Jun 30, 2006
Ps and Qs
The parents carefully warned my then nine year old brother and his best friend Jeremy to be on their best behavior while spending the weekend at my Grandparent’s cabin. “Remember to use your ‘please’ and ‘thank you’” my Mother reminded them as she dropped them off. The boys were as polite as nine year old boys could be which became evident upon their tearing back and forth through Grandma’s galley kitchen while she was trying to make dinner. Finally she could stand no more and yelled “If you boys don’t stop running through here I’ll never get dinner finished!” to which Jeremy very politely replied “Oh, That’s ok Mrs. C. we’re not hungry anyway.”
Jun 29, 2006
The American Way?
In 1938 FDR establishes a minimum wage, Hitler is named Time magazine’s man of the year and the first Superman comic gets published. Things are easy, a bad guy wears a black hat and cat burglars wear masks over their eyes, you know right from wrong because your parents and your scout leader and your Sunday school teacher and Superman told you so.
Over the years Superman has came to represent everything that is wholesome and good about America. Orphaned as a baby and raised by good ol’ farmers, he doesn’t lie, he is decent, moral, honest, upright, law abiding, and trustworthy. He is in the same category as baseball, apple pie, the Statue of Liberty, puppies and jazz. He is an icon of America he is our mascot. He stands for Truth, Justice and All That… yeah that’s what the movie said… I saw Superman Returns last night and the line is “Truth, Justice and All That”.
“The American Way” what did it mean when it was written and why don’t we say that Superman stands for The American Way? Is it possible we have sunk below Superman’s standards? Would Superman be ashamed of being for today’s The American Way? Would Superman be fighting against his own country in the name of fighting for Truth and Justice? What would Superman make of Guantanamo Bay? Our lack of involvement in Darfur? Our zeal in arguing over gay marriage all the while Hurricane Katrina displaced more than 2,300 foster children in Louisiana, and state officials say about 158 are still unaccounted for. Ok, maybe it wasn’t a political statement, perhaps it was just the same fun as the line “Look, it’s a bird, it’s a plane no it’s…...” funny because is just alludes to the original.
Perhaps we should throw reality out the window and say that Superman lives in a world were we only worry about a train derailing or a bank robber shooting at cops. It’s a nice little movie world made for children where the bad guys get caught and often throw their heads back with maniacal laughter after revealing evil plans. One were gangs and drugs don’t exist at all. Ok, I can escape to that world. I like that world, I still know what The American Way is in that world! Yes, I can totaly accept Metropolis... until... I had to watch Superman be in love with Lois Lane. If my brain has to reside in a wholesome universe were Superman isn’t fighting insurgents in Iraq then I absolutely refuse to believe he would love a woman who not only sleeps around before she’s married but smokes, treats Clark Kent like dirt and drags her child along to commit felonies (that would be breaking and entering into a known villain’s evil lair). I don’t buy it; Superman would fall in love with a woman who has more class, I just know it.
I give the movie 4 stars anyway because it made me cry and Lex Luther is awesomely evil.
Over the years Superman has came to represent everything that is wholesome and good about America. Orphaned as a baby and raised by good ol’ farmers, he doesn’t lie, he is decent, moral, honest, upright, law abiding, and trustworthy. He is in the same category as baseball, apple pie, the Statue of Liberty, puppies and jazz. He is an icon of America he is our mascot. He stands for Truth, Justice and All That… yeah that’s what the movie said… I saw Superman Returns last night and the line is “Truth, Justice and All That”.
“The American Way” what did it mean when it was written and why don’t we say that Superman stands for The American Way? Is it possible we have sunk below Superman’s standards? Would Superman be ashamed of being for today’s The American Way? Would Superman be fighting against his own country in the name of fighting for Truth and Justice? What would Superman make of Guantanamo Bay? Our lack of involvement in Darfur? Our zeal in arguing over gay marriage all the while Hurricane Katrina displaced more than 2,300 foster children in Louisiana, and state officials say about 158 are still unaccounted for. Ok, maybe it wasn’t a political statement, perhaps it was just the same fun as the line “Look, it’s a bird, it’s a plane no it’s…...” funny because is just alludes to the original.
