Why do people routinely expect results from other people that we know are unlikely? What do I mean? I mean the other woman who gets the guy to leave his wife and then 5 years into the relationship is surprised when he cheats on her. I mean the parent who brings their hyper active child to a restaurant with linen table clothes and screams at them to sit still through dinner. I mean expecting your good friend who can talk you into getting way too drunk and taking photos of your own cleavage to talk you out of mooning the crabby old lady across the street. You are just asking for it if you ask an alligator to suddenly start acting like a bunny, and especially if that alligator likes being an alligator. I guess one can believe in miracles but by no means should they expect them on any kind of regular basis. We should perhaps all start to expect what is probable and we will be less stressed about every day life. For instance:
1. That slow little old lady you had to walk behind through the store isn’t going to zip around in her giant car either – don't honk, just relax and find a station to listen to while she finds her way out of the parking lot.
2. If he/she's driving a giant SUV while on the phone/shaving/talking to their passenger expect to be cut off in traffic
3. Two year olds make messes and have tantrums – don’t give them jelly toast on the couch and never show them a fabulous toy they can’t touch – it’s just mean to both of you.
4. The first person you speak with at the help line can’t ever really help you, they rarely have any authority beyond cancelling what ever service you are trying to fix, just ask for their supervisor. (Unless you are calling Tatertot's office - she can always help you)
5. Rotten men/women cannot be miraculously healed by your immense love, inner beauty and or charm and wit – run away.
6. Women/men who like to complain will often seek out situations that provoke them to do so - don’t let them pick the restaurant.
7. Giant discounts stores are filled with people who don’t understand courtesy or grammar much less reasonable discipline for their children – prepare to be stepped I front of, yelled near and un-helped before entering
8. The cashier at the skeezy gas station isn’t the fastest horse in the pack if he/she were they’d work elsewhere.
9. If that very small child is hiding behind his/her mother face buried in her skirt it is because she is scared – don’t feel personally insulted when he/she won’t say “Hi” or give you a kiss.
Additions anyone?
Thank you Cameo for inspiring this post with "Judgement Day"
18 comments:
I would NEVER talk you out of mooning the crabby old lady across the street.
Moon away, baby!
#5 - I've seen proven (we both have).
#4 - Yeah, I know...I'm the exception to the rule.
#3 - Confession: I did this to Isaac over the weekend. There was this AWESOME dinosaur at that store that moved and snarled and roared (if that's what they do) and he wanted it sooo bad. I let him hold it and play with it and when he said..."Buy it?" I said, "Not until you go pee-pee in the potty" and snatched it from his hands as he screamed. I'm a horrible parent (or at least I was at that moment).
#3 I have first hand knowlegde of how this works too.
#3,4,5,6,&7 I always experience.But 5 I keep holding out hope for I still believe if you show them just the right kind of kindness someday they'll be touched by that goodness and their heart will open up, I have one project that has lasted 11 yrs (You know the lady 3 ignored kids or My parents and brothers) I get glimmers of what could be and it makes me keep trying like a horse to a apple. I just keep wishing everybody could just find that place! I know I listen to a little to much Imagine(and cry at the truth of it all!)
I think you know what to expect though. As long as you know what you're in for and aren't surprised when it happens there's nothing wrong with trying.
Heck Punky Mom...if you find that place, give me directions!
10.) Relatives that were greedy BEFORE a loss will be even more so afterwards.
11.) Just because you're not hungry at dinner doesn't mean your children aren't.
12.) If you drop what you're doing the second your child wants attention every time your child wants your attention, he/she will not be understanding or respectful when you CAN'T drop what you're doing to give them your attention.
13.) If your waitperson is grumpy, expect a healthy portion of saliva in your food if you make them take it back because it's not warm enough, done enough or adorning the right condiments.
I could go all day.. You should make this a weekly post for all of us to post on our blogs or even just come and add more to yours here through comments lol
Oh, and before I forget. I'm not sure if you remember, but last spring, when we moved into this house and I mentioned that it had fruit tree saplings in the yard you asked me to take pictures of the blossoms for you. Two days ago I found them as I was going through my hordes of photos on my computer and I posted them for you on my flickr account.
java junkie - keep them comming. It took me two days to come up with those 9.
I'll be checking out flicker
A fabulous list - and you are right, we should not expected things that we KNOW are never going to happen. I'm that way about finding the perfect summer dress that makes me look stylish, slim, and coooool ;)
first, i am feeling so cool right now that i inspired something in you. seriously.
second, went to the post office today - the lady next to me asked for a certain kind of stamp. both postal clerks responded 'oh i'm sorry, we're all out of those.' i went to get stamps too. my clerk was less than eager to give me the opportunity to SEE what i might want, rather rattled the choices verbally to me. i told her that did me no good and asked her to put the frickin' book on the damn counter so i could make an informed choice. and low and behold, what do you suppose i found while i was making her show me the options? yup, that's right! three sheets of the stamps they were 'all out of!'
i got two, the lady got one, and we were on our way. glad i could do your job for you ladies. that's why i'm here!
Great list...I agree with all except 8.
Sometimes, it's just something to get you through college/university I think.
7's my pet peeve!!
Under bunnies and alligators being themselves? Put husbands. They don't change. It is wrong to get married and then decide years down the road you are bored, or you don't like him anymore. Husbands are not projects. If you want change in your life, go paper your bathroom.
I have no additions- that list was perfect and so true!
Heh you asked for them Jenny, so here goes.
14.) Never expect parents that say "I can't wait until you have children of your own!" when you're young to NOT say "I told you so" when you're older.
15.) The phone WILL ring during the only nap you've been able to take for a month. Turn the ringer off.
16.) All You Can Eat buffet restaurants cater to some of the biggest appetites and families in our country and still make a profit. Expect quality sub par with your high school cafeteria cuisine - even THEY didn't allow AYCE.
17.) Never expect your doctor to tell you the whole story. God never had to explain HERSELF, why should they?
18.) If you're running behind setting up for a dinner party you're having, expect your guests to be early. If you're on time, expect them to be late.
19.) You're more likely to meet a bum that will give YOU money than you will a bartender that will cut you off. Be responsible for yourself.
20.) If your husband doesn't share your same sense of style never expect him to pick out a sweater that you'll like for a gift. Get catalogs and mark the items you'd like and write your size down.
That's far more than enough for now lol! Told you I could go all day.
Those are awesome! You should write a book. You could call it "Things you Should Just Accept"
tai - you're right occassionally you get a young person working their way through college.
Jo - wallpaper my bathroom almost made me spit coffee this morning
All I can say is WOW! I'm trying to go to bed ladies and you have me rolling!
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