The problem lies within the popularly misconstrued interpretations of the third wave of feminism seeming to revolve around the idea that women can be powerful AND sexy. “Taking control of one’s sexuality” is a phrase often thrown out there by third wave feminists. It’s an odd choice of words to me because having control of one’s sexuality implies humans choose sexual preference and I don’t believe that is the case at all. I believe one’s sexuality is a genetic predisposition.
It seems the phrase is actually applied to the absurd idea that people choose to look good of their own volition. The idea is wholly ridiculous, we all choose to impress, it’s programmed into us to want companionship and we are all trying to attract companions we find appealing in various ways, be it sexy, funny, passionate, smart, and successful or a combination thereof and we find different values in different companions; friends, lovers, family members or pets. However, when one value becomes the most important assessment for an entire group of people we all suffer. And when a group embraces that value as their most important trait and strives to improve that trait above all we validate those who judge us by only that one trait.
I am not saying that sexual value should be something we disregard altogether. We all know that pretty people are fun to look at and when Paris Hilton says “Don’t hate me because I’m pretty”, she’s right. This may be her best trait we shouldn’t begrudge her for choosing the option to capitalize on her strong point. It’s what feminism believes in, making any choice a valuable option? However, when we as a group strive to value our bodies over our minds or our fashion over our charity we do our entire group a disservice by validating those that believe our looks are the most important traits of being a woman. Not only is tyranny the fault of the oppressors for not seeing the value in a people beyond one trait, but it is also the fault of all those who perpetrate the overvaluation of the trait exploited.
Let me add that feminism is not about telling little girls what they can and can’t play with or grow up to be, or making your daughter wear brown despite her love of pink sparkles, it’s about making a wide array of choices a valuable option in her and the world’s eyes. It is about teaching us all to see beyond what society has for so long dictated as feminine and just see women as humans with many valuable and different traits.
“Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings.” --Cheris Kramerae
15 comments:
I wanted to let you know that I typed up a five paragraph comment that took me over an hour and then decided not to post it in the end.
You know where I stand and where our beliefs differ.
I say screw it...let's get drunk and burn our bras.
No wait...let's just get drunk.
How 'bout we drink and talk about it some more. I'm still trying to figure out where I stand in it all.
I plan on taking this topic up with Mr and Mrs Blahzeeblah tomorrow night to get another perspective...Sean is a good source for for such topics.
I really love this post... your discussion about how beauty is just one trait of many is something I have thought for a long time but been unable to articulate as you did... now maybe I can argue better about it. heh.
I'm a bit concerned with this post, specifically with your interpretation of “Taking control of one’s sexuality”. It seems to me that you have coded the phrase in the wrong context. It has nothing to do with sexual preference. It has to do with women owning their sexual selves or acknowledging themsevles as sexual beings and not feeling guilty about it, that wanting to have sex is better than ok, it's what nature intended (to coin a phrase).
So you may ask why women should feel guilty about sex in the first place. That's a huge conversation and one that I'm willing to have, just not with a keyboard. Let me just say that 1200 years of doctrine by the church has done more to damage human sexuality than any other single cultural element.
We need to get together soon, this is a topic I can sink my teeth into.
Mr. Blah...you will have to read my original comment tonight, I saved it on my PC at home (Jeff laughed at me for working on it for so long and then not posting it).
Jenny and I have had several conversations on feminism and often I end up with "I don't think I get it".
Hey Bombadee's...if you change your minds about the art gala there will be plenty of chicken and discussion at the Tot house tonight! If not, try to absorb some culture for all of us and have a great time.
Mr. Blah Zee Blah
Let’s switch to your definition and say “Taking control of one’s sexuality” means no longer feeling guilty about sex. It still does not make a liberated woman. In fact low income women are often the most oppressed and giving them the sense of power by telling them they can now enjoy sex freely without being called a hoochie doesn’t liberate them, put food in their kids bellies, promote them in the work place more often than men or help them get health insurance. One has nothing to do with the other, it’s just “feel good feminism” no pun intended.
In fact the idea that one’s sexual projections can translate to power is dreadful; it puts too much value in one’s sexual identity. Feminism is about finding worth in humans regardless of what their sexual value is. Whether whore or nun, twenty something or crone, we have value far beyond our capability to orgasm or how we feel about it. I would even add when sexuality becomes influenced by power and vice versa it becomes dangerous.
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It's like saying: Society conditioned you to believe wearing a board strapped to your head until one side is flat and foot binding is nice because it makes your walk look fabulous and implies you’re powerful, but don’t feel guilty about wanting to deform your body it’s a natural urge to want to be beautiful.
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or in it's simplist form:
It’s ok to like the yoke I’ve placed on you even though you’ve been conditioned since you were born to believe you like it.
Yeah Jen...I seriously don't get it.
Arg! No fair. Chicken with you all while discussing the finer philosophical points of modern feminism is like ten points ahead of an art show opening BUT this is the first art show in 13 years that me dearest husband has asked me to, and it's at my second favorite gallery in the world so we are sooo going. Hold that thought and we'll have this very promising discussion soon. ;)
I have a feeling there are more chickens and more discussions in our future...have a WONDERFUL time tonight and I will see you tomorrow!
Twisty, the patron saint of the What I Wish I Had Written, gets the last word:
This modern preoccupation with the Empowerful Woman was funny for a while, but it begins to wear thin. I predict that if a post-patriarchal social history of the New Millennium ever gets written there will be a hilarious chapter on this bizarre, buffoonish construct.
I allude to the confident, photogenic, entirely fictitious female who inhabits TV ads, “Sex in the City,” Oprah, and the popular imagination. Today’s woman isn’t a feminist. She doesn’t need to be, because she’s empowered.
She may only earn 3/4 of what a man earns, but she damn well has the empower to look sexy doing it in her cheapcrap push-up bra from Victoria’s Secret. She has the empower to demand pink products from manufacturers. She has the empower to cry out ‘I did it for me!’ when she gets her boob job; maybe she even has the empower to believe it. The empowerful woman is saucy, yet feminine. Clever, yet feminine. In her early thirties, yet feminine. Heterosexual, yet feminine. Stays in shape eating Lean Cuisine and sweating blue Gatorade while kickboxing in slow motion, yet feminine. Yes, the empowerful woman is many things. Too bad powerful isn’t one of them. That’s because feminine is all of them.
This post is really funny right after you read the post before it. snicker
sigh. sometimes i feel trapped. even by my own way of thinking about myself.
That's why we should talk about it. I'm still trying to figure it all out for me too.
Twisty's belief that the words power and feminine will NEVER coincide is her downfall for me. I just don't understand why I have to give up the color pink to gain equality. Why do I have to chose between equal pay and my pushup bra? Why can't I have both?
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