Bombadee's Garden

Republican Coyote Fables

2012-01-27T13:22:00.000-06:00

Ella: A lady came up to our school and told us three stories about coyotes. They had a lesson at the end.

Me: Did the lady belong to a tribe?

Ella: Yes, I think she was a Republican.

Cessation

2012-01-22T02:45:00.000-06:00

I stayed up while the girls giggled late into the night. I checked often to make sure nobody was homesick and all the barbie shoes fit. I laid out a fine bed of pink comforters and fuzzy blankets, in a queen sized pile on the floor, just before I put the last movie on and coaxed everyone into pajamas. I delivered pickles and fresh band aids, iced water and hugs and finally, I demanded everyone just be quiet and lay still for a minute, because I knew if they did, they would sleep. A request for a glass of ice water came in and by the time I reached the top of the stairs again she was snoring. The last child peered through heavy lids and blinking eyes wanting a banana. She found four bites sufficient fuel for whatever dreams awaited.

At 2:40am I steal these last quiet bits of the night for myself. Like the last few minutes before getting out of the shower, where all the pertinent jobs are finished but I stand there letting the water fall down over me in white noise. Or when I pull in the driveway and the baby is sleeping in his car seat and I listen to the last part of Mozart's Violin Concerto No. 3 in G Major before jumping out to hike the groceries in the house. These stolen minutes are the spaces in between the chaos, the long quiet corridor that leads from the rumpus room to the family room. Those stolen instances of calm, when everyone is taken care of and I stretch time slightly just for me, those minutes are sweet and they are mine.

This!

2012-01-20T22:21:00.000-06:00

Zombie Logic Press Blog

then this!

The Poetry Daily

Grateful Heart

2012-01-16T10:42:00.000-06:00

The Houston Roller Derby Awards Ceremony was Saturday night. It was a formal, at the very elegant Nouveau Antique Art Bar and everyone looked stunning. When you are used to seeing people all sweaty and with helmet hair it's amazing to suddenly see them looking like Ginger on Gilligan's Island. I wish I'd taken more photos. Even the referees wore tuxedos. I was excited to hear the awards, as people I voted for won things. Notably my team mate and pal, Shocker Zulu won most improved. She's gone from not being able to do a cross-over to pure blocking menace. I love watching her play. Shank, also my team mate and friend, took MVP because she is an amazing unexhaustable triple threat. The award was accepted on her behalf as she was home getting ready for a marathon on Sunday morning - yeah, she's awesome like that. Yours truly won the Purple Heart award for getting hurt this season and though it's the part of the ceremony where we give out the not so serous awards for things like Best Rack and Miss Congeniality, it meant a lot to me to know that people missed me and recognized such a tough event in my life.

Order Now!

2012-01-13T09:13:00.000-06:00

Ella is selling girl scout cookies. If you needed a reason to buy them beyond tasty tasty exclusive cookies, click on THIS LINK. Seriously everything I read made me say "Oh, good! I'm glad." Thank you Girl Scouts for being the kind of organization I'd always hoped for my daughter to belong in and for propelling society forward.

Tex

2012-01-12T10:20:00.000-06:00

I've often wondered how long one must live a place before you feel like that's where you are from. I've spent three Christmases in Texas and welcomed another child. I have a library card, a voter registration and a drivers license that all say I'm a Texan. I rub my arms and make an effort to dig out socks when the temperature dips to only 65°. I like to let the ocean be my therapist, the briny water washing troubles from me with every visit. I use "ya'll". I know that brisket is more than something you corn on St. Patrick's Day and I've tried five different kinds of tamales and seven different bread puddings. But today, I sat down at my computer with a coffee, saw a post from a place I used to work, and heard my first Midwestern accent.

.
Avoid Unnecessary Furnace Service Calls - Axberg Heating from
Axberg Heating on Vimeo.

I'm a Picker and a Grinner

2012-01-09T08:29:00.003-06:00

I went to the out picking on Sunday and found:
- Two designer dresses one vinatge = $30.00 --- VALUED $150.00 & $320.00
- One antique two-pint pottery bed warmer = $6.00 --- VALUED $80.00
- One tall mocha coffee = $0.00* --- VALUED $3.30

Total spent $39.30 TOTAL VALUE --- $403.30
I came out $364.00 ahead!

Mike and Frank would be proud.

*They keep messing up my order and giving it to me free! Best coffee place ever.

Take Your Medicine!

