Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work

Stolen straight from the I Blame the Patriarchy post Toronto Activists Take Back the Slut in wich she attributes it to an email. Because it's worth the repost and I encourage you to pass it on.

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work

1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.

2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.

4. If you are in a lift and a woman gets in, don’t rape her.

5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.

6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.

7. When you lurk in bushes and doorways with criminal intentions, always wear bright clothing, wave a flashlight, or play “Boys Who Rape (Should All Be Destroyed)” by the Raveonettes on a boombox really loud, so women in the vicinity will know where to aim their flamethrowers.

8. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you when lurking in shadows.

9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape a woman, you can hand the whistle to your buddy, so s/he can blow it to call for help.

10. Give your buddy a revolver, so that when indifferent passers-by either ignore the rape whistle, or gather round to enjoy the spectacle, s/he can pistol-whip you.

11. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

In other words, the best way to prevent rape is to not rape anybody.

Mexican Pointy Boots, The Movie!

Wimpiest Cops in the World Part III

Just go ahead and add Lakewood Police Officers in Colorado to the wimpiest cops in the world list for pepper spraying an eight year old Glennon Heights Elementary School second grader, twice.

Housewife Confession

I am frugal. I like a store sale. Give me 50% off this rack because you need to make room for new things, but please keep your coupons to yourself. It's all I can do to remember a shopping list and my recyclable grocery bags. Coupons must be clipped, sorted, brought and then the item must be hunted within the specified dates, there are rules and regulations and governing bodies to coupons. Besides all of that, in theory coupons really piss me off. I think if it's possible for a company to charge less for milk or diapers then they just should. It's the same way I can't stand when companies offer to give starving orphans, crippled puppies and cancer patients a dollar if I spend the time to wash my yogurt lids before depositing them into a hand addressed envelope and mailing them to El Paso. The company should skip the hoop jumping and give the money to the needy already, or perhaps cancer doesn't get cured this year for the want of one more dollar because I refused to be held hostage in the crazy lid scheme. It's a lot of guilt I don't need during and afternoon yogurt snack.

Bibliophilia

I stood at Goodwill among the stacks of used books scanning each spine for something interesting when I happened upon a pink book stuck spine inward. I grabbed and turned it about before putting it back in the stacks and finding a little brown wrapped text book next to it.

The old brown wrapper is oily and smooth from being used and covers a beautiful red text book called "Mathematical Tables - From Handbook of Chemistry and Physics Seventh Edition" compiled by Charles D. Hodgman, M.S., Associate Professor of Physics at Case School of Applied Science from Chemical Rubber Publishing Co. 2310 Superior Ave. N.E., Cleveland, Ohio. 1941

It's a relic befitting of a shelf with a slide rule and a Kodak Duaflex IV twin lens camera also perched on it. It's a book I'll not take the time to read, understand or use, but a book I instantly fell in love with. On the inside cover Eugene Anthony Tiernan, who later co-authored "New Technology in Oilseed Proteins," carefully wrote the log shortcuts he wanted to easily access while he was in Iowa State College's Chem E. Class. It was a time when instead of buying a cell phone case, one bought a brown book cover to wrap a book in and had phone number like "2183-J" that an operator had to connect you to.

On the inside of the buttery little book are pages and pages filled with patterns of numbers in tables carefully typeset in something like a Bookman font. The pages are thin, smooth and abundant. The whole book lightweight and satisfyingly convenient in size. It made utterly no sense for me to buy it other than I wanted it. I paid $1.50 and with the original selling price at 55¢, if my math is right, I figured it to be a terrific investment already appreciating by almost 300%.

Hyper Kid

As parents I think we really need to stick together and build each other up. There's plenty of judgement and blame for parents to go around, but I can no longer stay silent watching folks put their six and seven year old kids in strollers at the zoo. I don't think it's wrong to make a little person walk at the zoo until they complain their legs hurt, that's when it's time to get lunch or go home. And I promise, after walking outdoors all day, they will go straight to sleep that evening.

TINY DRAWINGS BLOG!

Learning to Eat

I keep giving Jack pieces of banana and sometimes peas even a few corners of toast. The only thing he's managed to feed himself is two scraps of black construction paper and a kernel of dry dog food.

