Friends SHouldn't let Friends Drink & Blog

Firstly- I will preface this entry by saying I've been drinking and I'm not using a spell check.

Secondly - I love to make lists

Thridly - I asked Jane what I should blog about and she said: "Why won't my dog eat Burger King french fries unless they are dipped in ketchup first?".

Fourthly - The answer is: This is in fact because dear Rex is just like a child and you have spoiled that child like I have spoiled mine. You see my child will not eat fries at all but only the ketchup - she cries and bounces up and down in her booster whining for more 'dip'. This is ok though, you see, ketchup must have some tomatoes and so it must have some vitamins - right? You see Ella only sucks the 'dip' off and sometimes she accidentaly gets some french fry. Rex doesn't have lips well defined enough so he is forced to eat the whole fry along with the ketchup. Poor Rex the little-lipped pup.

Fifthly - Do Oreo Double Delight Mint-n-Cremes go with Bourgogne A. Rodet 2003 Pinot Nior? I know if I had just the plain Oreos I should be having a Pinot Grigio (you know white with white) but I'm not sure what the green should go with. Oh-well, I'm planning to eat a whole row anyway.

Sixthly - I love Burger King's french fries

Seventhly - I'm not thinking of a seventhly, but I want to get to an eighthly (because 8 is my favorite number)

Eighthly - I bought Ella a $4.00 hair bow this evening at the mall and it only took her 45min. to loose it

Tune in Tokyo

I heard this story in the radio this morning and thought it was a joke. The breast MP3 player yet says "...the next generation of Zens, iPods and Walkmans could come in the form of breast implants.So says BT futurologist Ian Pearson, who suggests one boob could hold the processing tech and the other could secret away flash memory to store titilatting tunes. A battery and USB port would be fitted in the underwiring of a bra and connect to the MP3 player through the wearer's skin."

So go ahead men, put it on the christmas list. Dear Santa, I'd like to get my wife tricked out this year with titanium mags, tinted shades and oh I totally want the bose boobies. She'll love it! I just can't wait for the testicular implant with the GPS system in it.

Sometimes I Keep Them

(Me me me me - Meme)

Twenty Random Facts about Me

1. I love Pee Wee Herman
2. I think typing is fun, but I still have to look at the keys
3. I would go topless if it were legal
4. I can’t stand ‘slow-talkers’
5. I can crochet
6. I’m an artist because in 5th grade I wasn’t part of a group anyway and it was easier to explain why I was always alone if I was drawing something
7. I gossip and I’m trying to stop
8. I want to name my future son Pablo James
9. In my head I’m actually only 27 years old (not 32)
10. There’s a restaurant on 7th Street who’s spring rolls I have a serious addiction to
11. I used to obsess over what others thought of me
12. and I still would if I had the time
13. Most days I feel guilty for not getting off my booty and going to volunteer at a soup kitchen
14. I love shopping at goodwill (Ralph Lauren for $1.50 is exhilarating)
15. My husband still feels like ‘the new guy’ in my life (it’s been 12 years)
16. I have my Grandmother’s smile
17. I own at least 7 evening gowns
18. I love to Google-Image strange phrases and look at other people's photos - sometimes I keep them(see below)
19. I wanted to grow up to be a lawyer/ballerina
20. Now, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up

Ok - Duchess Jane your turn.

Googled: Dad Back in the day

Googled: When we were young

Googled: Summer time toobin'

Googled: Crazy Saturday Night

Googled: Dan & Jenny

Googled: Mommy swim suit

Wed Movie - "I Dropped the Ball"

We didn’t see a movie this week as our Wednesday sitter wasn’t available. This left me the chance to catch “The Apprentice Martha Stewart”. Of course I loved it! It’s basically just another hour of “The Apprentice” but hey, more of a good thing is good. Although, it brings up a topic that really irks me. I know I am guilty of using a popular phrase here and there. It’s hard for me to get a point across without using a cliché sometimes but for the love of peanut water people STOP saying “I stepped up to the plate and took it to the next level by thinking outside of the box and giving it 110 percent.”

Firstly, what would not “stepping up to the plate” look like? “Aw I didn’t feel like stepping up so I sat down and clipped my toenails instead”.

Secondly, what “level”???!! What the hell does this even mean? Did you take the elevator to the upper floor? Perhaps you just dug further into the 5th parallel of hell?

Thirdly, anyone that says they are “thinking outside of the box” clearly isn’t.

Fourth, I wouldn’t ever hire someone to help RUN my company that doesn’t understand there is ONLY 100 percent and anything beyond 100 percent is imaginary.

I think “The Apprentice” should have a new rule that says anyone caught over-using clichés automatically gets fired.

