Jun 21, 2006

Your Butt

When I’m annoyed and have to answer a question I don’t want to answer I often use ‘Up your butt’. I know, not very mature or very nice, but I gave up swearing, smoking, junky food, and watching R-rated entertainment of any type, I figured an occasional "butt” insult could be afforded to one frustrated Mom. It’s usage:

Me: Can you brush Ella’s hair please?
Dan: She’s gonna cry if I do it.
Me: She cries when I do it too, you just have to be extra gentle and fast
Dan: Heavy sigh
Me: Just do it
Dan: Where’s the hair brush?
Me: In the medicine cabinet
Dan: Which brush?
Me: The black one
Dan: Which black one?
Me: It doesn’t matter really
Dan: Where are her hair ties?
Me: In her jewelry box
Dan: Where’s her jewelry box?
Me: UP YOUR BUTT! Gah - never mind!

Unfortunately sometimes Ella takes things quite literally and so I had to cut the favored phrase from my lexicon, especially after this last exchange. I was working very hard on a painting trying to use up the last of the brown before it dried (I was working in acrylics) and trying to cover a mistake before it was all too permanent. Dan arrived home from work and asked “What’s for dinner?” to which I shot at him “Your butt! I don’t know give me a minute!” During the next few minutes Ella had a little break down. When I finished repairing my paint crisis and sat down with her, I asked her what was wrong. Her sobby reply, “I don’t want to eat booty, it’s gross.” Between stifled laughs Dan and I explained that I was kidding and I vowed to be more mindful of what I say - to EVERYONE in my family.


The song Ella sang today during lunch:
“My fairy lady locked me up, lock me up, lock me up, on the bridge, we are fall down”.


Jo said...

Rump roast for dinner? I like mine medium rare please.

TaterTot said...

Since when did you stop watching R-Rated entertainment of any kind? Did I not watch two R-Rated movies at your house like a week ago?

I assume you meant X-Rated?

TaterTot said...

And Jo...good one with the rump roast comment. You got me laughing with that one.

Jenny said...

Well that too, but for the most part war movies, horror flcks and action movies are only seen after the kiddo goes to bed wich leaves the hour between 10:00pm and the time I get tired 11:00pm to watch whatever I please. Our house is strictly PG unless it's a special occassion - (like you comming over). Had you brought "The Ring" it would've been mighty late by the time I would've been comfortable popping it in.

Compare that to our usual old unsensored way of flipping on "Jackass" or "Saving Private Ryan" during dinner and it does feel like I've given up something.

TaterTot said...

I got it, I didn't realize you meant "in front of the kiddo".

Yes, I find that hard too. I just borrowed Sex in the City Season Two on DVD from the parental units and have been having a hard time find an opportunity to watch it with the girls on a later bedtime schedule for summer. This whole parent thing can be a pain in my butt sometimes.

Jenny said...

It gets harder the more they understand. I used to be able to watch Sex and the City while Ella nursed and now I just know she'd learn some words. I suppose if she were older she could learn WAY more than just words.

Pretty soon you have to explain what you mean by "up your butt"

Jenny said...

Oh yeah - when the kid is asleep I eat Oreo cookies and yell obscenities at the war footage on CNN or mutter "Effing ay right! Tell it like it is Jon!" to the Daily show. If I could just figure out how to smoke without killing myself I might add that in to my nightly debauchery.

TaterTot said...

OK - I have to confess something. I have seriously had the urge to buy a pack of cigarettes for what used to be my nightly summer ritual of having a glass of Zinfandel and one smoke on my patio waiting for Jeff to get home.

As of the time of this post, I have resisited the urge.

loelsh said...

That is funny. My girls are at an age now where we really have to watch what we say in front of them because they are likely to ask questions we aren't prepared to answer.

Erin-erin-bo-berin said...

Heehee! I just listened to my voice coming out of my five year old's mouth yesterday, regarding all the 'crap' on the floor in her room. Gotta stop saying this crap...Oops!

Surfing Free said...

Ha Ha! From lovely birthday wishes one day to 'up your butt' the next - the endless cycle of a marriage :)

jennie said...

this post made me laugh so hard i almost spit out my strawberry smoothie on my keyboard!

Mrs. Ca said...

Too cute. I learned how literally kids take things when I was babysitting. I can't remember what exactly I said, but I do remember having to calm down the kid for about 20 minutes afterward and explain that I wasn't serious.

I love Ella's song too.

Dawn said...

Emily tells me that I also say SHIT! quite a bit and the "F-word, which I can't say cause it's a bad word Mommy"

Upon introducing me to a new playmate two days ago, Emily said "My mom swears alot"

That's me. The swearing mother.

The Mother Load said...

I'm also a recovering swearaholic. I now use the term, "fartknocker" often and my three-year old repeated on the baseball field several times this week.

Jenny said...

fartknocker - I haven't heard that term in 10 years!