Miss America - an outdated wank-a-thon. Here’s what an updated Miss America contest should be
1. Each participant has to have at least a 3.75 GPA. and an impressive plan for the future.
2. Each woman must be registered to vote and have something intelligent to say about politics (city, state, national, global - whatever) to prove they are an informed voter.
3. Women would be allowed no makeup (yeah you heard me – NONE)
4. Women would be disqualified for plastic surgeries, died hair, duct-taped boobies and all other illusions of the body, including fake nails.
5. Women will perform feats of athleticism to prove their health and endurance
6. There will still be an evening wear competition, makeup will be allowed. (I can't completely give up the pretty, but gowns aren't necessary, one may wear a pantsuit or tight jeans and a sparkly shirt if so desired)
7. Two talent competitions; the first will be entertaining and the second will be useful to society ie: a contestant may be able to juggle or sing but then she must also be able to effectively lobby in favor gun control or vaccinate Bangladeshi orphans against polio.
8. In place of the swimsuit competition we would just have them come out nude. It would demystify women’s bodies and girls could actually compare their own breasts to the sag of a real breast (see #3). What’s the point of a swimsuit anyway? You can see most if them already.
9. The judges get to ask her parents about her most embarrassing moment (it’ll be like a national televised embarrassing Thanksgiving dinner conversation).
10. The people get to vote by phone/internet (like American Idol)
11. The winner gets to represent our youth by being an honorary cabinet member to the President of the United States of America.
12. No crown, as America is not a Monarchy the winner gets letterhead and a pen, ok maybe some flowers too.
I can’t think of any more. Please feel free to add.
Thanks again Jennie for the inspiration.