Irish Need Not Apply

How many people do you know that will proudly recite how many quarters, eighths and one sixteenths French, German, Irish, Cherokee, Jamaican, and Italian they are when asked? How many will proudly share with you a family recipe from the old country when asked? Or agree the Statue of Liberty is a powerful symbol of America? Are they the same people who would vote for the politicians in this video? Or chant USA in the face of a child who's skin is brown?

This Saturday

I'll be skating here this Saturday.

http://www.thehotrodhoedown.com/

Link

Parents Are Taking the Fun Out of Toys

By Lenore Skenazy

Shake Me Up

Last year about this time I stopped at McDonald's and asked for a Shamrock Shake, the voice on the other end of the speaker said "You want a what?" I said "A Shamrock shake... you know, the green ones...?" I was met with silence. "What kind of shakes do you have?" I demanded "Um, vanilla, strawberry and chocolate." Now I was silent while taking in the possibility that McDonald's didn't have a Shamrock Shake in Texas. I started again "I'm from the Chicago area and every year for St. Patrick's Day McDonald's makes a minty green shake called a Shamrock Shake and I guess you don't have them here." The voice on the other end said "Oh what a great idea, when is St. Patrick's Day?"

Asking a Illionian when St. Patrick's Day is, is like asking a Texan when Cinco De Mayo is.

Find your nearest Shamrock Shake here www.shamrockshake.com

Love's Aftermath

First grade class valentines; all have a prize (candy, tattoo, pencil or sticker) attached to them, are often poured over with the assumption that Kaitlyn really means it when she says best friends are fur-ever with a kitten on the front, must be hand addressed to each kid, bewilder me in how long we're supposed to keep them, enable bits of sweet tart wrappers to be stuffed into the couch.

Things Kid's Believe

I hocked roller derby t-shirts for the league at the Governor's cup this weekend. A league-mate's daughters got bored at their booth across the aisle and came to play with Jack. He had great fun playing with the elder girl's necklace. To her little sister's horror, she took it off and swung it back and forth in front of him. The little sister exclaimed "No! Don't hypnotize him!"

Almost Crawling

Restart

I started my day with coffee, Bach's Toccata en Fugue in D Minor on Organ and a falcon in my front yard eating a dead crow next to the gnarls of frozen dead bushes. I was going to work on my plan of world domination but decided I'd better nap when the baby naps and instead went back to bed. Upon waking the second time the sun was out and so was Mozart. World domination sounded like a great deal of responsibility I didn't need on top of the artwork and housework I need to finish today.

How to do Amazing Things

Put that Kool Aid Down

She came home excited about selling magazine for the school and was distressed when I told her we wouldn't be selling anything. She pleaded "What about the GIFT CARD! We could get a gift card if we sell enough?!" I stood my ground explaining if the school needs something I am more than happy to provide a donation for the thing they need, but I wasn't sure where the money was going or what the school was raising the funds for and the whole things seemed too convoluted to be useful. She pleaded while kicking her feet that she needed that prize. I asked what it was she wanted to buy with the gift card, was there something she needed or wanted that she didn't have? The answer was no, and so I stood my ground, "We do not sell tchotchkes to make money for the school to buy more tchotchkes for a classroom just dying to win the tchotchkes."

We are a country of consumers surrounded by stuff with the driving need to consume more stuff. When the kid's teacher sends home a note asking for parents to send dry erase markers or books or paper towels, I am all for sending these things, and I would even donate directly to a fund sending the teachers to conferences and classes that will extend their educations, but ask me to sell something so that part of the proceeds can go towards who knows and I'll be giving you a firm "no." It really pisses me off that the school takes away learning time to let a high pressure inspirational speaker try to transform our kids into little peddlers of crap*.

First and foremost any time someone is trying to raise money it helps to say why. I can get behind a campaign for more library books or better food in the cafeteria but I'm afraid sometimes the goal is unknown because just like my child, they're sure they want something they just don't know what it is yet. Consume, consume, consume! Once the school figures out what they need I propose some better fund raising ideas.

Here are some that are far more sincere and I think would be way more fun:

-Let the kids do a victory garden and sell the produce in the fall at a farmers market. Advertise that it's premium, gourmet, student grown produce - charge a premium.

-Art auction/sale. Invite parents and grandparents, put lots of art in. After all, who leaves their child's art un-bought. (I still invite my mom to any art auction my work is in - thanks mom.)

-Just write a letter and ask for money for the several things needed. Give people the opportunity to buy a floor buffer, flower pots, chalk board... Maybe you don't even know that one of the parents owns a floor buffer company and will just donate the thing.

