like “And there’s our vacuum right there next to the Christmas decorations.” This has me thinking and the other day while standing in our bedroom looking towards the wonderful stained glass window framed by giant tubs of clothing Ella has outgrown stacked against the wall, I realized that perhaps I am hanging on to quite a lot of stuff just in case. Just is case we have another child, and just in case it’s another girl, and just in case she’s in the same sizes as Ella at the same time of year, I am all set. Really dear internets how practical is this? When the weather turns I could open all the doors and sweep it all out onto the front lawn and put a sticker that says 25¢ on it. Please understand, this is not a declaration about the future expansion of our family it’s a conscious decision about space and quality of living right now. Tell me did you save clothes for the next kid? Did you wear your big sister’s clothes? How often does this really work? Maybe we should just build some closets.

Well actually, I find the Purple Grover tile rather hard to place

We bought Ella a set of Sesame Street dominoes and it's a fairly difficult and complicated game filled with strategy and advance moves. Although Ella is just grasping the fundamentals, she has managed to beat me at least a dozen times in the last three days. Instead of matching numbers one must match color and character and we also have a house rule about not being able to play off the edge of the table, once that first dominoes is placed that’s where the board is. I find Ella particularly striking when she is figuring out her next move and clicking her tongue in thoughtfulness, second only to how surreal the phrasing she uses while placing the next tile sounds both grown up and peppered with childhood.

“I’ve got a double Ernie and no Ernies on the board, shoot! Your move.”

This is something I am hearing more often when conversing with Ella, she uses the cadence and phrasing of a grown up but the content is all kid. I know spending the vast amount of her time listening and talking to Dan and me has affected her vocabulary but it's all the subtleties of our communication that when mirrored by her I find really funny.

This Week's Specials:

Oh Play Smode