2012-01-06T14:34:00.001-06:00

Day three of antibiotic slinging and I have no idea if any of it is making it to the designated target. I do know Amoxicillin smooths fly-aways when applied directly to the head after scraping it off one's tongue with flailing panicked hands. I just hope the pharmacist puts a little extra in there.

Wonder Child

2012-01-05T13:31:00.000-06:00

Happy 8th birthday to my green eyed baby.

Striped

2012-01-04T16:42:00.000-06:00

A Bad Case of the Stripes
By David Shannon

For a bout of Bronchitis, I managed to cajole the children through a round of Godzillomiacin. Just in time for them to contract what Ella refers to as striped throat. Since Jack never eats what I cook; but only what he can find on the floor of his sisters room or bite off the end of a writing utensil (see pencil eraser, crayon, and marker felt,) I've given up on making antibiotic frosting and have opted for going in quick. I get that dropper in there and squeeze with as much force as one can exert whence pinching a squishy little rubber dropper into a squirmy toddler's mouth. Then I blow in his face, hard, until he swallows and offer his bewildered demeanor an M&M. After I've used my super ninja medicine giving skills, to get ten days of Pinkacyllin into Jack's tightly pursed lips, we're going to pretend we're cowboys for a while and wear bandannas over our faces when we go out.

Santorum? I Barely Even Know 'Em.

2012-01-04T10:58:00.000-06:00

Quick facts:

Budget busting tax plan
Pro foreign aid, including troops
Against gay marriage
Intelligent design
Wife and seven children
Pro life
Google rank problems

Thirty year time line:

Graduated High School 1976
BA in Political Science at Penn State in (Tau Epsilon Phi Frat) 1980
Master of Business Admin 1981
Law degree, Pennsylvania Bar, Kirkpatrick & Lockhart 1986
Married 1987
House of Representatives 1990
US Senate 1995
Re elected US Senate 2000
Google Bombed 2003
First Book 2005
Unseated 2006
Second Book 2006

Changes

2012-01-03T00:07:00.000-06:00

Blowing my ACL and giving up skating was a shock to the psyche. Unlike when I was just pregnant, I needed to be cautious with my leg and let it heal, I had to relearn how to walk up and down steps and make it to physical therapy three times a week. It takes up all of my energy chasing a fraggle haired, little danger man around the house while also being mindful of the gentle feelings of a drama loving seven year old. Hiring a sitter and going to derby practice once a week over November and December to stand in the middle of the track I so desperately wanted to be on, seemed like it would be torturous, both physically and mentally even though I missed it so much.

In January I hope to be cleared for endurance skating and would like to start attending Houston Roller Derby's Recreational League on Tuesday nights. I want to have a little of it back, with less of a commitment, at least until I'm done healing. Then I'll reassess my situation and think about what is next. I'd like time to plan and dream and anticipate what's next. I'd like to be able to have a little control back even though I don't know what will come of it. I just want it to be on my terms.

I miss skating until my legs are numb, my lungs burning with lactic acid and ego. I miss celebrating and being proud about the little accomplishments, both my team mates and mine. I miss being soaking wet with sweat and delirious with happy. I miss having all sorts of interesting people in my life every week and knowing who is ill, in love, has a blister and what people are seeing, eating, reading and listening to, what their goals are. I wasn't ready to give it up so abruptly.

I am used to living along side an army of diverse, tough women. It's hard when life changes without permission. Sometimes it takes a long time to adjust. I'm just now feeling like I live in Texas, despite my third Christmas in the Bayou. I still feel like I can't buy expensive jeans because I just had a baby, though Jack is looking towards age two and riding a trike. Though I don't see my skatey-mates enough to tell you what color their hair is any more, letting go of these women and the derby community may take a lifetime.

Middle of Book

2012-01-01T11:32:00.001-06:00

Woody Guthrie's New Years Resolutions 1942, stolen from Boing Boing.

Merry Merry

2011-12-25T21:54:00.001-06:00

I hope whatever it is you celebrate this time of year was as awesome as ours.

What is Art?

2011-12-21T11:58:00.000-06:00

Do you think accessibility to material dilutes art or inspires new talent?

I say both. And sometimes one has to sit down and play Heart and Soul with their best pal to realise the genius of Bach.

***

Need to find out who did that peice of work you grabbed from timblr, pintrest, facebook but can't find the original? Check this awesome tool out! ?¿ src-img

***

Improv Everywhere is making a film.