- A giant fancy dress up dinner prepared by the lunch ladies. I'm talking about really just regular cafeteria food, but you ask parents to pay $10.00 to come in dressed up nice and eat it with their kids in the cafeteria. A family date nite, maybe even dancing at the end?

-Suggest a small donation at every evening school program. Some may not donate, but you'd be surprised how many people might drop a $20 in there knowing they wont have to buy a roll of $15.00 Christmas wrapping paper later.

Random Hilarity:
How To Sell Girl Scout Cookies

*Girl scout cookies are the only exception. Those cookies rule!

Grace Laughed at Me

I went to the court house yesterday to renew my car license registration. The line went out the door. There were cobwebs hanging off the people. I hoped that the office with no line was the one I needed to visit, but the lady behind the desk with no line told me to get in the line. I asked her if she thought it would move fast enough for me to get out of there in time to pick the kid up from school in three hours. She laughed at me and said I should come back today early in the morning. I left. I didn't think it was nice of her to laugh. I didn't go back today. I tried to do it online. Since we moved I have to go in person. I'm hoping tomorrow, day three of the five day overdue grace period, will be less crowded and the morning won't feel so early or funny.

These Boots Were Made For

www.chuntaritos.com/botas-exoticas

Truth?

I had the following exchange with a nurse practitioner at Jack's pediatrician's office when he was 4 months old.

"So you're going to give him these vitamin D supplements..."

"Wait, who makes these?"

"Enfamil"

"I gotta tell you, I will probably not give them to him."

"Studies show breast fed babies..."

"How about I just take him outside once in a while."

"Studies show..."

"I'm so sorry, I'm absolutely not going to. We can just move on to the next thing."

She seemed very annoyed with me and slightly shaken, but I knew what I was talking about. You see when Jack was born I was worried he was a tad jaundiced as he was so tan. When I took him in for his two week check up with the doctor at the very same clinic he said

"Nah, he's perfectly fine, you just take him for walks in the stroller and this Texas baby will get lot's of vitamin D the natural way."

After that, anything that nurse practitioner said to me was suspect, I doubted the measurement of his head that day.

I like to be an informed patient, often reading everything I can get my hands on about a diagnosis before accepting it. Sometimes I read contradictory articles and have to have long discussions with doctors addressing giant list of questions I've prepared. Today when I found Sharon Begley's article in Newsweek "Why Almost Everything You Hear About Medicine is Wrong" I was relieved to know I wasn't just overly skeptical, I'd just been paying attention and using some basic critical thinking skills. It's a good article explaining how we read about one study in the news and a few years later read the exact opposite.

This is just one part of a larger issue in reporting that we face. Anxious news outlets have been trading integrity for sensational ratings for some time now trying to compete with instant internet news, firing actual reporters and just regurgitating whatever press release is sent, slapping outrageous titles on already outstanding articles (see above mentioned link.) Network news panders instead of educating to keep us tuned in and today I see even medical journals cave to the pressure of exciting pharmaceutical rhetoric.

Critical thinking skills and healthy skepticism is a necessity in this era. From questioning a doctor's diagnosis to realizing a magazine cover is airbrushed, we must foster a classical education for ourselves and our children instead of memorizing facts and teaching to the test. It doesn't mater if one can recite the atomic weight of every element on the periodic table if later it changes and Pluto isn't a planet and life forms aren't strictly carbon based. I'm not saying throw it all out the window and go on faith, I am just saying - think.

Oldies

When riding in the car, I like the oldies station aka the Nirvana channel but sometimes I put the local pop station on in an attempt to stay fresh and hip with the kids. Unfortunately I keep hearing Hold It Against Me by Brittany Spears. The lyrics remind me of a thirty year old man with a half exposed hairy chest adorned with gold chains above tight polyester pants. Yes, I believe her lyrics were written by Larry Dallas of Three's Company;

"...If I said I want your body now

Would you hold it against me..."

I can only guess the rest of the album includes other early 80s classics such as "Hey baby, what's your sign?" "Do you come here often?" and "My place or yours?"

