Dirtbags

Grandma sent us a pack of sunflower seeds and we planted them all over the place including some old yogurt containers that are now sitting in the window sill. The plants are at least eight inches tall and I'm sure their little roots are feeling too scrunched to grow anymore and so I have two bigger pots to put them in and no dirt. It seems a little silly to go buy some as dirt is free and abundant in my back yard but it also doesn't seem appropriate to dig a couple of holes out back either. Maybe while I'm up at the hardware store buying dirt I'll get some bottled water for these sunflowers too.

Lethal Dancer

What a wonderful weekend. I had the honor of catching up with some good old friends and spending time with brand new friends yesterday. Today I am left with a mostly clean house and lots of left over potato chips. You just can't beat that. Now we look forward to the big ballet recital. The last ballet class is today and parents are invited into the studio today to see our bitty kids' whole routine. Next weekend we travel to the next town over to see our performers on the big stage and then we'll be off for the summer. I know I said I wasn't going to sign us up for anything but our local kick-boxing instructor invited us out Monday nights and it kinda sounds like a good mother daughter kinda thing. I know the classes sure wear me out, it'd be nice if she was worn out at the same time.

No Permanent Marks

No, I'm not dead yet, but the question made me laugh out loud, thanks for asking. We won! Stateline 140 Mid-Iowa 119.

President Stiletto Steel had this to say: "If you weren't at the bout last night you missed HITS GALORE, A FIGHT, GIRLS slamming into each other--- the floor,and the stats table! This was the kind of bout people talk about for a LONG FREAKIN TIME!

Injuries were kept to a minimum but the scratches all over Annsanity's well endowed bosom, the punch mark on Warriors face, the rink burn on Breetlejuice and the other ladies are a testament to the fact THIS IS REAL!

As a matter of fact if one more person asks me if this is "real" I am going to strap skates on them and throw them to the wolves...the Stateline Roller Derby Divas that is!

Thanks to MId-Iowa for coming out and playing hard and well as a team! In the words of Mr. Rogers from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood when he sang in that comforting voice of his:"Won't you be my neighbor?!"

Hugs and Bruises to all!
Stiletto Steel
SRDD President"

Most of these pics in the sldie show below are by Tim Speer Photography.
(BTW I'm #00 and no I didn't get into a fight it was #217 our sweetest player)

My Last Day Off This Week

Cripes it's going to be busy weekend. Today is my last day to loaf around in my jammies while sipping instant coffee and scratching my butt. Tomorrow Dan agreed to be in a dunk tank for the Make a Wish Foundation and so I need to clean house like crazy in hopes of gathering up enough couch change to dunk my husband 7 or 8 times - oh, and also because there are people coming over to the house and I feel obligated to at least pick up the dirty socks and put out the clean hand towels before they get here. Tomorrow night is roller derby and the party afterwards and so that'll be a hoot and then on Sunday I will drag my sore and hung over self to Ella's end of the year school program where I will watch 20 or 30 parents and grandparents jockey for position with their cameras while the kids fidget and poke each other in the ribs while singing. On Monday is the big parade, it'll go right in front of the house and the kids will get sugared up to high heaven and then we'll run them like dogs in the back yard while we grill and drink margaritas until we all collapse sun burnt and covered in dirt... ah summer time.

Why I haven't been around...

Hello roller derby friends and fans! We just wanted to remind you that our next home bout is this weekend! Saturday night at 7pm we have a re-match against the Mid-Iowa Rollers at Skatin’ Station 1230 Inman Pkwy. Beloit, WI 53511, the doors open at 6pm and we haven’t sold out yet but it’s getting there. We don’t expect to have may ticket available at the door, so if you know a roller girl ask her for tickets today or better yet hop on the website at http://www.statelindivas.com/ and charge it, we’ll hold them at will call for you.

We expect this bout to be especially good (I know, I know, fishnet tights and ladies knocking each other down how can it not be good?!) but let me say that both teams want to win so bad we’ll be playing for blood this weekend. We also have the JBXperience coming to entertain during the break (seen the movie Roll Bounce? They were in it!) and Mad Rollin’ Dolls have loaned us their mad announcer Bob Noxious for the evening. After it’s all over we’ll be rolling over to Mick and Tony’s for Diva shots (part of the proceeds go to the team, so drink up!) and the band Mr. Big Stuff. We can hardly contain ourselves we are soo excited!