Prime example - FIRED
Cutting Edge - FIRED
Big Picture - FIRED
Team Player - FIRED
Chance of a lifetime - FIRED
Fight tooth and nail (Just gross - FIRED)
Neither here nor there - FIRED
And to be totally honest – (As opposed to only being half honest or just a complete lying cheese-booger-butt-head? - FIRED)

And please stop naming your team things like Phallus and Gargantua it’s like a men’s deodorant commercial.

Having said all that, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, yes - I still love it!

Origins

Look what I found today! How ya like me now?

Bombadee -
1. A person that is really cool and famous.
2. A term used for expressing excitement.
3. A boob; A tit; a breast; the circular fat part of a woman that surrounds the nipple
1. Dude, look, its Britney Spears! She's a freaking bombadee!
2. Yeah we're going to Disneyland! BOMBADEE!!!!!
from http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bombadee&defid=1455756

The actual story -
My 21 month old daughter LOVES to pretend she's talking on the phone. Who does she talk to? Bombadee of course. She starts every pretent conversation with "Hi Bombadee?..." followed by more cute kid garble I can't understand and then "ok bye!" and she claps her little play cell-phone shut.

Manic

I think my blog is manic depressive. It seems to alternate from "the world is crap and we should be doing something" to "la-dee-da look at my cutsey pootsey baby and I'll tell you about the adorable thing she did today." So in perfect "bipologar" fashion here comes the cute...

Things that Ella mispronounces that make more sense her way:

• Arm-peek (Arm-pit)
• Wowees (Flowers)
• Papa’s psycho (Papa’s motorcycle)
• Giggle giggle giggle (Tickle tickle tickle)

Quake Imapct

Anger grows over quake response

Rain halts some aid flights to quake victims; more than 35,000 estimated dead

Pakistan Kashmir faces disease after quake -officials

At a glance: Quake impact

U.S. Pledges $50M in Pakistan Quake Aid

Unicef
Save the Children

Parental Discrimination

After much thinking and reading – Part II of In Response to Something I Read this Morning.

Parental Discrimination – dirty looks from co-workers for leaving early to take care of sick kid aka the reason one didn’t get a raise or promotion.

It is said of men who have babies “He’s a good family man” and the boss nods his head knowing that the man has “responsibilities” and will be loyal to the company. It’s true, I had a baby and we decided I would stay home if Dan could get a raise, he asked and tada – here I am at home. Funny how it means the exact opposite for women – hell I’ve heard it first hand from employers, I even thought it myself, “Oh great, she’s got three kids, guess who’ll covering for her when the kid is barfing.” So here’s the question – When it comes to parents in the work place why do men have responsibilities and women have liabilities?

I think it really does come down to who makes more money. Our good friends Jeff and Tracy just had a baby and Jeff stays home because Tracy made more money. The general rule seems to be whoever makes less gets to take time off – that’s logical. Except women in general make less… why? Well, because they take all that time off work – you know with the snotty kids and the pregnancies and their women’s days and all that girly stuff.

Maybe the problem is how we look at quality work? Perhaps it would be better if more people could work from home, or be on salary, or bank hours, or get insurance for part time work, or be allowed by law to take more days off to be with family. Hmmm, these are all workers’ rights issues. Ok stand back - here is where I bring it around to politics! We need to campaign for and elect politicians who support workers’ rights and a Living Wage and this will promote positive, equal work environments were the phrase “family values” actually means “families have value”.

President CEO of a Rather Important Estate

In response to something I read this morning:

I am the full time President CEO of a rather important estate. I make sure everything here runs smoothly. I oversee accounts payable and receivables and all investments. I manage the building, including bids for any remodeling or repairs and the cleaning and general maintenance of the structure as well as the three vehicles utilized by the group. I run all the essential operations of the kitchen, including the food procurement as well as service, preparations and disposals. I also obtain, maintain and repair of all garments. I handle the health, emotional, social and intellectual development of the children here. I maintain a hectic social calendar for all the officers at the estate. Not to mention countless other ventures including any holiday planning/social events, breakdowns in any or all systems and all emergency contingencies.

I don’t take many days off as I am a workaholic and love my job in all its aspects. I’ve been told I am a bit of a micro manager though – so if course I’m working on letting some projects handle themselves a bit more. Being President and CEO as you can imagine has some great perks – I get a company car, the dress code is at my discretion, I can bring my kid to work, the day’s activities are shaped by my direction including a two hour lunch if so desired. I feel my previous occupations as an Assistant Service Manager, Teacher, Saleswoman and Assistant Investment Broker, nearly prepared me for this one. Most of what I do was learned on the job, as it requires much expertise in multi-tasking and patience and the work can be different each day. In short I am the ‘do it all lady’ around here, too bad my position doesn’t hold the prestige it should.

You see, I get paid in love and appreciation, and that’s what keeps me at it day after day. My title? – Stay at Home Mom. (The estate I run is ours – does that mean it doesn’t count?)

