Me: Yeah, that Sponge Bob is a pretty sharp guy.
Ella: No, he's a pretty spongy guy!
***
Also:
Driving Student Fails Driving Test 771 Times
Feb 5, 2009
Duh Mom.
Ella: Sponge Bob always wears a tie.
Me: Yeah, that Sponge Bob is a pretty sharp guy.
Ella: No, he's a pretty spongy guy!
***
Also:
Driving Student Fails Driving Test 771 Times
Me: Yeah, that Sponge Bob is a pretty sharp guy.
Ella: No, he's a pretty spongy guy!
***
Also:
Driving Student Fails Driving Test 771 Times
Feb 4, 2009
Feb 3, 2009
Short Holiday
Today I am planning a long weekend in The City. We go every year for a game convention and while Dan is up to his elbows in Napoleonics and dice I take Ella downtown for some skyscraping culture. Last year we looked at dolphins, this year we'll look at dinosaur bones. We'll also manage to hit the mall that I can't afford to play on the giant indoor fiberglass tree and marvel at three thousand dollar turtle necks, while hoarding free samples and signing up for catalogues.
The fiberglass tree play area is always an odd experience as most of the children are there with young hot trophy moms who are worried their children will get germs from touching the other kids, dads in suits who are worried they will loose the kid in the fenced in area guarded by 30 other hovering people, or a nanny that only looks up when she hears crying and yells to her charge half in Hungarian/Russian/Spanish and half English that he/she better be nice! Ella is always bewildered here; she approaches other children with the usual "Hi I'm Ella, I'm five, wanna play?" and is either completely ignored or put on hold while the other child, caught off guard, looks towards their mom/dad/nanny to see what they are supposed to do next. My conclusion - rich people are weird.
Every year we also go have sushi at this little place up the road, but this year we can get great sushi close to home so I'm determined to find something better. Steaks are also out as we have the best butchers close to home and I'd rather spend a chunk of money on a good cut of meat and take it home to cook it the way I love it, slathered in garlic and beer. So I'm leaning towards the Bank Lane Bistro but I think we'd better go for the lunch instead of the dinner as it's all alacarte and wonderful and I will want to order it all (lavender infused creme brule!) I'm telling you, the menus read like poetry.
Ella is looking forward to room service. We always have points left on a credit card that we can spend at this hotel but not on the actual room so we'll order room service every morning. She doesn't remember doing this last year and the idea that hot bacon and pancakes can be brought to you in bed is making her crazy with anticipation. Plus that's the only thing we've told her about the trip so far, the rest will be a surprise. I am looking forward to pretending I'm at the beach. I'll be barefoot and poolside with David Sedaris, while Ella doggy paddles herself silly in a chlorined life jacket. Oh who am I kidding, I'm looking forward to the whole thing!
The fiberglass tree play area is always an odd experience as most of the children are there with young hot trophy moms who are worried their children will get germs from touching the other kids, dads in suits who are worried they will loose the kid in the fenced in area guarded by 30 other hovering people, or a nanny that only looks up when she hears crying and yells to her charge half in Hungarian/Russian/Spanish and half English that he/she better be nice! Ella is always bewildered here; she approaches other children with the usual "Hi I'm Ella, I'm five, wanna play?" and is either completely ignored or put on hold while the other child, caught off guard, looks towards their mom/dad/nanny to see what they are supposed to do next. My conclusion - rich people are weird.
Every year we also go have sushi at this little place up the road, but this year we can get great sushi close to home so I'm determined to find something better. Steaks are also out as we have the best butchers close to home and I'd rather spend a chunk of money on a good cut of meat and take it home to cook it the way I love it, slathered in garlic and beer. So I'm leaning towards the Bank Lane Bistro but I think we'd better go for the lunch instead of the dinner as it's all alacarte and wonderful and I will want to order it all (lavender infused creme brule!) I'm telling you, the menus read like poetry.
Ella is looking forward to room service. We always have points left on a credit card that we can spend at this hotel but not on the actual room so we'll order room service every morning. She doesn't remember doing this last year and the idea that hot bacon and pancakes can be brought to you in bed is making her crazy with anticipation. Plus that's the only thing we've told her about the trip so far, the rest will be a surprise. I am looking forward to pretending I'm at the beach. I'll be barefoot and poolside with David Sedaris, while Ella doggy paddles herself silly in a chlorined life jacket. Oh who am I kidding, I'm looking forward to the whole thing!
Feb 2, 2009
Savory with a Dash of Sour and a Pinch of Salt.
I'm finally reading "Me Talk Pretty One Day" and though I'd like to devour it, I've been savoring it reading one essay a day. I've decided David Sedaris is my generation's Woody Allen; subversive, snarky, appealing in a very odd way and brilliantly funny. I realized today I could munch up the rest of the book this afternoon and promptly run out to buy the next three, finishing "When You're Engulfed in Flames" sometime this weekend, but I've been on such a good book fast that I'd hate to purge on David Sedaris only to end up barfing up his stories all scrambled together in a heap of sarcasm. So I am sticking with the original plan, one essay a day fortified with some healthy NYT, and National Geographic to round it out. Next up a historical fiction novel and then some poetry a pal sent me. Perhaps my reading list will start to tatse good again.
Feb 1, 2009
Jan 30, 2009
Such Carnage!
So sorry bloggies, I've been up to my ears in roller derby this week, between getting the 2009 schedule set and helping ladies find a name they like, it's been a labor of love... I may get an epidural next time. (I kid because I love.) The season is moving along quite smashingly and in the next week or so I should be able to post it or at least the first half of it. The team is filling out nicely, it became glaringly obvious last night during suicide drills* that I am not the fastest anymore. I gladly placed third just behind two stunning blonds who I am happy to call my skatey mates. I'm ok with that cause I know if I'd skated any harder I would've barfed a lung.
* Suicide drills involve sprinting from one end of the rink to the other with a full body baseball slide at each end, over and over until you feel that bludgeoning yourself about the head with your own helmet would be easier than doing one more sprint.
Me and my Homegirls - Januray 2009
Back: The Governor (from IL) - Ref, DD Hunter, Tally Turmoil, Ms. Quick, Hot Pepper, Anita Name, Tough Schmidt, Ziggy Stardust-ya, Damage Control - Ref.
Middle: Literate Her, C4, the Warrior, Violet Assault, Me, Lil' Loca
Front: Redneck B. Yotch
* Suicide drills involve sprinting from one end of the rink to the other with a full body baseball slide at each end, over and over until you feel that bludgeoning yourself about the head with your own helmet would be easier than doing one more sprint.
Me and my Homegirls - Januray 2009
Back: The Governor (from IL) - Ref, DD Hunter, Tally Turmoil, Ms. Quick, Hot Pepper, Anita Name, Tough Schmidt, Ziggy Stardust-ya, Damage Control - Ref.
Middle: Literate Her, C4, the Warrior, Violet Assault, Me, Lil' Loca
Front: Redneck B. Yotch
Jan 29, 2009
Jan 27, 2009
Cause
The washer hose broke and sprayed water all over the laundry room for ten minutes before anyone heard the water dripping off the ceiling tiles and shut it off. Both the dirty clothes on the floor and the clean on the counter were drenched creating new, larger piles of laundry. Water line repairs came first and then the endless rewashing. The folding never happened, and clothes resigned to being thrown in plastic baskets one sock in the blue round one and its match in the white square basket never making it into a drawer.
Later someone found a long striped sock and frantically dumped the entire contents of the blue basket onto the floor looking for the mate instead finding a pair of white athletic socks and pulling them on leaving the unmatched one crumpled next to the bed to be kicked underneath by the dog and found again in the spring when the mattress is flipped. It's mate in the white square basket would likely become the catalyst of an infuriating hide and seek game over the next few months causing hysterical emptying and refilling of baskets and drawers, scrambled tossing of handfuls of clothes in all directions and slightly pissy moods in general.
Later someone found a long striped sock and frantically dumped the entire contents of the blue basket onto the floor looking for the mate instead finding a pair of white athletic socks and pulling them on leaving the unmatched one crumpled next to the bed to be kicked underneath by the dog and found again in the spring when the mattress is flipped. It's mate in the white square basket would likely become the catalyst of an infuriating hide and seek game over the next few months causing hysterical emptying and refilling of baskets and drawers, scrambled tossing of handfuls of clothes in all directions and slightly pissy moods in general.
Jan 25, 2009
Friday Night in the Quad Cities
Val Cappone from the Windy City Rollers announced for four leagues split into two teams; red and black with myself and Literate Her #44 on the Black team and DD Hunter #12ga., Ms. Quik #77, Hot Pepper #68, Redneck #1980, & the Warrior #217 on the Red team. The bout coordinator in Quad Cities did a wonderful job of splitting the teams up. Every league had ladies on both sides and the talent wasn't lopsided making for a very exciting and close bout.
Despite team Red screaming out of the pack with a 15 point jam at the top of the bout by the end of period one team black was 20 points ahead. Period two team Black kept their lead until I (yes, all my fault) got knocked out of bounds in the last jam and thought the person that knocked me out also went out of bounds and hit the floor and so I jumped back on the track in front of them earning myself a one minute stay in the penalty box with a cardboard cutout of G.W. Bush while the unopposed red jammer nearly tied up the game ending period two 98 to 97.