Perhaps we should throw reality out the window and say that Superman lives in a world were we only worry about a train derailing or a bank robber shooting at cops. It’s a nice little movie world made for children where the bad guys get caught and often throw their heads back with maniacal laughter after revealing evil plans. One were gangs and drugs don’t exist at all. Ok, I can escape to that world. I like that world, I still know what The American Way is in that world! Yes, I can totaly accept Metropolis... until... I had to watch Superman be in love with Lois Lane. If my brain has to reside in a wholesome universe were Superman isn’t fighting insurgents in Iraq then I absolutely refuse to believe he would love a woman who not only sleeps around before she’s married but smokes, treats Clark Kent like dirt and drags her child along to commit felonies (that would be breaking and entering into a known villain’s evil lair). I don’t buy it; Superman would fall in love with a woman who has more class, I just know it.
I give the movie 4 stars anyway because it made me cry and Lex Luther is awesomely evil.
Jun 28, 2006
9 Talents
Talents I have that are kind of pathetic
- My internal clock knows exactly when to stop fixing my sandwich and run back to the TV because the commercial is over
- I make fairly accurate snap judgments about people by assessing their shoes
- I have a super power called “guilt” activated with a heavy sigh or the phrase “Never mind”
- I am no longer self conscious about using the bathroom in front of an audience of family members
- I can change a poopy diaper with the one baby wipe I remembered to bring
- I can spot a good garage sale by doing a drive by
- I am totally invisible to boys between the ages of 14 and 27
- I can fully function on three hours of sleep as long as they are in a row
- I can put lipstick on by holding the tube of lipstick with my cleavage and yes, it was something I practiced
Jun 27, 2006
Short Calves, Slide Whistles & Activism
Raising WEG Posted a wonderful rant about little girls clothing called “I damn well blame the patriarchy, too”. In it she echoes my frustration with finding appropriate shoes for my very active healthy child who just happens to have two X chromosomes which doesn’t automatically mean we have to put her in tiny heels so her little Calf muscles and Achilles tendons shorten enough to walk comfortably in those Jimmy Choos when she's of breeding age. WEG even points out how flimsy little pink t-shirts are compared to rugged little blue t-shirts perpetuating the need to constantly buy more clothing for girls; “Imagine what might happen, if my daughters' Target t-shirts had held up to more than a season's worth of washings. Their drawers might be filled with two-year old t-shirts, as their brother's are -- and we certainly can't have that.” And don’t think that the implication of sun damage for our daughters goes unnoticed. It’s well written and exactly how I feel, so just go read it already.
***
Surfing Free posted a most hilarious piece entitled “Discoveries” that reminded me of the time we lived on Sherman Avenue and my brother and I were playing in the bathroom and found these really cool slide whistles under the sink. You just had to get the wrapper off and the stuffing out and then you could put the slide part back and to our delight there was a whole box of those pink whistles. We must’ve assembled 10 of them before my mom discovered what we were doing and got really mad. Ever after I always looked under the bathroom vanity to see if another box of whistles would appear.
***
Gen-Xers don't write songs of protest, we make movies...
America Freedom to Fascism
Road to Guantanamo
The War Tapes
Who Killed the Electric Car
Thank You For Smoking
Jun 26, 2006
Rock Star Weekend
I had a pretty overwhelmingly great weekend starting with a rock star. Way back in the 90s when I was creating art for a living my most favorite and famous patron was Bun E. Carlos of Cheap Trick. Bun E. is just a truly nice guy and he would always play drums for me when I can to drop off or pick work. He rarely asked for anything specific and so I had free reign of my paint and ya gotta love that. Gradually over the years I quit painting for a living and hanging out with musicians and artists, moved away and took a life that was more pedestrian, one in which people said “My, what a beautiful cake” instead of “Wow that’s a bad ass tattoo design”.
Before our big Memorial Day party this year, I cleaned house in a way that hasn’t been since we moved in and guess what I found… a lone drum head waiting for paint, given to me by Bun E. 7 years ago. In 7 years he moved and so had I and he’s not exactly listed in the phone book, I had no way to call him. So what else could I do but paint it and return it to him at a public appearance. The new album is called “Rockford”, so I put a Rockford (Nelson Knitting) Sock Monkey on it and waited. Friday night Bun E. did a drum workshop at Guzzardo's Music Store.
