Settle the Writer's Strike Already

Cold

It's freezing out there and drafty in here. I can hardly unfold my limbs long enough to type this. I Have to run errands today and am thinking about wearing my snow pants. It's one of those days that is soo cold the trees screech and crack when the wind blows, like the scene in Beowulf when the camera pulls back through the trees and all you here is the wind and the limbs creaking. BTW - Awesome movie, saw it at the dollar theatre last week, I recomend seeing it for a dollar if you can. I'm actually encouraged to read the poem again.

A Pinch

There's a photography book out there I'd like to have called Photobooth.

I love these they are like a little mini story that you write in your own head.

What do you think is happening here?

Saturday Night

"The massacre began shortly after seven o’clock with the short blast of a referee’s whistle. With brick walls like Boom Boom Martini and Subpoena Envy out with past injuries and new injuries piling up moments into the first quarter, the Divas adjusted their tiara’s and faced their competition bravely. For those who missed it.....the final score was a whopping 224 to 22 with the Danger Dames taking the big win!!!"

As you can imagine, I'm a little sore today all around, but excited to do it all again in four weeks. This time friends and family in the Stateline can attend and cheer us on.

Get Your Tall Boots Out

The Stateline Roller Derby Divas have a bout tomorrow in Kalamazoo and so my mind is in business mode, I know that makes no sense, it should be on plays and game strategy and skaters etc… but I’m worried about merchandise and banners and programs and all the fiddly details that make this almost not fun. (It’s a blast who am I kidding.) So yesterday morning as I’m putting Ella’s snow boots on her feet I’m thinking about picking up the last minute uniforms and finishing out the tickets for Feb. when Ella says “There’s something in my boot” and since we were running a little late because it was -7 degrees outside and I had to warm the car up for 15 minutes to drive us a few blocks so that our eyeballs wouldn’t freeze open on the walk I barked “It’s fiiiiine, let’s go!” When I sat down on the bench at school and pulled Ella’s snow boots off while she got her school shoes out of her back-pack, no less than 6 candy wrappers and 4 old lolly pop sticks fell out of her boot (two sticks were stuck to the bottom of her sock.) Apparently when you don’t want anyone to know you just ate 6 lolly pops in a row, you should feel free to hide the evidence in your boot and forget about it. How big a boot do you think I need to fit three empty bottles of Pinot Grigio?

PS Send us some "nobody breaks any bones mojo" tomorrow if you're thinking of us.

Siblings?

Ella: Mom! Tell the dog to stop smelling my scrambled eggs!

Me: Wednesday, go lay down.

Dog: Moves back from Ella’s plate on the coffee table precisely 6 inches

Ella: MOM! She’s looking at my eggs!

Me: Wednesday! Go lay down.

Dog: Backs up another six inches.

Ella: MooooOOoooOooooooOoOoooOoM! Tell her to stop looking at me!

Me: Oh My God! If you two don’t stop it I’m going to loose my mind!

Fox in Sock

(Thanks for asking Jo)

Dan gave me a gift certificate to the greatest place in the world on Christmas... SockDreams.com Tuesday while Ella was at school, I finally sat down in front of my computer and spent it. My socks came in the mail Thursday and I love them! Think thigh high's knitted in every wonderful color you can think of... I ordered an incredibly cozy warm knitted merlot over the knees, also in off white and eggplant as wells as a pair of coco colored socks that go all the way up the entire leg.

Let me be clear in my hate for panty hose when I say feeling like a Dr. Seuss character with your saggy crotch half way down your leg is the almost as bad as not being able to yank at your saggy nylons because you are at a function that warrants nylons. Let me also be clear in that thigh high stockings that come in the little egg are of no use to anyone living in Northern IL in the winter. You might as well just walk outside with bare legs.

Today I am sporting long knitted coco socks under a nice jean skirt at the top and warm brown boots and the bottom. I don't care turn me into the "Don't" list for making my own legs look short, Stacy and Clinton can give me $5,000 to buy a new wardrobe if they don't like it. I am warm and cozy!

counting blessings

Hello internets. It’s been a very busy week and not all fun so I won’t be rehashing the icky bits, it just makes me tired thinking of it.

Instead a list of good things:
-We are almost done with January
-Roller Derby Weekend with Husband in one week
-Boom Boom's ankle is sprained not broken
-Dan cooked a wonderful dinner tonight
-I have an hour of American Idol waiting for me on the DVR
-My mail order socks arrived and they are everything I was expecting
-Clean laundry

Lust

OMG Would you look at the incredibleness Steve Jobs is making me want today. The MacBook Air is only $1,799. Yes, I am a PC girl and this is a PC household but every time I am working on some giant art progect for the blog or roller derby and my program locks up boots me out and I have to spend the next 7 minutes restarting the PC I longingly look over at the cute young man named Mac and wonder what he's doing.