Just before the last period team Red all put their hands in and chanted something and threw their hands towards the heavens like one cohesive machine on 112 wheels while team black lounged around on their bench and sweated. I was worried my team we may have lost heart, but if we had it didn't matter, we had enough skill to pull ahead little by little, scoring 4 - 5 points each play, calling it (ending the play) and restarting with a fresh jammer every couple of minutes during the last period. The short plays were welcome as some of the heaviest hits were landed during the last period. My legs weren't listening to what I was telling them anymore, especially after getting sent into the chairs skates first landing in Tally Turmoil's lap. Moments after finding my way back onto the track I took a hit from Jen Detta's shoulder square in the chest. It was so hard I'm pretty sure it may have chopped 4 seconds off of the end of my life (I'm ok Mom, no permanent marks, really.) The short jam strategy worked to our advantage in the end and the Black and Bruise Sisters won by 20-ish points. Final score 150-ish to 130-ish*.
To the crowd's pleasure there was a fight in the last four seconds of the bout. Just before the clock wound down a blocker form our side and a jammer from their side went down right in front of our bench and then it was all a flury of red and black swinging and kicking with referee stripes zooming in from all directions to pulling them apart. The fight, lasting a whole three seconds, will I'm sure be what the crowd remembers the longest, however I will remember how much fun and how sweet everyone was to us. Thank you ladies.
*I'm not sure why I can never catch the score and remember it at the end of a bout. I think something about the roller derby makes me revert to using the primal part of my brain and the rest slows down to make room for fight or flight fun. Honestly it sometimes takes an hour or so for me to be able to answer questions intelligently after a bout (and sometimes even practice.) I sometimes say "Helmet on Brain off" to explain my bewilderment to newer team mates who ask me to further explain the strategy behind plays that just happened.
The Warrior, Me & Val Cappone
Jammers: Sugar & Slice, Pink Taco, Me, the Warrior & Ms. Quik
Red White and Bruise 1-23-09 Davenport, IA
Despite team Red screaming out of the pack with a 15 point jam at the top of the bout by the end of period one team black was 20 points ahead. Period two team Black kept their lead until I (yes, all my fault) got knocked out of bounds in the last jam and thought the person that knocked me out also went out of bounds and hit the floor and so I jumped back on the track in front of them earning myself a one minute stay in the penalty box with a cardboard cutout of G.W. Bush while the unopposed red jammer nearly tied up the game ending period two 98 to 97.
Just before the last period team Red all put their hands in and chanted something and threw their hands towards the heavens like one cohesive machine on 112 wheels while team black lounged around on their bench and sweated. I was worried my team we may have lost heart, but if we had it didn't matter, we had enough skill to pull ahead little by little, scoring 4 - 5 points each play, calling it (ending the play) and restarting with a fresh jammer every couple of minutes during the last period. The short plays were welcome as some of the heaviest hits were landed during the last period. My legs weren't listening to what I was telling them anymore, especially after getting sent into the chairs skates first landing in Tally Turmoil's lap. Moments after finding my way back onto the track I took a hit from Jen Detta's shoulder square in the chest. It was so hard I'm pretty sure it may have chopped 4 seconds off of the end of my life (I'm ok Mom, no permanent marks, really.) The short jam strategy worked to our advantage in the end and the Black and Bruise Sisters won by 20-ish points. Final score 150-ish to 130-ish*.
To the crowd's pleasure there was a fight in the last four seconds of the bout. Just before the clock wound down a blocker form our side and a jammer from their side went down right in front of our bench and then it was all a flury of red and black swinging and kicking with referee stripes zooming in from all directions to pulling them apart. The fight, lasting a whole three seconds, will I'm sure be what the crowd remembers the longest, however I will remember how much fun and how sweet everyone was to us. Thank you ladies.
*I'm not sure why I can never catch the score and remember it at the end of a bout. I think something about the roller derby makes me revert to using the primal part of my brain and the rest slows down to make room for fight or flight fun. Honestly it sometimes takes an hour or so for me to be able to answer questions intelligently after a bout (and sometimes even practice.) I sometimes say "Helmet on Brain off" to explain my bewilderment to newer team mates who ask me to further explain the strategy behind plays that just happened.
The Warrior, Me & Val Cappone
Jammers: Sugar & Slice, Pink Taco, Me, the Warrior & Ms. Quik
Red White and Bruise 1-23-09 Davenport, IA
Jan 23, 2009
Jan 21, 2009
Red White & Bruise
"I've got medium much spring fever. That's how much spring fever I have." - Ella
Friday me and some of my skatey mates are heading down to Quad Cities to play in an exhibition bout. That means they mix us all up and some of us are on one team and some are on the other so we'll get to smash into each other as well as ladies from the Quad Cities Rollers, the Cedar Rapids Rollergirls and the Rockford Rage. It's in Davenport, IA 1540 W. 12th St. Doors open at 6:30pm bout starts at 7:00pm it's $10.00 at the door and I am playing on the Black and Blue side so now you know what to wear. And as always, please send us some good juju so nobody breaks anything more serious than a nail.
Friday me and some of my skatey mates are heading down to Quad Cities to play in an exhibition bout. That means they mix us all up and some of us are on one team and some are on the other so we'll get to smash into each other as well as ladies from the Quad Cities Rollers, the Cedar Rapids Rollergirls and the Rockford Rage. It's in Davenport, IA 1540 W. 12th St. Doors open at 6:30pm bout starts at 7:00pm it's $10.00 at the door and I am playing on the Black and Blue side so now you know what to wear. And as always, please send us some good juju so nobody breaks anything more serious than a nail.
Jan 20, 2009
This Post Took More than 8 Minutes to Write.
I heard the below clip on This American Life yesterday while listening to the The Inauguration Show episode, I liked it and I wanted to share it with you.
I want to say before you listen that I think it's rare when people see exactly how money represents their time. Time spent working and thinking and doing away from what they would really like to be doing or who they'd like to spend their days with. For the minimum wage worker in Illinois to afford coffee for two at Starbucks they will trade one hour of work (worth $7.75) spent away from their home and family. For a college educated worker to afford a coffee for two at Starbucks they may trade less work time, perhaps 15 minutes of work but factor in the 35,064 hours they spent at college and it probably evens out.
My point is Time is what we have to barter. It's all we really have on this planet to spend and money is just a way to keep track of the idea that I will type this thing for you and you will make a widget and give it to him and he will fix my car. The beauty of it is this allows one person to specialize in doing one thing and facilitates a good deal; when I can buy a dress that would take me days to make with less money than I make in a day.
The abuse of money; stealing/devaluation/inflation is so very personal to each and every one of us but the process is so removed from what it symbolizes that sometimes we forget what the value of a dollar is. In Illinois the state says it can't be less than 8 minutes of work. What is worth 8 minutes of your time? A hamburger? A Candy Bar? A Charity? A cup of whipped creme?
I want to say before you listen that I think it's rare when people see exactly how money represents their time. Time spent working and thinking and doing away from what they would really like to be doing or who they'd like to spend their days with. For the minimum wage worker in Illinois to afford coffee for two at Starbucks they will trade one hour of work (worth $7.75) spent away from their home and family. For a college educated worker to afford a coffee for two at Starbucks they may trade less work time, perhaps 15 minutes of work but factor in the 35,064 hours they spent at college and it probably evens out.
My point is Time is what we have to barter. It's all we really have on this planet to spend and money is just a way to keep track of the idea that I will type this thing for you and you will make a widget and give it to him and he will fix my car. The beauty of it is this allows one person to specialize in doing one thing and facilitates a good deal; when I can buy a dress that would take me days to make with less money than I make in a day.
The abuse of money; stealing/devaluation/inflation is so very personal to each and every one of us but the process is so removed from what it symbolizes that sometimes we forget what the value of a dollar is. In Illinois the state says it can't be less than 8 minutes of work. What is worth 8 minutes of your time? A hamburger? A Candy Bar? A Charity? A cup of whipped creme?
Jan 19, 2009
Jan 18, 2009
No Cents
Last night I sat down in my jammies with a bowl of Cheetoes a few Oreos and a glass of wine. I turned my space heater on, deposited my feet squarely on it and played online poker for like 4 hours while Dan and Ella hung out with the pals they invited over. They mostly pretended I wasn't home and it was all lovely accept on a Saturday night there are virtual poker rooms full of crazies going All In on every unsuited Jack Deuce they can. So I decided to enter a tournament. They are usually ten cents apiece and in general people play a little more seriously. Besides, months ago I made five bucks from zero by placing 36th in a giant 10,000 player tournament and I was hoping to catch up to Dan who loves to tell me he turned his five bucks (he placed too) into nine and then fifteen and now he has like eighty.
So anyway, I'm playing in these ten cent tournaments last night and I can't get any cards past the flop because someone at my table goes All In every hand. People are getting knocked out like crazy, others are pulling triple fives on the river against my pair of aces and no amount of betting is stopping my drowning in the river of idiocy because my best guess was all the other players were stupid and or drunk. Yes, all of them. I LOST SIXTY CENTS! Which I realise made me as stupid as everyone else for even participating at all in six tournaments in a row with people who play that wild.
