Somewhere Over the Sidewalk

Yesterday after breakfast and sesame street/e-mail time and playing in the yard Ella announced that she needed to go somewhere and rolled her trike out of the back porch onto the sidewalk. We fastened her new basket to the front and I pulled her hair back into a pony so it wouldn’t get into her eyes and we proceeded to “go somewhere.” Ella in her little patchwork dress peddling as fast as she could with me in tow walking at a brisk pace found our way up to the local One Stop and spent a dollar on an ice cream. As we walked out of the shop with change jingling in our pcockets I was thinking about how much we looked like a Normal Rockwell painting. Ella climbed back on her trike with ice cream cone in hand and I told her to slow down as there was a car entering the parking lot. We stopped at the edge of the handicap parking spot and waited for the little old lady in her caddy to park somewhere, but alas the little old lady in the caddy didn’t see Ella or me for that matter and instead f parking somwhere she parked in the handicap spot we were standing in. Just as I hustled my child and her little red tricycle to safety, I resisted the urge to bang on her hood and scream “You must park in the handicap ‘cause you’re blind! You old bat!” I didn’t think it would be good to teach my four year old to bang on the hoods of cars that get in her way while chewing them a new one, instead we just talked about the dangers of riding in the street.

Just What I Always Wanted!

- After a trip to the grocery store with Dad: "I want my strawberry stretch curlies, please."

- When I flipped the classical station on in the car "No slow music, I want a song with saxerphone [sic] in it."


- Hanging around the house playing dress up" I'm gonna pretend I'm older - like 15 and my name is gonna be Katrina Taffy."

***

Conversation via phone:

Me: We just finished up at practice, I'm going to get a beer and a burger with the girls and then I'll be home.

Dan: Ok, what time... hang on...

Ella half singing half shouting in the background: Dad! Dad! Dad I got you a present! It's a present for yooou!

Dan: I think Ella just wrapped a Cheeto up in your dirty pajamas for me.

My Two Dollars!

It really chaps my hide when companies offer to give to charities only after you stand on your head and send in your pink yogurt lids and used shoe laces while telling five friends about their products. Shut up and just donate the money already!

"...Receive a complimentary fitting in a Wacoal, DKNY Underwear or Donna Karan Intimates bra from a Wacoal fit specialist ... For every woman that participates *Wacoal will donate $2 to Susan G Komen for the Cure for breast cancer research and outreach programs. Wacoal will also donate an additional $2 for every Wacoal, DKNY Underwear or Donna Karan Intimates bra purchased at these events... "

Make it out to My Best Pal Jenny

I charged up my battery and then forgot to put it in my camera and so I have no pictures from last night (until my pals send me some). All the art sold for quite a good amount and I think we hit our goal again this year without ordering too much wine or food so I can without a doubt say last night was a success. Yes, my Mom bought the second painting but she had to bid against some people to get it so I feel pretty good about that. The first (pictured below) was bought by the bank to go next to the one they bought last year.

The caterer who swooped in last minute and put together hor'devoures in a week’s time after the first caterer fell through was incredible. Next to the award winning Eichman’s sausage tray and the wonderful cheese squares and fruit our local grocer donated AACE Catering did a nice little smoked salmon with a cream cheese mousse on a cracker and chicken salad with cucumber and grapes on a little crustini followed by the most beautiful petit fours in five different flavors and little tiny bite sized cheese cakes! BITE SIZED CHEESE CAKES!

I think next year I want to add in some autographed books for auction. I just need to start writting letters and asking. Ahhh, a fun summer project.

Do I hear $200.00?

Yay, the Library fundraiser is here! Tonight we get to dress up, sip wine, munch smoked salmon on a cracker and auction some art. I did two paintings this year and totaly forgot to take a picture of the other one, so I'll have to post it tomorrow. This is the first one, it's a view of down town - tiny town. The second is a countryside view of flat farmland. I know it sounds boring but made a very pleasing painting, it has a little bit of a modern feel with it's sweeping horizontal lines. I'm sure they'll get bids as I make my Mom promise to attend and bid if no one else does (I'm such a dork.) I'm hoping to pick up a stained glass Sock Monkey sun catcher made by our friend Hidden Dragon's Dad. Hopefully everyone will think it's terribly silly and I'll get it for a song, but I doubt it as it's generated quite alot of comments already by the people volunteering.

The Earth Moved

We had an earthquake this morning and it isn't the only one in the last 10 years. People describe the feeling of a heavy truck driving by and we have lots of heavy trucks driving by so I didn't notice (plus I was sleeping at 4:30 this morning.) I looked around to see if any plaster fell off the ceiling and it seems our old house danced with it just fine.

Earthquakes make me think of tornadoes and I just flashed back to the tornadoes we've had and the very traumatic moment we realized we were on the freeway in a traffic jam six cars wide driving through seven inches of water heading into a tornado. The radio was telling people to immediately get into the basement and we were in a minivan with glass on all sides driving towards it. I shudder still just remembering it.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

We saw 21 last night. It was alright, turns out it's kinda hard to make an interesting movie out of counting cards. Counting cards IS a little boring in itself. What I really don't get is why card counters don't win 40 and then loose 15 and still walk out with 25 and not get busted. It doesn't seem like it's that hard of an equation

Greedy = broken face

Win lots loose some = lucky

If you can remember what is happening with 8 decks on three different tables it seems that you should be able to just win 65% of the time putting your money making abilities at 15% and that is far better than and CD or money market fund right now.

Ok, I know, movies aren't supposed to make total sense - it's drama, but really come on! I'm in a crabby mood anyway, somebody should know this and make movies that make some sense so that I don't get all pissy and have to wonder why the dude didn't get a safety deposit box for $10.00 dollars instead of hiding $350,000.00 in his dorm ceiling tiles, it's just plain annoying. It's supposed to be a true story but somehow I don't think it went down quite like that.

