Feb 28, 2010

There Are Only Four kind of Pregnant Women

According to clothing manufacturers; Small, Medium, Large and Extra Large. I've tried on no less than 25 pair of blue jeans in the last two weeks ranging in price from second hand shop to pregnant lady boutique and have seen lots of ass sag and plumbers crack. I am doomed to wear my jeans with a rubber band on the button for as long as I possibly can. I did find a nice little pair of stretchy leggings but just can't love them enough to wear them every day with a dress of some type. I may not be barefoot and pregnant, but some days I am pantsless. So dear maternity pants manufacturers, I hope all the pants in your personal closet don't quite fit right either.

Feb 17, 2010

On Pregnancy

I haven't really written about it yet because I was just too nervous about it. In the last few weeks I've been getting kicked from the inside out and that has done a lot to reassure me. Whenever I get worried I drink some orange juice and lay down and they they are, the big kicks. I'm craving breakfast all the time, specifically Jimmy Dean pre-cooked microwavable breakfast sausages which I still fry in a pan to get the outside crunchy and orange juice. No, it really doesn't give me the heart burn it should.

In the last two weeks my body doesn't fit into any of my previous warm clothes. I can get my jeans on but can only zip them half way so they must be worn with a long shirt and any shirt I had is busting at the seams, so I've invested in a few pieces and am hoping for the weather to warm up enough for some sun dresses soon as the ones I own all still fit.

We are going to move to a bigger place. I'm not sure if it's going to be another apartment, a townhouse (which I am hoping for) or a house, but this will take place when I am 8 months along. So, if any of you are looking for an excuse to come to Houston, I will feed you like royalty for a week if you come when I need help packing.

I can't stop sleeping. Thank God for Kindergarten.

I quit taking the prenatal vitamins because they make me barf. I should be past the barfing. I started taking two Flintstone vitamins instead. It has all the same things but is chewable and keeps from from having to open my purse at the stop light to hurl into. I told my nurse last week about the change and she said the Flinstones don't contain the DHA. Screw DHA, it makes me barf. I'll just have to read extra books to my baby to make up for the "up to six IQ points" he won't get from the drugs that make me ill. I also read the food that contains DHA naturally is the same food they told me not to eat and sound totally yummy to me Liver and Fish. Next they'll tell me apple peels are cancerous but take this pill to make sure you get enough fiber.

I'm going to have to switch doctors at the last month because of the move. I want to go to the closest hospital and we are looking at places North of Houston. The school district is good, it's closer to our new friends and the skate rink and the housing is magnificent for the price. We'll still be within an hour from the ocean. It'd be like moving from Cherry Valley to Roscoe. We're excited about the move.

It's going to cost us at least $2,500.00 to have this baby. That's our portion, it's also about how much we'll get back in taxes this year. I asked "what if we don't pay it? Do they not let me have the baby?" and the accountant laughed and said I'd just get the doctor on call at the hospital instead. I'm not sure how this is worse, I'll have only known my doctor for four weeks at that point.

We have no idea what we'll do with Ella when I'm in labor. Mom is going to try and come down, but who knows what the timeline will be. Maybe I'll bring Ella with and she and Dan can step out when it get to the last 20 minutes. I want a midwife or a doula, it costs another couple grand for that. Laboring in America sucks.

Feb 11, 2010


I missed a decade of music. For the last ten years every time I turned the radio on I just bristled and changed the channel to NPR. When we got Sirus in the car I programmed in the 90s station, a few jazz stations, CNN, MSNBC, NPR and a station called Garage wich plays everything from Elvis to Elvis Costello and all the stuff in between (I think it's supposed to be for fellas who are working on their muscles car in the garage.) On Pandora I have a Beastie Boys station, a Wolfgang station for classical, a Duran Duran station and a Gotan Project station who is perhaps the hippest thing I have on there. Unavoidably last week my kid got a glimpse of Lady Gaga with her ear and demanded she hear more. I made a Pandora station for her.

Unexpectedly, it plays all women. Eurythmics, Blondie, Lady Gaga, Aly & AJ, Kate Perry, Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse and I have to admit I don't object. I did nix the Pussy cat Dolls from her station just cause they have some lyrics I'd rather not hear my daughter sing, but really it's a good dancey station. I'm sure listening to my kid's music and booty dancing around the house while vacuuming makes me even less hip than ever. Don't worry, I'll switch it back to the old fogey music when she gets home from school lest I kill it's coolness.

Feb 7, 2010

Have you seen this man?

This guy bothers me. I've clicked on the ad two or three times to get a better/bigger picture of him and still can't recall what the ad is for, nor have I seen a bigger picture. It's not natural. Are those his bottom teeth or his top teeth in that weirdly white grin? Is one nostril really bigger than the other? Is it a person or is it a manikin or wax figure of some type?

Yeah, I know the world is falling to pieces out there with unemployment, earthquakes, health insurance, snow storms and Sarah Palin making a run for it but still the weird ad-click dude looms. Really, somebody explain, please.

Feb 5, 2010


Lately I've been trying to respect Ella's privacy in that I don't want to invade her life by telling you stories about when she's ill or posting pictures she'll kill me for later. She's at an age that it seems like it might not be my story to tell anymore. She has her own blog and chooses what she'd like to post on it from her life. However, sometimes someone in your family does something so good, it's impossible to keep to yourself. With that, I now present, eight seconds of bathtub yodeling.