I was seriously doubting my sanity when Dan walked up suggested I try a quarter tournament. A quarter is a lot of money when you only have a few dollars so I was apprehensive but the rotten play really got to me and I entered. Behold sane players! No one went all in for the first 15 hands, and the bluffing was mostly believable, it was wonderful and while I didn't make $80.00 I came in 6 out of 90, raking in a whopping $1.61 and regaining my cents.
So anyway, I'm playing in these ten cent tournaments last night and I can't get any cards past the flop because someone at my table goes All In every hand. People are getting knocked out like crazy, others are pulling triple fives on the river against my pair of aces and no amount of betting is stopping my drowning in the river of idiocy because my best guess was all the other players were stupid and or drunk. Yes, all of them. I LOST SIXTY CENTS! Which I realise made me as stupid as everyone else for even participating at all in six tournaments in a row with people who play that wild.
I was seriously doubting my sanity when Dan walked up suggested I try a quarter tournament. A quarter is a lot of money when you only have a few dollars so I was apprehensive but the rotten play really got to me and I entered. Behold sane players! No one went all in for the first 15 hands, and the bluffing was mostly believable, it was wonderful and while I didn't make $80.00 I came in 6 out of 90, raking in a whopping $1.61 and regaining my cents.
Jan 17, 2009
Mine
I'm grinning already at the idea of gathering up all my gift certificates and Christmas money and ducking out of the house by myself in some comfortable tennies and pretending I'm on "What Not to Wear." Not so much because I need to spend $5,000 in a new wardrobe to better do dishes and play Candyland in, but because I have some odd misswiring in my shopping program that results in my loosing the primary objective. I tried to make the flow chart to exlpain but it got too confusing and all avenues ended up pointing at one large square reading "Wander around grumbling about not being able to find anything cool that fits correctly for less than a million dollars, stumble upon the clearance rack in the children's dept. containing the size Ella is growing into and discover everthing is only a dollar, fill my arms. Feel bad Ella got something and Dan didn't, go to the men's department and buy Dan five prefect shirts for $3.00 apeice and check out with a bag full of clothes. None of wich are bought for self." So, tonight I will shop for just me, or I'll ditch the whole thought and go to the next town over and watch some roller derby.
Jan 16, 2009
Happy
Dear Happy Guy,
Seeing you get off that ferry boat and throw your hands in the air and cheer because you survived a plan crash absolutely made my day. I loved it so much I recorded it, made my husband watch it, told my derby mates about it on the way to practice last night, and posted it here in this blog. If I ever have enough luck to wag my butt in the face of death, I will remember your example and smile like mad.
Love,
Jenny
Seeing you get off that ferry boat and throw your hands in the air and cheer because you survived a plan crash absolutely made my day. I loved it so much I recorded it, made my husband watch it, told my derby mates about it on the way to practice last night, and posted it here in this blog. If I ever have enough luck to wag my butt in the face of death, I will remember your example and smile like mad.
Love,
Jenny
Jan 15, 2009
Jan 14, 2009
Words, Now With Other Words!
Have you seen these? Dan bought some just because of the mysterious packaging. When they decided to put "Natural Flavors with Other Natural Flavors" I think they were trying to actually say "When you Mix All Natural Ingredients it's Yummy." Instead it looks like they were made in a different country and lost in translation. I would also like to point out there are plenty of flavors that occur naturally in nature that I don't ever want to taste.These however, are yummy.
Jan 13, 2009
Necessary
Today is freeze your eyeballs cold in Northern IL. That cloud of cold from Alaska finally made it here and thankfully I am walking no children to school today. In fact I would bundle up under some blankets and watch Scooby Doo with the kiddo all day accept that we are out of toilet paper and that's the one item you just can't ignore until the next day. So at some point, we'll bundle up in thermal undies, sweaters, wool socks, snow pants, coats, mittens, scarves, hats and sunglasses and brush the half a foot of snow off the van, start it to warm up for fifteen minutes and drive four blocks to the local grocery while thanking our lucky stars we have indoor plumbing.
Jan 12, 2009
Jan 11, 2009
16 Year Old Mystery Solved!
My mother in law gave me the best present in the world yesterday and doesn't even know it. She pulled out baby & kid pictures of my husband. In the 16 years we've been together he's claimed because he's the youngest his parents don't have any pictures of him and while I knew there were at least school pictures floating out there somewhere I could never uncover any evidence. The frustration compounded by five years of "She looks just like her Dad!" from every old coot in town that looked at Ella and remembered my husband big wheeling around town in his buster browns. I spent two hours riffling through through years of family photos, and hearing crazy stories, occasionally taking a photo of a photo and finally, I can give you the side by side comparison I wished for.
Here is me on the left about age 4, Ella in the middle age 4 and Dan on the right age 5 or so.
Here is me on the left about age 4, Ella in the middle age 4 and Dan on the right age 5 or so.
Jan 8, 2009
Bombadee's Trading Club
So FORD actually belongs to a different company and because I didn't look closely I fake bought the wrong thing and sold it today for a .07cent loss and fake bought the actual Ford stock F for even lower than the other day, I came out ahead. It's $2.58 and on the 6th it was $2.79 so I saved .21c - my .07c mistake I still come out .14c ahead. Otherwise Sears is up, Tequilla is up (thanks Mike) and Tupperwear is doing alright too, I'm thinking of adding a McDonalds but I have to research it today and I may have to reconcile my feelings about junk food with my desire to make fake money.
Jan 7, 2009
Jan 6, 2009
Four Pianos and One Coin
1. When I was a kid we had an antique upright grand piano, it's at my Dad's house and I'm the only kid in the family that plays. Someday (a very, very long time from now) it may reside at my house.
2. My Grandmother told me she would like me to have her grand piano. Her Father bought it for her for Christmas sometime in the 30s. It's magnificently tuned and maintained. Again, I hope it's a very, very long time before it gets to my house.
3. My Mom has an antique oak upright grand piano she inherited from the neighborhood that is in her summer home garage waiting for me to hire some movers and get it up here for restoration. It's beautiful, has a good sound and is very old, I just need to get motivated enough to get it here and restore it.
4. My Dad called three days ago because his neighbor was moving and couldn't take his piano. My Dad and my brother could bring it over in a half an hour, but I needed to decide that minute. I said yes because at that moment I had no pianos at my house.
My Dad and I spent all afternoon on Sunday disassembling an antique Lindeman and Sons upright grand piano. We took all the keys out replaced some of the felts found some lost hardware in the bottom by the pedals, wrote down the serial number, vacuumed all the gunk out, fixed two sticky keys and made a list of things that need professional care (three ivories, one hammer and a tuning.) I hadn't planned on taking a piano apart but my Dad knows just the right thing to say to motivate me and on Sunday that right thing was "It's a really old piano, we could find gold coins or something under the keys, who knows what kind of things kids stuff in a piano." We found, two crayons orange and green, a hair pin, a few lucky charms, some maple tree twirly birds, a half inch of dust and dirt, three oily rags, broken piano wire and a single coin.
It looks to be a brass McKinley commemorative coin and I found one thing about it on the internet, though not very helpful. It is not the McKinley gold dollar nor is it the McKinley bronze medal, though it is more similar to that than the gold dollar. I'll be in the city on Thursday and I'll take it over to the coin shop and see if they can find out anything about it. Cross your fingers.
More exciting is the serial number on the piano - #129346, according to this the piano was made before 1917. Again cross your fingers for me because who knows what it'll cost to have it tuned and the hammer repaired and some pianos can't be tuned as the strings won't take the tightening without snapping. I will probably restore the three key tops myself as the parts are about $17.00 apiece for the imitation ivory and I found this and am holding out a small hope that after restoration it'll be worth a small fortune.
So, if anyone can tell me anything about a 57" Upright Grand Lindeman and Sons Piano made in Ney York with tiger oak veneer and a serial number 129346 or a McKinley coin with the words "Little Mack" on the back, please let me know.
2. My Grandmother told me she would like me to have her grand piano. Her Father bought it for her for Christmas sometime in the 30s. It's magnificently tuned and maintained. Again, I hope it's a very, very long time before it gets to my house.
3. My Mom has an antique oak upright grand piano she inherited from the neighborhood that is in her summer home garage waiting for me to hire some movers and get it up here for restoration. It's beautiful, has a good sound and is very old, I just need to get motivated enough to get it here and restore it.
4. My Dad called three days ago because his neighbor was moving and couldn't take his piano. My Dad and my brother could bring it over in a half an hour, but I needed to decide that minute. I said yes because at that moment I had no pianos at my house.
My Dad and I spent all afternoon on Sunday disassembling an antique Lindeman and Sons upright grand piano. We took all the keys out replaced some of the felts found some lost hardware in the bottom by the pedals, wrote down the serial number, vacuumed all the gunk out, fixed two sticky keys and made a list of things that need professional care (three ivories, one hammer and a tuning.) I hadn't planned on taking a piano apart but my Dad knows just the right thing to say to motivate me and on Sunday that right thing was "It's a really old piano, we could find gold coins or something under the keys, who knows what kind of things kids stuff in a piano." We found, two crayons orange and green, a hair pin, a few lucky charms, some maple tree twirly birds, a half inch of dust and dirt, three oily rags, broken piano wire and a single coin.