From what I understand it's more likely a card counting winner gets taken by muggers while staying in a seedy hotel off the strip. That may have been a good addition to this story but instead we got exactly the ending we predicted. Dan said he tried to nap but 10,000 BC was playing next door and the base was rumbling through the wall keeping him up. Dang... that was my pick. Wish we would've caught Bank Job instead but it moved on. Maybe it'll resurface at the dollar theatre next week.

Liberty

After reading this "The French parliament's lower house adopted a groundbreaking bill Tuesday that would make it illegal for anyone - including fashion magazines, advertisers and Web sites - to publicly incite extreme thinness... "

and then this "French President Nicolas Sarkozy on Thursday left open the possibility that he might not attend the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics because of the way China has handled unrest in Tibet..."

and then this "...Parental leave* France was the most generous with parental leave: All women workers get a fully paid, job-protected, mandatory maternity leave six weeks before and ten weeks after birth (with increasing amounts of time for twins and multiple births). After this period, paid leave is available to either parent until the child's third birthday, or as long as at least two children at home need care..."

and finally reflecting on this "...From the outbreak of armed rebellion in 1775, many in France sympathized with the colonists. Young, idealistic French officers like the Marquis de Lafayette volunteered their services and in many cases their personal wealth to help equip, train and lead the fledgling Continental army..."

I just don't understand why Americans (especially Democrats) dislike the French. The more I read and pay attention the more I love them. Did the love affair end after Viet Nam? Was it their lack of participation in NATO? Why Freedom Fries? I mean, really, what am I missing?

Why did we break up with France? Why don't we hang out anymore and what's with all the snarkieness between the two of us?

Parts

Ella got her first haircut yesterday, nothing major just a little trim to make brushing it out easier in the morning. She's playing' in the tub right now and soon I will get do the first brushing of the new do. When we got in the car after getting it cut we asked her how she liked it and she said "It didn't even hurt." (Thanks KJ for being so wonderful and gentle with Ella and for that matter all of our heads. We all love the new cuts.)

I saved a little lock of Ella's hair to put in the little silver box that Auntie N. gave Ella before she was born and now I'm not sure what to do with the box. Should I keep it on my nightstand? Put it in with the family photos? Keep it in my jewelry box? Should I give it to Ella later? Is that something you take with you when you grow up in your hope chest or is it something I will to her after I'm gone, do I put her first baby tooth in there too? What's the custom?

The Daughter of Man

Link

Idol

that stinks, I guess that's what I get for recording it and not voting.

I Work Well Under Pressure

I am just stuck in procrastination mode. The list of things I should be getting done is ridiculous and the list of things I am actually getting done is ridiculously frivolous, um yeah I totally sorted the department store coupons sitting on my desk today into two piles, one's I'll use and one's I should walk over to the garbage and throw away. No, I didn't actually walk over to the garbage and throw them away I've penciled that in on tomorrow's schedule, it just seems too arduous right now to accomplish considering what I am actually supposed to be doing. I just need Richard Simmons to come on over and and help me run errands and do chores to the oldies or something.

He Was A Quiet Man

I ordered this movie at the hotel over the weekend and I would just like to say I am still enamored with Christian Slater even when he's slouchy, bald, wearing bad shirts and talking to his Goldfish.



I was a decent movie in that "odd rainy afternoon need something more thoughtful than 'The Devil Wears Prada' on HBO" sort of way. I kinda wished the ending was a little more developed or perahps I had watched it with someone that was ready to discuss it beyond just muttering "wierd."

Chicago April 2008

(Ella & Little Fox look at Lake Michigan & the Chicago Skyline 2008)













We just came back from our long weekend away and it was wonderful, no, phones, no computers, and almost no camera. Ok, ok, I couldn't help myself when we arrived at the Shedd Aquarium, so many cool things to take pictures of. We paid for the Premium Day passes that included all the shows and all the 4-D movies.

We saw Sponge Bob in 4-D which included getting sprayed, rattled, poked and holding our terrified children in our laps. When Plankton came at our heads wielding a cartoon saw, Ella screamed so loud I'm pretty sure she has a very secure future dubbing horror movies.

Our very good friends Little Fox and Foxy Momma came with and it was nice to have someone to hang with while we waited for the dolphin show.

And later at the hotel it was especially nice soaking in the not so hot tub where Little Fox spent the evening guarding the perimeter of the jacuzzi from five of the tiniest ants ever seen and Ella sang "the song that never ends" ad nasueum and Foxy Momma and I soaked until we all shriveled up into happy relaxed raisins while our husbands played toy soldiers.

(Ella checks out a King Kong diorama)

As always the Sushi at Wakaba was very fresh and the hotel was wonderful. We shopped out at the mall where I really can't afford anything and people felt free to wear silk leopard print suits




















and they have a giant tree for the kids to snub each other while pretending to text on play cell phones play on. (It's not the first time Ella and I have been puzzled by children in this area's lack of ability to interact with each other - odd little well dressed kids.)

Of course our country-ness spilled over when we gawked in awe at the ipod vending machine at Macy's and then we asked the Clinique lady if she had a cup we could spit our chewin' tabaccy in.

Here's a picture of us showing off our matching smiles

Dreaming

I'm going out again to search for swimsuit bottoms. I really just want some new boy shorts that don't flash my crack when bend over for under $75.00.

