from Mom's Don't Forget to Feed Your Marriages
"...With this particular couple, the situation was even worse. Their sex life had died completely, and one of the main causes was the mother's obsession with breast-feeding well into the child's eleventh month. The baby was attached to his mother like a limb, and he even slept with her every night...
...I told the mother that in being so devoted to her son, she had committed the cardinal sin of marriage, which is to put someone else before her spouse, even if that someone is your child. Furthermore, I said, her obsession had turned one of her most attractive body parts into a feeding station, an attractive cafeteria rather than a scintillating piece of flesh...."
What!? The?! Frick!? Let me give it to you again
Who said this? What idiot opened his testosterone filled head to have crap come spilling out? My heart is breaking. It was Rabbi Schmuley of Shalom in the Home. The guy I looked forward to seeing, the guy I endorsed right here on this blog. ARG! I am so dissapointed. I respond with:
"Dear Rabbi Schmuley,
Obviously you are not the man I thought you were. When you wrote "see quote above" you disappointed me in a way that could discredit much of your marital advice. This statement shines light on your fundamental feelings towards Women and that could crumble the foundation you build your theories on. Mutual love and respect have little to do with a “scintillating piece of flesh”. You’ve let me down, shame on you for your ignorance and for propagating an idea that upholds the subjectification of women. Damnit Schmuley, I liked you! Here’s hoping you see the light, Bombadee"
Furthermore dear bloggies, until I receive a satisfactory clarification on behalf of Rabbi Schmuley I retract my endorsement. I no longer "love him already".
(Twisty's blog readers responded with:
CafeSiren Sep 4th, 2006 at 3:29 pm And there’s also this from the Rabbi’s piece: " when a mother gives her breasts to her son and takes them away from her husband, the effect on the marriage can feel the same [as adultery]." What about the radical idea that a woman’s breasts belong neither to her baby nor her husband, but to her?
Jezebella Sep 4th, 2006 at 3:33 pm Oh, CafeSiren, you so silly! Silly girl, silly silly: women don’t own their boobies! Oh no, no, no. Off to re-education camp with you.)
14 comments:
Ummm ... I thought breasts were 'feeding stations' and not pieces of flesh to be oogled, groped and policitised by men. Is not the biological reason for breasts so that we can give sustainance to our children??? They are ours first, our children's second, and men's waaaaaaay down the list!
This is a mind boggling statement that breasts should be reserved for sex. And that sex should stand between a mother and her child, a father and his child.
I REALLY object to the notion of catering to your husband's needs above everything else!! They are GROWNUPS! They can cater for their own damned needs. A wife is not there to look after a husband. But a mother is there to look after a child.
I could go on. I don't know this Rabbi, but I'm disappointed for you Bombadee that he has turned out to be such a loser.
I like those last two comments. Like, a lot. The Rabbi's quote definitely sounds fairly unenlightened. Shame on him.
Eh. Twisty's readership long made sure I knew I wasn't welcome. I kept reading for a bit, but I knew it was time to move on when Twisty said something to the effect that "No meaningful progress between men and woman can ever be made, and therefore all activism that doesn't involve rejection of male input entirely." Sure, I love Twisty's sense of humor, but my real interest is progress, not the venting of bile.
My comment grew so long, I posted it on my own site....
http://tatertotsthoughts.blogspot.com/2006/09/tit-for-tat.html
Spc. Freeman, I know "I Blmae the Patriarchy" isn't the most welcoming place for men. Sorry 'bout that.
In response to "Breasts are sexy..." (I agree, they are.)
What ticked me off was Schmuley's inability to talk about equality and respect.
There is a fine fine balance that happens in your brain when you have both functioning and sexual breasts on your chest. Some people believe that the arousal one feels while breast feeding exists to ensure that human’s sustain the baby. Regardless it’s a normal thing. Most women have to find a reckoning in their own minds with this and when that doesn’t happen in a nurturing and accepting environment it could result in feelings of shame and disgust… the result? No body touches the breasts accept the baby. Instead of helping her understand and sort these feelings out in her head Rabbi Schmuley reinforced the taboo.
She can have her cake and eat it too as long as no one makes her feel guilty about it.
While I initially agree with Schmuley’s point - marriage first above all so that the children have a stable home, I don’t agree that a stable marriage requires breasts. What if she’d had a double mastectomy (like Twisty). What if they are 78 years old and the flesh is no longer scintillating? What if the live in Sub-Saharan Africa and the boobies hang out in the sun until they reach the waist.
I feel like he is missing the root of the problem and just addressing a symptom. The problem is that she and her husband no longer feel intimate enough to talk to each other about their problems much less sleep in the same room, NOT she won’t let him touch her knockers (that’s just a side effect).
The problem isn't that she won't let him touch the fun bits the problem is she doesn't WANT him to. Schmuley's dissmissal of her very complex feelings is what makes smoke pour out of my ears.
Hey...that's a "post the same comment on two differnt blogs" violation there Mrs. Bombadee.
Two minutes in the blogger penalty box.
Oh I agree with everything you say Jenny!! I should just shut-up and stick to agreeing because you say it sooo much better.
7 years into this parenting thing (almost 8) and I still get sucked into the breastfeeding debate. I just read an excellent article that explained how BF children do better at handling stress than those fed other ways. I have read most of the "Mommy Myth" and I got to tell you it gave me anxiety issues. There is NO right answer. You have to do what is best for your family. I keep going back over what LLL says, "keep what works for you and leave the rest"...meaning opinions on parenting and BF both. We are allowed to make our own decisions and SHOULD be allowed to live with them and their consequences without being judged. I love the fact that my 2 1/2 year old still asks to nurse. My older son, who is a strapping 7 1/2 (almost 8) even remembers his days of nursing fondly (up until age 3 1/2). I feel proud of those things. Call me a freak, call me a mother, call me whatever....I am a Mom and I'll raise my children the way my intuit tells me and no other way! Damn Jenny! Why you got to do this to me! :0)
red stapler posted about this the other day. i won't repeat my comment. but i will add this man is appalling. i hate stupidity and fundamentalist thought. oh dammit! i'm pissed off all over again. shit. shit. shit.
Dan was actually surprised that I was surprised the Orthodox Rabbi has a conservative patriarchal point of view. Ok, call me naive (oops I mean an idealist).
This whole thing made me so mad I couldn't even post anything yesterday. MINE! They are mine and who/when/where I choose to share them is NO ONE's business but my own. Grrrr! Great commentary Jenny!
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