It looks to be a brass McKinley commemorative coin and I found one thing about it on the internet, though not very helpful. It is not the McKinley gold dollar nor is it the McKinley bronze medal, though it is more similar to that than the gold dollar. I'll be in the city on Thursday and I'll take it over to the coin shop and see if they can find out anything about it. Cross your fingers.
More exciting is the serial number on the piano - #129346, according to this the piano was made before 1917. Again cross your fingers for me because who knows what it'll cost to have it tuned and the hammer repaired and some pianos can't be tuned as the strings won't take the tightening without snapping. I will probably restore the three key tops myself as the parts are about $17.00 apiece for the imitation ivory and I found this and am holding out a small hope that after restoration it'll be worth a small fortune.
So, if anyone can tell me anything about a 57" Upright Grand Lindeman and Sons Piano made in Ney York with tiger oak veneer and a serial number 129346 or a McKinley coin with the words "Little Mack" on the back, please let me know.
Jan 5, 2009
Five
The Merma-Pegacorn that lives at our house is turning five today. We are having cupcakes at school today and cake tonight with presents from Mom and Dad. On Saturday she and her pals will go to the local gym and jump on trampolines and roll around on gym mats and jump off of big foamy things into other big foamy things, followed by more frosting and presents. And now I'll tell you five amazing things about my five year old.
She can read, add and subtract.
She has a twinkly laugh that makes people look her direction and smile.
She's very caring and always sticks up for the underdog.
She can remember the words to a song after hearing it only one or two times.
She loves to imagine the most entertaining elaborate things.
Princess Merma-Pegacorn turns 5
She can read, add and subtract.
She has a twinkly laugh that makes people look her direction and smile.
She's very caring and always sticks up for the underdog.
She can remember the words to a song after hearing it only one or two times.
She loves to imagine the most entertaining elaborate things.
Princess Merma-Pegacorn turns 5
Jan 4, 2009
The Family that Games Together
We went and did Dan's extended family Christmas party yesterday which devolves into an impromptu poker party every time. I love it. We spent the first hour catching up, eating ham, cheesy potatoes and chocolates while looking at family photos and then next hour opening presents from the gift exchange and the last three hours playing Texas Hold 'Em with cousins we haven't seen in months. My only complaint is that Dan's uncle can tell what I've got in my hand all the time. He says things like "How ya like those tens?" and sure as shit that's what I have! It's a little unerving to try and pretend that's exactly what I don't have when he can call me out so compleatly. Despite his x-ray vision, I usually do pretty good. I can almost always make it to the final table and alot of times the final three but that's where it ends. I need to spend some time learning the patterns of betting so I can make him think I have a pair of tens when all I have is seven two. Then I can be the champion of the family Christas party and next I'll move on to the tournements at the Ramada and then World Poker Tour here I come!
Jan 3, 2009
Steal this Blog Entry
I sat up last night reading an entire website, this hardly ever happens. Steal this Wiki is trying to reinvent Abby Hoffman's book online so people can add to it their own tips and articles all in the name of subverting the conglomerate. Yes, there's some pretty weird stuff their at the end about overthrowing the man but if you're dropping out of the race you have to have a catalyst and suspecting your institutions of sinister intentions is as good as any. I am ever on a search for saving money (for real - not just giving up my Wii and my Latte) and I also like thrift shopping and harming the environment less and so I plowed through the first 6 chapters reading about a those city survival skills we'll never see Survivor Man put to use and then read on stunned through the last half of the book thinking about all the people who do put this information to use. I've decided this; if I ever have to live on the outside I'm going with rural living and farming instead of spaces between buildings and roadkill.
Jan 2, 2009
Les Nessman's Toy Room
We have kind of a studio space going on here at our house and Ella's play room only has a few waist high book shelve to define the space. This week she has decided there are invisible walls and she get's very upset when you don't use imaginary the door. The best part is when she walks through the door it makes a squeak and slam noise. Next week I'll get her some colored tape to put on the floor.
Dec 30, 2008
Dear Sandwich Eater,
What is it that makes you take bites out of the same place in the sandwich over and over until the jelly filled bread reaches your cheeks and then fans out until it threatens to fill your ears with sticky? This makes you smell like jelly all day. If we lived in the rain forest you would have bugs stuck to your cheeks like a sweet little fly strip. This is why I have to catch you and wash your cheeks with a warm rag, I can't stand the thought of random germ filled animals stuck to your face.
Dec 29, 2008
Fun Concentrate
It's the beginning of another back breakingly fun week of errands and shopping and parties. Oh - when will the festivities end?! We should all be so troubled. Why we don't just spread this stuff out into the cold of January a little and then the monotony of dark snowy hibernation will be dotted with occasional presents and sparkly sweaters? I'd plan something, but just yesterday I was promising myslef I would not plan anything (beyond what I've already taken on) and it's not even the new year yet. Can I possibly break my New Years resolution even before I've sealed it up with the wax off a cork of Merlot and sent it into 2009 with a handfull of confetti and a kiss?
Dec 28, 2008
Time Off
So this would be where I count down my accomplishments of 2008 and count up what's going to happen in 2009. Where I make a grand list and plans on how to accomplish it. Instead, I've decided 2009 is going to be a big surprise. I'm going to just see what happens. No expectations, no plans, no goals. I'm going to just coast for a bit and see where I end up. Bohemian Slacktitude here I come.
Dec 26, 2008
On the Second Day
Here I sit in the midst of our three Days of Christmas, trappings and bits and bobbles all over the floor and sticky dishes on the table. Kiddo is vegging out in front of the TV I haven't let her turn on in two days and my dearest is back at work leaving me to wrap the remainder of the presents and make the orange jello salad for the party tonight. Later we'll have martinis and hot toddies at the bar in the basement and when we've sufficiently taken the edge off (whatever that means) we'll convene to the living room and there will be cousins, the crackling fire, presents, glee and bits of wrapping paper flying all over the place while adults hurl "Don't get it out of the box right now you'll loose the pieces" at the kids. Yes, it feels like I'm stuck in the 50s today with all the cooking, cleaning, child rearing and homemaking and to make it worse I am actually hoping to get some sewing done today.
Dec 25, 2008
Dec 24, 2008
Dec 23, 2008
Interview with a Blogger
DD Hunter posted this earlier this week and I wanted to play along. (Some of the questions are changed slightly to keep my anonymity, I hope you understand DD. Also, this was fun, thanks.)
1. The little three bedroom ranch down the street is for sale, the asking price is unbelievably low, in the 50's or 60's. Would you sell your place and buy the ranch? Why or why not?
No way. I don't really care for ranch homes. And we're only ten years from owning this place. Despite all it's problems and even in light of all the practicality and warmth a ranch offers this really is my dream house. Plus where would we put all the stuff we've accumulated?! (Although I have to admit, I have thought about that old three story Victorian on the historical registry up the street that's for sale.)
2. What is the most important characteristic you hope your child will pick up from your example?
Foremost I hope she is an optimist and in general a happy person but beyond that, Persistence & Focus. It's a rare thing to first of all know what it is you want out of life (or what will make you happy) but rarer yet to devise a plan and then have the persistence to actually do it.
3. In 1998, where did you see your life in 2008? How is it different from your hopes? Are you happy with the way it turned out?
I hoped to be almost exactly where I am now... we had a plan and here I am. Perhaps the one thing we haven't done that I'd hoped for was getting further along on our house. Oh, and roller derby, I don't think I could have dreamed that up in 1998, that was a nice surprise that just added to the grand happiness and perhaps the reason we haven't worked on the house so much.
4. A big name store wants to build in your community, it will mean hundreds of jobs, more revenue, tax dollars, etc... The problem is the store is a Wal-Mart. Would you support the possibility or shun it?
Shun shun shun, I support controlled growth while maintaining the intergrity of the community. A bedroom community like ours already has a work force that drives to the next city over to make a living, shunning a big box store wouldn't hurt the work force and anything else it may benifit isn't enough to outweigh the integrity of the village. Shoot, I don't even like those subdivisions where all the houses look the same (even if they are $250,000.00 homes - bleah.) Now ask me about an aeronautics facility or a sci-tech silicon shop, or a green widget maker and I might be on board as long as they will be good nieghbors (environmentally, socially etc...)
5. Hollywood has decided to make a movie based on your life. What would be the title and who would you like to see in the lead rolls?
Ok trying to sum up my whole life with one movie title is too silly, I just can't think of one unifying theme, perhaps something really minimal like the when the Beatles put out the White album... something like "Woman" or "J." Ok, ok, that's not very fun how about "The Lady that Lived to 110" or "A Late Life Trip to the Moon" but then the movie has barely been written. How about a movie about my life in the last decade or so and we'll call it "Midwestern Eccentricities." Marisa Tomei will play me and Christian Slater will play Dan it'll be a weird love story revolving around this couple that bickers all the time under the oddest circumstances and yet they have this uncanny connection. It'll be narrated by a grown up Ella played by Zooey Deschanel and then in the last 3 minutes she'll walk up to a podium to accept the Nobel Peace Prize for solving the conundrum of universal particle theory, and it'll tie together all these little odd adventures from earlier in the movie, like that time we took Ella to the beach when she was four and we argued about if sting rays were dangerous to stand in the water near and the movie will in a single epiphanic moment make sense relating to Ella's amazing new physics theory... what?! It's my movie! Obviously M. Night Shyamalan will have to direct it.