Let's Do lunch

I started researching our trip to Disney World yesterday. Yes, yes, we have been swallowed up by the marketing monster and wallowing in pink princesses and sparkly happiness where employees cast members are required to end every interaction with me by saying "Have a magical day" seems like a perfect way to invest our vacation. I spent hours reading everything about the Magic Kingdom. Where to park, what buses run where, what Cinderella eats for lunch, when the extra special don't you dare miss it "magic hours" are and which resorts are attached to what chlorinated waterslide. Dan thinks we should spend five days exploring all the theme parks and I'm pretty sure that one day of plastic happiness is all I can or should tolerate so we settled on two days at Mickey's followed by an attempt to balance out all that paid for happiness with some found seashells. We're going to trek out to the gulf shore and beach comb for two days, make sand castles, get up early to find shells, loose our sunglasses in the surf, poke dead things in the sand with a stick, go to dinner in a bikini and visit relatives. While I can't seem to book the flight from our local airport for another month I do have to make reservations for lunch with Cinderella this week. My people called her people and her royal disney-ness needs 180 days notice to receive guests from the Midwest. That chick is just too popular, seriously.

Just Playin' Blocks

Luke out! Here comes another knock knock joke!

“Knock Knock” is an integral part of my daily routine especially while we are driving, I answer the proverbial knock knock door to “Alawishus Formy Twofronteeth,” “Julwanna Havesome Icecream,” “Lettuce In Itscoldouthere,” “Who I didn’t Knowyouwerean Owl” and my favorite visitor “Olive You” on a very regular basis. It’s almost like a roller derby party but instead of “Emma Hurtin’U” stopping in, I have “Emma Crackin’YouUp” hanging around knocking on my door all the time.

Today after a very pleasant lunch out, Ella tried to execute the very difficult “banana knock.” After oh say 37 runs through the “Knock knock,” “Who’s there?” “Banana” “Banana who?” algorithm Ella finally blurted out “Orange ya glad I didn’t say banana!” and I laughed and then she realized she skipped the part about “Orange” and “Orange who?” inadvertently answering my “Who’s there?” with a too hasty “Orange ya glad I didn’t say banana!” This is when I saw her inner guitar string snap and she stared off into space with a very puzzled look, the sort of look the carpenter had after he cut the wrong notches in the stringer board for the stairs up to our back door. He had measured carefully, set it up nicely and cut it precisely but in the end he had left something out and it just didn’t fit. After staring at it long and hard, he had to leave and buy a new board.

So, I honestly thought we would run through the Banana Knock arrangement another 37 times to set it up again but instead I was on the receiving end of some very crankily delivered literal knocks that went along the lines of this (please imagine it told by a very pouty four year old in the same irritated tone you would use while muttering to the whole house and nobody in particular “Who the hell put this jar of jelly back into the fridge, when it’s EMP-TEE!”):

“Knock knock,”

“Who’s there?”

“Car Tire,”

“Car Tire who?”

“Car Tire that goes A-Round!”

This went on in that same exasperated tone while “Purse on the floor”, “Coat that I’m Wearing” and “Van that We’re IN” all angrily banged on my knock-knock door, at which point I had a fit of the giggles and when Ella started screeching for me not to laugh at her knock knock jokes, I could barely get a breath in I was laughing so hard. I’m pretty sure she’s traumatized now.

bleah

It’s snowing again.

Yeah, What She Said!

Go read "The Evangelical Pro-Life Guide to Sexy Feminism" I love Liz's remarks, she put into words what I've been having a hard time articulating, and of course viva la writings of spinster aunt Twisty.

(Ok, I was trying to pick a quote from the article to put here and ended up just reprinting the entire text so just click the link a go read it)

Recycled Roar

The following are my comments from a post on feminism almost one year ago:

"Let’s switch to your definition and say “Taking control of one’s sexuality” means no longer feeling guilty about sex. It still does not make a liberated woman. In fact low income women are often the most oppressed and giving them the sense of power by telling them they can now enjoy sex freely without being called a hoochie doesn’t liberate them, put food in their kids bellies, promote them in the work place more often than men, or help them get health insurance. One has nothing to do with the other, it’s just “feel good feminism” no pun intended.

In fact the idea that one’s sexual projections can translate to power is dreadful; it puts too much value in one’s sexual identity. Feminism is about finding worth in humans regardless of what their sexual value is. Whether whore or nun, twenty something or crone, we have value far beyond our capability to orgasm or how we feel about it. I would even add when sexuality becomes influenced by power and vice versa it becomes dangerous.

***

It's like saying: Society conditioned you to believe wearing a board strapped to your head until one side is flat and foot binding is nice because it makes your walk look fabulous and implies you’re powerful, but don’t feel guilty about wanting to deform your body it’s a natural urge to want to be beautiful.

***

or in it's simplist form:

It’s ok to like the chains placed on you even though you’ve been conditioned since you were born to believe you like chains*."

*Original post says Yoke

Seriously?!

U.S. says missile parts mistakenly sent to Taiwan
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The U.S. Defense Department accidentally shipped ballistic missile components to Taiwan, the Pentagon said Tuesday...

Photo Editing Software - Look what followed me home, can I keep it?

Dan found this great photo editing program called Paint.NET v3.22. It does just about everything my old program did, at least all the things I liked. It has clone tools, layers and transparency gradation as well as gobs of filters. Best of all it's FREE.

I researched all weekend and tried to download the free trial version of Adobe Photoshop Elements (now only $99.00 - cough) and the trial version wouldn't run the edit portion, it kept crashing. So I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and navigated the website until I could find customer service form and dropped them an e-mail asking for help fixing the problem, that was last Friday. I haven't heard anything back yet. It's nice to get a little taste of what customer service might be like before I'm a customer.

I also found a very fun program with tons of filters and animated tutorials called VCW Vicman's Photo Editor. Vic Man offers each of his components for free individually here or all bundled together here re-named Pho.to the site also offers an "Online Photo Service" also at the magical price of FREE. I think the online photo service works similar to Flicker but I haven't looked into it too much yet. The photo editor I installed is fun, it has gobs of filters I haven't seen before installed in it and though it does the same thing Pain.net does with less ease I couldn't bring myself to uninstall it because of all the filters, I want to keep them.

