Nov 2, 2016

On Mom Time

Why when you ask if I've watched the new episode of anything I just laugh. aka Why watching a one minute video actually takes me forty minutes.

Hit play on new Jon Steward video I was tagged in, watch 4 seconds.

"Mom, can you help me pour milk?"

Pause video, pour milk, one minute later hit play, watch 4 seconds of video.

"Mom I gotta tell you something...."

Pause video, enthusiastically listen to a two minute story about farts, hit play and watch another 10 seconds of video.

Realize the puppy needs to go out.

Pause video, walk the puppy around the yard for five minutes, bring her in for praise and treats, hit play watch 4 seconds of video.

"Mom! I need help! My ipad is out of battery! I need to plug it in!"

Pause video, plug in ipad, put Sponge Bob on the tv, a minute later hit play and watch 10 seconds of video almost hear a whole joke.

"Mom this dog is too bitey! I'm gonna just put her in the laundry basket!"

Pause video, separate bitey dog from feisty child, tell child not to jump on the couch, put dog in crate, three minutes later watch 10 seconds of video, hear punchline of joke set up four minutes ago.

"Mom, I'm hungry"

Pause video, walk child into the kitchen, select a snack together, put it in a bowl, wash three dishes and empty the trash, make a cup of coffee for myself, feed hungry puppy and remember I wanted to watch that video I was watching fifteen minutes ago. Hit play, watch 30 seconds of video.

"I need a swipe!"

Pause video, for the next ten minutes, go swipe soemone's butt, wash hands, tell child to wash hands. Run to the basement to locate a clean hand towel, run it back upstairs to hand to child who is now standing there with wet hands and pants around ankles. Re-tie draw string pants at the waist of child, so they stay up. Hit play on video watch 20 seconds.

Pause video, answer phone. Talk for a minute, hit play on video. watch 20 seconds when the credits roll, realize it's over. Bookmark it to try to watch it again later.

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