Mar 28, 2008

Luke out! Here comes another knock knock joke!

“Knock Knock” is an integral part of my daily routine especially while we are driving, I answer the proverbial knock knock door to “Alawishus Formy Twofronteeth,” “Julwanna Havesome Icecream,” “Lettuce In Itscoldouthere,” “Who I didn’t Knowyouwerean Owl” and my favorite visitor “Olive You” on a very regular basis. It’s almost like a roller derby party but instead of “Emma Hurtin’U” stopping in, I have “Emma Crackin’YouUp” hanging around knocking on my door all the time.

Today after a very pleasant lunch out, Ella tried to execute the very difficult “banana knock.” After oh say 37 runs through the “Knock knock,” “Who’s there?” “Banana” “Banana who?” algorithm Ella finally blurted out “Orange ya glad I didn’t say banana!” and I laughed and then she realized she skipped the part about “Orange” and “Orange who?” inadvertently answering my “Who’s there?” with a too hasty “Orange ya glad I didn’t say banana!” This is when I saw her inner guitar string snap and she stared off into space with a very puzzled look, the sort of look the carpenter had after he cut the wrong notches in the stringer board for the stairs up to our back door. He had measured carefully, set it up nicely and cut it precisely but in the end he had left something out and it just didn’t fit. After staring at it long and hard, he had to leave and buy a new board.

So, I honestly thought we would run through the Banana Knock arrangement another 37 times to set it up again but instead I was on the receiving end of some very crankily delivered literal knocks that went along the lines of this (please imagine it told by a very pouty four year old in the same irritated tone you would use while muttering to the whole house and nobody in particular “Who the hell put this jar of jelly back into the fridge, when it’s EMP-TEE!”):

“Knock knock,”

“Who’s there?”

“Car Tire,”

“Car Tire who?”

“Car Tire that goes A-Round!”

This went on in that same exasperated tone while “Purse on the floor”, “Coat that I’m Wearing” and “Van that We’re IN” all angrily banged on my knock-knock door, at which point I had a fit of the giggles and when Ella started screeching for me not to laugh at her knock knock jokes, I could barely get a breath in I was laughing so hard. I’m pretty sure she’s traumatized now.


Mar 27, 2008

bleah

It’s snowing again.


Mar 26, 2008

Yeah, What She Said!

Go read "The Evangelical Pro-Life Guide to Sexy Feminism" I love Liz's remarks, she put into words what I've been having a hard time articulating, and of course viva la writings of spinster aunt Twisty.

(Ok, I was trying to pick a quote from the article to put here and ended up just reprinting the entire text so just click the link a go read it)

Recycled Roar

The following are my comments from a post on feminism almost one year ago:

"Let’s switch to your definition and say “Taking control of one’s sexuality” means no longer feeling guilty about sex. It still does not make a liberated woman. In fact low income women are often the most oppressed and giving them the sense of power by telling them they can now enjoy sex freely without being called a hoochie doesn’t liberate them, put food in their kids bellies, promote them in the work place more often than men, or help them get health insurance. One has nothing to do with the other, it’s just “feel good feminism” no pun intended.

In fact the idea that one’s sexual projections can translate to power is dreadful; it puts too much value in one’s sexual identity. Feminism is about finding worth in humans regardless of what their sexual value is. Whether whore or nun, twenty something or crone, we have value far beyond our capability to orgasm or how we feel about it. I would even add when sexuality becomes influenced by power and vice versa it becomes dangerous.

***

It's like saying: Society conditioned you to believe wearing a board strapped to your head until one side is flat and foot binding is nice because it makes your walk look fabulous and implies you’re powerful, but don’t feel guilty about wanting to deform your body it’s a natural urge to want to be beautiful.

***

or in it's simplist form:

It’s ok to like the chains placed on you even though you’ve been conditioned since you were born to believe you like chains*."

*Original post says Yoke

Mar 25, 2008

Seriously?!