Conclusion:
Adobe Photo Deluxe from 1996 - five stars (I loved this program - R.I.P.)
Paint.net - four stars
Adobe Photoshop Elements - no stars
VCW Vicman's Photo Editor - three Stars

Photo edited with VCW Vicman's Photo Editor - Sapphire #5 filter

What the Sign at the Lutheran Church Says

a.k.a. Why I'm kinda glad my kid doesn't read yet.

"For all you do, his blood's for you"

Spring

Just outside of town there’s a big curve in the road, the kind that recommends with a little yellow sign you take your speed from 55mph to 20mph. On the outside arc of that curve is a little household garden belonging to the farm house on the inside of the curve. Every year, there are sunflowers and tomatoes, green beans and peppers; it’s a nice little garden, like one I aspire to have in my own yard. One summer, some years ago, a man on a motorcycle didn’t make the big curve and lost his life while lying in the little garden on the outside arc. I’ve been thinking of it when I drive out of town. I wonder if he stared up at the summer stars that night. I wonder if I would have the fortitude to still garden there or if it would feel more errant to neglect the soil. I wonder if anyone asked to put a make shift memorial there; a plastic cross with silk flowers like so many others I see dotting the highway marking the dirt that someone laid on when they lost their life. I imagine how it might look among the sprouting young plants in the spring. I think of it when I see pictures on the news of teddy bears piled high mixed with throngs of cards, notes and flowers on public sidewalks after a tragic event and I imagine the same outpouring of public grief piled high in the middle of a small kitchen garden. Soon enough the family on the inside of the arc will till the soil on the outside of the arc and sew their seeds.

New Software

I can not believe how fast I can get things done when my computer isn't crashing every two minutes and my e-mail loads faster than it takes me to walk to the post office. Although my old photo editor program from the last century (1996) is not allowed on the newer version of computer de Bombadee per my live in tech-support man. So can anyone recomend a program you like? I'd like it to have paintbrushes and clone tools and and filters and effects and layers and text and fun stuff like that. What do you use?

Lucky

Dan reinstalled Windows for me yesterday in an effort to shorten the amount of time it takes to oh, say open the freaking calcuator. Praise Bill Gates, it worked and I still own all my data. Although I did stay up until at least 1am fighting with Yahoo/Verizon (stinks!) and their auto-installed settings for Explorer (bleah!) have I mentioned Verizon sucks? Just in case I didn't, they do. That is all.

Corned Beef

Dan: How come you didn't eat those bits?

Me: Because it's all fat.

Dan: But that's where all the flavor is.

Me: That's where all the heart attack is.

Dan: Mmmm heart attack flavor, yum.

Tricky

I've been backtracking through This American Life episodes on the net when Ella's in Preschool. And yesterday I listened to #178: Superpowers and Act One has me thinking.

"John Hodgman conducts an informal survey in which he asks the age-old question: Which is better: The power of flight or the power of invisibility? He finds that how you answer tells a lot about what kind of person you are. And also, no matter which power people choose, they never use it to fight crime. (13 minutes)"

The question on the table then is would you rather be invisible or be able to fly? In the story, people spend gobs of time pondering the merits and drawbacks of both and one woman makes a comment about having guile and being torn on which super power would be best for her. I on the other hand immediately, without hesitation knew I would like to fly. I dream about it all the time and there is no question in my mind. And then I had to look up the word guile - (I know it seems like I should know what it means but I didn't so I looked) For sure I do not have guile.

I have a very hard time keeping a secret especially if it's really exciting. While I can refrain from telling you what I bought you for Christmas, I can't keep hidden the fact that I bought something. When I started roller derby it was an opportunity to create and alter ego, anything I liked... yeah, I'm just me only sweatier, and with funnier socks. Even in politics I didn't want to hear "the plan" too closely because chances are I would forget what portion of it was "top secret" and tell someone in casual conversation the next week all about how so and so was planning to throw her support behind so and so long before anyone was supposed to know. I'm pretty sure this is why magicians are like rock stars to me.

David Bowie? Yeah he's hot and all but David Blaine? I'm speechless. The way I used to swoon over any long haired boy that could strum three cords out of a fender in high school, I am immediately enchanted by the guy at the mall levitating a card around the counter. I refrain from reading magic books as I want to remain a gullible fan and I prefer my magic acapella. The simple coin tricks and cards disappearing right in front of my eyes beat flashy sliver boxes and swords on a stage any day, just the way a person might prefer the unplugged version of their favorite song. The simplicity of it astonishes me and the hardest part about some of these tricks is having the guile to pull it off.

And now I don’t feel like I have a good ending to this rambling piece so I’ll just ask you what I really wanted to know… invisibility or flight?

mikeink.com

My long time mysace friend launched a blog. http://www.mikeink.com/

Let's just say he's full of all the snarky things people wish they could think of on a split second and then actually had the nerve to say.

Gross and Inappropriate

So, I always thought the song went "Blinded by the light. Wrapped up like a douche in the middle of the night." and for over 30 years I wondered what the hell this all meant. Like did some emergency require this lady to require a major personal cleansing in the middle of the night and then she felt the need to wind like a gob of TP around the used portions and then perhaps some duct tape and finally a paper bag and twine before she threw it away? It must've been a very dramatic wrapping up for there to be a song about it. Ok, so I finally looked it up on the Internet today... Um yeah it's "Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night."

The 'stache

I booked a room for Roller Con 2008 today. I was reminiscing about last year and remembered this reoccurring scenario; on any given day at the convention you could witness some old gambler scrutinizing the back of some roller girl’s fish-netted legs and sweaty tank top with her gratuitous name printed on the back, only to have him jump out of his own skin when she turned around and her accessories included a nose ring and a curly handlebar moustache carefully drawn onto her upper lip. I delighted in watching this little vignette play out several times last year.