How can I resist, look at how totally cute we were in the 90s.
Oh, wait that's not us that's from the Untamed Heart - oops.
Bored and looking for ways to pass your day? Care to play along?
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
1. The little three bedroom ranch down the street is for sale, the asking price is unbelievably low, in the 50's or 60's. Would you sell your place and buy the ranch? Why or why not?
No way. I don't really care for ranch homes. And we're only ten years from owning this place. Despite all it's problems and even in light of all the practicality and warmth a ranch offers this really is my dream house. Plus where would we put all the stuff we've accumulated?! (Although I have to admit, I have thought about that old three story Victorian on the historical registry up the street that's for sale.)
2. What is the most important characteristic you hope your child will pick up from your example?
Foremost I hope she is an optimist and in general a happy person but beyond that, Persistence & Focus. It's a rare thing to first of all know what it is you want out of life (or what will make you happy) but rarer yet to devise a plan and then have the persistence to actually do it.
3. In 1998, where did you see your life in 2008? How is it different from your hopes? Are you happy with the way it turned out?
I hoped to be almost exactly where I am now... we had a plan and here I am. Perhaps the one thing we haven't done that I'd hoped for was getting further along on our house. Oh, and roller derby, I don't think I could have dreamed that up in 1998, that was a nice surprise that just added to the grand happiness and perhaps the reason we haven't worked on the house so much.
4. A big name store wants to build in your community, it will mean hundreds of jobs, more revenue, tax dollars, etc... The problem is the store is a Wal-Mart. Would you support the possibility or shun it?
Shun shun shun, I support controlled growth while maintaining the intergrity of the community. A bedroom community like ours already has a work force that drives to the next city over to make a living, shunning a big box store wouldn't hurt the work force and anything else it may benifit isn't enough to outweigh the integrity of the village. Shoot, I don't even like those subdivisions where all the houses look the same (even if they are $250,000.00 homes - bleah.) Now ask me about an aeronautics facility or a sci-tech silicon shop, or a green widget maker and I might be on board as long as they will be good nieghbors (environmentally, socially etc...)
5. Hollywood has decided to make a movie based on your life. What would be the title and who would you like to see in the lead rolls?
Ok trying to sum up my whole life with one movie title is too silly, I just can't think of one unifying theme, perhaps something really minimal like the when the Beatles put out the White album... something like "Woman" or "J." Ok, ok, that's not very fun how about "The Lady that Lived to 110" or "A Late Life Trip to the Moon" but then the movie has barely been written. How about a movie about my life in the last decade or so and we'll call it "Midwestern Eccentricities." Marisa Tomei will play me and Christian Slater will play Dan it'll be a weird love story revolving around this couple that bickers all the time under the oddest circumstances and yet they have this uncanny connection. It'll be narrated by a grown up Ella played by Zooey Deschanel and then in the last 3 minutes she'll walk up to a podium to accept the Nobel Peace Prize for solving the conundrum of universal particle theory, and it'll tie together all these little odd adventures from earlier in the movie, like that time we took Ella to the beach when she was four and we argued about if sting rays were dangerous to stand in the water near and the movie will in a single epiphanic moment make sense relating to Ella's amazing new physics theory... what?! It's my movie! Obviously M. Night Shyamalan will have to direct it.
How can I resist, look at how totally cute we were in the 90s.
Oh, wait that's not us that's from the Untamed Heart - oops.
Bored and looking for ways to pass your day? Care to play along?
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Dec 22, 2008
Dec 21, 2008
I've Always Liked Heat Better than Ice - (with many parts... but not that one)
Part I
The mermaid costume is finished and awesome and wrapped and ready. Thanks Mrs. Claus - you are the coolest seamstress, as well as pretty smart and interesting, someone should buy you jewelry to thank you for pulling that present out of thin air. Maybe they should buy you rubies and emeralds to commemorate Christmas. Maybe if Mr. Claus had and extra $80.00 lying around...
Part II
We have two furnaces and one of them didn't work today. Usually it's not a big deal accept that today it was -8 with a wind chill of -20 so with one of them running the house maintained a cool 54. After checking it out, Dan decided he needed a part, a pretty generic part but none the less there are no parts departments open on Sunday and we didn't want to pay Sunday rates for a service tech. I called around and found a guy in the next village over who had it. The 10 minute drive to get it turned into a 45 minute drive when Dan got stuck in a 5 foot snow drift in the middle of the road and had to pay a passing tow truck $80.00 to get him out. They closed the road right after that and Dan never did get to the next village over for that part but it turned out he didn't need it after all which worked out because the universe decided we needed to step outside and throw $80.00 into a snow drift. But really what I'm trying to say is Dan is awesome for getting the furnace going today, you are the coolest most handsome, smart and interesting furnace fixer I have ever met.
This is totally off subject so we'll call it
Part G:
Ella spent the day in front of the space heater watching Escape to Witch Mountain part one and two and then chased it with Bedknobs and Broomsticks. However, we watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas with Jim Carey last night and the Grinch was super scary, like hiding behind the couch scary, like watching the TV between your fingers scary, like confirming with your mother before bed that the Grinch is in fact make believe scary.
Dec 20, 2008
The Toys Shop is in Full Production Today.
My dear child asked Santa for an Aerial the Mermaid Dress and Mr. & Mrs. Claus figured they'd run out to Target last week and pick one up. Next to the forty two hundred other princess frocks at Target was an empty space where the mermaid dresses used to hang. Mr. & Mrs. Claus then went to K-Mart, the other Target, and Toys R Us, they called two costume shops to no avail and finally when all other ideas were exhausted they decided to visit the devil and ask him for a mermaid costume, but Walmart didn't have one either. Finally in sheer desperation Mrs. Claus went to JoAnne Fabric and bought green sparkly sequined mermaid tail fabric, some seaweed type material and gobs of purple felt. She will be sewing her ass off today when Dan and Ella go shopping together and hopefully see a movie and perhaps pick up dinner. Mrs. Claus is going to need a good four hours to pull this thing together and afterward she would like a brandy spiked egg nog and a neck rub.
Dec 19, 2008
Snow Day
Today is a snow day. No school, cars plowed in and 8 inches of white fluff blocking the door. So far I've managed to make a waffle for kiddo, a cup of coffee for me and stare out the window at least 3 times. My big accomplishments today will be laundry and vacuuming (gotta set goals right) later I'll reward myself with Christmas shopping, sushi and cosmos with my pal T, who's husband and kid will be at my house entertaining my family. Yep, I'd call that a pretty terrific plan, now if I could only get out of my pajamas and get this day started.
Dec 17, 2008
Crusts cut off, hold the oil
I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I quartered it diagonally making four very dainty triangles and placed it on the plate next to two celery stalks filled with peanut butter and raisins. I placed it in front of my daughter with a small glass of apple juice, dashed back to the kitchen and washed up the dishes. Feeling very pleased with myself, I sat down on the couch to bask in my house-wifeyness and found my daughter with the bottle of Hawaiian Tropic Dark Tanning Oil that I've been slathering on her skin so she doesn't scratch herself to bits in this dry weather, in one hand, in her other hand a oil saturated triangle of PB&J and a tell tail smear of coconut shine on her bottom lip. The ingediants of Hawaiian Tropic Dark Tanning Oil sound as yummy as they smell but I'me pretty sure you aren't supposed to eat cocoa seed butter, kiwi extract and papaya with lanolin and aloe on a pb&j. Poison control agreed that one shouldn't eat those things together but assured me since she ate it with bread and it was at best three bites she would be just fine.
Dec 16, 2008
20 Questions for Bernard Madoff
Where does one hide after stealing 50 billion dollars? Is he wearing a disguise now? Does the disguise include a wig? Is he wanted world wide? If caught will he have to return the money? Can you buy a self sufficient island for less than 50 billion? How do you sleep at night knowing you scammed charities? Is 50 billion dollars enough to leave family and friends and your whole life behind? What do you do when you get sick, don't you need your medical records? How close was he to getting caught? What was the defining moment in which he realized it was time to run? What was the original plan, did he hatch this from the beginning or was he planning to start out legit and he went crooked a little bit at a time? What kind of faith does a crook like that hang on to? Does he believe in karma? Life after death? Is he happy and sitting on a beach somewhere or scared and sitting in an evil lair/cave somewhere? What do you have for dinner when money is no object? What's his cover story wherever he is? What did he take with him? What do you do with your time after you dedicated your life to making money and now you aren't?