U.S. says missile parts mistakenly sent to Taiwan
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The U.S. Defense Department accidentally shipped ballistic missile components to Taiwan, the Pentagon said Tuesday...

Photo Editing Software - Look what followed me home, can I keep it?

Dan found this great photo editing program called Paint.NET v3.22. It does just about everything my old program did, at least all the things I liked. It has clone tools, layers and transparency gradation as well as gobs of filters. Best of all it's FREE.

I researched all weekend and tried to download the free trial version of
Adobe Photoshop Elements (now only $99.00 - cough) and the trial version wouldn't run the edit portion, it kept crashing. So I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and navigated the website until I could find customer service form and dropped them an e-mail asking for help fixing the problem, that was last Friday. I haven't heard anything back yet. It's nice to get a little taste of what customer service might be like before I'm a customer.

I also found a very fun program with tons of filters and animated tutorials called
VCW Vicman's Photo Editor. Vic Man offers each of his components for free individually here or all bundled together here re-named Pho.to the site also offers an "Online Photo Service" also at the magical price of FREE. I think the online photo service works similar to Flicker but I haven't looked into it too much yet. The photo editor I installed is fun, it has gobs of filters I haven't seen before installed in it and though it does the same thing Pain.net does with less ease I couldn't bring myself to uninstall it because of all the filters, I want to keep them.

Conclusion:
Adobe Photo Deluxe from 1996 - five stars (I loved this program - R.I.P.)
Paint.net - four stars
Adobe Photoshop Elements - no stars
VCW Vicman's Photo Editor - three Stars

Photo edited with VCW Vicman's Photo Editor - Sapphire #5 filter

Mar 23, 2008

What the Sign at the Lutheran Church Says

a.k.a. Why I'm kinda glad my kid doesn't read yet.

"For all you do, his blood's for you"

Mar 21, 2008

Spring

Just outside of town there’s a big curve in the road, the kind that recommends with a little yellow sign you take your speed from 55mph to 20mph. On the outside arc of that curve is a little household garden belonging to the farm house on the inside of the curve. Every year, there are sunflowers and tomatoes, green beans and peppers; it’s a nice little garden, like one I aspire to have in my own yard. One summer, some years ago, a man on a motorcycle didn’t make the big curve and lost his life while lying in the little garden on the outside arc. I’ve been thinking of it when I drive out of town. I wonder if he stared up at the summer stars that night. I wonder if I would have the fortitude to still garden there or if it would feel more errant to neglect the soil. I wonder if anyone asked to put a make shift memorial there; a plastic cross with silk flowers like so many others I see dotting the highway marking the dirt that someone laid on when they lost their life. I imagine how it might look among the sprouting young plants in the spring. I think of it when I see pictures on the news of teddy bears piled high mixed with throngs of cards, notes and flowers on public sidewalks after a tragic event and I imagine the same outpouring of public grief piled high in the middle of a small kitchen garden. Soon enough the family on the inside of the arc will till the soil on the outside of the arc and sew their seeds.

Mar 20, 2008

New Software

I can not believe how fast I can get things done when my computer isn't crashing every two minutes and my e-mail loads faster than it takes me to walk to the post office. Although my old photo editor program from the last century (1996) is not allowed on the newer version of computer de Bombadee per my live in tech-support man. So can anyone recomend a program you like? I'd like it to have paintbrushes and clone tools and and filters and effects and layers and text and fun stuff like that. What do you use?

Mar 19, 2008

Lucky

Dan reinstalled Windows for me yesterday in an effort to shorten the amount of time it takes to oh, say open the freaking calcuator. Praise Bill Gates, it worked and I still own all my data. Although I did stay up until at least 1am fighting with Yahoo/Verizon (stinks!) and their auto-installed settings for Explorer (bleah!) have I mentioned Verizon sucks? Just in case I didn't, they do. That is all.

Mar 17, 2008

Corned Beef

Dan: How come you didn't eat those bits?

Me: Because it's all fat.

Dan: But that's where all the flavor is.