Well, this week Ella keeps drawing on her face with marker. She says “Look at my lipstick!” and I turn around to see she’s drawn a circle around her lips with whatever marker or pen she found and because we are writing utensil heavy around here, it’s easy. I’ve given up immediately scrubbing her face off with soap as her skin is so delicate and the weather is so dry her cheeks end up chapped and itchy. And because she’s had a cold we’ve been home for most of last week so mostly I just let her walk around with pen that partially wears off and becomes a little purple moustache on her face and then I secretly crack up all day long every time I look at her. I feel I should add, her father is horrified at this whole production.

Cutie Pies

I'm totally junking out watching American Idol today and I really only like one of the women this year Brook White. She's just comes off as really genuine and nice, someone I'd like to actually know and her voice is fantastic. The rest are sort of forgetable, accept maybe Amanda Overmyer who is good but only because she's so different. I suspect if you put Amanda (the rocked out chick with streaks in her hair) up next to other rockin' chicks, I just don't know that she would really stand out at all. On the other hand there are three guys who are just dreamy. (Yes, I said dreamy.)

David Cook plays guitar and has a great voice and style and while he isn't necesarily very photogenic he is really handsome when he's singing, maybe it's the attitude...

Jason Castro would be hanging on my bedroom wall were I still 17 and I would be grasping for any tidbit about the shy cutie and snatching up his music for my cell phone.

Michael Johns has an aussie accent that makes me crazy and is more my generation so naturally it's a little easier to want to put a poster of him on my bedroom wall, perhaps I'll get to settle for buying his CD.

As long as these three are still in, I'll still tune in.

Tripical Fish

We have a weekend away scheduled and I am getting so excited I can hardly take it. No cell phone, no computer, an IMAX theatre, a pool, a play ground, a masseuse on staff, plenty of places to shop and eat and a few very nice friends to share it with. It's exactly what I need. If the weather is really rainy I am thinking of venturing into the city and hitting the Aquarium or the Science and Industry Museum with kiddo, but sometimes I hate to make a plan and then get irritated when it doesn't go like I planned, so it's probably better if I don't think about it at all beyond looking forward to it. It's like standing on the dock on a very hot day with a snorkle on... you know when you jump in it's going to be good but you really don't know what you'll see.

Finale

Yay! Christian won Project Runway! I would wear everything he's ever deisgned (if I could fit into it.)

Just in Case

I've hit that part of the year that makes me want to rearrange the house, fling the doors open, wash every corner of the floor and breathe fresh air. We live in a very old place and as a consequence have no closets. Everything we own is out all the time, in a way that when new people visit and I give the tour it often includes phrases like “And there’s our vacuum right there next to the Christmas decorations.” This has me thinking and the other day while standing in our bedroom looking towards the wonderful stained glass window framed by giant tubs of clothing Ella has outgrown stacked against the wall, I realized that perhaps I am hanging on to quite a lot of stuff just in case. Just is case we have another child, and just in case it’s another girl, and just in case she’s in the same sizes as Ella at the same time of year, I am all set. Really dear internets how practical is this? When the weather turns I could open all the doors and sweep it all out onto the front lawn and put a sticker that says 25¢ on it. Please understand, this is not a declaration about the future expansion of our family it’s a conscious decision about space and quality of living right now. Tell me did you save clothes for the next kid? Did you wear your big sister’s clothes? How often does this really work? Maybe we should just build some closets.

Well actually, I find the Purple Grover tile rather hard to place

We bought Ella a set of Sesame Street dominoes and it's a fairly difficult and complicated game filled with strategy and advance moves. Although Ella is just grasping the fundamentals, she has managed to beat me at least a dozen times in the last three days. Instead of matching numbers one must match color and character and we also have a house rule about not being able to play off the edge of the table, once that first dominoes is placed that’s where the board is. I find Ella particularly striking when she is figuring out her next move and clicking her tongue in thoughtfulness, second only to how surreal the phrasing she uses while placing the next tile sounds both grown up and peppered with childhood.

“I’ve got a double Ernie and no Ernies on the board, shoot! Your move.”

This is something I am hearing more often when conversing with Ella, she uses the cadence and phrasing of a grown up but the content is all kid. I know spending the vast amount of her time listening and talking to Dan and me has affected her vocabulary but it's all the subtleties of our communication that when mirrored by her I find really funny.

This Week's Specials:

Oh Play Smode

Running errands in the midwest in the winter

I really do love the Midwest and the changing of the seasons but enough is enough already.

1. Get coat, hat, gloves & scarf on
2. Get tall boots on
3. Start car and let it warm up for 15 minutes
4. Wipe car off
5. Get Ella’s coat, hat, gloves, scarf & boots on
6. Carry her through the giant snow drift between the end of the sidewalk and the curb even though Dan snow blow-ed but the plow still came by after and pushed it all up into a giant mound two feet tall again
7. Almost fall because it’s more like 2 and a half feet tall and you weren’t expecting it and your foot went way down in there and you got snow in the top of your boot
8. Navigate the ice patches on the cement while carrying child and balancing purse and the three books child wants to read in the van on the way in the crook of your arm
9. Get to the van and get Ella in on the wrong side because you can’t reach the right side without standing in the two and a half foot snow pile
10. Get Ella strapped in
11. Sit down but don’t swing legs in because you have snow on your pants up to your knees and it’s gonna melt and make your pants wet if you don’t dust your legs off right now while their still cold
12. Proceed to drive down country roads that no longer have visible yellow lines, because of 2 inches of compacted snow and ice
13. Grip the wheel tight when the snowy walls on either side of the road flatten out and drift into the road next to corn field and gusts of frozen wind catch the big flatness of the van
14. Slow down because the 2 ton van just slipped sideways three feet and you know that you’re coming up on more severe drifts and may not be able to tell where the edge of the road ends and the corn field begins
15. Worry about the 20 year old yahoo in the mustang riding your behind too closely
16. Cringe with adrenaline when the 20 year old yahoo in the mustang decides to pass you
17. Explain to daughter why it’s not good to say “Jesus Christmas Buddy!” even if Mommy just said it
18. Stop and yell out the window “You ok? You have a phone with you?” to the 20 year old yahoo who’s car is now embedded in the snow bank
19. Arrive at destination
20. Open car door to find child has taken off all winter coverings except her coat
21. Bundle her back up and get her out of the van
22. While grabbing up your purse, keys and phone, tell child no less than thirty times to stop rubbing the sleeve of her coat up against the side of the disgusting van that you know you wont be able to wash for another month at least
23. Exasperatedly carry her through whatever slush, snow or ice is between you and the door while she tries to talk you into jumping in the slush puddles you are carefully avoiding
24. Repeat process every time you need to go anywhere for four months

real or fake?