What Jack Likes

Scootching around the living room floor on his belly

Chewing on books and crinkling paper

Sweet potatoes

Pulling the dog's hair

Standing up while holding onto his toy box

Music

Shaking things that rattle

Football

Dropping things from the side of his highchair

Chewing on fabric

Checking out the menu so he can order for everyone

Midnight

Today was "dictionary day" at the grade school. People are supposed to dress as a dictionary word. Kids were encouraged to learn a new word, not wear a "costume" and be creative. Ella went as "Midnight" wearing all black with a few silver sparkles, a definition and picture of a clock on a black ribbon necklace. Upon dropping Ella off I saw a pink feather boa, a pink wig, some saddle shoes and a few other odd outfits, but next to Ella's the absolute best was the dude directing traffic in a tuxedo with a conductor's wand. He was so enjoying his job this morning.

isms

I like a young lady doctor, someone fresh out of medical school with all the newest information and procedures on the top of their brain, a fresh optimism and a slight looming fear of messing up, creating a need to double check everything they do. Except when picking an obstetrician, then I want a small experienced woman who has birthed children of her own and has very tiny hands.

I like an old insurance guy, someone who's been around and knows everyone in every department and is familiar with the tricks and shortcuts of getting things done. I want the guy that realizes what an easy and valuable thing good customer service is, he will come to my house when the siding gets blown off and look at it, and he goes to the country club and golfs with all the other guys that need to process my claim.

These are my sexist, ageist preferences. What are yours?

Limited Time Offer

Ella found one pink glove. She's wearing it. She mentioned to me "If you need me to touch anything cold, I will touch it."

Sleep Button

I hate the little sleep button on my keyboard. You know, the one with the moon on it, that when accidentally looked at too hard sends a computer into a narcoleptic fit of frozen, leaving me wondering what the heck just happened. Yeah, that button. I never use it, or more accurately, I never mean to use it. That button can suck it.

Chilly Scene

Kiki over at

is still doing 365 skies and this morning, I remembered while standing in my front yard looking up and thinking that this grey cold sky is making me home sick, I want to be included in the Friday Sky Roundup. So here is the cold grey Texas sky. While friends and family back home are trying to stay warm on the day they cancelled school because it was -25°, we were forced to get gloves and hats out for 32° .

One Tall Please

I received a French press for Christmas. I use it every day. It makes the best coffee in the history of coffee. Even better than the expensive coffee shop coffees and in fact the few times I went through Starbuck's drive-through and ordered a regular coffee because I've given up dairy, I received burnt coffee like sludge for $4.00, even worse than the stuff in that brown topped pot at the local gas station. When you remove all the chocolate sauce and cream what's left tastes acidic and gross. I guess the Barista Index is on the swing, all the good drink makers have left their crap ass coffee shop jobs for real ones and left the teenagers and the inexperienced olfactory challenged freaks to burn the drinks.

Knots and Mashups

We're all moved in and mostly unpacked. The bigger space has me feeling less knotted up. The handyman is coming today to do small repairs. Tomorrow is the first day back to school.

***

Why is it impossible to make the back of my computer look nice? I sat down with zip ties last night and coiled up cords, yet is still look like Medusa is lurking in between my desk and my shelves.

***

Go here and listen to "Imagine a Jump", "Smells Like Rockin' Robin" and shake your groove thang to "Gimmie Gimmie". Or just download the whole thing for free!

.

010111

This year I resolve to let the kids eat more dirt, let the dirty dishes sit longer, skate smarter and soak in the tub longer.

Fragile

I’m packing things up today. For the first time ever we’ve hired movers. As I pack for the third time in eighteen months and realize how tired of schlepping things from place to place I am, broken things I meant to glue or sew are getting tossed, little slips of paper that remind me of something that normally would get hoarded away into a nook or the bottom of a desk are going away. I am tallying the last eighteen months as I put it all into boxes again and I keep just marking FRAGILE on everything.

The Bombadee Report

We are moving again. This time from the coast, inland and my address will officially be Houston, TX instead of a the little town next to Houston, TX. We found a house we like and so we're packing up for Christmas and moving the week of the 27th. We'll miss the kids at the apartments, but we've had over 25 days (not in a row) with either no water or no hot water and just after Thanksgiving I hit my limit of broken pipes in the complex and called a realtor. It was when I just changed a particularly messy baby and turned to wash hands to find the water just off, with no warning. At that moment I decided that even camping would be better because at least I would have water.