"When the tide goes out you start to see who's swimming naked" - Warren Buffet
"When the tide goes out you start to see who's swimming naked" - Warren Buffet
Dec 15, 2008
The Little Purple Bus to School
Last week it was so snowy that walking the kids to school took an inordinate amount energy. Picking one kid up off the ice to balance myself long enough to pick another up off the ice, I ordered "That's it everyone hold my hand" and discovered I only have two hands. Telling one four year old to steady another four year old on ice by holding hands is like asking drunken derby girls to be serious for one minute, it’s only going to last 3 seconds before someone is laughing and on the ground. So, last week when it snowed again over the thin layer of ice on even the sidewalks that the vigilant neighbors shoveled I grabbed Ella’s big purple sled and told all three kids to get on. I dragged them to school in less than 6 minutes; a new world record for walking preschoolers two blocks. Though everyone had to disembark the sled and walk across the street when necessary, not because I’m overly cautious but because the stupid village trucks salt and it’s not slippery in the street, it was still less time than the usual trek and I was warm at the end of the trip (almost sweaty.) Today it’s a frigid 1° and though I was hoping for more snow and ice so our little caravan can move fast, the sky is a clear blue with high clouds, so I am getting three layers on to prepare for the long parade up the street, the little purple sled will have to wait.
Dec 12, 2008
Dec 11, 2008
Dear Santa, I Like Christmas but I'm Really Bad at the Presents Part
I went to four stores and in total purchased two things. I fail as a shopper. I just can't get excited about the giant universal remote larger than your head and nose/ear hair clippers with the car dashboard adapter (and who wants to clip their nose hairs with something that's just been in their ear and vice versa, and in the car!) I have some ideas of what I'm looking for now and also have the sneaking feeling I may need to get ordering on the internet to actually find it all.
I'm not even sure what I want for Christmas, perhaps a winning sold out roller derby season and a closet. The first is self explanatory and the second well, as I think I may have said before, we live in a old place and there are very few closets. We own wardrobes and dressers but oh how I yearn for one more place to put my stuff and a door to shut it on. When people come over, often times my sewing machine is right there and my roller skates are right there and the birthday wrapping paper, scissors and tape right there. Everything we own is out all the time ready for you to look at right now. It presents a particular problem when children come over and I have to answer "What's this?" five kabillion times... "It's a lint shaver.... That? it's an egg timer.... oh that, it's a box of dice... it's my flash drive." all the while I'm wishing I had a place to put them so that the child wasn't touching it and I wasn't explaining what it is and why they can't play pirates with it.
It's not that we're cluttered (well, actually we are) but I'm going to maintain we would put these things away if we had a place to put them. Perhaps this is what has me hesitant to buy anything new for Christmas. I mean really where will we put another Thing? We been just fine without another Thing. Maybe Santa could just bring me Niecy Nash. She and her cohorts can come over and be appalled at my hot mess and tell me to put at least 15 pairs of black shoes in a garage sale and pare the toys and books down by half and then send us to the Clocktower while they save my space. Yes, that sounds good.
Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is for my skatey ladies to kick some butt this season and Niecy Nash to come over my house and be soo appalled she wants to clean it.
Also, I've been very good.
Love,
Me
PS The usual wishes still apply, good health, world peace, million dollars etc...
I'm not even sure what I want for Christmas, perhaps a winning sold out roller derby season and a closet. The first is self explanatory and the second well, as I think I may have said before, we live in a old place and there are very few closets. We own wardrobes and dressers but oh how I yearn for one more place to put my stuff and a door to shut it on. When people come over, often times my sewing machine is right there and my roller skates are right there and the birthday wrapping paper, scissors and tape right there. Everything we own is out all the time ready for you to look at right now. It presents a particular problem when children come over and I have to answer "What's this?" five kabillion times... "It's a lint shaver.... That? it's an egg timer.... oh that, it's a box of dice... it's my flash drive." all the while I'm wishing I had a place to put them so that the child wasn't touching it and I wasn't explaining what it is and why they can't play pirates with it.
It's not that we're cluttered (well, actually we are) but I'm going to maintain we would put these things away if we had a place to put them. Perhaps this is what has me hesitant to buy anything new for Christmas. I mean really where will we put another Thing? We been just fine without another Thing. Maybe Santa could just bring me Niecy Nash. She and her cohorts can come over and be appalled at my hot mess and tell me to put at least 15 pairs of black shoes in a garage sale and pare the toys and books down by half and then send us to the Clocktower while they save my space. Yes, that sounds good.
Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is for my skatey ladies to kick some butt this season and Niecy Nash to come over my house and be soo appalled she wants to clean it.
Also, I've been very good.
Love,
Me
PS The usual wishes still apply, good health, world peace, million dollars etc...
Dec 10, 2008
Tis the Season
The festivities have started in an attempt to forget that it gets dark just after lunch and the temperature is steadily at freezing you ass off. Today the sun is out, the sky is blue, my pretend stocks are up and I'll be out doing a little shopping tonight. I have no idea what I'm hoping to find while out shopping but I'm going to give it an honest try while sorting through all the automatic gadget winders, designer custom knitted nose warmers and the dust catching home collection accessories. We put the tree up last weekend and I've almost finished rotating the ladder and getting all the ornaments up. I swear next year I'm getting a confetti gun and loading it with hard candy and just aiming at the tree. There's eggnog and Tom & Jerry mix in the fridge and brandy in the cupboard to get rid of the shakes after I've almost tipped the ladder over while standing on the top, which would really explain why it's taking an entire week to get this tree together, and we are happy for the season.
I hope you and your house are keeping warm and cozy this season dear internets.
I hope you and your house are keeping warm and cozy this season dear internets.
Dec 9, 2008
Open Letter to Rod Blagojavich
Mr. Blagojavich,
I am pissed. You have no idea how many times I have personally defended you and fought with my family and friends over how you do things. I stood up for you and it turns out you are a shyster in the worst way. You are the reason politicians even the honest ones who work their tails off are regarded as unscrupulous. I believed in you, how dare you put a (D) behind your name. That means you are supposed to stand up for the unfortunate. Really? - withholding funding for Wrigley Field and a Children's Hospital? You should know better than to mess with Cubs fans and I'm pretty sure God was pissed about the second one. How low can you get?... oh wait I guess you could put the Senate seat left open by our President elect up for sale. UG.
Signed,
A Loyal & Disappointed Democrat in IL
I am pissed. You have no idea how many times I have personally defended you and fought with my family and friends over how you do things. I stood up for you and it turns out you are a shyster in the worst way. You are the reason politicians even the honest ones who work their tails off are regarded as unscrupulous. I believed in you, how dare you put a (D) behind your name. That means you are supposed to stand up for the unfortunate. Really? - withholding funding for Wrigley Field and a Children's Hospital? You should know better than to mess with Cubs fans and I'm pretty sure God was pissed about the second one. How low can you get?... oh wait I guess you could put the Senate seat left open by our President elect up for sale. UG.
Signed,
A Loyal & Disappointed Democrat in IL
Dec 8, 2008
The Year End List
Every where you look you can see the Listiest Lists of 2008 and so here's mine:
10. Zac Efron - I don't know why, I just can't get away from him and so here he is.
9. Twitter - moving closer towards the hive mind every day.
8. NYSE - the best reason to be glad I have no extra money.
7. Roller Derby - because "If the good lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates." - W. Wonka.
6. Television Commercials - RIP.
5. Lead & Phthalates - two reason not to buy more crappy toys.
4. Ira Glass - just so I can say that I love him again on my blog.
3. Pink - the color of Pepto Bismo and everything my daughter wants and loves.
2. Obama - The reason SNL was ever worth watching again.
1. The Gulf of Mexico -
10. Zac Efron - I don't know why, I just can't get away from him and so here he is.
9. Twitter - moving closer towards the hive mind every day.
8. NYSE - the best reason to be glad I have no extra money.
7. Roller Derby - because "If the good lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates." - W. Wonka.
6. Television Commercials - RIP.
5. Lead & Phthalates - two reason not to buy more crappy toys.
4. Ira Glass - just so I can say that I love him again on my blog.
3. Pink - the color of Pepto Bismo and everything my daughter wants and loves.
2. Obama - The reason SNL was ever worth watching again.
1. The Gulf of Mexico -
Dec 7, 2008
I Don't Care
I slept until 10:30 today. Actually I dozed. I woke up at the usual time and then continued to nap in small chunks until 10:30 at which time I could hear my inner crumudgeon complaining about how my day was being wasted, but here's the thing, I've had a headache in the back of my head and in my sinuses and around my eyes for like three weeks. So this morning as I dozed and realized my head wasn't hurting it became blazingly obvious that it's caused by stress. So today I'll be padding around the house in my socks and making pasta for some out of town pals coming by and I may be drinking some expensive wine. (I'm certainly not exchanging one head ache for a cheaper headache tomorrow.)
I know, I know what in the world can I possibly be stressed about?! The Preschool Christmas Program? The upcoming Roller Derby Season? How many cookies I didn't agree to bake to for charity? My poked thumb? Here's the thing, should I choose to think about "why" too long it may add to the knots I've created up there and so today I don't care. Send the lion in!
This brings me to Ella's preoccupation with stories that contain tragic death and destruction. She's been addicted to the above video, I bought the album and it was the first song she committed to memory the second song which she proclaims her favorite is the one where this character dies gasping and clutching at his throat while choking on a tiny bone in his soup. She's asking for fairy tales that include a stolen or abandoned children, cannibalistic witches, killed parents and the removal of hearts from young maidens. On top of this she wants to watch that movie "the Corporate Bride" (she means the Corpse Bride) and or Beetlejuice, neither of which we own, but caught on TV in October.