To do...

It's been an exaspiratingly long few weeks. Between the big roller derby festivities on Saturday and all the preperations and practices topped with freezing temps, black ice and snow I am ready to sit in my jammies and catch up on my tevo-ed American Idol watching for the rest of the week. The next event is right around the corner, the art gala for the library will be mid April. You dear bloggies will get to see my head explode with tasks and errands between now and then.

When I get over-anxious I gotta make a list and since I'm techniaclly between projects, here's a list of 10 good things:

- napping on the couch in an afternoon sunbeam

- good hair day

- new magazine in the mail

- when Ella uses big words like "exasperated" and "asteroid" or "vertices"

- neck rub

- clean socks in a pair in the drawer

- fluffy dog sleeping on my cold feet

- Dilbert cartoons

- corned beef and cabbage

- finding a dollar in my jeans

Go over there and read it.

Rather than post it twice I'll direct you over to the Stateline Roller Derby DiVAS' blog where you can read the recap from my point of view.

02.23.08 Kalamazoo Kamikazes vs Stateline DiVAS

Nothing broken, really tired, final score Kalamazoo 158, DiVAS 54. Full report to follow.

Sold Out

It's that time again, send a little protection juju my way. I appreciate it.

Expensive Links

Diamond Filtered Diaka Vodka

110 grams of 18 carat gold and 199 diamond case wrapped around Kiss Kiss Lipstick from Guerlain

Custom suit of armor for your cat from sculptor Jeff de Boer.

Good News!

Milo Feeman is home from Iraq - go say thanks.

WWJD if he had a blog?

Friday night we packed up the whole family and went to our favorite Mexican restaurant, drank two beers a Shirley Temple and gobbled combo platters. Shortly after finishing we got a call from Ms. T, she and little Fox, they would in fact be meeting us at the dollar movie theatre to see Mr. Magorium's Wonderful Emporium which IS rated G but turned out to be more geared towards the adults than kids who half way through got bored and were sugared up and wanted to play more than watch the movie but I digress.

While we were walking into the dollar theatre, we encountered a woman passing out flyers in the parking lot. Now because I’m involved in one political campaign or another almost always and I’ve been that crazed lady in the parking lot trying to get rid of 50 flyers while freezing my patootie off, I always take one when I see someone passing them out. So I politely walked over and took one. When she handed it to me she said something like

“It’s just in case you or someone you know needs to quit drinking or smoking…”

I looked down and saw that this flyer was hand written I figured they must really have a tight budget as the cheapest form of advertising is a handwritten flyer creased down the middle and then divided in half and then handed out at the dollar movie theatre parking lot. I assumed it was some sort of AA flyer and said

“Oh, no I suppose I don’t need this then and I don’t want to waste your budget so here, you should have it back,”

the same way so many people who have given back political literature telling me they were from out of town do, and let me tell you from a financial point of view we actually do appreciate it especially on small campaigns were they are counting on every dollar.

She said “That’s ok I have plenty, Jesus provides”

In my experience, it’s never a good idea to argue with a person about taking religious literature once you’ve already taken it especially when your husband is carrying your four year old through a freezing cold slushy parking lot, so I folded it up and tucked it into my purse. Once inside the theatre and we found seats enough for us and our expected friends and settled in to wait for the movie to start. The rest of my family was opening candy and fidgeting around and I reached into my purse because I may or may not have stashed a box of Junior Mints that may I add they absolutely don’t sell at the theatre any more but totally should because I have to have them during a show, when I spotted the handwritten half sheet the woman in the parking lot gave me.

I would like to preface this by saying I do not think it’s at all nice or to make fun of people’s beliefs or their eccentricities, in fact I think it’s downright bad karma. Having said that after I read this sheet of paper I poked Dan and made him read it. After he was done I folded it up and put it back into my purse and have been carrying it around since. As it turns out this little piece of paper, the simplest of marketing piece from what I’m sure is a minuscule budget turned out to be part of an ad campaign so striking and unforgettable that I am becoming a part of it by posting it here for you all to read. So now I ask, who are we laughing at? You? Or me? Or the woman who gave it to me? Or are we just nervously laughing because we don't know what to say?

Age Appropriate

When I first started roller skating again I bought some beautiful black and white stripped knit footless tights. They always fit a little snug like tights do and after I shrunk them they only ever went to my knees but today… well let me just show you this…

They're a little roomy and a little long but they fit and there you have it, Ella got some cute new leggings and I got a wake up call.

And We Totally Had to Walk Uphill Two Miles Through the Snow to the Bus Stop

When I was a kid I spent the whole week leading up to Valentines day collecting red paper and ribbon and whatever lacy bits I could find so that I could wrap an old shoe box in construction paper and glue all these bits to the outside and cut a hole in the top. Then of course the piece de resistance... write your name in Elmer’s glue and sprinkle glitter on top of it, because the sparklier the better. This of course was way before scrapbook stores and before they put the glitter right in the glue. Then I’d look forward to the grand unveiling of my week’s worth of creativity built up into crusty gluey layers of gaudy hearts and tin foil with the occasional dog hair sticking out. I really believed that just like when Erin got her bangs feathered and became instantly popular, the kids would be blinded by the beauty of my Valentines Box and instantly want me to be their BFF.