Please Note: This post is not meant to be a shot at any CEOs who are currently outsourcing any of the above mentioned projects.

Colder than T&A

Two days ago it was 88 degrees. Today it is 52 degrees.

We are trying not to turn the heat up so it feels like

• It’s colder than a well-digger's butt
• It's colder than a witch’s tit in a brass brassier
• Colder than a frog's ass
• Colder than Christian charity
• Colder than a brass toilet seat in the Yukon
• It's colder than a bucket of penguin poop
• The dogs are sticking to the fire hydrants
• It’s colder than a nun’s tit
• It’s colder than a polar bear's butt

Ok I know it's not that cold yet - but I'm whining about it anyway.
Today's Link: Witch's Tit

Wed Movie - Wedding Crashers

Wedding Crashers
Funny but overwritten. At times we felt like the characters were explaining the movie to us, too bad because the story line is a good one. I still can’t believe Owen Wilson plays the cute serious one. Dan insists he’s handsome in a regular guy sort of way like Dustin Hoffman – but I say that nose reminds me of a penis. I can’t help it, there’s a cleft in the tip of his nose. Now Luke Wilson – there’s a cutie! Ok – I’m off track. Vince Vaughn had great delivery, but he did kind of play the same character he always plays – still ok with me, I love that smart-ass character.

Best line:
As Vince Vaughn’s character clinks glass of brandy to his pastor’s glass “Here’s looking up your address.”

Second best line:
Secretary: I've got the perfect girl for you!
Vince Vaughn’s character: [sigh] Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.

AT&T I Challenge You to a Duel

I’ve owed AT&T $3.75 since July and I don't think I'm going to pay it. That’s all the long distance we use here on the ol’ land line, since our cell phones have free long distance. At some point, you guessed it; they ‘restricted’ our service, meaning they shut our long distance off. God knows when this happened because we don’t make long distance calls. I discovered it today when my cell was low and I knew I might be on hold for some time, instead I got the message that we had been ‘restricted’ and I should phone AT&T at the following #.

I sat on hold until I was told that my service has been shut off and I could pay it with a credit card along with an additional $10.00 re-activation charge… hmm… I say “What if I don’t pay it?” she says “We send you to collections Ma’am.” Can you imagine that dilemma that could create? “I’m sorry Ma’am, you’ve been denied your home improvement mortgage because you owe AT&T $3.75, perhaps you could work out some sort of payment plan with them.” Could we be sued for the outstanding $3.75 + $10.00 to re-activate + Court costs? Could I go to jail for not paying AT&T? Would my bunkmate be at all threatened by my outright refusal to pay my $3.75?

Let me add that the operator started the above conversation with “I see you have AT&T for your long distance – we’d like to thank you for staying with us.” So I say “Don’t you want to keep my business? Just waive the $10.00 and I’ll pay the $3.75” She says with much disdain “Ma’am, we can not waive the $10.00 as your account is four months overdue, you can pay it and then request that the $10.00 be credited back to your account.” Hmmm, if we actually did get a $10.00 credit it would last us the next 15 years of long distance. I say “Let me call you back”.

Later I talk to Dan who says we signed up for online bill pay and they’ve never sent out a late notice, we’d been shut off with no warning. Let the battle commence! AT&T I challenge you to a duel - let it be a clash of wits and bureaucracy at dawn… or whenever I’m done holding.

Yeah, I know I've got time on my hands... but I gotta fight 'the man'.

Mommy Jeans

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Mammals, Reptiles, Insects and Muppets

It occurred to me this evening while singing the forty-third round of Old McDonald with Ella that she thinks Ernie is just another creature in our universe. He’s just as real to her as the elephants in her picture books. Ernie is on her pillow case and in her puzzle and on TV and so are monkeys and tigers and chickens and horsies. She very possibly thinks that the animal kingdom is split up into Fish, Birds, Mammals, Reptiles, Insects and Muppets.

Let me show you the path my brain took to this theory. Ella and I were singing… “And on that farm he had a…?…” and Ella would say “Kitty!” and on we’d go “with a meow-meow here and a meow-meow there…” so again I say “On that farm he had a…?...” and Ella says “Ernie!” So I go with it… “With a cccchhhheee* cccchhhheee here and a cccchhhheee cccchhhheee there…”

(How in the world do you SPELL Ernie’s laugh).

Hooray for Stinky Ferret Boy!

Hooray for Stinky Ferret Boy! He’s an extraordinary kind of super hero – the kind who fills in for you when you just can’t bring yourself to do so. He’s the type that stops you from drowning yourself in despair and the kind who reminds you faintly of that math teacher who always said he believed in you and you should just apply yourself and you can be anything you want to be.



































Make sense of this entry here.

Pirates are so Ungrateful

Puny Pete the Ballerina Pirate came over first thing this morning. She rode her horse straight into the house and demanded I fix pickles and cheese for breakfast.


















