Mar 8, 2006

Blog Against Sexism

Today is blog against sexism day. I thought all about my life and the things that I’ve experienced brought to me by my friendly neighborhood misogynist and while I am quite exasperated with many of those things I bet there are plenty of bloggers who will address those issues in a wittier way than I. I am choosing the less traveled path and want to talk about sexism among toddlers.

Yeah at first it sounds funny, you may be thinking “What, do we give toddler girls less food than we give toddler boys for an equal day of play?” and the answer actually is yes.
Florida State University says

“Researchers found that parents of 3-year-olds worried that their sons but not their daughters were underweight - even though the weights and body mass index of the boys and girls in the study were nearly identical. They also said that their daughters ate enough food, but their sons did not.”

In a world were little girls get to start asking “Do I look fat in this?” at age 3, we can also give them tiny little belly shirts to wear. I have started to buy Ella’s shirts in a size 4T even though she is actually a 2T. I would rather roll up the sleeves than have her little belly hang out in March in Northern IL. In fact even if we lived in FL it would be the same. Ella loves to dress up as Cinderella with her little crown and wand (heavy sign and eye roll from me) but I think that is totally different from buying little hip huggers so her
G-string underwear featuring cherries and the words "eye candy" and "wink wink" can poke out of her little jeans. There is a vast difference between letting my daughter feel pretty shuffling around in her sparkly plastic princess shoes and actually buying her little heels for daily wear to shorten up her little hams strings so she can comfortably walk in the size 5 Manolos when she’s 7.

While we are busy imposing our own body images onto our children's psyche by standing in front of the mirror muttering curse words, we also do a terrible disservice to our nations boys by encouraging them to be big and tough. You may have seen or even experienced the reaction of Mr. Man looking at his son holding a baby doll or wearing mommy’s heels in absolute horror. Some men get hives from the very thought and consequently make sure to periodically and randomly poke their sons in the eye or punch them in their little arms to keep them tough.


Little girls can play with trains and cars and dollies and we tell them “you can be anything you want to be when you grow up” and little boys can play with trains and cars but not anything pink or pretty or feminine in any way because we'll all get uncomfortable and wonder why he’s so sensitive. We still tell little boys “You can be anything you want to be when you grow up, but please oh please make sure it’s a football player or astronaut and not an artists or interior decorator or wedding planner”? We use all kinds of adjectives for little girls: smart, pretty, tough, clever, cute, bright, charming, but try and tell a little boy he’s pretty in front of Mr. Man and you can watch the daggers fly.

So, I’m not much for laying out the problem and not the solution. Here it is folks – lead by example. If you have a son, buy him a baby doll to play with and then don't grimace when he does play with it. If you have a daughter who watches you make disparaging comments in front of the mirror, stop it - she hears you.


11:49 update

It occurred to me, perhaps some of you are thinking –“Well what’s wrong with wanting my daughter to be sensitive and pretty and my son to be strong and in charge?” By no means do I think that if you let your daughter wear lip-gloss she’ll grown up to be Pam Anderson or if you encourage your son to play football he will someday start a war but I think unfair gender stereo-types facilitate many of the inequalities and hang-ups we suffer from in adulthood. And if you don’t believe in those than you can just go back to the bubble you live in.

10 comments:

BoomBoom said...

My son plays football with his doll.

Is that okay?

BoomBoom said...

And, the doll isn't his teammate. The doll IS the football.

BoomBoom said...

He has a play kitchen, but we only allow him to make beef jerky and homemade beer at it.

Anonymous said...

You are right about the perpetuation of gender stereotypes and sexism, even at the youngest ages. I am amazed in my daughter's preschool class -- she's 4 -- that the girls are very into Barbies and Dora and princesses. And it is OK if girls express an interest in Spiderman or trucks -- but definitely NOT acceptable, for some reason, for boys to show interest in the "girly stuff." I do try not to perpetuate sexism in the home, but of course I can only influence certain elements of her life, and hope for the best as she learns to trust and exercise her own judgement.

Also, LOL at Tatertot's comments. :-)

LinZi said...

I think a lot about this too. When I was in kindergarten, there was this little girl I liked perfectly well. But. she wore heman shoes to school. velco strap (high fashion, yes) but HEman shoes. She also kept her hair short (or her mother did). Other girls in class would tell her she shouldn't like boy things and I certainly joined in. I never ever did this for race. So why not? What's the difference? Well I am guessing that while my parents may have been purposeful in teaching me about race and tolerance, I doubt much about sexism was considered when raising children.

