Happy Earth Day, Nature Ran Into My Bedroom

Last Saturday as I walked out the door, with 40 things balanced in my arms and my keys in my hand, a very small lizard ran through the door, around the corner into my bedroom. Our mattresses just sits on the floor eliminating any room for monsters underneath. The lizard went between the bed and the wall. I made Dan promise to move everything and chase it back out of the house. Later, he said he couldn't find it.

This Smiling Boy

My Breech baby boy at thirty weeks

The Lost Six Hours aka Welcome to the World Kid!

I stopped by the labor and delivery floor of the hospital connected to my OB's office today. A very nice nurse was kind enough to give me a quick tour and answer some questions. The good news was most of my labor options are up to me and my OB, like being able to eat or drink during labor, getting into the jacuzzi, or what monitoring I'd prefer. That was all great news as I vetted my new doctor with great care and I adore her. The not so good news was what happens to baby boy after being born at this hospital. I had the following eye opening conversation with the very nice nurse.

Nurse: We allow* the baby to stay in the room with you for about an hour and then we take him over to the nursery for four to six hours, for his first bath and tests while you recover.

Me: What do they do that takes four to six hours?

Nurse: We do a vitamin K injection and the Hepatitis B vaccine, PKU Screen and eye ointment, all according to your pediatrician's orders of course. Then we give baby a bath and put baby under the heat lamps to warm up and regulate body temperature. You know clean baby up, put a little hat on and blanket before bringing baby back.

Me: Wait, the nurses give the baby his first bath? Why not the parents?

Nurse: Well sometimes you can ask the nurses on staff and they'll let you participate**, otherwise you or a family member can certainly come down and watch through the glass.

Me: So, why does the baby need to have his body temperature regulated?

Nurse: After the bath they are cold and are wet and so we put them in the warmer to get their body temperatures back up. It can sometimes take a few hours.

Me: Why don't they do that in the room with me if there's a warmer in each room or better yet, why don't they just put the baby on me so I can warm him up while nursing?

Nurse: Well, again it depends on who's on that day, you can certainly ask them, but most of the time you really need some time to recover and we need to monitor the baby closely, so it's best to let the nurses do their job***.

Me: Ok, how about giving the baby a bottle? Last time the hospital did it despite my instructions not to. I plan to breast feed.

Nurse: Well, if the baby's blood sugars are low, we do give a bottle of sugar water to get them back up to speed.

Me: But if you let the mother nurse instead of making the baby wait for six hours won't that automatically keep the blood sugars up?

Nurse: Well, you know usually your milk doesn't come in for a few days.****

Me: Ok, thanks, I think those are all the questions I needed answered.

*Yes, she really used the word "allow" and it made me bristle.

** Again with the "letting" and "allowing"! While we leave the treatment of my newborn son and my participation or non-participation of his first moments all up to the random chance of who's on call and what mood she's in. I may get to watch through the glass. Good grief.

***In other words, you are asking hard questions and now I must make you feel silly so you'll shut up.

****I guess this nurse never heard of Colostrum.

So to paraphrase the whole conversation, she told me "Your baby will be born and whisked away for our nurses to wash off all the natural protective moisturizer he's born with, under cool water, perform a shit load of unnecessary tests and vaccines that one should actually wait to do and then plop him alone under a heat lamp like a Chicken McNugget while we don't feed him. After a few hours we'll give him a bottle of sugar water to correct the starvation we just imposed, totally derailing your efforts to breast feed. But he'll be fashion forward in a cute knitted hat, shiny clean and you should be all rested up in six hours!"

I will tour a different hospital next week.

***

I found this amazing resource GivingBirthNaturally.com that helped me learn about the mystery of this lost six hours. These are the things they do not tell you in the hospital birthing class.

Super Paste Please

Why do toothpaste manufacturers make all the different kinds they do? Does anyone actually want toothpaste that whitens but doesn't get rid or tartar, or that tastes extra minty and strengthens enamel to prevents sensitivity but doesn't get the coffee off? Just mix it all up into one batch already and sell me the good toothpaste that does it all. I don't want to have to prioritize my tooth cleansing needs. Please, I have more important things to think about, like which show I will DVR and which show I will watch live on a Thursday night.