After breakfast, she lounged around reading a book while I slaved away in the kitchen doing her dishes. Pirates are so ungrateful.

Ms. Miers knows about laws and stuff

I keep hearing the following in my head -

Rove: Ok George who do you think you might like to pick?
GW: How about Rummy
Rove: George he's not a Judge
GW: Well Brownie's doin' a good job
Rove: I don't think your getting this...
GW: I like Bill Frist
Rove: A judge George - pick a judge and perhaps you should try and pick a woman so we can keep the polls up
GW: A woman? A smart woman, hmmm... Condi says she's smart.
Rove: A judge George!
GW: How about my Lawyer Ms. Miers, she knows about laws and stuff?
Rove: (sigh) yes George, Ms. Miers knows about laws and stuff.

Today's Links about Ms. Miers:
Village Voice
BBC
NY Times

Baby Tees

I went to a baby shower yesterday. These are some of the designs I put on the t-shirts we gave to the expectant couple for their new baby.






















































This one was their favorite

Mental Parsley

Here's a few pictures to lighten up the mood and refresh your intellectual palate.































































Pictures from The Coney Island Mermaid Parade, thank god such a thing exists!

I Have Seen the Enemy…

I just don’t see any saving grace for their political party. But here’s the real problem, the enemy is us, my neighbors, my family, and my legislators. The five year old child in Liberia who is wondering if her arm that has been shot off will ever grow back doesn’t know the difference between democrat and republican. The teens that were raped at Abu Ghraib aren’t concerned about whose bumper sticker I have on my minivan. The woman whose mother was killed at the grocery today doesn’t follow how many of our congresspersons are on which side. These people only know that we are Americans.

I’ve been thinking for some time now, ‘Oh, that’s not my America… I didn’t vote for that guy’… I think that I have been able to mentally skirt and wriggle out of any blame by standing back clucking my tongue and shaking my finger while the skinniest kid on the play ground gets the shit kicked out of him. After Katrina, I was the one spouting “We are only as strong a nation as we treat our weakest citizens.” It just occurred to me, this also applies to the morally corrupt? This nation is only as decent as its least ethical leaders - and that IS my America. I have blood on my hands BECAUSE I am American.
















Today’s Links:
The former U.S. education secretary Bennett says “if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose -- you could abort every black baby in this country”
GOP Senate Staffer Gets Drunk, Goes Wild
Alabama lawmaker writes that Katrina was God's punishment
Walt Kelly's POGO

Early Fall in the Yard

This is what my afternoon looked like.

Wed Movie - Lord of War

We went and saw ‘Lord of War’ last night. The story is as wonderfully convoluted as the actual subject matter. It raises questions about good, evil and the ‘grey area’. I was shocked to hear other viewers gasp at parts of the story I found predictable. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the movie; it was only predictable because it’s based on actual events. My husband pointed out a character in the movie named Lieutenant Colonel Southern – hmmm could that be a reference to another Lieutenant Colonel cardinal-direction? In the end it reaffirmed for me that there are no easy answers for the world’s evils. If you liked the movie Blow, you should see this one.

Today's Links
News from Africa
Liberia Timeline
Documentary Liberia - America's Stepchild

Where's Waldo?!

American Library Association's Banned Books Week, September 24-October 2, 2005

I've read 26 of these not realizing the weren't wholesome enough to be in the libarary according to some. I own 3 more that are in my stack of 'books to read'. I've decided to use this list as a loose 'to read' list, since the ones I have read - are great.

The 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books of 1990–1999
Bold = read it
Italics = own but not yet read

Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
Daddy’s Roommate by Michael Willhoite
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Forever by Judy Blume
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Giver by Lois Lowry
My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
It’s Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Sex by Madonna
Earth’s Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
The Witches by Roald Dahl
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle
The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
The Goats by Brock Cole
The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
Final Exit by Derek Humphry
Blubber by Judy Blume
Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
Deenie by Judy Blume
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
Beloved by Toni Morrison
The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
Cujo by Stephen King
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
Ordinary People by JudithGuest
American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
Fade by Robert Cormier
Guess What? by Mem Fox
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Native Son by Richard Wright
Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Fantasies by Nancy Friday
Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
Jack by A.M. Homes
Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
Family Secrets by Norma Klein
Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
Carrie by Stephen King
The Dead Zone by Stephen King
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
Private Parts by Howard Stern
Where’s Waldo? by Martin Hanford
Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
Sex Education by Jenny Davis
Jumper by Steven Gould
Christine by Stephen King
The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
That Was Then, This is Now by S.E. Hinton
Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
The Wish Giver by Bill Brittain
Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier





How many have YOU read?






Today's Link:
Banned Books Week

I Smart

I always meant to write about things that we're deeply philosophical, scientific, political and extremely insightful.