We went and brought the drum head. The place was hot and packed with kids and enterprising drummers. Ella loved it; she wanted to play the bongos so bad during the workshop. We stood off to the side until afterwards and then we talked to Bun E. for a bit, gave him the drum head and left. Kind of anti climactic, I know. Hopefully he liked it, hopefully it’s a size that makes it usable this tour and hopefully you will spot it out and about this year. So if you see Cheap Trick this summer and you see the sock monkey drum, drop me a line and let me know.
What else this weekend? Boat rides, eating out, casinos, friends, family it was all great.
One of my drums on tour found through Google at Gingrich Photography
Jun 25, 2006
Jun 24, 2006
Nature Calls
It's beautiful outside. I'm going to be out in the world today, catch all you bloggies later.
Photo from Worth1000
Jun 23, 2006
Ode to 346 Calories
Six crackers brown and crumbly,
Lie there very humbly.
Three marshmallows fluffy white,
Chewy sticky round and light.
Six chocolate squares,
Lined up in pairs.
Alone quite inconspicuous,
Together simply delicious.
Gooey yummy,
Sticky crumbly,
Tastes that I adore,
Makes me want s’more.
Jun 22, 2006
The Longest Day
How we spent our Summer Solstace
I took Ella to the park next to the big river yesterday. There was a nice cool breeze so despite the temperature in the 80s and almost 100 % humidity it was mostly nice. We looked at the ducks and ran and slid and swung and listened to several other parents yell at their children about how they should play. Now, I believe it’s really just your families business if you yell or have time outs, I really don’t care if you require your children to say “Yes, Ma’am”, “please” and “thank you” or weather you let them say “Gimmie that!” they are your kids – mess ‘em up how ever you like (within reason of course). I'm sure, personally am raising a precocious, domineering little person who hates to get her hands dirty. So to each their own, but I have a pet peeve about parents who want to control every muscle their kid flexes. Not only is it not very healthy for the kids imagination to be told how to play but it drives me insane to have someone you are chatting with stop mid sentence to yell “That’s not how you play with that!”, “Stop running!”, “Don’t swing so high!” and “You’re going to wear yourself out!” Yes, I heard all of these phrases yelled at the park yesterday and not all by the same people.
I’m not sure when society changed from ushering kids out into the neighborhood streets to play Tag and Kick-the-can and invent games involving worms and waffle ball bats to the current over-controlled Gymboree outing and I’m not saying either is terrible I’m just saying give your kid some space – you’re driving them and the rational parents around you mad when you say “Don’t sit like that, straighten up. Play with your cars now, but not like that honey they drive on the table and say ‘vroom’, look like this…no, no like this.” Can you say overbearing? How about early heart attack? Your kids are not our possesions, they are only given to us on loan from God*, please treat them as such.
*This is Rabbi Rabbi Shmuley Boteach's idea, and I like it.
I took Ella to the park next to the big river yesterday. There was a nice cool breeze so despite the temperature in the 80s and almost 100 % humidity it was mostly nice. We looked at the ducks and ran and slid and swung and listened to several other parents yell at their children about how they should play. Now, I believe it’s really just your families business if you yell or have time outs, I really don’t care if you require your children to say “Yes, Ma’am”, “please” and “thank you” or weather you let them say “Gimmie that!” they are your kids – mess ‘em up how ever you like (within reason of course). I'm sure, personally am raising a precocious, domineering little person who hates to get her hands dirty. So to each their own, but I have a pet peeve about parents who want to control every muscle their kid flexes. Not only is it not very healthy for the kids imagination to be told how to play but it drives me insane to have someone you are chatting with stop mid sentence to yell “That’s not how you play with that!”, “Stop running!”, “Don’t swing so high!” and “You’re going to wear yourself out!” Yes, I heard all of these phrases yelled at the park yesterday and not all by the same people.
I’m not sure when society changed from ushering kids out into the neighborhood streets to play Tag and Kick-the-can and invent games involving worms and waffle ball bats to the current over-controlled Gymboree outing and I’m not saying either is terrible I’m just saying give your kid some space – you’re driving them and the rational parents around you mad when you say “Don’t sit like that, straighten up. Play with your cars now, but not like that honey they drive on the table and say ‘vroom’, look like this…no, no like this.” Can you say overbearing? How about early heart attack? Your kids are not our possesions, they are only given to us on loan from God*, please treat them as such.
