Super Paste Please

Why do toothpaste manufacturers make all the different kinds they do? Does anyone actually want toothpaste that whitens but doesn't get rid or tartar, or that tastes extra minty and strengthens enamel to prevents sensitivity but doesn't get the coffee off? Just mix it all up into one batch already and sell me the good toothpaste that does it all. I don't want to have to prioritize my tooth cleansing needs. Please, I have more important things to think about, like which show I will DVR and which show I will watch live on a Thursday night.