Yet, I find myself writing things like - Ella is sitting in her car seat on the way to Grandma’s when I glimpse in the rearview mirror that she is having her Ernie doll nurse from her Cookie Monster doll. She is sitting very quiet and watching intently with Ernie’s faced smashed into Cookie’s chest. I call Dan to tell him about it and he is extremely disturbed by the whole thing, saying “Oh Gross! Thanks for that visual!”

Here’s the thing, I’m still getting up a couple of times a night with Ella and since my pregnancy, whole chunks of vocabulary have just fallen right out of my head onto the sidewalk never to be seen again. I've checked the lost and found... Nope, 'that one thing' is still missing, it's probably with that 'thinga madoodle' I lost last month. Most days I am a news junky, but by the time I read and process what is out there I am usually too appalled and disheartened to write about it. I just read other Blogs and end up thinking – “Yeah, what she said!” So I link…

I swear to you, dear reader, there will be a day when I will have a coherent thought to contribute – something new and clever to say about politics, science and or philosophy. I swear to you "I SMART!" and someday maybe I’ll be able to… ya know … damn … (lost my train of thought)… damn.

Today's Link:
Kicken' it Old Scool with Mr. Hooper

Sunday, September 25th, 05

http://flickr.com/photos/tags/peacemarch/

Compton is a great place to live

So much to say and so little time to say it in. There's an article about Yale students being talked about out there in the blogosphere - I say it's about time we re-defined 'success' - more to come on that later.

Should we pull out of Iraq? First of all I'm a serious pacifist and a devout Liberal and I think the war is a travesty. I want to stand in the streets and chant "Bring our troops home." But yeah, here it comes… I can’t get the following thought out of my head: What if good ol’ Ty Pennington went to do one of his Extreme Home Makeovers and tore down this family’s house and bulldozed it into a pile of debris and then left a rough sketch of the new house behind as he waved goodbye from his air conditioned, gas guzzling Humvee. Camera pans out as the poor family stands there holding nothing but a rough sketch the backdrop is a big pile of rubble that used to be their home. Oh yeah, I forgot to add that this episode takes place in Compton. So... I'm still thinking about this -

Links: In all fairness -
Don't confuse the war with the warrior - I support our soldiers and veterans
Compton is a great place to live, work, and raise a family

On Parenting

I say – “Ella's cutie patootie pink sparkly princess tent with babies and flowers in it where Ella sits on her pink furry Disney Princess Chair with her giant pink fuzzy-wuzzy dog next to her and her pink tiara on her little curly blond head and maybe her extra special sparkly ballerina tutu on her waist and she reads her Ernie books surrounded in Pink Chiffon.”

Dan says – “Ella’s Fortress of Solitude”

###

Parentalympics / Things I’m pretty sure parents should get gold medals for:

• Getting out of a sleeping toddler’s bed without making the bed squeak
• “It’s a small world after all” marathon
• Handing animal cracker’s into the back seat while driving through rush-hour traffic
• Grocery bag, baby, stair climb and juggle
• Super fast sex with no noise
• Barf catching
• Rock me to sleep relay
• The 2 hour knee bounce
  
  Women’s events
• Shaving legs while in the bath with a squirmy 20 month old
• Marathon nursing
• Circumference of Baby’s head at birth (all participants get a medal)
• Boob bending – breast feeding a toddler while he/she does somersaults in your lap. Points awarded for boob bend-ability and difficulty of child’s maneuvers.

###

Things I never knew I’d miss: Donuts on Friday, a reason to put mascara on, Happy-wok lunch while quietly doing the crossword and watching the noon news, dirty jokes from the peanut gallery in the warehouse, having a valid reason to be annoyed and or ticked off (somehow being mad over yet another totally predictable toddler mess seems dim-witted.)

No one tells me “Nice job last week on that diaper change!” or “Wow, you really took charge of that giant milk spill in the kitchen, do you think you could give me some pointers next time that happens to me?”

###

Things that all sound like "Bucky" when Ella says them:

• Monkey
• Bucket
• Pocket

###

Today's Links:
Ella is in Love with Jack's Big Music Show
Daddy is in Love with Monster Jam (video clip)
Mommy's in Love with Lovin' Your Momma (video clip)

Evening Song

Last night I heard Ella Sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". Her versions goes: "Pickle pickle pickle STAaaarrrrrrRRR!"










Today's Links: One billion dollars has been plundered from Iraq's defence ministry
Sharp drop in Afghan poll turnout
Leonard DiCaprio set to play Theodore Roosevelt

Morning Song

This morning in the tub with Ella, I witnessed perhaps the strangest song performance ever. I had my leg sticking up out of the water and was shaving my shin when Ella who was at the other end of the tub playing with her ‘peoplepotamus’ and duckies stopped to notice my leg poked up in the air. She immediately stood up and grabbed my foot like a microphone and sang into it.