So to quell her, we watched the 70s version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory last night. When Charlie and Grandpa Jo go floating up to the ceiling from drinking fizzy lifting drinks, about to be chopped up in the fan, Ella shrieked and cried "I can't watch!" and then ran behind the couch and peeked out through her fingers. Then we talked about it for the next ten minutes, how she thought they'd be chopped up and it was going to be blood everywhere. While I tried to claim I'd never let her watch a movie like that, it did occur to me we had just sat through the Wonka takes his boat through the tunnel while singing maniacally and all sorts of horrors are projected onto the screen scene. I suppose the first time you see this movie it has one soo off kilter that it seems totally feasible little Charlie may be chopped up. It's not the sort of movie you can trust, it changes so fast so often.
I know, I know what in the world can I possibly be stressed about?! The Preschool Christmas Program? The upcoming Roller Derby Season? How many cookies I didn't agree to bake to for charity? My poked thumb? Here's the thing, should I choose to think about "why" too long it may add to the knots I've created up there and so today I don't care. Send the lion in!
This brings me to Ella's preoccupation with stories that contain tragic death and destruction. She's been addicted to the above video, I bought the album and it was the first song she committed to memory the second song which she proclaims her favorite is the one where this character dies gasping and clutching at his throat while choking on a tiny bone in his soup. She's asking for fairy tales that include a stolen or abandoned children, cannibalistic witches, killed parents and the removal of hearts from young maidens. On top of this she wants to watch that movie "the Corporate Bride" (she means the Corpse Bride) and or Beetlejuice, neither of which we own, but caught on TV in October.
So to quell her, we watched the 70s version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory last night. When Charlie and Grandpa Jo go floating up to the ceiling from drinking fizzy lifting drinks, about to be chopped up in the fan, Ella shrieked and cried "I can't watch!" and then ran behind the couch and peeked out through her fingers. Then we talked about it for the next ten minutes, how she thought they'd be chopped up and it was going to be blood everywhere. While I tried to claim I'd never let her watch a movie like that, it did occur to me we had just sat through the Wonka takes his boat through the tunnel while singing maniacally and all sorts of horrors are projected onto the screen scene. I suppose the first time you see this movie it has one soo off kilter that it seems totally feasible little Charlie may be chopped up. It's not the sort of movie you can trust, it changes so fast so often.
Dec 5, 2008
In Which I Ramble on and Whine Like a Pro
Last century Dan took me to Las Vegas for my birthday and I bought a giant red bag from the site where Showgirls was filmed, Wayne Newton played and the movie Casino was based on... the Stardust. Shortly after we were there they tore it down. I love my giant bag, it's made of red soft plastic like those jelly shoes (I'm sure it's leaking phthalates all over me) and so you can kinda see what's in it through the side and the bottom is made of black rubber, so it's ideal for taking to the beach or any soggy place where you may want to set your bag down. Plus it says Stardust on the side.
Last month I discovered the handle was breaking off. So last night I set to work trying to sew it back together. I knew it would be difficult more like sewing leather and I grabbed a thimble but it really involved alot of muscle and my thumb didn't fit in the thimble and so I was improvising with a piece of plastic. This is when when my hand slipped and I stabbed myself with the blunt end of a needle about two or three millimeters deep right in the pad of my thumb. It didn't bleed more than a couple of drops but by the time I went to bed my thumb was all swelled up and throbbing.
I know there are folks with real woes and my entire injury can only be seen under a magnifying glass and even then I have to point it out to you. So I can't even complain about it to anyone accept the internet, because no one else will listen without making fun of me but this is my blog and I can cry if I want to even if it's silly. Poor internet putting up with all the privileged sniveling about poked thumbs in the world. But on top of that it's 6° this morning and I am told it feels like -4°. I am not happy about any of this.
PS the red Stardust bag is fine.
Last month I discovered the handle was breaking off. So last night I set to work trying to sew it back together. I knew it would be difficult more like sewing leather and I grabbed a thimble but it really involved alot of muscle and my thumb didn't fit in the thimble and so I was improvising with a piece of plastic. This is when when my hand slipped and I stabbed myself with the blunt end of a needle about two or three millimeters deep right in the pad of my thumb. It didn't bleed more than a couple of drops but by the time I went to bed my thumb was all swelled up and throbbing.
I know there are folks with real woes and my entire injury can only be seen under a magnifying glass and even then I have to point it out to you. So I can't even complain about it to anyone accept the internet, because no one else will listen without making fun of me but this is my blog and I can cry if I want to even if it's silly. Poor internet putting up with all the privileged sniveling about poked thumbs in the world. But on top of that it's 6° this morning and I am told it feels like -4°. I am not happy about any of this.
PS the red Stardust bag is fine.
Dec 3, 2008
Larry vs the Snow Bunny
More snow today and I dug my long johns out. I am wearing the warmest pair today because walking the kids while it's snowing is extra slow just as predicted. They spend a good extra 10 minutes making snow angels and or catching snow flakes on their tongues and how can you really not find that so cute you let them frolic, plus their little legs are short and we've just increased the width of them by at least 50% by making their wear snow pants and boots and they really do end up walking like little penguins, so I cope by dressing warm and imagining how fast I can walk home by myself.
But anyway my warmest pair of long johns are these whole body suited red ones, the kind with the buttons on the butt so you can use the facilities throughout the day without stripping down, but those little buttons aren't so little and when wearing jeans over them you can see the little lump
s through the jeans and it's just weird looking. On top of that I've confiscated one of Dan's flannels because men's clothes are always warmer and then I'm wearing a snow cap in the house. Honestly I just didn't have to ooomph to take it off after getting all the other snow gear off and all that walking h
ome so fast, plus it's holding all my body heat in. Then, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and decided me and my brother Darryl and my other brother Darryl ought to get some nicer looking cold weather gear out (YIKES!). I'm off to dig through the tubs of stuff I put up last season and find a hat that doesn't involve fur ear flaps and or a brand of beer and a sweater that doesn't hang down to my mid-thigh. On the other hand I'm hoping I owned some things that will actually cover anything that could be frost bitten, and perhaps I'll even find something made of fleece that compliments my eyes.
But anyway my warmest pair of long johns are these whole body suited red ones, the kind with the buttons on the butt so you can use the facilities throughout the day without stripping down, but those little buttons aren't so little and when wearing jeans over them you can see the little lump
s through the jeans and it's just weird looking. On top of that I've confiscated one of Dan's flannels because men's clothes are always warmer and then I'm wearing a snow cap in the house. Honestly I just didn't have to ooomph to take it off after getting all the other snow gear off and all that walking h
ome so fast, plus it's holding all my body heat in. Then, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and decided me and my brother Darryl and my other brother Darryl ought to get some nicer looking cold weather gear out (YIKES!). I'm off to dig through the tubs of stuff I put up last season and find a hat that doesn't involve fur ear flaps and or a brand of beer and a sweater that doesn't hang down to my mid-thigh. On the other hand I'm hoping I owned some things that will actually cover anything that could be frost bitten, and perhaps I'll even find something made of fleece that compliments my eyes.Dec 1, 2008
Extra Dilly Dally
I woke up this morning to find a chunk of snow fell out of the sky and landed atop my portion of the planet. This is going to make walking three kids to preschool full of extra dilly dally. I'm already practicing what to say when the first handful of snow is being packed into a tight little ball. "Hey! No throwing snow... it's the rules" I love blaming the rules. I even sometimes say after much moaning and groaning about not being able to do somersaults in the neighbors yard or smoke cigarettes in the back alley while swigging whiskey "I know, I know, it's not fun but it's the rules." and I shrug my shoulders like there isn't much I can do about it.
Discipline is such a weird abstract kind of thing these days. Ella learned from observing other kid parent interactions that counting is totally bad and the whole world may implode should Mom ever make it to three. So when all reasoning has been thrown out the window, on occasion I will holler "I'm about to start counting!" at which time Ella stops pretending she can’t even hear me and wiping jelly on the couch and stands at attention. I have no idea what would happen if I got to three or even if that's where I should stop. My understanding is that's where other parents stop; I think it’s the universal amount of time one can keep whacking the dog in the head with a foam sword before your mother chases you down.
It'll get weirder, soon there will be grounding and removing privileges and I'll be forced to take responsibility for making the rules. There will be long drawn out lectures about "choices" and "what kind of person you want to be" and then hopefully the mother of all kid controlling apparatus will take form... GUILT and it will steer her through her teen years until she can regain some sanity and actually figure out what kind of person she would like to be. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have made good choices as a teen without my Mother's voice in the back of my head, but I do know that hearing "I’m disappointed in you" was way more crushing that being grounded. Those words can hang on your shoulders like a wet blanket reminding you why smoking in the back alley and swigging whiskey may sound fun but isn't such a smart choice. So I'm going with what I know.
