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Parents Are Taking the Fun Out of Toys

By Lenore Skenazy

Shake Me Up

Last year about this time I stopped at McDonald's and asked for a Shamrock Shake, the voice on the other end of the speaker said "You want a what?" I said "A Shamrock shake... you know, the green ones...?" I was met with silence. "What kind of shakes do you have?" I demanded "Um, vanilla, strawberry and chocolate." Now I was silent while taking in the possibility that McDonald's didn't have a Shamrock Shake in Texas. I started again "I'm from the Chicago area and every year for St. Patrick's Day McDonald's makes a minty green shake called a Shamrock Shake and I guess you don't have them here." The voice on the other end said "Oh what a great idea, when is St. Patrick's Day?"

Asking a Illionian when St. Patrick's Day is, is like asking a Texan when Cinco De Mayo is.

Find your nearest Shamrock Shake here www.shamrockshake.com

Love's Aftermath

First grade class valentines; all have a prize (candy, tattoo, pencil or sticker) attached to them, are often poured over with the assumption that Kaitlyn really means it when she says best friends are fur-ever with a kitten on the front, must be hand addressed to each kid, bewilder me in how long we're supposed to keep them, enable bits of sweet tart wrappers to be stuffed into the couch.

Things Kid's Believe

I hocked roller derby t-shirts for the league at the Governor's cup this weekend. A league-mate's daughters got bored at their booth across the aisle and came to play with Jack. He had great fun playing with the elder girl's necklace. To her little sister's horror, she took it off and swung it back and forth in front of him. The little sister exclaimed "No! Don't hypnotize him!"

Almost Crawling

Restart

I started my day with coffee, Bach's Toccata en Fugue in D Minor on Organ and a falcon in my front yard eating a dead crow next to the gnarls of frozen dead bushes. I was going to work on my plan of world domination but decided I'd better nap when the baby naps and instead went back to bed. Upon waking the second time the sun was out and so was Mozart. World domination sounded like a great deal of responsibility I didn't need on top of the artwork and housework I need to finish today.

How to do Amazing Things

Put that Kool Aid Down

She came home excited about selling magazine for the school and was distressed when I told her we wouldn't be selling anything. She pleaded "What about the GIFT CARD! We could get a gift card if we sell enough?!" I stood my ground explaining if the school needs something I am more than happy to provide a donation for the thing they need, but I wasn't sure where the money was going or what the school was raising the funds for and the whole things seemed too convoluted to be useful. She pleaded while kicking her feet that she needed that prize. I asked what it was she wanted to buy with the gift card, was there something she needed or wanted that she didn't have? The answer was no, and so I stood my ground, "We do not sell tchotchkes to make money for the school to buy more tchotchkes for a classroom just dying to win the tchotchkes."

We are a country of consumers surrounded by stuff with the driving need to consume more stuff. When the kid's teacher sends home a note asking for parents to send dry erase markers or books or paper towels, I am all for sending these things, and I would even donate directly to a fund sending the teachers to conferences and classes that will extend their educations, but ask me to sell something so that part of the proceeds can go towards who knows and I'll be giving you a firm "no." It really pisses me off that the school takes away learning time to let a high pressure inspirational speaker try to transform our kids into little peddlers of crap*.

First and foremost any time someone is trying to raise money it helps to say why. I can get behind a campaign for more library books or better food in the cafeteria but I'm afraid sometimes the goal is unknown because just like my child, they're sure they want something they just don't know what it is yet. Consume, consume, consume! Once the school figures out what they need I propose some better fund raising ideas.

Here are some that are far more sincere and I think would be way more fun:

-Let the kids do a victory garden and sell the produce in the fall at a farmers market. Advertise that it's premium, gourmet, student grown produce - charge a premium.

-Art auction/sale. Invite parents and grandparents, put lots of art in. After all, who leaves their child's art un-bought. (I still invite my mom to any art auction my work is in - thanks mom.)

-Just write a letter and ask for money for the several things needed. Give people the opportunity to buy a floor buffer, flower pots, chalk board... Maybe you don't even know that one of the parents owns a floor buffer company and will just donate the thing.

- A giant fancy dress up dinner prepared by the lunch ladies. I'm talking about really just regular cafeteria food, but you ask parents to pay $10.00 to come in dressed up nice and eat it with their kids in the cafeteria. A family date nite, maybe even dancing at the end?

-Suggest a small donation at every evening school program. Some may not donate, but you'd be surprised how many people might drop a $20 in there knowing they wont have to buy a roll of $15.00 Christmas wrapping paper later.

Random Hilarity:
How To Sell Girl Scout Cookies

*Girl scout cookies are the only exception. Those cookies rule!

Grace Laughed at Me

I went to the court house yesterday to renew my car license registration. The line went out the door. There were cobwebs hanging off the people. I hoped that the office with no line was the one I needed to visit, but the lady behind the desk with no line told me to get in the line. I asked her if she thought it would move fast enough for me to get out of there in time to pick the kid up from school in three hours. She laughed at me and said I should come back today early in the morning. I left. I didn't think it was nice of her to laugh. I didn't go back today. I tried to do it online. Since we moved I have to go in person. I'm hoping tomorrow, day three of the five day overdue grace period, will be less crowded and the morning won't feel so early or funny.

These Boots Were Made For

www.chuntaritos.com/botas-exoticas

Truth?

I had the following exchange with a nurse practitioner at Jack's pediatrician's office when he was 4 months old.

"So you're going to give him these vitamin D supplements..."

"Wait, who makes these?"

"Enfamil"

"I gotta tell you, I will probably not give them to him."

"Studies show breast fed babies..."

"How about I just take him outside once in a while."

"Studies show..."

"I'm so sorry, I'm absolutely not going to. We can just move on to the next thing."