Links of the day:
Katrina's missing Children
Condolezza says 'Don't even go there' to Iran

Boobies Around the World

Here it is folks – my overt, secret. Ella is still nursing and I don’t mind.

It’s kind of nice to sit down in the big blue chair and relax with her a couple of times a day. Yes, she is sleeping in her own bed, forming sentences, going down the slide by herself, drinking out of a regular cup and occasionally peeing in the potty, she is almost two. However, the World Health Organization says one should nurse their baby at least till the age of two for immunity reasons and it does significantly lower my risks of getting breast cancer.

But the plain truth is that it’s easy. If she ate like crap today I know she’s getting at least some nutrients from me, if she bumps her head it calms her easily, if we lay down it puts her to sleep in about 10 minutes, if I forgot to pack a sippy or the sippy is now empty – I’ve always got me. And now the really selfish reasons even beyond the lazy factor stated above. a) I will not have a 'visit from my aunt Flo' until we stop nursing. b) If Ella gets busy and doesn’t nurse all day I fill up and am really sore and leaky (yuck.) c) CLEAVAGE!

So when asked how long do we plan to do breast feed?
I say “Till we’re done.”















Today's Links:
The Art of Boobies
Boobiess Around the World
Yeah for Boobies

How We Spoil Her

Ella had a fab day today. Cheerio’s for breakfast, bath with mom, Jack's Big Music Show, then swing set and slide, for lunch we had SOUP and crackers with butter, then we shopped at a garage sale up the street resulting in a new-ish baby, ice cream with Gramma and Mary-Jean (psudo-gramma) and our neighbor Nika (also only one yrs. old) resulting in ice cream face. Then a nap and Daddy comes home. Daddy takes us to dinner at Potbelly were there is more SOUP! And a nice young man singing and playing Nirvana on his guitar, Ella got to flirt with him all through dinner. Then Toys -R-Us to get a bed rail and a Boohbah doll 'cause Daddy will buy anything that makes Ella sing. Then off to the book store so Daddy and Mommy can satisfy their book craving and we all have cookies and coffee and juice (To her disappointment, not so much coffee for Ella). Then a ride home while we all sing when we get there a bedtime story and new jammies and tucked in with new purple Boobah and good ol' Monkey-monkey.

A Dog Hair

I made a t-shirt for Beth to wear when she runs Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure (Breast Cancer) in Boston this weekend. She raised an insane amount of money and the t-shirt has the names of all the people in whose honor she is running. It also has, stuck between the t-shirt and the iron-on, a dog-hair in it. Fricken yeah! I tried to make it a classy looking design – it turned out really nice… except the dog hair. Story of my life - real classy except for the dog hair.

Blah, blah, blah

Beth once said to me that she'd probably cry the first time Ella actually said her name. Well tonight Beth came for dinner and iron-on t-shirts and when it was time for her to go home Ella followed her to the door and bid her farewell by waving and giving kisses and finally saying in her tiny little sing-song voice… she said “Bye Blah.”

Today's Links:

All Your Wildest Dreams
We the People

I went and saw the “Exorcism of Emily Rose” last night, yeah it was spooky and disturbing and I was all ghosted out last night when we got home. But this morning I listen to the Roberts’ Confirmation Hearings and I read about Iraq and the Katrina Floods and the power is out to 10,000 people today after a big thunderstorm including my mom’s house and I just think that humans are extremely talented at being mean to each other and oblivious to each other’s plight. I’m actually ashamed that I lost any sleep last night worrying about demons and ghost.













Today's Links: Bush Betrays Poor Women Again
Explosions in Iraq kill 160, injure 570
Exorcism - Faith Vs. Science

A Moment

Did you know that in the time it takes to put water and ice in a sippy cup a one year old can simply sit down right behind you and drink straight from the dog’s dish - and in the time it takes one to pee, flush and wash hands that same one year old can find time to put a bra on her head, let the dog out and greet the neighbors from the back porch.

Today's Links:
Life 'worse for world's poorest'

"..when they hear politicians slap - you know, thanking one another, it just, you know, it kind of cuts them the wrong way right now..."

Killer Margarita Tomorrow Night

Husband and I are supposed to go out tomorrow night with a few friends to celebrate. What are we celebrating? - Having no kids with us of course. Coincidentally it is also our 9th wedding anniversary, so it works out nicely. Our free babysitter cancelled today causing me to call not-free babysitter who is available tomorrow. Free babysitter then called back later to say he could come after all. Now, both free and not-free along with not-free’s fiancée will be showing up tomorrow at 6:00 and I’m buying pizza for everyone. Baby will have a total of 3 grown-ups to play with for the evening. Let me also mention I am related to all of these sitters so pissing one or the other off is absolutely not an option.

What I do know for sure: I am having a ‘Killer Margarita’ tomorrow night.

