a gross just gross and frustrating saga of gin and tonic

So we were on vacation and I put the garbage in the garage, and then I forgot to put it out the next week so two weeks didn't go, today 3 weeks of garbage goes out. I drag three can out and wonder where grandpa had the kids shovel all that shit from the gutters? I realize they shoveled it into the recycle bin ON TOP of the recyclables... sooooo I decide it wont take much to just dump it in one of the bins marked with an X and then fish out the milk jugs from the overturned gutter-mulch.

I grab the nearest square can with an X on it it's filled with rain water, I dump it. 2nd one filled with rain water, I dump it. I see one already turned upside down and think "Hey someone was looking out for me and dumped the rainwater out from the last time it rained! Awesome!" I grab it and lift to flip it and there's a bag of garbage under it. It's smelly... really smelly. It's wriggling. (ew I KNOW!) I pick up the plastic handle to throw it back in the the now upright square can and the whole bottom drops out and wriggling garbage and juice splooshes all over my feet and shoes, rotten slimy chicken bones are all over the sidewalk (not mine even – I don't even eat meat)

I go back in to get a fresh garbage bag (the last one of course) and rubber gloves. I pick up all the garbage, throw the gloves in the bag and haul it out. Then know I should get the hose and hose off the sidewalk at now 11pm at night. I almost walked into a spiderweb ( A REALLY HUGE ONE!) did the almost walked into a spiderweb dance and instead took the long way to the other side of the house...no hose. I think it's still in the basement from when we fixed the hot water heater. Srsly.

I flipped the last can full of water onto the sidewalk hoping to wash away the smell. Now I just hope the raccoons will come eat any left over gross stuff I couldn't find in the dark, before morning, so I can let the dog out without her eating a bunch of it and getting sick. I put the mulch from the recyclables in a square, and now empty can, picked out the sour gallons of milk from the gutter-mulch and set them back in the blue bin. Went in the house and poured myself a gin and tonic and threw my shoes away.