She seemed very annoyed with me and slightly shaken, but I knew what I was talking about. You see when Jack was born I was worried he was a tad jaundiced as he was so tan. When I took him in for his two week check up with the doctor at the very same clinic he said

"Nah, he's perfectly fine, you just take him for walks in the stroller and this Texas baby will get lot's of vitamin D the natural way."

After that, anything that nurse practitioner said to me was suspect, I doubted the measurement of his head that day.

I like to be an informed patient, often reading everything I can get my hands on about a diagnosis before accepting it. Sometimes I read contradictory articles and have to have long discussions with doctors addressing giant list of questions I've prepared. Today when I found Sharon Begley's article in Newsweek "Why Almost Everything You Hear About Medicine is Wrong" I was relieved to know I wasn't just overly skeptical, I'd just been paying attention and using some basic critical thinking skills. It's a good article explaining how we read about one study in the news and a few years later read the exact opposite.

This is just one part of a larger issue in reporting that we face. Anxious news outlets have been trading integrity for sensational ratings for some time now trying to compete with instant internet news, firing actual reporters and just regurgitating whatever press release is sent, slapping outrageous titles on already outstanding articles (see above mentioned link.) Network news panders instead of educating to keep us tuned in and today I see even medical journals cave to the pressure of exciting pharmaceutical rhetoric.

Critical thinking skills and healthy skepticism is a necessity in this era. From questioning a doctor's diagnosis to realizing a magazine cover is airbrushed, we must foster a classical education for ourselves and our children instead of memorizing facts and teaching to the test. It doesn't mater if one can recite the atomic weight of every element on the periodic table if later it changes and Pluto isn't a planet and life forms aren't strictly carbon based. I'm not saying throw it all out the window and go on faith, I am just saying - think.

Oldies

When riding in the car, I like the oldies station aka the Nirvana channel but sometimes I put the local pop station on in an attempt to stay fresh and hip with the kids. Unfortunately I keep hearing Hold It Against Me by Brittany Spears. The lyrics remind me of a thirty year old man with a half exposed hairy chest adorned with gold chains above tight polyester pants. Yes, I believe her lyrics were written by Larry Dallas of Three's Company;

"...If I said I want your body now

Would you hold it against me..."

I can only guess the rest of the album includes other early 80s classics such as "Hey baby, what's your sign?" "Do you come here often?" and "My place or yours?"

What Jack Likes

Scootching around the living room floor on his belly

Chewing on books and crinkling paper

Sweet potatoes

Pulling the dog's hair

Standing up while holding onto his toy box

Music

Shaking things that rattle

Football

Dropping things from the side of his highchair

Chewing on fabric

Checking out the menu so he can order for everyone

Midnight

Today was "dictionary day" at the grade school. People are supposed to dress as a dictionary word. Kids were encouraged to learn a new word, not wear a "costume" and be creative. Ella went as "Midnight" wearing all black with a few silver sparkles, a definition and picture of a clock on a black ribbon necklace. Upon dropping Ella off I saw a pink feather boa, a pink wig, some saddle shoes and a few other odd outfits, but next to Ella's the absolute best was the dude directing traffic in a tuxedo with a conductor's wand. He was so enjoying his job this morning.

isms

I like a young lady doctor, someone fresh out of medical school with all the newest information and procedures on the top of their brain, a fresh optimism and a slight looming fear of messing up, creating a need to double check everything they do. Except when picking an obstetrician, then I want a small experienced woman who has birthed children of her own and has very tiny hands.

I like an old insurance guy, someone who's been around and knows everyone in every department and is familiar with the tricks and shortcuts of getting things done. I want the guy that realizes what an easy and valuable thing good customer service is, he will come to my house when the siding gets blown off and look at it, and he goes to the country club and golfs with all the other guys that need to process my claim.

These are my sexist, ageist preferences. What are yours?

Limited Time Offer

Ella found one pink glove. She's wearing it. She mentioned to me "If you need me to touch anything cold, I will touch it."

Sleep Button

I hate the little sleep button on my keyboard. You know, the one with the moon on it, that when accidentally looked at too hard sends a computer into a narcoleptic fit of frozen, leaving me wondering what the heck just happened. Yeah, that button. I never use it, or more accurately, I never mean to use it. That button can suck it.

Chilly Scene

Kiki over at

is still doing 365 skies and this morning, I remembered while standing in my front yard looking up and thinking that this grey cold sky is making me home sick, I want to be included in the Friday Sky Roundup. So here is the cold grey Texas sky. While friends and family back home are trying to stay warm on the day they cancelled school because it was -25°, we were forced to get gloves and hats out for 32° .

One Tall Please

I received a French press for Christmas. I use it every day. It makes the best coffee in the history of coffee. Even better than the expensive coffee shop coffees and in fact the few times I went through Starbuck's drive-through and ordered a regular coffee because I've given up dairy, I received burnt coffee like sludge for $4.00, even worse than the stuff in that brown topped pot at the local gas station. When you remove all the chocolate sauce and cream what's left tastes acidic and gross. I guess the Barista Index is on the swing, all the good drink makers have left their crap ass coffee shop jobs for real ones and left the teenagers and the inexperienced olfactory challenged freaks to burn the drinks.

Knots and Mashups

We're all moved in and mostly unpacked. The bigger space has me feeling less knotted up. The handyman is coming today to do small repairs. Tomorrow is the first day back to school.

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Why is it impossible to make the back of my computer look nice? I sat down with zip ties last night and coiled up cords, yet is still look like Medusa is lurking in between my desk and my shelves.

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Go here and listen to "Imagine a Jump", "Smells Like Rockin' Robin" and shake your groove thang to "Gimmie Gimmie". Or just download the whole thing for free!