*This is Rabbi Rabbi Shmuley Boteach's idea, and I like it.
Jun 21, 2006
Your Butt
When I’m annoyed and have to answer a question I don’t want to answer I often use ‘Up your butt’. I know, not very mature or very nice, but I gave up swearing, smoking, junky food, and watching R-rated entertainment of any type, I figured an occasional "butt” insult could be afforded to one frustrated Mom. It’s usage:
Me: Can you brush Ella’s hair please?
Dan: She’s gonna cry if I do it.
Me: She cries when I do it too, you just have to be extra gentle and fast
Dan: Heavy sigh
Me: Just do it
Dan: Where’s the hair brush?
Me: In the medicine cabinet
Dan: Which brush?
Me: The black one
Dan: Which black one?
Me: It doesn’t matter really
Dan: Where are her hair ties?
Me: In her jewelry box
Dan: Where’s her jewelry box?
Me: UP YOUR BUTT! Gah - never mind!
Unfortunately sometimes Ella takes things quite literally and so I had to cut the favored phrase from my lexicon, especially after this last exchange. I was working very hard on a painting trying to use up the last of the brown before it dried (I was working in acrylics) and trying to cover a mistake before it was all too permanent. Dan arrived home from work and asked “What’s for dinner?” to which I shot at him “Your butt! I don’t know give me a minute!” During the next few minutes Ella had a little break down. When I finished repairing my paint crisis and sat down with her, I asked her what was wrong. Her sobby reply, “I don’t want to eat booty, it’s gross.” Between stifled laughs Dan and I explained that I was kidding and I vowed to be more mindful of what I say - to EVERYONE in my family.
The song Ella sang today during lunch:
“My fairy lady locked me up, lock me up, lock me up, on the bridge, we are fall down”.
Me: Can you brush Ella’s hair please?
Dan: She’s gonna cry if I do it.
Me: She cries when I do it too, you just have to be extra gentle and fast
Dan: Heavy sigh
Me: Just do it
Dan: Where’s the hair brush?
Me: In the medicine cabinet
Dan: Which brush?
Me: The black one
Dan: Which black one?
Me: It doesn’t matter really
Dan: Where are her hair ties?
Me: In her jewelry box
Dan: Where’s her jewelry box?
Me: UP YOUR BUTT! Gah - never mind!
Unfortunately sometimes Ella takes things quite literally and so I had to cut the favored phrase from my lexicon, especially after this last exchange. I was working very hard on a painting trying to use up the last of the brown before it dried (I was working in acrylics) and trying to cover a mistake before it was all too permanent. Dan arrived home from work and asked “What’s for dinner?” to which I shot at him “Your butt! I don’t know give me a minute!” During the next few minutes Ella had a little break down. When I finished repairing my paint crisis and sat down with her, I asked her what was wrong. Her sobby reply, “I don’t want to eat booty, it’s gross.” Between stifled laughs Dan and I explained that I was kidding and I vowed to be more mindful of what I say - to EVERYONE in my family.
***
The song Ella sang today during lunch:
“My fairy lady locked me up, lock me up, lock me up, on the bridge, we are fall down”.
Jun 20, 2006
Happy Birthday Dan
Birthday Wishes for my Best Friend
I wish that you have a very busy morning where everything goes your way and the day just flies by
I wish that the lady who rings your lunch up will accidentally only charge you $1.50.
I wish you have some errands to run in the afternoon
I wish that you get the company car with the air conditioning
I wish you have a great idea while out driving solving a long thought about problem
I wish all your favorite songs to be on the radio
I wish someone will tell you a joke that will make you laugh until your sides hurt
I wish your meeting after work will be so productive you won’t have to think about it for the rest of the week
I wish for the house to be nice and cool when you get home tonight
I wish everything you bid on at e-bay will sell for starting bid - to you
I wish for something unexpected and wonderful to happen
I wish your next year on this planet to be twice as wonderful as this last year has been
I love you
I wish that you have a very busy morning where everything goes your way and the day just flies by
I wish that the lady who rings your lunch up will accidentally only charge you $1.50.