Courage Mom

Free Range Kids has become one of my daily reads these days. As I confront my own paranoia about moving from tiny town where everyone knows your name to giant city where nobody does, it's been a struggle to let the kid assert her independence. I'm turning to the blog for support. It's written by the lady who let her 9 year old ride the subway, maybe you saw her when they called her the worst mom in America. She's not, she's the bravest mom in America maybe.

I'm doing my best to let the kid run around and play without and my ever watchful eye three feet from her and a small and simple toy I requested for Christmas has allowed me to do it. Walkie Talkies. This way when she scrapes her knee she can radio me to come get her, or when I get the overwhelming feeling she may be following a clown down into the sewer to get a balloon I can radio her and make sure she isn't.

As she gets older I need to remember the things I did when I was young. Waiting at the bus stop alone. A walk to the local dime store for candy. Unfettered time on my bike on my own block. The freedom to knock on the door of a new neighbor and say "Do you have kids? Can they come out and play" These are not unreasonable things. The fact is most kidnapped children are taken by family members and or someone they know. The most dangerous thing she does every day is riding in the car with me. I just have to look at the numbers.

And I am a super mom, but I'm not Super Mom, I can't prevent every knee scrape, every hurt feeling and every bruise, nor should I. I can't function with a child hanging onto my leg every moment and she can't grow while hanging on. I don't have the energy to play as much as she does, she needs to find her own way, her own playmates and her own life. Yes, at six. Because I am here for checkers, or to get the gum out of her hair and the occasional hipppity hop scotch game, but baby I am too big to climb that tree without a proper ladder.

I Heart Bossy Women

I'm not skating this season. After July, I still have to wait six weeks until I can get back on skates and at a best case scenario that gets me up and going right at the end of the 2010 season. As a plus is gives the few off-ish months to get conditioned and literally back up to speed before the 2011 season. This has not stopped my team from including me in absolutely everything we do.

I'm not sure they know how much of a difference it makes to someone who just moved here and doesn't know a soul, to instantly treat them as family. I wasn't sure how I felt about it myself, until last night during a giant team hug my co-captain said a few words and I had turn my attention from having my arms around these wonderfully sweaty women to the crazy shoelaces in the skates gathered around my feet, to keep from getting all choked up and crying. (I know, not very tough - what do ya want I got hormones!) Let me say this, these women have made the move easier and better than I ever could've imagined.

Itawamba Agricultural High School's Parents Blow it Big Time

Itawamba Agricultural High School in Fulton, Mississippi has parents of seniors who just blew it big time, teaching their kids it's ok to be a bigot by holding a secret prom.

I realize the tough decisions that need to be made as a parent when organizing a party and inviting kids from school. Do you invite just boys? Just Girls? The whole class? Does a party of 20 kids even fit where you are planning it? Can your pocket book stretch that far? Eventually, even I threw my hands up and said, the kid can invite six friends and they will just have to not mention to the other 14 that they got an invite. Then there was a long hard talk about not gloating and why we couldn't invite everyone and how to handle any possible hurt feelings. We even practiced what to say. This we did in Kindergarten. Kindergarten! And I tried my hardest to make is easy and fair for my daughter as well as the kids in her class. But can you imagine if we'd invited 17 of the 20 leaving three out because of the way they were born? How about if it were a few hundred kids but not the seven who were either mentally challenged or homosexual?

Wow Itawamba parents, just wow! Nothing like teaching your young adults sanctioned public bigotry at one of the most impressionable times in their lives. Way to clear an ethical path to joining the KKK. Go Indians!