Richardson?

Pick Your 2008 Candidate For President

88% Bill Richardson
87% Barack Obama
85% John Edwards
84% Chris Dodd
83% Hillary Clinton
81% Mike Gravel
80% Joe Biden
77% Dennis Kucinich
41% Rudy Giuliani
39% John McCain
30% Ron Paul
30% Mike Huckabee
29% Mitt Romney
26% Tom Tancredo
19% Fred Thompson

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

Winter Trust

It's seven degrees this morning and Ella goes to school just blocks away. I can't bare to warm the car up for fifteen minutes to drive her a distance that takes us four mintues to walk so this morning we pulled on long underwear and snow pants and sub-zero boots. I wrapped Ella's head in a scarf and tied it in the back and she peeped her eyes out until they watered when the wind blew. After walking a block or so I wondered if she was ok, she seemed like a little drunkard, stumbling along the sidewalk, leaning heavily on my hand. When I looked down I realized why, she had hidden her entire face down into the scarf.

Mickey Who? Where's Cinderella!

So it looks like we’re going to plan a trip to Disney World. I understand a fair amount of planning must take place. We have to reserve a spot at Cinderella’s dinner or breakfast or something and there are shows we should see and places we should be and coupons we must have. So I am appealing to you all – who has been there? What do you recommend? What must we see? And how can we do this without having to take out a mortgage for a three day visit?

The Big Talk

No, I don’t mean that talk, that one’s easy, I mean GOD. So let me set this up for you, my parents were raised Catholic and somewhere in the 70s went spiritualists, Dan family was raised Baptists and Episcopalian and somewhere in the 70s went bowling resulting in nobody under our entire roof currently being baptized or indoctrinated. I believe in guardian angels that keep you from making it to the intersection at the wrong time and Dan believes in Angels with titles, jobs and command posts like Gabriel and Michael and if you happen to meet an Angel it’s because he’s about to warn you that your city will experience some light brimstone showers followed by heavy fire and pestilence and perhaps you should have more than an umbrella with you.

So we’ve discussed what we would tell Ella but not in much detail and we’re pretty sure we agree, but not quite sure what it is exactly we agree on. Aunt Nola this Christmas, just like last, gave Ella a Veggie Tales movie. For the most part they are cute, void of any nailings or famine and pretty funny. I mean who can argue with Lord of the Beans’ basic message that everyone has an important job to do. So yesterday when Ella was telling me about the new Veggie Tales movie she informed me that God is pretend, he’s that character in the movies, I knew I had to say something profound, it started poorly:

Me: Oh honey God is for real

Ella: No he’s not he’s pretend like Bob and Larry*.
*Veggie Tales Characters

Me: Sweetie, God is very famous and so sometimes people pretend to be God in the movies, but God is really real.

Ella: MooooOOoom! God is pretend.

Me: No he’s not

Ella: Yes, he is

Me: No he’s not

Ella: Yes, he IS!

Somehow I managed to elevate the conversation back up to a very detailed story telling about heaven and souls and God and then I answered some heaven questions involving cotton candy, multi-colored kittens and Great Grandma and Great Grandpa and jumpy castles. This meandered around to some biology, concluding my very squirmy conversation with Ella.

Ella: Your soul is in your bones next to your marrow right?

Me: Your soul is everywhere in your body

Ella: Yes, it’s in your belly, and your eyes and it’s in your bones and your blood.

Me: Yes, and when you die you leave all of your body here and just take your soul with you.

Ella: Ok, can we play Hungry Hippo?

Me: Yes.

***

12 films in which supreme actors take on the Supreme Being.

Three Doctors

I went and had cavities filled today and my face is still numb. I feel like the rest of the day is on hold until I can keep myself from drooling, or even feel that their might be spit in the corner of my mouth.

In dog news, our dog visited the vet again this morning. Overnight her whole right eye went milky. She woke up wagging and hopping all over as usual but we were worried and $200.00 worth of diagnosis told us that when we switched her to dog food to one that is is low protein and high fat (because of her liver) it causes her to have high cholesterol and a little eye infection/scratch can turn out milky like that. It'll go away on it's own.