The new house has 4 bedrooms (so ya'll can come visit) hard wood floors, a two car garage, and is about five houses down from the neighborhood pool and toddler splash pad. It's twenty minutes from Dan's job and the skate rink and forty-ish minutes to downtown Houston. It's an hour and twenty to the beach. We'll have big trees and bike paths and I'm sure all new kids to play with and best of all, we'll be closer to everyone we know in Houston. Somehow, every friend we've made through work, gaming or derby have all been Northsiders. So yay for being able to visit people without the hour drive.

I don't think I have enough furniture to fill the new space. We really paired down for apartment living so 2011 will bring with it furniture shopping and auctions. I need a couch, bar stools, some patio furniture, a grill (is that furniture?), a chair, a china hutch and maybe a few rugs. Oh, and a washer and dryer but that's really less exciting than couch shopping (Craig's list.) Then when we get there I have to get the Kid registered for school, plan a birthday party, find an exterminator, and a lawn guy and get ready for my first away game since 2009.

The Extra Special Super Duper Seventh Birthday Sleepover Extravaganza will take place all at the new house. We're going with traditional cake, ice cream, balloons and party games and then her best pal will sleep over. My first baby is turning seven. There will be more on this later.

I've joined the Houston Roller Derby Knockouts, we're a travel team but not THE travel team (The HaRD Knocks.) At the beginning of January we're going to Baton Rogue to play against Red Stick Roller Derby. I'm pretty excited about it. We decided instead of schlepping the whole family out for one night, just I am going to to with my team mates. On top of moving to the new place, it's the best Christmas present ever. Yes, sometimes a woman, a mom, and full-time housewife who loves her family dearly, enjoys time off. Thank you Husband.

Texas Skies

When we drove into Texas in the moving truck I said "Everything really is bigger here." I was so inspired I started a series of paintings revolving around Texas Skies (I haven't finished the first one yet*.) Well, I'm not the only one who is in love with the skies around here, my pal over at I Still Hate Pickles is starting a wonderful project called Texas 365. She's posting 365 Texas Skies, and is asking for participants from wherever you are in the world. You just post a sky on Friday and link up & put a comment on her blog. Ok, ok as usual I'm late.

On the way to practice Saturday morning, taken with my phone.

*Promises to post the painting when it's done.

Recruiting First Graders

The Kid: Nathan's dad came to school today, he's in the army and he told us all about it. I want to be in the army.

Me: What does Nathan's dad do in the army.

The Kid: He fights, but there are army people who don't do fighting, that's what I'm going to do.

Me: Oh, what will you do?

The Kid: I will be a messenger and give the fighters information.

Me: Or you could also be in the Air Force and fly planes or the Navy and be on a ship.

The Kid: Doesn't the Navy just handle odd and weird things?

Me: What do you mean?

The Kid: In a movie, when odd and weird things start to happen, or monsters show up, they always call in the Navy. I'm not so sure that's for me.

Something New

Jack Tries Something New (Food) from Jenny M on Vimeo.

Mighty Jack, Big in Texas

As surprised* as I was when Ella seemed to be born loving pink and sparkly, I still wasn't prepared for a four month old son who loves football. Back in August, a good friend found himself alone with and confronted by our dear screaming infant, he picked him up and let him watch the Saints vs Texans on the big screen and discovered it had a powerful calming effect. Skeptical, I've tested it several times; changing the channel and watching my young nose tackle get upset, kicking his feet and seemingly yelling at me "I was watching that! There's four minutes left!"

I say nose tackle because despite Jack's few weeks in the hospital and his minor digestive issues, this boy is huge. After the obligatory "How old?", strangers always exclaim "Wow! That's a big boy!" I'm lucky to have a stash of baby clothes that span to 24 months because otherwise this baby would have to go naked until I can shop every week. I had to knit baby booties for him because his legs are like hams.

And now I'll give you the official numbers: at four months, Jack is weighing in at 18 ½ lbs (92% for his age), is 26 ½ inches tall (87% for his age) and loves a little rice cereal which he tried it for the first time yesterday.

*I don't care if my either of my children play football or barbies or both, or even barbie ball.

Foolishness

A New Do

Why hasn't someone invented a cream rinse that will get gum out of a kid's hair easier than scissors will?

New Diet

The baby was having digestion problems and as a result I gave up milk last Friday. Today the doc said it's not enough and I have to give up all dairy and anything with whey in it. Then she offered up that most people can't do it and that if I wanted to move to formula she could give me some samples. (Wow! Way to encourage breast feeding Mz. Pediatrician!)

