And We Totally Had to Walk Uphill Two Miles Through the Snow to the Bus Stop

When I was a kid I spent the whole week leading up to Valentines day collecting red paper and ribbon and whatever lacy bits I could find so that I could wrap an old shoe box in construction paper and glue all these bits to the outside and cut a hole in the top. Then of course the piece de resistance... write your name in Elmer’s glue and sprinkle glitter on top of it, because the sparklier the better. This of course was way before scrapbook stores and before they put the glitter right in the glue. Then I’d look forward to the grand unveiling of my week’s worth of creativity built up into crusty gluey layers of gaudy hearts and tin foil with the occasional dog hair sticking out. I really believed that just like when Erin got her bangs feathered and became instantly popular, the kids would be blinded by the beauty of my Valentines Box and instantly want me to be their BFF.

Even back then we were required to give every kid in our class a valentine even if you didn’t like them and I used to pour over who got the ones that said “You’re Awesome” or “Have a Totally Rad Valentines” or “You're Berry Nice” and who got the really good ones that said “Thinking of You” or “Best Friends” or anything that had the word “LOVE” in it (yikes!) It was the equivalent of standing in the card isle at the drug store for an hour looking for the the perfect non-cheesy, but really meaningful three lines that sum up your entire heart. So I guess this was the beginning of my perfect card obsession and of course I was always disappointed when the boys never even read what the card said and just walked down the row of desks begrudgingly muttering “thanks” in the girl’s general direction. I mean seriously how could Nate not see that he got the only card that said “be mine” at the bottom? How could he clearly not see that, especially after I spent hours fretting about if I should or shouldn’t put his name on it?! How could he just give me one that said I was “Smurftastic?!” What the hell does “Smurftastic” mean anyways?!

It also wasn’t customary to have candy attached to each valentine. Oh sure, sometimes your best friend would scotch tape two or three of those message hearts to the front of a card and I faintly remember maybe a heart sucker, but mostly were just looking forward to that homemade pink cupcake on a red napkin the teacher would pass out 10 minutes before it was time to run out to the bus and go home. Ella left preschool today with a bag full of candy like it was Halloween or something. Each Valentine came with a built in module for the custom matching candy. Ella gave out Sponge Bob cards that transformed into a little box holding a single gummy crabby-patty. She picked them out last week and this morning I made her sit down and sign her name to all 10 of them and every time she got to the one that said “You’re Sponge-tastic!” two things ran through my head, “What the hell is sponge-tastic? and is that anything like sponge-worthy?” I’m pretty sure nobody actually read the card, they just tore them open and said “A Crabby Patty! Thanks Ella!” um... plus they can’t read.