***

Update: from Feministing.com "Well, we're not all so bad. My name is Izzy Pellegrine and I'm a founding member of the Mississippi Safe Schools Coalition, a group that has been working for two years to promote LGBT student rights in MS. MSSC has been working with Constance for months to help organize her fellow students and educate members of her community. We're hosting our annual Second Chance Prom in her city and opening it up to all young people in the state. (And this is no seven person event!!) Check us out at www.mssafeschools.org"

5 Villainous Things I'd like to To Shout

5. Ha ha! I have you now!

4. Ready the Laser of Silly Walk!

3. Mere mortals!

2. Release the Kraken!*

1. Silence!

* 9:32 Update - After seeing the remake of Clash of the Titans**, I strike #2 and reserve the spot for later date.***

** 9:33 Review of the new Clash of the Titans - if the entire dialogue could be removed from this movie it would be better off.

*** 10:35 Update - I would like to announce #2 Release the Phil McKraken!

These Fairies Do Wear Boots

Yesterday, just after loading the groceries into the trunk, I heard Ella yell out in a slight panic "I lost my tooth!" followed by crying. I gave her a paper napkin from the glove compartment and found her tooth on the floor. As the crying subsided we talked about growing up and the tooth fairy and biology. It felt momentous.

A friend asked me if a kid lived on an island and never heard of the fairy, if they would inherently know that something magical just happened. I said I bet there would be some sort of right of passage and today I looked it up and read about all the things people do with baby teeth. Turns out it is a right of passage in a lot pf places and I read a great deal about the tooth mouse but I got the biggest kick out of reading the first tooth fairies of a sort were vikings.

"Cultural historians say that superstition has always surrounded teeth and these valuable tokens have been used to ward off witches and demons in the past. Vikings were even supposed to give children a "tooth fee" for using children's teeth."

the Wimpiest Cops in the World

This morning when I read that the courts ruled cops were justified in tasering a 7 month pregnant woman for speeding while bringing her son to school, I honestly thought it was an April Fools joke, so I googled it and sorry folks - nope. Apparently the officers (yes, there were THREE) felt threatened. I have to wonder what what kind of wimpy ass cops couldn't handle giving a speeding ticket at 8:30 in the morning, in front of the grade school, without getting out weapons?

Dear Sgt. Steven Daman, Officer Juan Ornelas and Officer Donald Jones of Seattle, I hope you google yourselves and see that I think you are pathetic, wimpy excuses for protectors of the public. I hope your coworkers never let you live this down.

My Babies

Comicpalooza Houston 2010

Yesterday we attended Comicpalooza 2010 in Houston. It's the third year for the convention and it was at brown Convention Center which I was very impressed with. the convention was small, with a 10,000 square foot dealer area, a nice little art show and several side rooms and theatre's filled with games, horror movie production workshops, and comic book how toos. The big celebrity of the day was Bruce Campbell who's Q&A session we attended, he's a very funny guy and according to the pal that went with us, a snappy dresser.

We saw the usual fan-boys in costume, ghost busters, belly dancers, actors that played Wookies (yay!), steam punk enthusiasts and goth chicks with hello kitty backpacks. I did see a few new things. Houston Roller Derby had a booth and the skatey ladies said we made lots of new friends at the convention. I saw one booth called Curious Specimens who sold skeletal fairy specimens in jars. If I still had a library, I'd want one to put it in.

We were also lucky enough to attend a sample of the Intergalactic Nemesis Live Action Graphic Novel Show in which the comic book is projected into the movie screen while the actors do the voices, folio and music right in front of the screen, old timey radio program style. It was super fun to watch the actors do multiple voices as well as the genius of the foley artist and his box of Macaroni and Cheese. The story was interesting with it's 1930s sci-fi flare and I understand they plan to bring the show in full to Houston next year and it's likely we'll attend. I bought a toy for baby boy, the first I've attained. It's a yellow amoeba. Ella and I thought it looked fun for a baby to chew on.

Lastly the convention hired some musicians and set them up in an adjacent ballroom. All afternoon we heard a DJ spinning techno thumping through the wall enticing the kid to go in and sample the dancey goodness. There was a lone rave kid in there dressed in steam punk gear, goggles and all spinning LED bulbs all afternoon too, which just egged on the kid. After ten minutes of watching him she could stand it no longer and had to dance. She jumped up and let loose with limbs flyin' and feet moving. She could've danced all day and I spent a good few hours in there sitting in a chair on the side trying to let her. Later there was a jungle band called Dead P.A. dressed in a Star Wars Cantina style complete with blue and red alien go-go dancers. We were pretty sure that drummer was a robot, after witnessing the speed with with he played. In addition to the alien chicks shaking their 6 boobs, the band continued to move the lone steam punk LED spinner, a few old school break dancers and the kid who lost herself completely in the pounding tunes.