Link(s) of the day:

Dear America, As a friend of the family I can’t sit back and watch...

Perhaps we should just tell them their checks are on the rescue buses that'll be coming shortly

Hear George Bush Doesn't Like Black People

Pee in the Potty!

Hallelujah we've got PEE IN THE POTTY! I feel like screaming it from the roof top. Today a definitely a reprieve from the universe, we’ve got pee in the potty and no diaper on. I am bribing her with candy, but I don't care, I've got plenty of candy and if 6 tootsie rolls is all it takes to potty train a kid then call me Sugar-Momma. Hmm, could be a messy day I better go downstairs and get paper towels – just in case. Oh, AND Ella slept in her own bed of her own accord last night from 9:30 till 3:00am. She's turning into a regular little kid.

###
Link of the day:
He said, 'Why would I do that?' and I said because of all that went wrong, of all that didn't go right last week. And he said, 'What didn't go right?' ..."Oblivious, in denial, dangerous," she said.

More Cow Bell

More Cow Bell


This is all I can type today - I had to take an allergy pill and have been knocked on my booty.

Time line of recent events

It's Official I'm a Grown-Up

September 6th 2005

Yesterday for the first time in my life I had to send my 21 month old daughter to ‘Time Out’. I had to put my hands on her cheeks and look her in the eye and inform her “Mommy does not want you to give the dog-dog an ouch, and this is NOT funny. You have to sit here in ‘time out’ now.” I sat there like a real ‘Grown-up’ having just doled out my first ‘Time Out’ and wondered how sitting in the chair was actually a punishment. Ella didn’t think it was, in fact the first 30 or 40 seconds she sat in the chair she hummed to herself. I got a little worried and wondered if I should just pinch her or something.

She did finally get upset when she discovered I wouldn’t let her leave the chair. A battle of wills ensued. Ella getting out of the chair followed by me returning her to the chair and restating her crime. This seemed totally absurd to me at the time and must have seemed equally absurd to Ella. Was she thinking – “Hmmm, I pulled on Day-day’s ears and I’m getting two minutes of progressive parenting punishment?” or did she just think “My mommy lost her mind? Why won’t she let me out of this chair?” Finally she just cried “Mommy, mommy, mommmmy” with her little arms crossed over one another in protest. After two minutes, I told her she could get up and say sorry to the dog and she should be nice to Day-day. So Ella said ‘torry’ followed by a giant toddler hug around poor Day-day’s neck which was probably worse than the original ear pull.

I can’t help but wonder if Ella put it all together or if I just succeeded is showing Ella I could successfully break her will and make her do what I wanted. Would Ella have said ‘torry’ to Day-day and given her a hug without the ‘Time Out”? I’m almost sure she would’ve as Ella does most everything I ask her to, she’s very eager to participate and follow directions. Should I have done something else? So many questions…

All I know for sure is – Ella pulled the dogs ears on purpose and then again after I told her not to, and that was mean, and I could NOT let her get away with it.

On top of all of these grown up actions my childhood TV-buddy Bob Denver (Gilligan of Gilligan's Island) died. I even had an elephant I named Gilligan, I so loved that character. Funny how growing up can happen when you least expect it. RIP Dear Gilligan.

Barbara Bush: Things Working Out 'Very Well' for Poor Evacuees from New Orleans

I am impelled to post one more

Barbara Bush: Things Working Out 'Very Well' for Poor Evacuees from New Orleans: "Barbara Bush: Things Working Out 'Very Well' for Poor Evacuees from New Orleans By E&P Staff
Published: September 05, 2005 7:25 PM ET updated 8:00 PM

NEW YORK Accompanying her husband, former President George H.W.Bush, on a tour of hurricane relief centers in Houston, Barbara Bush said today, referring to the poor who had lost everything back home and evacuated, 'This is working very well for them.' ...

The former First Lady's remarks were aired this evening on National Public Radio's Marketplace' program. Then she added:...'And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this--this (she chuckles slightly) is working very well for them.'

Don't buy gas if you don't need it

Global Coverage Article Reuters.co.uk: "Bush said they all agreed the storm's damage to the gas supply was a 'temporary disruption' and urged Americans to use prudence in filling up over the next few weeks. 'Don't buy gas if you don't need it,' he said in Oval Office remarks with his father and Clinton at his side. "

My favorite president has asked me to conserve gas. I am going to see exactly how long I can make one tank last. I filled up last week when it was $3.29 a gallon. Tomorrow I‘ll drive into the city (about 25 miles) and run all my city errands, including bringing Ella to visit with Grandma. It will be the only trip further than 5miles I make this week.













PATRICK CHAPPATTE

The Emperor Has No Clothes

I never meant for my blog to become a seriers of links or a rant about our government and the recent disaster but I just can't let it go. The problem is, I remember the 9/11 emergency response and I see the discrepency in comparison to Katrina and the flood that followed and it's eating me up. I can't stop reading these things and it makes me want to scream.

