I liked 2005

Oh the decadence of the holidays, I have eaten my weight in fudge, and been slightly drunk at least once a day for the last week. My family is wallowing in dirty laundry and paper plates as I am no longer a housewife but a reveler. Let me tell you dear Internets, I do feel guilty about it. Not guilty because it makes baby Jesus cry when I indulge my daughter until she says “Crap Mom, how many presents do I have to open? You better feed me more chocolate so I have the energy to play with isle 2, 3, 4 and 7 of Toys R Us recreated in our home.” Not guilty that I have shirked my housewife responsibilities and the dog can now subsist off of the crumbs on my un-vacuumed floor. I am guilty in that I had a lovely holiday and some folks that we know didn’t. In fact some folks I know had a down right appalling holiday and are very happy 2005 is done and gone. I’ve been feeling bad about touting my successes to my friends and family who’ve had a craptacular couple of weeks.

I’m sorry, I liked 2005. It was comfortable and yummy and warm and filled with sandboxes and swimmy classes and romance and nights out with friends and blogging. I am concerned that friends and family are having a less than lustrous beginning to the New Year but here is what I decided for 2005. The above apology will be my last in that I am no longer feeling bad for my successes. Should one ask me how I am, the response will be a resounding “Fabulous, perfect and couldn’t be better! Ella is happy, well adjusted and smart as a whip, my house is toasty warm and nice, I lost all my baby weight and Dan is handsome as ever.” If housewife up the street starts to tout her husband’s inadequacies, I will no longer respond with “Yeah, well Dan is bad at laundry.” You are more likely to hear “That’s too bad, my husband does the laundry, and he’s such a sweetie.”

It’s been my problem for a while and I believe it has to do with feelings of undeserved-ness. I sometimes feel like tragedy is perched on the edge of my life waiting for me to get comfortable so she can hurl herself into my lap and feast upon my shock. Perhaps I complain so as to not tempt the fates – or out of concern for other's feelings. I think there is a fine line between conveying good news and boasting. I will discover the audacity to tap dance on that line this year - it’s my resolution for 2006 to revel in my fabulous life. (Cross my self twice and spit, throw salt over my shoulder knock on wood and cross myself again.) Wish me luck.