I wish you have some errands to run in the afternoon
I wish that you get the company car with the air conditioning
I wish you have a great idea while out driving solving a long thought about problem
I wish all your favorite songs to be on the radio
I wish someone will tell you a joke that will make you laugh until your sides hurt
I wish your meeting after work will be so productive you won’t have to think about it for the rest of the week
I wish for the house to be nice and cool when you get home tonight
I wish everything you bid on at e-bay will sell for starting bid - to you
I wish for something unexpected and wonderful to happen
I wish your next year on this planet to be twice as wonderful as this last year has been
I love you
Jun 19, 2006
It's 2006? Are You Sure?
Our little town has a cute little summer festival that I can no longer support. Before I comment further, read the article from the paper:
The Gazette
Serving the communities of Pecatonica, Seward, Winnebago, Durand
June 15th, 2006
Volume 133, Number 24
Page 12
Peeketolika Festival mascot naming winner announced
Pecatonica – The Pecatonica Improvement Association held a name the Peeketolika Mascot Contest at the Pecatonica Schools. The festival features an Indian Theme. Sixteen names were submitted with Tommy TeePee being chosen the winner. The name was submitted by Jeffrey Baker and he will receive a bag of coins on the children’s stage, in the Family TeePee, at the festival that will be held on June 23 and 24 at the Winnebago County Fairgrounds. The mascot will be played by members of the Pec Playhouse Youth Group. Other names submitted were: Chief Thunderbolt, Chief Magnifico, T.P. Pete, Petecolicico, Chief Pec Man, River Runner, Chief Peeketolika, Chief Keto, Chief Peeketo, Ronnoc, Noidam, Tommy Tee Pee, How-ee, Chief Featherhead, Chief Pecahotas, chief Wanna Win. The festival is sponsored by the P.I.A. for the purpose of offering not for profit groups to fund raise.
Peeketolika Mascot
The Peeketolika Festival mascot’s new name is Tommy TeePee. Shown is local student Jessica Barkdoll in the tee-pee and headdress. Tommy TeePee will be a featured attraction at the Peeketolika Festival on June 23 and 24.
I will not support the Peeketolika Festival solely because of their mascot “Tommy TeePee”. I find it incredibly offensive and bigoted and will not attend the event. I want to clarify that while events such as Festa Italiana and the Swedish Midsommer Festival are fun they do not promote degrading stereotypes against the wishes of the people they are trying to celebrate.
Shame on Pecatonica Improvement Association for promoting this
Shame on Pec Playhouse for participating
Shame on the Winnebago County Fair Board for allowing it
Shame on the teachers who didn’t stop this
Shame on the Pecatonica School Board for allowing such a contest promoting and teaching our children how to be racists. Racism is not a game.
The United States Commission on Civil Rights
Commission Statement on the Use of Native American Imagesand Nicknames as Sports Symbols Issued: April 13, 2001
The Gazette
Serving the communities of Pecatonica, Seward, Winnebago, Durand
June 15th, 2006
Volume 133, Number 24
Page 12
Peeketolika Festival mascot naming winner announced
Pecatonica – The Pecatonica Improvement Association held a name the Peeketolika Mascot Contest at the Pecatonica Schools. The festival features an Indian Theme. Sixteen names were submitted with Tommy TeePee being chosen the winner. The name was submitted by Jeffrey Baker and he will receive a bag of coins on the children’s stage, in the Family TeePee, at the festival that will be held on June 23 and 24 at the Winnebago County Fairgrounds. The mascot will be played by members of the Pec Playhouse Youth Group. Other names submitted were: Chief Thunderbolt, Chief Magnifico, T.P. Pete, Petecolicico, Chief Pec Man, River Runner, Chief Peeketolika, Chief Keto, Chief Peeketo, Ronnoc, Noidam, Tommy Tee Pee, How-ee, Chief Featherhead, Chief Pecahotas, chief Wanna Win. The festival is sponsored by the P.I.A. for the purpose of offering not for profit groups to fund raise.
Peeketolika MascotThe Peeketolika Festival mascot’s new name is Tommy TeePee. Shown is local student Jessica Barkdoll in the tee-pee and headdress. Tommy TeePee will be a featured attraction at the Peeketolika Festival on June 23 and 24.