Even back then we were required to give every kid in our class a valentine even if you didn’t like them and I used to pour over who got the ones that said “You’re Awesome” or “Have a Totally Rad Valentines” or “You're Berry Nice” and who got the really good ones that said “Thinking of You” or “Best Friends” or anything that had the word “LOVE” in it (yikes!) It was the equivalent of standing in the card isle at the drug store for an hour looking for the the perfect non-cheesy, but really meaningful three lines that sum up your entire heart. So I guess this was the beginning of my perfect card obsession and of course I was always disappointed when the boys never even read what the card said and just walked down the row of desks begrudgingly muttering “thanks” in the girl’s general direction. I mean seriously how could Nate not see that he got the only card that said “be mine” at the bottom? How could he clearly not see that, especially after I spent hours fretting about if I should or shouldn’t put his name on it?! How could he just give me one that said I was “Smurftastic?!” What the hell does “Smurftastic” mean anyways?!

It also wasn’t customary to have candy attached to each valentine. Oh sure, sometimes your best friend would scotch tape two or three of those message hearts to the front of a card and I faintly remember maybe a heart sucker, but mostly were just looking forward to that homemade pink cupcake on a red napkin the teacher would pass out 10 minutes before it was time to run out to the bus and go home. Ella left preschool today with a bag full of candy like it was Halloween or something. Each Valentine came with a built in module for the custom matching candy. Ella gave out Sponge Bob cards that transformed into a little box holding a single gummy crabby-patty. She picked them out last week and this morning I made her sit down and sign her name to all 10 of them and every time she got to the one that said “You’re Sponge-tastic!” two things ran through my head, “What the hell is sponge-tastic? and is that anything like sponge-worthy?” I’m pretty sure nobody actually read the card, they just tore them open and said “A Crabby Patty! Thanks Ella!” um... plus they can’t read.

John

Good for a laugh until you really think about the possibilities and then it's scary as hell.

Thanks C

Yes We Can

Thanks K. for sending this to me.

She’s just not ever going to be able to ever watch Romeo & Juliette or the Titanic.

Finally yesterday morning I awoke without taking Sudafed and Aspirin and going back to sleep until they took affect. I woke up and was able to drink a cup of coffee and have a granola bar and then what did I go do? I went and scrimmaged with these women… the Unholy Rollers. Yes, I’m sore as heck and I learned a ton of stuff, I would just like to say that I love these ladies and the roller derby community as a whole is one of the most inviting and helpful environments I have ever been involved with, if you count women wanting to come down and knock you over as helping (and I do LOL!)

The kids came and had a fun time watching us practice and I think it left a very deep impression on my teenage niece. I was glad for that, sometimes kids get caught up in high school and all the heartbreak that it brings and can't see the fun beyond their own noses. After yeaterday, she's vowed to come skating with me, she caught a glimpse of a community she liked, something that wasn't what a regular lil' country girl from a small town gets to be a part of very often.

***

On another note, it was forty below last night and Ella has the sniffles, so she and I snuggled up in bed and watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory while scarfing M&M chip cookies and Cheetoes. It was very disturbing to Ella to see these kids getting potentially blue-berried and made into fudge and she was eve more concerned about what Grandpa Joe and Grandpa Josephine were going to eat! “Poor, poor Charlie Bucket and his family” she’d say and then her whole body would be wracked with sobs and I would have to reassure her that it would get better for the Bucket family, soon. Movies just take her in so deeply, even though she knows they are pretend. At the end she was jumping up and down in bed squealing “They have some food! They have some food!” Then we had a very long conversation about being spoiled and greedy and ungrateful and Ella vowed to be more like Charlie Bucket and so did I.

update

Still sick.

Snow

11 inches of snow yesterday and here's the view from my window this morning.

I Tried Alligator Once...

but found it quite chewy. And of course we’ve all seen the crazy things that those foreigners eat, grubs and monkey brains, cow’s blood mixed with milk, sure I know that’s gross, I saw it on Survivor that one time. But eating Ortolan, now there’s a story. If you are very rich, very brave and a little sado-masochistic and you are in France and you know the right peple you may find the chance to eat Ortolan, the very small protected bird also known as the “soul of France”. But you must find a master chef that will not only break the law to get one and serve it but knows how to properly prepare it starting with adjusting the live bird’s light schedule causing it to gorge itself into an unnaturally fat state, then drowning the 20gram bird in Armagnac and roasting it whole.

There’s a certain ritual to eating Ortolan too. Diners must put a napkin over their heads and this is done for a few reasons. A. to keep the delicious aroma wafting about one’s head while eating B. to keep from getting arrested C. to keep the eyes of God from seeing one consume the soul of France. Once you’ve picked one of these creepy reasons to put the napkin on your head you then place the entire bird in your mouth with just the beak poking out of your lips and chew for like 15 minutes. It's supposed to be a varitable everlasting gobstopper of gourmet eating.

“…The first taste as you crunch on the bird is the brandied flesh and fat. Then, the bitterness of the guts follow and finally, as the tiny, delicate bones are being chewed on, they will lacerate the diner's gums, with the salty taste of the bleeding gums mingling with the richness of the fat and the bitterness of the organs. Chewing the ortolan takes approximately 15 minutes. – The Connoisseur's Series, The Global Gourmet”

Ok, here’s the thing, sometimes if I eat a gristly piece of steak and I have to chew it too long I totally put it in my napkin like a used piece of steak flavored gum. So, even if Ortolan wasn’t protected, and and even if it were legal and even if they didn’t refer to it as someone’s soul and even if it were killed humanely and even if it were served at my local diner, and even if it were boned, I don’t think I could chew on a bird for most of 15 minutes. How about you?

I wish

I need and extra me today.