Me: That's where all the heart attack is.

Dan: Mmmm heart attack flavor, yum.

Mar 14, 2008

Tricky

I've been backtracking through This American Life episodes on the net when Ella's in Preschool. And yesterday I listened to #178: Superpowers and Act One has me thinking.

"John Hodgman conducts an informal survey in which he asks the age-old question: Which is better: The power of flight or the power of invisibility? He finds that how you answer tells a lot about what kind of person you are. And also, no matter which power people choose, they never use it to fight crime. (13 minutes)"

The question on the table then is would you rather be invisible or be able to fly? In the story, people spend gobs of time pondering the merits and drawbacks of both and one woman makes a comment about having guile and being torn on which super power would be best for her. I on the other hand immediately, without hesitation knew I would like to fly. I dream about it all the time and there is no question in my mind. And then I had to look up the word
guile - (I know it seems like I should know what it means but I didn't so I looked) For sure I do not have guile.

I have a very hard time keeping a secret especially if it's really exciting. While I can refrain from telling you what I bought you for Christmas, I can't keep hidden the fact that I bought something. When I started roller derby it was an opportunity to create and alter ego, anything I liked... yeah, I'm just me only sweatier, and with funnier socks. Even in politics I didn't want to hear "the plan" too closely because chances are I would forget what portion of it was "top secret" and tell someone in casual conversation the next week all about how so and so was planning to throw her support behind so and so long before anyone was supposed to know. I'm pretty sure this is why magicians are like rock stars to me.

David Bowie? Yeah he's hot and all but David Blaine? I'm speechless. The way I used to swoon over any long haired boy that could strum three cords out of a fender in high school, I am immediately enchanted by the guy at the mall levitating a card around the counter. I refrain from reading magic books as I want to remain a gullible fan and I prefer my magic acapella. The simple coin tricks and cards disappearing right in front of my eyes beat flashy sliver boxes and swords on a stage any day, just the way a person might prefer the unplugged version of their favorite song. The simplicity of it astonishes me and the hardest part about some of these tricks is having the guile to pull it off.


And now I don’t feel like I have a good ending to this rambling piece so I’ll just ask you what I really wanted to know… invisibility or flight?

Mar 12, 2008

mikeink.com

My long time mysace friend launched a blog. http://www.mikeink.com/

Let's just say he's full of all the snarky things people wish they could think of on a split second and then actually had the nerve to say.

Mar 11, 2008

Gross and Inappropriate

So, I always thought the song went "Blinded by the light. Wrapped up like a douche in the middle of the night." and for over 30 years I wondered what the hell this all meant. Like did some emergency require this lady to require a major personal cleansing in the middle of the night and then she felt the need to wind like a gob of TP around the used portions and then perhaps some duct tape and finally a paper bag and twine before she threw it away? It must've been a very dramatic wrapping up for there to be a song about it. Ok, so I finally looked it up on the Internet today... Um yeah it's "Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night."

Mar 10, 2008

The 'stache

I booked a room for Roller Con 2008 today. I was reminiscing about last year and remembered this reoccurring scenario; on any given day at the convention you could witness some old gambler scrutinizing the back of some roller girl’s fish-netted legs and sweaty tank top with her gratuitous name printed on the back, only to have him jump out of his own skin when she turned around and her accessories included a nose ring and a curly handlebar moustache carefully drawn onto her upper lip. I delighted in watching this little vignette play out several times last year.

Well, this week Ella keeps drawing on her face with marker. She says “Look at my lipstick!” and I turn around to see she’s drawn a circle around her lips with whatever marker or pen she found and because we are writing utensil heavy around here, it’s easy. I’ve given up immediately scrubbing her face off with soap as her skin is so delicate and the weather is so dry her cheeks end up chapped and itchy. And because she’s had a cold we’ve been home for most of last week so mostly I just let her walk around with pen that partially wears off and becomes a little purple moustache on her face and then I secretly crack up all day long every time I look at her. I feel I should add, her father is horrified at this whole production.