I will admit is was hard last Friday when I opened the refrigerator and found the gourmet Wisconsin cheeses mom just sent me, fruit on the bottom yogurt, cream cheese, french onion dip, ranch dressing, sour cream and milk all off limits, but going to the grocery and looking for things that don't contain whey was even harder. I opted for shopping the parameter of the store and buying fresh fruits, vegetables and meats, knowing the further challenge would be preparing these things. Who has time to peel, chop, mix, cook, steam and concoct while also holding a four month old? It's a difficult thing especially when you're low on sleep, nursing on demand and hungry for sweets most of the time. So, I took it as the best excuse to buy sushi and beef jerky and a few other junky non dairy things for quick eats.

Finally a poem to commemorate the day:

Dear sweet milk,

I miss you the most.

I bought almond milk to replace you,

And it was really gross.

What Autumn Sounds Like

The weather has cooled and just in time for me to open all the windows and clean. The baby is napping on the couch and the Kid is outside playing. I've just finished the floors and the house smells like the lemon oil my mom always used. I'm having a coffee and the afternoon is winding down. Sounds from the courtyard are wafting in:

Children shouting NOT IT!

An occasional puppy bark

Someone practicing Twinkle Twinkle on the clarinet

The squeak of the swing set

A boy laugh and girl's delighted shriek followed by giggling

Our coconut chimes

The pit pat pit pat of tennis shoes running on the sidewalk

Very faint wind in the trees

Bear Hunt 2010

We've been in Texas long enough for me to learn most of the poisonous spiders, snakes and plants and feel comfortable taking the kids on a bear hunt. So, this afternoon when Jack was restless and bored with all of his toys and I looked out the window and saw Ella climbing that old climbing wall for the quadrillionth time I declared a bear hunt and got the stroller and the camera. We barely made it to the border of the parking lot when we were chased down and detained by the ice cream truck and after paying the driver a handsome bounty we embarked on our expedition with ample supplies; a blue raspberry Two Ball Screwball in Ella's hand and a cherry one in mine.

Upon stepping foot out into the wild we quickly found a trail to follow, something we believed the local wildlife to use often and only after 1/16^th of a mile did we realize how treacherous the path could be.

We barely made it around this banana peel.

Next we encountered what I thought may have been a crude native ceremonial facade over the opening to a volcano, but upon closer inspection, Ella reported it to be either an abandoned jewel mine shaft or possibly a storm drain covered with an old broken pallet. Either way we were sure there were snakes and spiders down there.

Shortly after we encountered this new species of flora we could not identify.

I noticed it was the same color as the blue raspberry Two Ball Screwball which lead me to believe the cuisine sold at the border of the parking lot may be grown locally.

Another specimen, in bloom.

We continued our search for bears who obviously were keeping cunningly concealed, and despite the many interesting specimens gathered on the expedition we are disappointed to announce we failed to get a bear, however we did capture a small wild panther.

Upon our return trip also spotted what we are sure is an alligator foot and tail print. Ella placed her hand beside the footprint for comparison. We estimate this alligator to be about 100 inches.

Back at the lab we spread out all our finds and set to work labeling and cataloging. Pictured below: (2) Fairy lanterns, (1) Lizard lick, (1) Sign of fall, (1) Shell, (1) Lucky fuzz ball, (1) Spherical seed pod, (1) Flower, (1) Golden spiky ball, (1) Lizard hat, (1) Bunch of poison berries, (1) Wild panther, (1) Horton hears a who flower and (2) Brave bear hunters.

Our last expedition was in July 2007, before Adventurer Jack joined the troupe. We hope to be able to embark on them more often in the future.

Halloween 2010

Is Being a Grown-up Fun?

I think we no longer make being grown up something young people look forward to.

We (as a society) let our children’s activities dictate how our free time is spent, we let our teenagers epitomize cool, we think a body in it’s young twenties is ideal and we spend hours recapturing toys we had as a child or forwarding lists confirming we grew up in the 70s/80s when in fact our birthdates provide adequate evidence for which decades we lived through just fine. There’s an entire industry of clothing companies thriving on shirts with Oscar the Grouch/Smurfs/Transformers/Rainbow Bright on them for adults.

