Jun 9, 2006

Waiting to Exhale

What happened to us yesterday? We were shanghaied off to our local water park for a day of sunscreen and chlorine. Upon arrival we found a long line of teenagers rolling their eyes and waiting to escape the grip of their parents and hoping to go snog with each other in some hidden grotto. Behind them were a line of parents rolling their eyes and waiting to escape the grip of their nine year olds and hoping to go read a book in some quiet hidden grotto. Then there were a handful of us excited and happy to be hanging with our toddlers.

Our dear friends Heather-M and her two sons Cutie (age 5) and Cutie-pie (age 2) arrived shortly after us (thanks for the extra ticket M Family) and Punky Mom and her brood arrived later. Heather suggested we begin in the wave pool, meander around to the other attractions ending at the toddler pool. She said once we arrive at the toddler pool the giant frogs and tiny slides steeped in 6 inches of water will beckon our children like sirens and we will be held captive in the midday heat for the rest of the expedition. I agreed, the last time I had visited the water park I was wearing a bikini small enough to floss with and there was only the wave pool and a single water slide, she held season tickets and so she knew better than I.

After paying a small fortune for a tiny locker and stowing as much of our gear as we could we made our way to the faux seashore. The waves run in 15 minute intervals meaning 15 on and 15 off and when we arrived they were off. Ella was delighted with the “big-big pool” until the waves began at which point she clung to me like an octopus until I waded back inland so just our ankles felt the ebb and flow of chlorine and finally she relaxed her grip. We soon retreated to our tiny base camp under a plastic coconut tree to forage for cheese squares and juice boxes and reapply our sunscreen for the four hundred and eighth time.

The next adventure was the Lazy River. It has all the white trash charm of toobin’ down a river only without beer, mud, cut off shorts or turtles. I loved it. Ella and I went around that little Beverly Hillbilly river enough times to notice a nest of baby birds under the foot bridge and 4 baby ducks in the reeds next to the life guard stand. I could’ve floated around in that big yellow donut all day but Ella grew weary and it was inevitable she was feeling the lure of the toddler’s play area. I attempted to divert her attention with the giant play island but the kids that played there were wild and unruly I think I clearly saw one tan sinewy boy push a smaller plumper one towards the edge of the plastic cliff urging him to walk the plank and when I saw a group of boys trying to make fire with Piggy’s glasses I knew Ella was a little young for the clutches of Jack and Simon and we departed for shallower water.

The toddler pool is ingenious. Giant foam frogs and snakes and slides wading in six inches of cool clean bubbling water surrounded by lounge chairs filled with women in tankinis and short hair reading books and encircling all of it an un-climbable fence with a childproof gate. Ella rode the giant snake while I looked around to discover, not a single flat, tan, pierced tummy in sight and there were even a few Daddy types happily splashing around oblivious to nurslings latched on to exposed breasts shoreside. These were natives I could live with. I finally exhaled and sat down with my feet in the water where we spent the rest of the day, relaxing among the good people of Wet Willy's Little Lagoon.


TaterTot said...

What a loverly day! I would have fit right in with my tankini, short hair and good book.

I talk about taking the Tot's there but am a little stuck. The girls would be bored with the Toddler area, but aren't really old enough to just take off unsupervised (when are they old enough, by the way? I'm going with 18). SugarLips is too small to enjoy the slides or wave pool very much. I figure unless I can split myself in two or pick a day Jeff can join us, the big waterpark is not really on my list of viable options for now. And I've been to the area with the rowdy kids you referred to, and you're right...toddlers don't really belong there...they would be trampled for sure.

Jenny said...

I recomend during the week too as it wasn't too crowded and that was nice.

Java Junkie said...

I'm hoping to convince Monkey that Parker's old enough for such an event. I LOVE the toddler wading pools. Man we were JIPPED growing up! We had, uh, a sprinkler... Not even one of those ones that sway back and forth. It just shot about 2 1/2 feet straight up and we got to hop over it. It was a fun fun day indeed when someone came along with a slip and slide.

I'm VERY glad your little Ella had such a wonderful time and you found your motherkin tribe to relax with :)

Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual said...

Blogger has been eating my clever comments. Damn blogger.
Anyway, I'm jealous you found such a place devoid of navel piercings. We dare not go to any of those places around here because:

1. I'd definitely hear the blowing of the conch.

2. There would be too many fat women in daisy duke shorts and rose tatoos on their cankles puffing on cigarettes while trying not to lose their Lee Press-On Nails.

3. All the toddlers would be gnawing on food-on-sticks and that's not something I can stomach. (Think corndogs)

Jenny said...

Oh, there were plenty of ladies who poured themselves into swimmy suits far too small and lots of once creamy thighs turned cottage cheese spilling out into the morning sun. These legs belonging to nagging women screeching at hairy backed men with gold chains hung neatly over protruding beer bellies, whilst their devil children spit loogies over the foot bridge or held unsuspecting skinnier kids’ head in the water but that’s another post altogether.

HolyMama! said...

i haven't been to a place like that since i was unafraid of swimsuits. you go, girl!

loelsh said...

I haven't been to a waterpark in ages! Sounds like a ton of fun!

xanthus said...

We actors don't get a lot of stabilsed chlorine granules till we get "really" famous - but we live and breathe our stabilsed chlorine granules regardless. stabilsed chlorine granules

loahlam said...

Interesting blog about hot tub chemicals, keep up the good work hot tub chemicals