Just Before Turning Six

"How do dinosaurs drink milk? Do they use a straw?" "If you had a ballet sandwich in your lunchbox, then you can't eat it. You have to watch it dance."

-Jack age 5 ¹¹⁄₁₂ 

Squirm

I was out of town last Wednesday.  It was garbage day and the cans sat in the garage and grew things.  Tonight when I put the garbage out I wore gloves so nothing squirmy could even get close to getting any squirm on me and when I was done dragging two weeks of garbage to the curb like it was uranium slime, I threw the gloves in the can, in front of my new neighbors, who now likely think I'm some sort of weirdo. No words were exchanged.

Things that seem important enough to record

When I'm trying to lift myself up, I find it useful to do things I think I'm good at. I usually skate (if the weather is good) and I paint and then I clean house and usually by that time I'm feeling pretty cheery.

Twelve Other Things I'm good at:
-Driving
-Cake decorating
-Finding cool and valuable things at the resale shop
-Reading out loud
-Making lists about myself
-Taking snap shots
-Singing pop music in a silly way in the car
-Yelling
-Errands
-Stacking things into a tight space (closet, trunk, grocery bag, Tetris)
-Playing Atari's Break Out
-Remembering colors

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I almost never talk about the kids anymore on the blog.  I'm trying to give them some privacy and not treat them as an extension of myself so much.  They aren't here for me to necessarily blog about, it's not my place to tell their stores... in fact my one child has her own blog and barely writes anything about herself, indicating some stories she just wants to keep to herself.  When they were young - this was a little bit of a baby book for me and them and the public (weird right?!)  but they're getting big and they often ask me NOT to put things on the internet and so.

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I can talk about Thomas though.  I haven't figured out what is appropriate to say yet.  I guess first of all he has several blogs that should you want to know about him, you could read yourself.  How he fits into the family unit still feels pretty private as it's utterly possible my previous husband and maybe his new partner could read the blog... or maybe not... I really don't know.  I try not to talk about how great life is and how happy I am in a way that would make my ex feel bad about it and so there's that. Lastly sometimes it feels like bad luck to talk about how utterly happy you are when you are.  That all said, he mentions my name when blogging and so I feel like it's important to write his here.  Thomas.

My partner Thomas and I went to New Orleans at the beginning of the summer while the kids visited their dad.  It was odd to be able to walk out the door together without going through when we'd be home, where we were going, and how to reach us 'just in case'.  It was odd for me and Thomas to go on a date like regular single people would. It was fun and freeing and after a few days we started talking about the kids and the silly little things they ask for and do in a day.  We missed them. We still did our best to do all the things we wanted to do in a strange city and I think next time the kids go visit their Dad, we'll get out of town again and see another city.

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I am obsessed with Cauliflower. It's so tasty. I could have it fried and baked or in a soup every day forever.

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I felt like I should say one more thing after talking about Thomas to make is seem all very nonchalant and I was overcome by the need to profess my love for Cauliflower.  Now looking backwards (just up there) Cauliflower seems stupid and silly but now I'll leave it. So there.

What June 2016 is Like So Far

Jeepers, I didn't post anything in May.  I suppose it's just been super busy around here with the end of the school year and a vacation as well as three huge projects wrapped up yesterday.  The news and this election is draining me.  I'm actively trying to tune it out a little more than usual.  I'm not in any way advocating apathy, but I physically can't walk around mad at the world and in disbelief about the rift I feel between the two opposing opinions all the time.  Sometimes I wonder how we are all going to be able to actually cope with living next to each other with such diametrically opposed views, it just feels irreconcilable these days. I'm trying to limit it to a little NPR in the morning and a little Maddow in the eve but of course I'm on the internet reading all day. I'm genuinely surprised when I find out someone I like (but don't really know very well yet) is on the other side.  I try to justify and see why they think what they do and lately it's getting harder and harder. I just can't reason it out in my mind.

I know it's dangerous to see things so one sided.  I know it's good to be pliable and accept a compromise, I just don't think I can this election cycle.  The differences feel too great.

Civil rights are human rights.

Violence is bad.

Help people who ask.


This doesn't seem like things that should ever be up for debate.

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I took the day off work and we went to the beach today.  I opted for no sunscreen on my legs and cheerfully laid myself out basking in the sun while the kids buried themselves in sand and splashed in the cold lake water. I didn't bring my phone down, for fear of sand in the cracks and so when it seemed like we'd been there awhile I flipped over and pinked up the back of my legs about as equally as the front. Then it seemed, all at once, we were all starving so we left and went to McDonalds.

I never figured out people who bring their whole living room out to the beach.  The chairs, the electronics, the snack cooler, the drink cooler, the entire medicine chest with all the sunscreens, the beach blanket, the towels, the flippers and flotations and goggles, the life-jackets and pails and shovels and squirt toys and sand toys and it takes three trips to the car to get it all down there.  Then there's the preparation of the children, taking a full half hour to apply all the things to the kids before one drop of water has even reached a toe.  I just don't have that kid of time or patience, plus the sand is hot and I like to get my feet into that water right away.

Today, I watched a mom apply sunscreen, then a swim shirt and a life-jacket, swim wings, water shoes, and a hat to her four year old son.  He looked like a kid in a snow suit who couldn't put his arms down waddling out into three inches of cold lake water before his mom screeched "Your goggles!" He turned and waddled back and when she stretched the rubber ribbon over his head and let the goggles snap back into his face with a smack noise, I held in a sinful giggle and was glad for the camouflage of my big sunglasses .  The kid plopped down on the beach and cried about his face, rightfully so, it sounded like it hurt.  I secretly wished his mom would calm the hell down before grabbing my towel and one sunscreen and yelling to the kids it was time to go. They put their flip flops on and we went out to the car where I showed them how to hold up a towel in between the car doors for each other while one brushes the sand of their bum and gets dry unders on.

It all made me feel smug and free and easy.  We seemed like the cool kids on the beach, aloof and un-tethered, squatting to check out the soft-shelled turtles and roughhousing with each other.  I didn't take a single picture.  Not a single "cheese" was uttered until I asked for some on my burger at McDonalds later... and yet here I sit recording the events of the day. sigh.

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