No Cents

Last night I sat down in my jammies with a bowl of Cheetoes a few Oreos and a glass of wine. I turned my space heater on, deposited my feet squarely on it and played online poker for like 4 hours while Dan and Ella hung out with the pals they invited over. They mostly pretended I wasn't home and it was all lovely accept on a Saturday night there are virtual poker rooms full of crazies going All In on every unsuited Jack Deuce they can. So I decided to enter a tournament. They are usually ten cents apiece and in general people play a little more seriously. Besides, months ago I made five bucks from zero by placing 36th in a giant 10,000 player tournament and I was hoping to catch up to Dan who loves to tell me he turned his five bucks (he placed too) into nine and then fifteen and now he has like eighty.

So anyway, I'm playing in these ten cent tournaments last night and I can't get any cards past the flop because someone at my table goes All In every hand. People are getting knocked out like crazy, others are pulling triple fives on the river against my pair of aces and no amount of betting is stopping my drowning in the river of idiocy because my best guess was all the other players were stupid and or drunk. Yes, all of them. I LOST SIXTY CENTS! Which I realise made me as stupid as everyone else for even participating at all in six tournaments in a row with people who play that wild.

I was seriously doubting my sanity when Dan walked up suggested I try a quarter tournament. A quarter is a lot of money when you only have a few dollars so I was apprehensive but the rotten play really got to me and I entered. Behold sane players! No one went all in for the first 15 hands, and the bluffing was mostly believable, it was wonderful and while I didn't make $80.00 I came in 6 out of 90, raking in a whopping $1.61 and regaining my cents.