Hope to see you all there!
Mad Derby Love,
The Stateline Roller Derby Divas

Letting Go

I'm going through 4 years of baby clothes, trying to figure out what I love so much I have to keep... This is really hard. It's nine giant tubs of memories, Christmas outfits and birthday dresses, tiny shoes and sun hats and when I open each tub it smells like baby Ella.

Yeah, I'm gonna sell them to fund our vacation. I'm gonna sell them because other mommies need baby clothes. I'm gonna sell them because elastic rots over time. I'm going to sell them while they're still in style. I'm going to sell them because Mom assured me the next baby won't go naked. I'm going to sell them because they take up too much space. I'm going to sell them tomorrow during the tiny town-wide garage sale because it's the smart thing to do. I'm going to sell them because I said I would. I'm going to sell them because when I look at this picture I don't notice the dress.

Full Swing

It's one of those weeks where I am wishing for an eighth day. Between garage sales and roller derby and birthday parties I will be attempting to keep the house clean for the next weekend's festivities that include a parade, a school program, some margaritas and another roller derby bout. In July I am planning NOTHING. Ok, maybe the beach, and the zoo but I swear that's it! and a picnic, and some fireworks that's all I'm planning! and this lamp, and this ashtray and this paddlegame, and this remote control... but that's it!

Prison Tats

Dear Ella's Ballet Teacher,

When Ella cheerfully skipped into class yesterday cute as a button and said "Look at my new tatoo! I got it at the jail!" and you nodded politely and said "Hmmm, very nice" and I didn't tap on the glass and try to yell to you "we toured the jail with some good friends that work there" I want you to know I was laughing on the inside... alot. You might also be delighted to know I let Ella take a pen and draw herself a thorax, it covers her entire front section and compliments her jail tatoo nicely. And I bribe her to listen to you with chocolate. Just thought you should know.

Sincerely,
Me

Grabbity:

It's when you are high up in a apple tree and you walk out on a branch and then you fall but you try to grab on.

Old Jokes

Ella is fond of taking her jacket and putting the back of it on the top of her head and walking around like a tiny Humpback of Notre Dame. This cracks me up and I tell her so and then she gets even sillier which consists of sticking her tongue out, flinging her arms in every direction and doing a the Stooge style running in place and I laugh even harder. Later while she's in the tub we get into an insult war and she calls me "Butty McButterson" and I tell her that can't possibly be my name because I'm "Star McButterfly Rainbowlady" and her name is "Stinky Head" and she should wash her hair and she insists her name is just Ella but mine is still "Butty McButterson" and then she totally splashes me. This weekend I asked her what was on her shirt and when she looked down I fliped my finger up to her nose and said "snert!" she exploded with laughter and then immediatly asked me "what's on YOUR shirt?" and giggled like crazy. These are the sorts of things that crack me up big time when my kid does it and make me roll my eyes when someone elses kid does it. I suppose it's because I get to imagine my husband as a little kid hurling silly insults or doing the stooge dance and he's so much the straight man in our world. Or maybe I see how funny she wants these things to be and and that makes it soo much more rich, maybe I'm hard wired to find these things hilarious so that she will develop a healthy sense of humor, or maybe she's got good delivery...

That Funky Monkey

So my mother's day has been wonderful. Coffee and breakfast and chocolate and all the time I want to do whatever I want, but the one thing my family got me that they didn't even know I wanted was a "Brass Monkey" ring tone! It is my first ringtone besides the ones that came with my phone. GASP!

So I looked all over you-tube for a good video to Brass Monkey to post here and alas there wasn't one that really stuck with me. The Sponge Bob version was kind a funny but not super funny, wich seems a shame for such a great song. So herein lies the challenge, make the video. I'll be putting one together too and the rules are simple; it can contain dancing or cartoons or your own rapping/singing/trumpet, or pictures or whatever just as long as the song is "Brass Monkey". Let's put the deadline at Father's Day... June 15th, that'll give us a month and a few days.