Discipline is such a weird abstract kind of thing these days. Ella learned from observing other kid parent interactions that counting is totally bad and the whole world may implode should Mom ever make it to three. So when all reasoning has been thrown out the window, on occasion I will holler "I'm about to start counting!" at which time Ella stops pretending she can’t even hear me and wiping jelly on the couch and stands at attention. I have no idea what would happen if I got to three or even if that's where I should stop. My understanding is that's where other parents stop; I think it’s the universal amount of time one can keep whacking the dog in the head with a foam sword before your mother chases you down.
It'll get weirder, soon there will be grounding and removing privileges and I'll be forced to take responsibility for making the rules. There will be long drawn out lectures about "choices" and "what kind of person you want to be" and then hopefully the mother of all kid controlling apparatus will take form... GUILT and it will steer her through her teen years until she can regain some sanity and actually figure out what kind of person she would like to be. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have made good choices as a teen without my Mother's voice in the back of my head, but I do know that hearing "I’m disappointed in you" was way more crushing that being grounded. Those words can hang on your shoulders like a wet blanket reminding you why smoking in the back alley and swigging whiskey may sound fun but isn't such a smart choice. So I'm going with what I know.
Nov 30, 2008
Robo Call
A Com Ed computer called an said to expect power outages because of the snow today. So firstly I'm trying to blog before the lights go down and secondly imagine if you could call ahead about your possible faults... "Yeah, I might not be doing any housework tomorrow and I may be sitting around in my pajamas all day watching teevoed reality tv so just in case you were expecting something from me, now you know better."
Nov 29, 2008
Big Jump
El and I went out into the craziness yesterday and picked up some books after visiting Santa. I couldn't wait for Christmas to give them to her as she learned how to read a last week. She has been working on the sounds letters make for a while but something clicked and she made the leap from "Ju - Uh - Emmm - Puh" to "Jump" exclaiming "I squished all the sounds together!" And now there is no stopping her. Dan and I can no longer spell bits of our conversation unless the words are extra long and we say it really fast which frankly is sometimes beyond my capabilities. Have you ever tried to spell "compromise" really fast off the top of your head? I had to spell check it just now!
Nov 26, 2008
I'm a Killjoy - Happy Thanksgiving.
In 15 minutes I'll be on my way to Preschool where Ella will be dressed as a Indian and Ms. Preschool Teacher will be a Pilgrim and they will sing turkey songs and have a Thanksgiving feast. I told Ella today that some Indians don't really like Thanksgiving and went on to explain that we gave the Native Americans colds when we met them and then later we kicked them off of their land and made them move some where else. It's what I thought was appropriate for her four year old mind. I couldn't just let the myth of the happy feast go by again this year without throwing a bit of real history in there. Ella agreed that wasn't a very nice thing to do and then added that she never met an Indian and today she was just going to pretend to be one at school but she would just pretend to be happy about eating a feast with the Pilgrims instead of being sad about it. I told her that would be just fine and asked her what she was thankful for and we made a giant thankful list that included everyone we love, marshmallows, toys and birthdays.
Stroller Derby Article: Are Elementary School Thanksgivings Racist Or Just Outdated?
Stroller Derby Article: Are Elementary School Thanksgivings Racist Or Just Outdated?
Nov 23, 2008
Six Actual Ways for Real People in a Cash Crunch to Make a Little Cash that Don't Involve Giving up the Cleaning Lady they Already Don't Have
While reading AOL's headlines today I came across the stupidest article I've read all day about people having a cash crunch and how to get fast cash. Mary Beth Franklin, Senior Editor and Stacy Rapacon, Reporter of Kiplinger.com live in a little golden bubble where they can just sell some stocks or take out a loan on their margins to pay bills. They also suggest we take out a home equity loan (how can they possibly not be reading the financial news and know that this is how we got where we are now?!), get another credit card with those blank checks you get in the mail (no I'm not even kidding) and borrow from our 401K, Roth IRA and our life insurance.
I don't know about you, but most people I know in a cash crunch already lost their house in the home loan crisis and or have been laid off from their job and would laugh in your face if you said to them "Just cash in some of your investments" as that '93 Cavalier is the only thing they've been able to invest in for the past 18 months. I've read enough articles about how we should just stop getting those daily lattes or cut out the pedicure and just get the manicure instead, so many I could barf. Ok, so here it is, real advice from a real person on how to get money to keep the heat/electric/water on and gas in the tank.
1. Give Plasma, it only takes a little bit of time, you're doing a good thing and it can pay alot. In Rockford it's $50.00! You can do it once a week.
2. E-bay outgrown kids clothes. One big lot usually goes well, you could pick up $30.00-$50.00 a lot. You usually get the best price after you wash everything thoroughly, mend any bits, get all the lint/pilling off (use a disposable razor and literally shave the clothing... no I'm not kidding), iron it, match up socks and take pretty pictures with lots of sunlight. Write a stellar and honest description and offer to ship fast. - No kids? That's ok, look around the house and e-bay something! We all have junk we don't need anymore. Or offer to do all the labor of e-baying for someone and you take a %.
4. Recycle! Turn those cans in. $10.00 can get you enough gas to get to an interview!
5. Freecycle! Free stuff exchange. This is recycling at it's best.
6. Offer to clean your Mom's/Aunt's/Grandma's house. Mother's are always suckers for their kids offering to do chores for them. I mean really $30.00 to do the kitchen and the bathroom - heck yeah! You might also offer to clean out the garage/basement/attic and e-bay their junk for them for a % of the selling price.
I didn't address saving money in my list of 6, cause there are gobs of ways and anyone in the position of deciding between paying the heat or the electric right now already knows how to by generic noodles and shop second hand (I hope.) So what else can you think of internet? How can real people make/save cash?
Nov 22, 2008
Like an Oliver Stone Movie Only More Horrid
Randy was a friend of the family. He knew my parents and all my uncles and all their friends, was always at cook outs and family parties, he was also a hemophiliac. He passed away in the 80s from AIDS. I was too young to learn much of the details of his situation and he’s the only person I’ve ever known who had AIDS or hemophilia. Today, in light of this article in today’s NYT I realize he joins the ranks of people I know who may have been directly harmed by the pharmaceutical/medical industry. I am aghast at the lack of scruples companies display in an attempt to turn a profit.
"The Bayer unit, Cutter Biological, introduced its safer medicine in late February 1984 as evidence mounted that the earlier version was infecting hemophiliacs with H.I.V. Yet for over a year, the company continued to sell the old medicine overseas, prompting a United States regulator to accuse Cutter of breaking its promise to stop selling the product.
By continuing to sell the old version of the life-saving medicine, the records show, Cutter officials were trying to avoid being stuck with large stores of a product that was proving increasingly unmarketable in the United States and Europe."
How can this company still be in business? I mean really... HOW?!
Thanks to IBTP for directing my attention to the NYT and this story today.
"The Bayer unit, Cutter Biological, introduced its safer medicine in late February 1984 as evidence mounted that the earlier version was infecting hemophiliacs with H.I.V. Yet for over a year, the company continued to sell the old medicine overseas, prompting a United States regulator to accuse Cutter of breaking its promise to stop selling the product.
By continuing to sell the old version of the life-saving medicine, the records show, Cutter officials were trying to avoid being stuck with large stores of a product that was proving increasingly unmarketable in the United States and Europe."
How can this company still be in business? I mean really... HOW?!
Thanks to IBTP for directing my attention to the NYT and this story today.
Nov 20, 2008
Nov 19, 2008
The tangled web of finance and politics
I sold Visa with a net loss $0.66 cents on the advice of Aunt M. and bought Cambell's Soup CPB at $37.65 it's gone up $0.05 cents in the last few minutes (Yay! only $45.00 to go to make up for all the losses this last week.) I'm not buying Amazon because they contribute a fair amount of money to the GOP which brings me to the horror of Coors Brewing. Despite being my only money maker (+$0.71) I had to sell and invest in a better brewing company. I bought SAB Miller plc SBMRY at $14.10 aka the company that makes Miller High Life and Leinenkugel's (woohoo!)
Update: after some research I see SBMRY is partnered with Coors, I'm still not quite sure what "partnered" means, but I'm not investing in Anheuser-Busch for sure and I'm still researching a more democratic beer. Perhaps I'll dump beer alltogether and buy wine instead.
Update: after some research I see SBMRY is partnered with Coors, I'm still not quite sure what "partnered" means, but I'm not investing in Anheuser-Busch for sure and I'm still researching a more democratic beer. Perhaps I'll dump beer alltogether and buy wine instead.
Nov 17, 2008
Wise Words from a Four Year Old
Me: What are you learning by watching TV today?
Ella: I learned that if you know special magical words everything can go your way. That's what I learned on Noggin.
Me: Really?! I sure wish I knew some special magical words that made everything go my way.
Ella: I'll tell them to you they're easy.
Me: Ok.
Ella: "I love you", "Please", "Thank you", "Hi", "I'll teach you this toy", "Your the best" and Let's play"
Ella: I learned that if you know special magical words everything can go your way. That's what I learned on Noggin.
Me: Really?! I sure wish I knew some special magical words that made everything go my way.
Ella: I'll tell them to you they're easy.
Me: Ok.
Ella: "I love you", "Please", "Thank you", "Hi", "I'll teach you this toy", "Your the best" and Let's play"
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