• Please just read Kevin Drum's Article I can't even bring myself to summerize it I am so appaled.
• Here's some video clips that should be seen Crooks and Liars
• Bush: Katrina "a mess," but Lott's house is gonna be AWESOME
• Senator Landrieu - "Flying over this critical spot again this morning, less than 24 hours later, it became apparent that yesterday we witnessed a hastily prepared stage set for a Presidential photo opportunity; and the desperately needed resources we saw were this morning reduced to a single, lonely piece of equipment."
• The Hurrican Survivors are not Refugees. Refugee: Noun An exile who flees for safety. Under international law, a refugee is a person who is outside his/her country of nationality or habitual residence; has a well-founded fear of persecution because of his/her race, religion, nationality, membership in a particular social group or political opinion; and is unable or unwilling to avail himself/herself of the protection of that country, or to return there, for fear of persecution. They are subgroup of the broader category of displaced persons. They are distinguished from economic.
• Finding food does not become looting just because one's skin is brown.
• If the camera can get there so can help.
• "I'm sick of the press conferences. For God sakes, shut up and send us somebody." - Aaron Broussard, September 4th 2005 on Meet the Press
• "Acess to New Orleans is controlled by the National Guard and local authorities and while we are in constant contact with them, we simply cannot enter New Orleans against their orders. The state Homeland Security Department had requested--and continues to request--that the American Red Cross not come back into New Orleans following the hurricane." From the Red Cross' Website TODAY
• From Daily KOS "Now we have another of those extremely rare moments of perfect national clarity. Only this time the theme of the day is they screwed up big time. Four years in which they've done nothing but talk about being prepared for an emergency. Four years in which they've spent huge amounts of money, reshaped the government, eroded rights, suspended laws, broken treaties, and expended blood like it was free, and what do we have to show for it? Rats eating old women in the street, that's what we have."

Breakfast in New Orleans

1996 was the first time I went to New Orleans was with my fiancé (now husband of 9 years) Dan. It was just before our wedding and we were in infatuated with each other. We stayed at our friend Steven’s apartment and he stayed upstairs at his girlfriend Caroline’s place. The whole apartment complex was full of young hip people in their twenties and their patios all faced inwards towards each other and the in-ground pool in a great horse-shoe shape. It was unseasonably warm, actually in the 70s during Mardi-Gras that year. We would stay down in the French Quarter, just a trolley ride away, till the wee hours of the night and then go home to our own little 'on loan apartment' to sleep. The next morning we would begin againto slowly work ourselves into the frenzy of night time on Burbon Street.

The Parades were endless and they were only a step outside of the apartment gates into the giant oak trees and street lamps and ladders that line the parade route. The city smelled like hickory and sea salt, it was sweet. Children yelling “Hey Mista, Throw Me Somethin'” were rewarded with hand-fulls of sparkly beads and doubloons. There was treasure all over the ground and in the air and happiness and party everywhere. Funny to think, there were little stands lining the streets selling ‘hurricanes’ (Rum, Bacardi 151, Amaretto, Triple Sec, Gin, Grapefruit, Pineapple, Orange & a dash of Grenadine) for a dollar. They tasted wonderful at eight in the morning.

One of our fondest memories from that vacation was lying in bed one morning watching cray-fish scuttle into Steve’s living room through the slightly cracked patio door. The neighbors were having a craw-fish broil. Yes, for breakfast. They had two gigantic bags of crayfish and a great big kettle on a big flame on the sidewalk boiling with onions and peppers and corn and all kinds of voodoo seasonings. They were going to throw the cray fish in and a few of them were trying to escape.

We were lying in bed discussing their fate when we heard Steve’s girlfriend Caroline screaming out into the courtyard “It’s Harry Connik Jr.! Get your asses out of bed! It’s Harry Connik Jr.!” Dan and I rolled our over sexed selves out of our borrowed bed and walked out into the courtyard to tell Caroline we’d be out of our showers in a few minutes and she just grabbed us up “No time! I can HEAR him! I just know it’s him, we gotta see this!” She yanked us out onto the corner of St. Charles and Washington in our PJs (it was just two doors down). We were still rubbing sleep out of our eyes when Steve casually walked up and stuffed hurricanes in our hands.

Dan and I plopped down on the sidewalk with our bed-head and drank our tonics and were serenaded by Harry Connik Jr. and the procession that followed while Caroline squealed “He’s so sexy!” About the time we finished those first hurricanes Steve came back with two more drinks and a cup full of cooked craw-fish. Dan snapped their heads off and slurped the juice right out of ‘em, I was dainty about it and gave Dan all my slurping rights and just ate the tails. Nobody seemed to care we were in our PJs not even we. I believe that may have been the best breakfast I’ve ever had.