So come on who's up for the "Brass Monkey challenge?" Experimental videos anyone? anyone?

Slacker

I've spent hours watching "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" on Hulu.
It's almost 1:00 and I'm still in my jammies.
I'm also wearing tennis shoes without socks.
I called Dan on his cell phone when he was just downstairs.
I'm too lazy to blog so I'm telling you about the slacking I've done instead.

Heartbreak

She cried "All my thousands of beautiful dandelions! Why did he have to mow?!"

Saturday night's alright

Here's me and Subpoena Envy during the second break. I am packed in ice after a nice fall during us vs the Chicago Outfit. Don't worry, nothing's broken in fact I don't even have a fragging bruise. I'm actually kinda bummed about that. After my ribs got crunched I laid down on the floor and watched my skatey mates skate short with just 11 on the track for the last two periods. That means they skated every other jam (even the jammers) as fast and hard as they could while knocking the other team down and like wise getting knocked down. This goes for like two minutes at wich time some of them get to sit down for a two minute break and then get back in there and go around another two minutes. This goes on for about 40 more minutes - I know, these are some hard core skatey ladies, and I heart them. We have another bout at the end of this month May 24th in Beloit, WI against the Mid-Iowa Rollers (It'll sell out so get your tickets now!)

DJ Ira G.

Dan and I went to see the other man I’m in love with last night, Ira Glass from This American Life, do a live broadcast at the theatre near me. There were several surprising things that happened, firstly instead of previews we played hang man on the big screen with the 70 or so other NPR junkies, totally fun. Secondly when I listen to NPR it’s kind of a solitary experience, I’m in my car or doing dishes in the kitchen and sometimes I listen to the Pod Cast of This American Life after Ella goes to preschool because I can listen completely and uninterrupted, so it was odd to look around and see what a group of people who listen to This American Life looks like. I was faced with a lot of thirty -something people with horn rimmed glasses and hand knitted scarves a few smelling of patchouli, a few with pierced eyebrows, and a few grey hairs.

Dan and I totally smuggled strawberry Twizzlers into the theatre because we like to buck the system, fight against the man, and plus I don’t like paying $11.50 for Twizzlers and the chick sitting next to us totally smuggled in a ham & turkey sandwich with mustard on wheat bread and a Yoplait. I tried to take a picture, but she was sitting right next to us and taking a covert picture of someone sitting right next to you is really hard.

I also discovered that Ira mixes his own stories, he’s talking and running the sound queues and I guess I always imagined that he had scads of people on the other side of the studio glass doing that but once I saw it all happen on the big screen it made sense that only Ira would know when he was about to finish talking and fade into some odd tune. But the best part of watching Ira work the sound board was when Ira mixes his story he moves his arms around as if he were doing synchronized swimming in slow motion, like a performance artist and I didn’t quite expect that from someone who I imagined would be acting more like a news anchor. The mere idea that Ira strums his sound board and caresses buttons that play interview clips with giant sweeping arm gestures made me realize how much of an art it is to be able edit and mix right there live, like he is the fifth Beastie Boy only instead of mixing music he mixes life.

Relic

I am completely amazed how many magical powers I have amassed since Ella was born. I can totally negate the sting of a fall with a well placed smooch and I can forbid the entrance of ghosts or monsters into this house by just saying it and I can declare regular waffles “fairly waffles” with a pinch of sprinkles and a bit of whipped cream rendering them totally delicious. I discovered these powers one at a time with ease but the one that has me reeling as if I discovered flying is “the night necklace” it had been under my nose for 11 years and I didn't even know I was in possession of such a powerful relic. Ella’s been waking up every night at 3:30am to tell me that alligators have been chasing her trying to nibble her toes, I grab the night necklace and put it around her neck and she rolls over and goes back to sleep. The night necklace was thrown to Dan and me from a giant sparkly float during Mardi Gras in New Orleans while on our honeymoon. While people danced all around I cought this necklace and wore it around my neck for the rest of the trip. With all that happiness wrapped into one little orange plastic necklace no wonder it keeps the gators at bay.