I will not support the Peeketolika Festival solely because of their mascot “Tommy TeePee”. I find it incredibly offensive and bigoted and will not attend the event. I want to clarify that while events such as Festa Italiana and the Swedish Midsommer Festival are fun they do not promote degrading stereotypes against the wishes of the people they are trying to celebrate.
Shame on Pecatonica Improvement Association for promoting this
Shame on Pec Playhouse for participating
Shame on the Winnebago County Fair Board for allowing it
Shame on the teachers who didn’t stop this
Shame on the Pecatonica School Board for allowing such a contest promoting and teaching our children how to be racists. Racism is not a game.
The United States Commission on Civil Rights
Commission Statement on the Use of Native American Imagesand Nicknames as Sports Symbols Issued: April 13, 2001
Jun 18, 2006
Jun 17, 2006
Photoshop Fun
Here it's 5:00 and I am finally able to sit and write for a bit. Holiday weekends can be crazy for us sometimes.
I've got nothing,
and it's freaking 95 degrees,
and I'm tired from just thinking about any activity.
Ok, maybe I have a photo to post, sometimes I keep a thing or two in reserve for days such as this. A-HA!
Can you imagine how much easier my days would be if they looked like this? Or not, what a conundrum - I don't know if I could live with myself. Maybe only if we were telekinetic. Could you live with yourself - literally?
I've got nothing,
and it's freaking 95 degrees,
and I'm tired from just thinking about any activity.
Ok, maybe I have a photo to post, sometimes I keep a thing or two in reserve for days such as this. A-HA!
Can you imagine how much easier my days would be if they looked like this? Or not, what a conundrum - I don't know if I could live with myself. Maybe only if we were telekinetic. Could you live with yourself - literally?
Jun 16, 2006
Mothers Unite
In response to the New York times article Breast-Feed or Else By Roni Rabin June 13, 2006, I post this from MomsRising.Org
"...Demand a ceasefire in the so-called “Mommy Wars.” Help send a strong message to the media that uses this headline grabbing fiction to divide women...
The Mommy Wars are a media concoction designed to sell magazines and to increase ratings. This distracts us from the real issues and unnecessarily divides mothers. Mothers in the paid labor force and mothers who are not have vastly more in common than what separates them. In fact, a majority of mothers who are out of the labor force ultimately go back to paid work.
Simplistic “us versus them” rhetoric does not reflect our experience and needs. This isn’t a playground and we don’t have to choose sides. The Mommy Wars promote ill will where we should be fostering connections. The truth is there are no sides.
Let the media show us programming that reflects our true needs. It’s time to focus on the real problems that average Americans face every day. A quarter of American families with children under six years old live in poverty. How about some in-depth feature coverage that explores solutions which benefit us all? Solutions such as quality universal pre-K and paid family leave for all workers who need time to care need more coverage. We spend more per person for health care than any other nation yet rank a low 37th for our mortality rate of children under five years old, and are the only Western nation without a national health program. These are just a few of the issues that impact all families and should be broadcast nationwide.
As a country we give lip service to family values, yet we fail to recognize the value of family care giving, and give only nominal social support.
It’s time to get the media’s attention and tell them they are missing the real story."
Enough of the cat fight - unite!
"...Demand a ceasefire in the so-called “Mommy Wars.” Help send a strong message to the media that uses this headline grabbing fiction to divide women...
The Mommy Wars are a media concoction designed to sell magazines and to increase ratings. This distracts us from the real issues and unnecessarily divides mothers. Mothers in the paid labor force and mothers who are not have vastly more in common than what separates them. In fact, a majority of mothers who are out of the labor force ultimately go back to paid work.
Simplistic “us versus them” rhetoric does not reflect our experience and needs. This isn’t a playground and we don’t have to choose sides. The Mommy Wars promote ill will where we should be fostering connections. The truth is there are no sides.
Let the media show us programming that reflects our true needs. It’s time to focus on the real problems that average Americans face every day. A quarter of American families with children under six years old live in poverty. How about some in-depth feature coverage that explores solutions which benefit us all? Solutions such as quality universal pre-K and paid family leave for all workers who need time to care need more coverage. We spend more per person for health care than any other nation yet rank a low 37th for our mortality rate of children under five years old, and are the only Western nation without a national health program. These are just a few of the issues that impact all families and should be broadcast nationwide.