In roller derby news, Subpoena Envy our most blocker extraordinaire fell and hurt her ankle. Annsanity whisked her away to the emergency room where Envy’s fears were confirmed, she broke her leg right above her ankle, in TWO places. Luckily the Dr. said they were both clean. Apparently if you’re going to break your leg, this is the place to do it. They put her in a boot, gave her some crutches and meds. It should heal nicely but she must wear the boot 4- 6 weeks. If you want to send her some well wishes you can drop her a line at her myspace page http://www.myspace.com/subpoenaenvy

Two Reviews

Wednesday night after all the holidays and hub-bub in my life calmed to a dull roar in my left ear, Dan and I resumed date night aka our weekly relaxation ritual aka quick dinner and movie. Ella went to Grandma’s and Dan and I sipped mocha and munched bread and soup while we searched the entertainment section for a good movie. Our choices were; the typical chick flick – nah, the action adventure explod’em up movie – nah, and the Tom Hanks war movie – too heavy, and the kitchy funny movie that only played at 10:30 – long after Grandma goes to bed, and lastly the weird end of the world thriller. So despite my zombie-phobia I threw caution to the wind and figured how scary can a Will Smith movie really be? Besides I had heard it was more intellectual than a simple chase'm down gore-fest.

HA! Any of you who have already seen I Am Legend are laughing really hard at me right now. A simple chase'm down gore-fest would've been a relief compared to the droning dull fear you ride throughthe entire movie, spiked with sheer terrorizing moments and enough psudo-science to make you think about if for days afterwards. Ten minutes into the movie my brain was screaming to me “Get out of this theatre and sit in the lobby while Dan watches this movie” I didn’t listen. I sat crunched up tense on the edge of my seat, one giant ball of panic the entire 100 minutes. Every tense scene I felt the need to smack Dan in the arm and whisper “This is sooo NOT relaxing!” Verdict? – The slight germaphobe with an oversensative reaction towards Zombie movies should NEVER EVER see a movie where an air born virus causes everyone on the planet to become night feeding flesh eaters. ACK! I spent the rest of Wednesday night (until 2:30 in the morning) trying to soak in as much Three’s Company and Friends, trying to find my happy place as I could and I still dreamt the extension of the movie. You know all the parts we didn’t see, all the things that happened after the credits rolled, I got to watch them on the insides of my eyelids. ACK!


***

I started Ira Glass’ new book The New Kings of Nonfiction, and I love this. I know, I know, I’m a This American Life fanatic and this book is kind of along those same lines but hey, yay for finding more of what you like right? Like me, Ira has a giant file of saved stories throughout the years, pieces he’s found particularly intriguing and well written, stories that grab you in right away and contain all the elements of great narration but are also completely nonfiction, items that were so good it seemed a shame to toss them, items you have pulled out and shown people to illustrate a thought. Publishers Weekly describes the collection as written by journalists who are “unafraid to insert their personal perspective into the stories they're telling.” The first reviewer on Amazon says this book is for anyone that wants to “understand the power and allure of nonfiction narrative.” I think the collection is more for anyone that wants to understand the power and allure of ANY narrative. The added bonus is that one can start each story with the qualifier “I swear to God this is a True story….” I sat up and read three essay last night and am forcing myself to hold off today for fear I will devour the book too fast and have nothing to read this evening.

***

So three stars to I Am Legend for scaring the crap out of me long after the movie was over and three stars to The New Kings of Nonfiction for being so good I am reading slowly on purpose.

Warm Part II

Ella and I were in the bathroom, she was soaking in the tub when the first clap of thunder made her dunk low in the water and whine "I'm scaaaaarrred". The dog came to lay at my feet and I wondered if I had ever heard thunder in January before. If I had, I couldn't remember. The sky darkened and I flipped on the bathroom light despite it being the middle of the afternoon. More thunder persuaded Ella to end her soak early. 30 miles East and already far past us a tornado was ripping through the countryside.

Rare Jan. twister blasts Boone homes, orchard

Warm

It's unseasonably warm today for the second day and it's wreaking havoc with my heart. I yearn for flip flops and sand boxes and the smell of green grass in the air is wonderful yet tragically short lived. I wonder why I can't just enjoy the moment... after all, doesn't winter always come back? Don't the dishes always get dirty again? Don't the Repulicans always make it back into office?

I Heart Science.

I'm bored and surfing the net today. I'm digging the National Geographic site and I think I'm probably gonna order a years worth of it. There's no Brittany, no Mitt Romney, no New Years' sales, no stories about picky eaters and certainly no articles about how to make your home brighter, fresher and more inviting with just an old newspaper, four napkins and a paultry $36,000 worth of new furniture.