I am guilty of all of these things. I’ve shopped in the junior’s department, held my ideal body as the one that fits my prom dress, let my children’s activities run my day, coveted those Hello Kitty diamond earrings and watched every I heart the 80s show on VH1. That novelty Snoopy Joe Cool t-shirt has become daily wear for a lot of us. It really has me thinking. Can you picture your grandmother in a t-shirt with Snoopy on it? How about Michelle Obama? There’s a certain amount of sophistication lacking when constantly reminiscing and simultaneously worshiping youth.

I’ve been wondering if the grown up culture is shrinking and our cultural intellect with it. Are we loosing some of the rights of passage or mores I expected to embrace and instead increasingly believing being old stinks? Ok so, I’m not exactly sure what those “grown up” things are. As a child I was sure they’d have something to do with the nightly news, coffee, voting, cigarettes and slinky dresses. Now that I’m in my thirties, those things don’t seem as fun as I thought they’d be, nor do you need to be a grown up to do them.

So I’m still trying to define what “grown-up” things are and aren’t for both myself and my daughter who cornered me on the subject by asking me if being a grown up is fun. Having not really been ready for such a question, like all questions children have, I quickly replied “Yes! You get to vote and drive, get married, push important buttons, have a job, drink wine, spend money, stay up late and do whatever you want with your life AND be the boss of your kids.” But it haunted me that my list wasn’t longer or better or perhaps more that she had asked at all. Did I not appear to be enjoying adulthood?

I wished I had a better answer and after much thought this is what I know. Being a grown up is fun because it means having informed ideas, conversations and interactions that only people who have experienced life can have even if those conversations revolve around novel or childish things. It means having a mature palate and an appetite for things based on experience. It’s having character, convictions, talents and relationships that are solid and strong because they’ve formed slowly over a long time.

This isn't exactly the Justin Bieber squashing answer that makes forty the new seventeen, but having fun being a grown up includes not having to know who Justin Bieber is.

Photo stolen from: www.squareamerica.com

Can of Worms at the Fall Festival

"We encourage kids to wear Halloween costumes to the fall festival (nothing scary & no masks please.)" - note home from the grade school

Who gets to decide what's scary?

Crazy Hour

Most days at about six pm, imps raid my apartment for easy afternoon marauding. They tell the dog if she feels barfy that she should lie down on the couch next to the sleeping baby and that will certainly help expel the grass she ate. The rest of the gang topples delicately stacked clean laundry from the top of the dryer directly into the garbage and a third faction makes sure to incite riots on the play ground insuring the kid will be outraged and in tears when she bursts in the door. The imps make a hasty exit as the dominoes of chaos clack into each other and I grasp desperately both simultaneously trying to stop the progression and knocking down completely new sequences. Sometimes I burn dinner, overflow a bath tub or shatter a glass and assuredly this is the time slot teachers, doctors, my husband and publisher's clearing house choose to call. I stopped being upset and surprised and even ceased bracing for it. Sometimes the imps come on Saturday at ten am or Thursday mid-day just before parent teacher conferences. So if you happen to call me and on the other end of the line you hear a crash and I say “Let me call you back, crazy hour just started,” now you know.

We Went to the Zoo

We went to the Houston Zoo last weekend. The animals were... well they were zoo animals, just like any other zoo. Elephants and monkeys and otters all that, which is indeed exciting to look at but by far the favorite exhibit of The Kid was the new animatronic dinosaurs. For an extra two bucks we wandered through a little side exhibit and stared down the nose of a T-Rex that moved (it made the hair on my neck stand up a little.)

Jack's favorite was the little salt water aquarium (I think a trip to the big aquarium is in order soon)

And I liked the landscaping. Seriously, there are bamboo and palms and other amazing tropical looking plants that most Houstanites grew up with in their back yard, that still make me feel as if I'm on vacation, planted all over the zoo. I may never get over how beautiful a palm tree is.

In the afternoon, we all got crabby...

So, we decided to get some eats. Please note, the food at the zoo is overpriced and gross, imagine my surprise <- sarcasm. Next time we'll bring sandwiches from home. Despite the floppy greasy pizza, we had a great time.

Fredrick's of Hollyween Store

I brought my six year old out to look for a tooth fairy costume. In essence it requires a white tutu a pair of wings and a wand. I figured we could get all these things in one package of Angel stuff and add some toothy things to it. She liked the idea of a bag with "Teeth" written on it but got very sad when I mentioned a set of bloody pliers on a tool belt. So, I took this child of extreme delicate sensibilities to The Halloween store next to the mall, where the percentage of items actually meant for children were almost nil. I drew a diagram