As a country we give lip service to family values, yet we fail to recognize the value of family care giving, and give only nominal social support.
It’s time to get the media’s attention and tell them they are missing the real story."
Enough of the cat fight - unite!
Jun 15, 2006
Watch for Deer
I really am a city girl at heart and it becomes apparent in my own mind every Wednesday night while driving home from my Mother’s house. You see she lives over the hills and through the woods in the next town over. It’s a 30 minute drive through the country from my small town to her large suburb and consequently a long and very dark ride home past a lot of weeds and cornfields with an occasional farm or silo. I am ever so more comfortable driving through the worst part of the city than these late night journeys through the country side. For starters in the city if your car breaks down and your cell is dead then you can go knock on the door of the house with the most manicured lawn and ask to use their phone, in the country you have to walk on the side of the road, past whatever dead thing is flattened out and festering in the gravel on the shoulder to the nearest homestead were you may have to track down some crabby farmer working in his barn. Worse yet, you can stay with your car were someone will pull over and offer you a ride home claiming they know your neighbors aunt’s second husband and therefore proving they are trustworthy enough to not kill you or molest you or talk to you about Jesus or Gays ruining America the whole way home. Let’s just say I keep my cell phone charged.
Then there’s the deer. Anyone who’s left our house has heard the phrase “Watch for deer” upon their departure, we say it so frequently, it’s a phrase mastered and used often by our two year old. Jamie & her daughter were leaving our house not that long ago and while we stood on the front porch Ella shouted “Thanks for coming and WATCH for DEER!” while they walked the whole one block to their house. Seriously, if you hit one just right it can total your car and then it may have the audacity to lie on the side of the road bleating in pain while you wish you had a gun rack in the back of your minivan for just such occasions. When you see their glowing eyes you just have to slow down as the whole herd is hanging about double-dog-daring each other to run out into the road. I think it’s like an extreme sport for Bambi, I imagine after a particularly close call, the daredevil deer is standing in the next field over laughing and saying to his deer buddies “Damn what a rush! Who’s next? I see more headlights! Wahoo!” This constant scanning in the weeds next to the road makes me a little jumpy. It’s just field and field and field going by and you start to see shadows and sometimes a mailbox has a little reflective tape on it and you’re nerves amp up to high alert waiting to see if the reflection moves. It’s just not as relaxing as driving under pleasant predictable neon glow of street lamp every 100feet.
Then there are all the Stephen King books, camp fire horror stories and urban legends to keep one’s mind busy when driving through a veritable Midwestern desert known as prairie. The legend of the Corn Monster and all those UFO sightings and of course the totally true one about that woman who was raped and murdered and left in a ditch and now her naked ghost hitchhikes on Trask Bridge Rd. wearing only a red scarf around her neck, are all enough to scare the beejesus out of a city girl but if you add a little fog to that and then drive slow and scan, scan, scan for deer you can just poke me in the rib and watch the grey hairs appear before you. Give me a monster I can see over the one’s I can imagine any day. At least I can hand my keys over to a carjacker and report my credit cards stolen later, I don’t even know what the Corn Monster wants other than to claw me to shreds, and drag me screaming into the fields to suck on my eyeballs.
Dan wonders why I have to stay up on Wednesday nights to wind down before I can get to sleep.
Photo from www.billemory.com
Then there’s the deer. Anyone who’s left our house has heard the phrase “Watch for deer” upon their departure, we say it so frequently, it’s a phrase mastered and used often by our two year old. Jamie & her daughter were leaving our house not that long ago and while we stood on the front porch Ella shouted “Thanks for coming and WATCH for DEER!” while they walked the whole one block to their house. Seriously, if you hit one just right it can total your car and then it may have the audacity to lie on the side of the road bleating in pain while you wish you had a gun rack in the back of your minivan for just such occasions. When you see their glowing eyes you just have to slow down as the whole herd is hanging about double-dog-daring each other to run out into the road. I think it’s like an extreme sport for Bambi, I imagine after a particularly close call, the daredevil deer is standing in the next field over laughing and saying to his deer buddies “Damn what a rush! Who’s next? I see more headlights! Wahoo!” This constant scanning in the weeds next to the road makes me a little jumpy. It’s just field and field and field going by and you start to see shadows and sometimes a mailbox has a little reflective tape on it and you’re nerves amp up to high alert waiting to see if the reflection moves. It’s just not as relaxing as driving under pleasant predictable neon glow of street lamp every 100feet.