Mar 9, 2008

Cutie Pies

I'm totally junking out watching American Idol today and I really only like one of the women this year Brook White. She's just comes off as really genuine and nice, someone I'd like to actually know and her voice is fantastic. The rest are sort of forgetable, accept maybe Amanda Overmyer who is good but only because she's so different. I suspect if you put Amanda (the rocked out chick with streaks in her hair) up next to other rockin' chicks, I just don't know that she would really stand out at all. On the other hand there are three guys who are just dreamy. (Yes, I said dreamy.)

David Cook plays guitar and has a great voice and style and while he isn't necesarily very photogenic he is really handsome when he's singing, maybe it's the attitude...

Jason Castro would be hanging on my bedroom wall were I still 17 and I would be grasping for any tidbit about the shy cutie and snatching up his music for my cell phone.

Michael Johns has an aussie accent that makes me crazy and is more my generation so naturally it's a little easier to want to put a poster of him on my bedroom wall, perhaps I'll get to settle for buying his CD.

As long as these three are still in, I'll still tune in.

Mar 7, 2008

Tripical Fish

We have a weekend away scheduled and I am getting so excited I can hardly take it. No cell phone, no computer, an IMAX theatre, a pool, a play ground, a masseuse on staff, plenty of places to shop and eat and a few very nice friends to share it with. It's exactly what I need. If the weather is really rainy I am thinking of venturing into the city and hitting the Aquarium or the Science and Industry Museum with kiddo, but sometimes I hate to make a plan and then get irritated when it doesn't go like I planned, so it's probably better if I don't think about it at all beyond looking forward to it. It's like standing on the dock on a very hot day with a snorkle on... you know when you jump in it's going to be good but you really don't know what you'll see.

Mar 6, 2008

Finale

Yay! Christian won Project Runway! I would wear everything he's ever deisgned (if I could fit into it.)

Mar 5, 2008

Just in Case

I've hit that part of the year that makes me want to rearrange the house, fling the doors open, wash every corner of the floor and breathe fresh air. We live in a very old place and as a consequence have no closets. Everything we own is out all the time, in a way that when new people visit and I give the tour it often includes phrases like “And there’s our vacuum right there next to the Christmas decorations.” This has me thinking and the other day while standing in our bedroom looking towards the wonderful stained glass window framed by giant tubs of clothing Ella has outgrown stacked against the wall, I realized that perhaps I am hanging on to quite a lot of stuff just in case. Just is case we have another child, and just in case it’s another girl, and just in case she’s in the same sizes as Ella at the same time of year, I am all set. Really dear internets how practical is this? When the weather turns I could open all the doors and sweep it all out onto the front lawn and put a sticker that says 25¢ on it. Please understand, this is not a declaration about the future expansion of our family it’s a conscious decision about space and quality of living right now. Tell me did you save clothes for the next kid? Did you wear your big sister’s clothes? How often does this really work? Maybe we should just build some closets.

Mar 4, 2008

Well actually, I find the Purple Grover tile rather hard to place

We bought Ella a set of Sesame Street dominoes and it's a fairly difficult and complicated game filled with strategy and advance moves. Although Ella is just grasping the fundamentals, she has managed to beat me at least a dozen times in the last three days. Instead of matching numbers one must match color and character and we also have a house rule about not being able to play off the edge of the table, once that first dominoes is placed that’s where the board is. I find Ella particularly striking when she is figuring out her next move and clicking her tongue in thoughtfulness, second only to how surreal the phrasing she uses while placing the next tile sounds both grown up and peppered with childhood.

“I’ve got a double Ernie and no Ernies on the board, shoot! Your move.”


This is something I am hearing more often when conversing with Ella, she uses the cadence and phrasing of a grown up but the content is all kid. I know spending the vast amount of her time listening and talking to Dan and me has affected her vocabulary but it's all the subtleties of our communication that when mirrored by her I find really funny.


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