When I see how my adorable wonderful cousin is raised, I cringe. My aunt and uncle, whom I also love dearly, have made such an effort to teach him 'manly' things, which while it is not bad for little boys to like sports and 4-wheeling and back-hoes, I wonder if he was ever encouraged to take care of younger children, or learn how to cook food, or learn other 'nuturing' or emotion-related skills that girls are encouraged to excel at.

A couple years ago, I was working in a kingerdarten/first grade class room, and as an assistant teacher, I had recess duty. A group of K2/1st graders were sitting in a group talking. All were girls except one little boy. I came over to spend some time with them and saw they were looking at a doll catalog (American Girl). Everyone was looking together at the dolls, and every once and awhile a girl would go "ooooh I want that one!" suddenly, the boy said "me too, me too! I want that doll" All the girls stopped and looked at him and then the 'leader' girl (as their always is in a group of 5,6, and 7 year olds) goes "you CAN'T play with dolls. dolls are for girls. you have to play with action figures" Then I jumped in, asking why that is. "In fact," I said, "I play with action figures AND dolls! I think everyone can play with both" And leader looked at me and said "If you play with action figures, you are a boy."

So, I ask, what to do? It seems like it is so ingrained, and so many parents CHOOSE to teach their children these sexist views as of now, on purpose.

Jenny said...

I'm not sure what to do in the face of snotty seven year olds. Because unless you are seen as 'cool' in their eyes they aren't going to hear you.

Besides "Lead by Example" suggestions anyone?

Sir Seanface said...

I think there is larger problem here, although it may be difficult to imagine something as damaging as sexism being trivialized by a superceding "meta-problem". I would argue that hegemony is the root cause of all this gender strife.
While I would, in a heartbeat, agree that men (culturally speaking) are the ones that perpetuate many of the gender stereotypes for both males and females it should be noted that men oppress other men as well. And that is where hegmenony comes in. It is the Men (capital M intential, as in those with certain degrees of power in all of it's myrid forms) that are setting the cultural tempo that the rest of us march to. So in order to keep from becoming outcast other men (small m intentional)follow the lead of Men and crack the whip on women because women have always been controled by men, historically speaking.
Before I get accused of being a conspiricy nut or left wing Commine or reading too much into life/society/the world/ the universe, I would ask that you look around and chew on this thought a bit. Why do you feel the way you do about anything that has a distinct gender division? Chances are there is no "real" reason to explain away why a boy or girl should or should not do something.
Boys don't cook? Top chefs in the world are men.
Boys don't sew? Top clothing designers are men and even on the low end there is a rich tradition of male tailors (what's the difference between a tailor and a seamstress?). Women were forced to do the clothing tasks men couldn't be bothered to do or to invent their own cloth-working forms.
Girls don't ...? Girls don't do anything without the consent of men, speaking in very broad terms. I don't say that with smug satisfaction as a male, I say it with a sad sense of truth.
I should stop before this becomes a massive thesis. I could go on and on and on and on.
Let me just say that my son has a doll and we have used it as a tool to teach him how to care for another person and not as a football ;) I can honestly say that I have seen men and Men at their very worst having pulled eight years in the United States Marine Corps but I have also seen them at their most complex and it gives me hope that we can push gender boundries for the health of men+women+children=society.
If anyone wants some great reading, albeit dense and complex, on children in society and gender issues my mentor at school has made this her life's work. Here is her website, http://cp.siu.edu/faculty/jkapur/.
Pretty bare bones but check out her publications and if you are interested I can call her and see where I can get a copy of books/papers.

Jenny said...

Mr. BlahZeeBlah you make a wonderful point. I whole heartedly agree. You should read

Flea's "Letter to Alex and Chris, Twelve Years in the Future"

at

http://buggydoo.blogspot.com/2006/03/letter-to-alex-and-chris-twelve-years.html

It totally illustrates your point in a heartwrenching letter to her sons in the future.

Anonymous said...

I HAVE A HUGE CONCERN... SOMETHING A LITTLE OFF THE SUBJECT HERE..BUT MAKES ME SICK...I BOUGHT SOME PANTIES FOR MY LITTLE GIRL TODAY...AND TO MY SUPRISE, THEY ARE HIPHUGGERS. TINY SEXY LITTLE UNDERWEAR FOR MY 4 YEAR OLD. DAMN THIS IS SICK. WHY WOULD A MANUFACTURER DO THIS?? SEXY PANTIES MADE OF DENTAL FLOSS FOR A BABY...PEOPLE WONDER WHY SICK MEN FANTASIZE ABOUT TINY LITTLE GIRLS. BECAUSE SOME MOTHERS ACTUALLY BUY THIS STUFF. SICK SICK SICK

Jenny said...

You're totally right - some parents actually buy it. If there weren't a market they wouldn't sell 'em. I know - gross.