So, you know I couldn't watch the kid rave on like a whirling dervish without video...

I was going to have some cheese spread and crackers

"Why is there a purple smiley face in here... ELLA! Don't color in the cheese dip with your markers."

You're Fired

I was talking to a good friend last night and he was saying how exciting things were now that it is warming up and people are getting out and about. I on the other hand am definitely feeling a slow down. After the big trip back to the state line and all the fun stuff I crammed into one week I am ready to nap for the next three months. Time is slowing to a crawl and I just want to get comfortable and snooze. Perhaps it's because of my lack of ability to get comfortable that I feel like I need to sleep all the time. OR it could be the thyroid pills my doc has me on. The same doc I fired yesterday. That's right, I fired my OB at almost 6 months of gestation and found a new one. It started with lost labs, continued with hours of time in the waiting room, grew with unanswered questions about the prescription he put me on, exacerbated by a lack of experience in having a uterus that has pushed out human or empathy for one who has, aggravated by a brief comparison with a dear friend who is only a week behind me in gestation but getting amazing care from my old doctor in IL and culminated with an ultra sound cancelled by a clueless receptionist. I'm excited about the new physician, I see her on Tuesday.

Home

I just returned from a spring break trip to IL. Ella got to see snow, I got to see the Divas play Glass City and our relatives got to see us.

Congratulations to our dear pals who missed seeing us because they were in the hospital welcoming their new daughter into the world - glad everyone is doing well and I have baby clothes for you at Mom's still.

I have photos to upload and stories to tell right after I get caught up on laundry, thank you notes and artwork.

Sick Day

I got to sleep straight through until 11:00 this morning. It was glorious. Ella is home sick and we lounged. When I got up she had taken a small sharpie and drawn monkeys on her leg. She tried to hide it because she thought I would be mad. I wasn't, they're wonderful monkeys. Instead I made her hash browns which was a giant mess. I got a plate and the grater out and washed two potatoes. The first potato was smaller for Ella and I set to work grating when I was almost finished I shifted my leverage catching the side of the plate and flipping the entire thing into the air sending grated potato onto every surface of the kitchen, my hair and the dog while I stood there in fixed disbelief. Then I couldn't stop giggling. I spent the next 15 minutes picking tiny potato bits from everywhere and starting over with the next potato. The hash browns were very yummy. After seeing the monkeys she drew and eating the hash browns I mentioned to Ella doing some belly art. I'd wanted some after looking at all these henna bellies and she got very excited about it. It's what we did with our afternoon. She did such a magnificent job and it was so relaxing, I'm positive I'll ask her to do it again.

List of Good Things

Sunny days

Instant coffee

Cotton clothing

Text messages

Finding your good lipstick after searching for two days

Baby kicks

.50c paperbacks

O'Douls beer flavored soda

Being four minutes early

A free flowing fancy pen

Warm towels fresh out of the dryer

A new wireless internet router

Funny dances

Aloe Vera plants

Naps

Plastic Sucks

"BPA Linked to Asthma Risk in Kids"

There Are Only Four kind of Pregnant Women

According to clothing manufacturers; Small, Medium, Large and Extra Large. I've tried on no less than 25 pair of blue jeans in the last two weeks ranging in price from second hand shop to pregnant lady boutique and have seen lots of ass sag and plumbers crack. I am doomed to wear my jeans with a rubber band on the button for as long as I possibly can. I did find a nice little pair of stretchy leggings but just can't love them enough to wear them every day with a dress of some type. I may not be barefoot and pregnant, but some days I am pantsless. So dear maternity pants manufacturers, I hope all the pants in your personal closet don't quite fit right either.