Scourge

What torture is this that finds me in my sleep and threatens to kill me with the light of day? At 7AM this morning I awoke to find my sinuses trying to cleave my head in two with blunt force from the inside out. I feebly reached my arm out from underneath the covers and found my cell phone. Upon pulling it back into the precious darkness under the comforter, I dialed Dan who was all the way down stairs, across the house and in the kitchen and I croaked “Aspirin and Sudafed please…love you” and hung up. Whatever pitifulness that came through on the phone caused him to move swift and bring pills and after two more hours of lying in the dark waiting for the ooze to slide to the other side of my head and the drugs to numb me, I could face the morning without wincing. Oh sinus migraine you wretched curse, I demand you retreat back into the depth of whatever torturous hell you’ve escaped from and trouble me no longer or I will summons Amoxicillin to banish you forever.

102° Fever Pitch

Apparently if I am laying under a blanket wiping my nose with a roll of TP moaning about how my head is going to explode the rest of my family hears me granting total permission to dump every toy in the house out until we are all wallowing knee deep in pink plastic. They also somehow heard me say "it's totally ok to get the cushions off the chairs and bounce in them" and "sticking chewed wads of bubble gum on the coffee table is a design descision that is not only acceptable but posh."

Snarky Family

Me: If McCain wins the nomination Ann Coulter said she'd endorse Hillary!

Dan: Don't worry she's got plenty of time to forget she said that. This IS Ann Coulter, she can't even tell the same lie twice on her own show.

***

Ella is completely taken with the inner workings of the human body. We've read this book every night before bed for the last two weeks and she won't stop talking about blood and bone marrow. This whole topic freaks Dan out - he can barely look at an x-ray without getting woozy. This kinda cracks me up but my favorite part is at every meal she points out which foods have vitamins to build bodies and which foods will mostly become poop.

***

When I heard the news that Microsoft was buying Yahoo I thought to myself "Great, now I'll have twice the reason to crash while I blog."

Settle the Writer's Strike Already

Cold

It's freezing out there and drafty in here. I can hardly unfold my limbs long enough to type this. I Have to run errands today and am thinking about wearing my snow pants. It's one of those days that is soo cold the trees screech and crack when the wind blows, like the scene in Beowulf when the camera pulls back through the trees and all you here is the wind and the limbs creaking. BTW - Awesome movie, saw it at the dollar theatre last week, I recomend seeing it for a dollar if you can. I'm actually encouraged to read the poem again.

A Pinch

There's a photography book out there I'd like to have called Photobooth.

I love these they are like a little mini story that you write in your own head.

What do you think is happening here?

Saturday Night

"The massacre began shortly after seven o’clock with the short blast of a referee’s whistle. With brick walls like Boom Boom Martini and Subpoena Envy out with past injuries and new injuries piling up moments into the first quarter, the Divas adjusted their tiara’s and faced their competition bravely. For those who missed it.....the final score was a whopping 224 to 22 with the Danger Dames taking the big win!!!"

As you can imagine, I'm a little sore today all around, but excited to do it all again in four weeks. This time friends and family in the Stateline can attend and cheer us on.

Get Your Tall Boots Out

The Stateline Roller Derby Divas have a bout tomorrow in Kalamazoo and so my mind is in business mode, I know that makes no sense, it should be on plays and game strategy and skaters etc… but I’m worried about merchandise and banners and programs and all the fiddly details that make this almost not fun. (It’s a blast who am I kidding.) So yesterday morning as I’m putting Ella’s snow boots on her feet I’m thinking about picking up the last minute uniforms and finishing out the tickets for Feb. when Ella says “There’s something in my boot” and since we were running a little late because it was -7 degrees outside and I had to warm the car up for 15 minutes to drive us a few blocks so that our eyeballs wouldn’t freeze open on the walk I barked “It’s fiiiiine, let’s go!” When I sat down on the bench at school and pulled Ella’s snow boots off while she got her school shoes out of her back-pack, no less than 6 candy wrappers and 4 old lolly pop sticks fell out of her boot (two sticks were stuck to the bottom of her sock.) Apparently when you don’t want anyone to know you just ate 6 lolly pops in a row, you should feel free to hide the evidence in your boot and forget about it. How big a boot do you think I need to fit three empty bottles of Pinot Grigio?

PS Send us some "nobody breaks any bones mojo" tomorrow if you're thinking of us.

Siblings?

Ella: Mom! Tell the dog to stop smelling my scrambled eggs!

Me: Wednesday, go lay down.

Dog: Moves back from Ella’s plate on the coffee table precisely 6 inches

Ella: MOM! She’s looking at my eggs!

Me: Wednesday! Go lay down.

Dog: Backs up another six inches.

Ella: MooooOOoooOooooooOoOoooOoM! Tell her to stop looking at me!

Me: Oh My God! If you two don’t stop it I’m going to loose my mind!

Fox in Sock

(Thanks for asking Jo)

Dan gave me a gift certificate to the greatest place in the world on Christmas... SockDreams.com Tuesday while Ella was at school, I finally sat down in front of my computer and spent it. My socks came in the mail Thursday and I love them! Think thigh high's knitted in every wonderful color you can think of... I ordered an incredibly cozy warm knitted merlot over the knees, also in off white and eggplant as wells as a pair of coco colored socks that go all the way up the entire leg.

Let me be clear in my hate for panty hose when I say feeling like a Dr. Seuss character with your saggy crotch half way down your leg is the almost as bad as not being able to yank at your saggy nylons because you are at a function that warrants nylons. Let me also be clear in that thigh high stockings that come in the little egg are of no use to anyone living in Northern IL in the winter. You might as well just walk outside with bare legs.

Today I am sporting long knitted coco socks under a nice jean skirt at the top and warm brown boots and the bottom. I don't care turn me into the "Don't" list for making my own legs look short, Stacy and Clinton can give me $5,000 to buy a new wardrobe if they don't like it. I am warm and cozy!