The Mighty Pen & Paper

States question electronic vote machines
By GEORGE MERRITT, Associated Press Writer

"...The swing states of California, Ohio and Florida have found that security on touch-screen voting machines is inadequate. Testers have been able to disable the systems and even change vote totals...

...But in tests, researchers in Ohio and Colorado found that electronic voting systems could be corrupted with magnets or with Treos and other similar handheld devices.

In Colorado, two kinds of Sequoia Voting Systems electronic voting machines used in Denver and three other counties were decertified because of security weaknesses, including a lack of password protection. Equipment made by Election Systems and Software had programming errors. And optical scanning machines, made by Hart InterCivic, had an error rate of one out of every 100 votes during tests by the state."

It's Really Free... Yes, Really.

I have some items that are perfectly fine but I don't want them in my home any longer. For instance we have this old organ that we inherited with the house, that is just taking up space. Many people have said they'd like to have it but no body every actually comes to get it. I read about this thing called Freecycling and signed up for my local group and have been reading the exchanges for a few days and I'm sold... er ah I'm willing, since there is no money exchanged, in fact there is no exchange beyond "here ya go" and "thanks". So next week I'm listing the organ, if you'd rather have it let me know before next week and come and get it. It's from the 50s, mostly works and has a little water damage on the bottom of one side. Otherwise it'll be the first of many things I list on Freecycle.


"Freecycle IS about keeping things out of the landfill.
It IS about giving away something that has no use in our lifeanymore to someone who could extend its usefulness a little longer.
It IS about giving gifts to people while clearing out our own clutter.
It IS about community.

When you post an offer, you are offering to give someone a gift."

Like Christmas every day only nobody cares that you are re-gifting.

You Know That One Song

Ella: I wanna hear that song that goes zooooOO000ommmmmmm zzzz zzzzooOO0oommmm zzzzoooooom zzzzoooooommMMMmmm zooo00oomm zoooOOOOooooommmmmMMMMmm zzzz zzzzo000ooommmm zzzzooOOO000oooom zzzzoooo000oom zooooommMMmm

Me: This one?

Ella: NO! It doesn't have any words it just goes zooooOO000ommmmmmm zzzz zzzzooOO0oommmm zzzzoooooom zzzzoooooommMMMmmm zooo00oomm zoooOOOOooooommmmmMMMMmm zzzz zzzzo000ooommmm zzzzooOOO000oooom zzzzoooo000oom zooooommMMmm

Me: This one?

Ella: NO! It just goes zooooOO000ommmmmmm zzzz zzzzooOO0oommmm zzzzoooooom zzzzoooooommMMMmmm zooo00oomm zoooOOOOooooommmmmMMMMmm zzzz zzzzo000ooommmm zzzzooOOO000oooom zzzzoooo000oom zooooommMMmm

Me: This one?

Ella: NO! It just goes zooooOO000ommmmmmm zzzz zzzzooOO0oommmm zzzzoooooom zzzzoooooommMMMmmm zooo00oomm zoooOOOOooooommmmmMMMMmm zzzz zzzzo000ooommmm zzzzooOOO000oooom zzzzoooo000oom zooooommMMmm

Repeat through all the instrumental songs I have in the van

Ella: Dad always plays it in his car!

Me: sigh

The Future

Every morning Ella waits for breakfast on the couch while watching cartoons. Every morning the cable that connects our TV to the world fritzes out and the screen goes scrambley. Each time Ella alerts me with a blood curdling scream “It’s happening again!” and I stop cooking and hurry to the back of the TV and knock the picture back into shape with a wrench. Sometimes it takes a few wacks, but it always works. I’ve re-worked the connection to make sure it’s a good link and still the set goes wonky after a random interval every morning until I give it a good thump. Dan has mentioned replacing it, but beyond this one morning quirk it’s a great TV and it’s much better than the old days when we changed the channel with pliers and then readjusted the tin foil balanced carefully on the antenna.

I wonder if Ella will believe me when I tell her about having 4 channels and racing to make a cheese sandwich during commercial break, or doing the pee dance while watching the very end of the Six Million Dollar Man. There will never be a day when she can’t pause it or back it up or watch it at will on her phone. She will also probably never have chicken pox or take a photography class that involves signing up for darkroom time, or get her fingers black changing a typewriter ribbon. She won’t feel comfortable riding in a car without being strapped in and she will never know why moving your fist in a circle means 'roll you window down'. She will however be able to talk about that crappy old TV we had, the one we wacked with a wrench to get morning cartoons.

Dance Dance Dance

Dear internets, I have a treat I'd like to share with you...

http://www.youtube.com/3kidnight

Thank you Cameo

It's the perfect way to kick off 2008, with a giant smile.