Then there are all the Stephen King books, camp fire horror stories and urban legends to keep one’s mind busy when driving through a veritable Midwestern desert known as prairie. The legend of the Corn Monster and all those UFO sightings and of course the totally true one about that woman who was raped and murdered and left in a ditch and now her naked ghost hitchhikes on Trask Bridge Rd. wearing only a red scarf around her neck, are all enough to scare the beejesus out of a city girl but if you add a little fog to that and then drive slow and scan, scan, scan for deer you can just poke me in the rib and watch the grey hairs appear before you. Give me a monster I can see over the one’s I can imagine any day. At least I can hand my keys over to a carjacker and report my credit cards stolen later, I don’t even know what the Corn Monster wants other than to claw me to shreds, and drag me screaming into the fields to suck on my eyeballs.
Dan wonders why I have to stay up on Wednesday nights to wind down before I can get to sleep.
Photo from www.billemory.com
Jun 14, 2006
Ella-isms
When going to bed:
"I love you when I sniff you and I kiss you"
While Mom is dancing:
"Go-mom-me-go-mom-me-go-mom-me!"
Just in general:
"You don't eat me, I'm gross"
Jun 13, 2006
Trump Possible Nihilist?
I may have already mentioned that we are taking our vacation in September and renewing our vows in Las Vegas. As a result Dan has been reading Casino Player magazine in an attempt to learn how to break the casino. I think the magazine is great for all different reasons, I mean knowing that one should stand on a 16 against a dealer's 10 if one has drawn 3 cards is I'm sure the rule that will lead us to millions but I also like to read about all the places to eat and dance and see art you know all the things my husband doesn't even know happens in Las Vegas because he is so blinded by the clay chips. I swear to you I have heard him say "what lions... I didn't see any lions." while we were at MGM.
Ok, well Dan's been reading Casino Player and I casually peruse it but the first thing I noticed this month is how much the people on the front look like us in that weird kind of "if we were ever casting our characters in a TV miniseries" kinda way. I guess I'm trying to say this is the Crest commercial version of me and Dan right here.
Next thing I noticed (because Dan opened it up and said look at this) was the article about Trump Taj Mahal Casino on page 145. It looks seriously posh, but there is a nightclub that is seriously... well... let's just say not. It started out good, first of all I would totally visit a night club called the Casbah with big pink words proclaiming Rock the Casbah written in neon across the bar, but then I saw the picture. Either Trump's hired some Nihilist to wonder about and cool up the place or this is the most pathetic disco ever suddenly making it a must see.
Ok, we shall zoom in so you can all see the shiny silver pants on the... ehem... person making the funky disco face next to the girl walking like an Egyptian in her snake skin camel toe huggers.
Um yeah, go ahead click on the picture; look at this train wreck up close. I was already planning what to wear to this bastion of bad taste and everything Trump when I realized it's in Atlantic City NJ. My wedding reception thwarted by proximity problems - damn.
Ok, well Dan's been reading Casino Player and I casually peruse it but the first thing I noticed this month is how much the people on the front look like us in that weird kind of "if we were ever casting our characters in a TV miniseries" kinda way. I guess I'm trying to say this is the Crest commercial version of me and Dan right here.
Next thing I noticed (because Dan opened it up and said look at this) was the article about Trump Taj Mahal Casino on page 145. It looks seriously posh, but there is a nightclub that is seriously... well... let's just say not. It started out good, first of all I would totally visit a night club called the Casbah with big pink words proclaiming Rock the Casbah written in neon across the bar, but then I saw the picture. Either Trump's hired some Nihilist to wonder about and cool up the place or this is the most pathetic disco ever suddenly making it a must see.
Ok, we shall zoom in so you can all see the shiny silver pants on the... ehem... person making the funky disco face next to the girl walking like an Egyptian in her snake skin camel toe huggers.
Um yeah, go ahead click on the picture; look at this train wreck up close. I was already planning what to wear to this bastion of bad taste and everything Trump when I realized it's in Atlantic City NJ. My wedding reception thwarted by proximity problems - damn.
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