Whiff

2011-12-16T12:40:00.000-06:00

I smelled the live oaks on cool humid air and was reminded of vacations in New Orleans. If I had a recording of it I'd hit play, right along with the radio on Saturday mornings. I'd invite listeners to take a breath while I am retelling about visiting the City of the Dead. I'd play it on quiet nights when it is too much to open the windows.

Bleachable Moments

2011-12-14T22:37:00.003-06:00

I've gone on before about gender in casting and this commercial surprised me enough to share.

Oh My Darlin'

2011-12-13T00:20:00.001-06:00

Tonight I was peeling another clementine for Jack when he started playing with the peel. Because he has the ability to find the most dangerous thing in the room in three seconds or less, I was powerless when he maced himself in the eye with the twist of the rind. I'm sure it stung, as I look into it on wiki, I see those oils are used for stripping varnish and garnishing things that have vodka in them. I washed his eye out and put some saline in it, which also pissed him off, but I figured the more he cried the better it would be for his eyeball.

From the Daily Painting Blog
Postcard from Provence
by Julian Merrow-Smith

This Bird is Half Empty

2011-12-10T19:49:00.001-06:00

Some folks miss the magic in life, it goes right over their heads.
(Listen up at 48 seconds)

Wish List

2011-12-09T11:10:00.001-06:00

Dear Santa,

For Christmas this year, please bring toys that occupy my kids. Also I'd like a black cover for my phone, booze, and a very expensive hair cut.

Love,
Jenny

One and a Half Jack

2011-12-07T11:49:00.001-06:00

Jack is sleeping or he is a whirlwind of chaos. He likes all things little boys are supposed to like; cars, sports, playing ball, whacking things with a sword, running after women with his wolf claws out and growling, climbing and jumping from the top of things and most of all pretending to be big. His dark eyes glower when he's told "no" in a way that assures me he'll have to get some sort of fight training in life, both to back up his uncontrollable glare and to rein it in. His laugh starts with squinched up eyes, and a wide smile full of pearly teeth, one already chipped from a mishap while running on cement. He'll give you five if he likes you and he feels like it, and sometimes he'll put his whole open mouth on your face and give you a kiss. He speaks in song; though he doesn't always get the consonants or the vowels right, he does match syllables, cadence and melody. We have a joke we tell when we're in the middle of a project and Jack runs into the next room, you say "What can he possibly get into in ten seconds?" and you laugh maniacally while setting the project aside in a hurry and giving chase. Because soon he will be naked and shaking a lamp, or moving the dog food, or buttering someone on the head. He's hopelessly devoted to his big sister who loves him enough to afford him all the patience a seven year old can muster. Under a layer of baby chub, he's sinewy, independent and determined. He's almost one and a half.

Important Link

2011-12-05T23:04:00.000-06:00

SWAT Raids, Stun Guns, And Pepper Spray: Why The Government Is Ramping Up The Use Of Force By Radley BalkoSenior Writer and Investigative Reporter The Huffington Post

Trophies of 2011

2011-12-03T16:47:00.001-06:00

I gold medaled in momming. I silvered in housewifing. I got the bronze for getting crayon off the wall of a rented house. After winning the UHaul-Grand Prix for moving an entire household while eight months pregnant, in June, in Texas last year, I went on to win the Illini-1000 in November, when I drove to Rockford for Thanksgiving with two children, a dog and a hip to ankle leg brace. I got the Rubberband Prize for outstanding efforts in the categories of super cute hair braids and piggy tails that aren't lopsided and I was awarded the Mrs. Mathews Sash and Crown. Consistantly when I wake up in the morning, the Worlds Best Cup of Coffee is found in my kitchen. I got the Runneth Over Cup for breast feeding Jack back to sleep, Rookie of the Year for chasing ten month olds who can run, and of course the Hindend Trophy for changing a poopy diaper in a truck stop with one baby wipe. I was MVP of derby skaters named Bombadee. I swept the National Championships of Long Black Dog Hair Removal from the floor and couch. I garnered a blue ribbon in Tiny Drawings for the second year in a row and I think I won some sort of certificate for being consistently under-rated and under-collected in the art world, but I'm sure it got lost in the mail. I got my merit badges in grocery shopping with a toddler, reupholstering an ottoman, repairing laptop keys pulled off by children, and blowing out a tire at 75 mph on I-290 as well as waiting two hours for a tow truck by myself on a Saturday night. I also made employee of the month at ZLP at least twice this year and for the seventh time in a row I received Blogger of the Year from Bombadee's Garden. Also, I was gifted the Star of Gratitude for having amazing family and friends. I did not win any awards in modesty nor can I seem to land a spot on My Morning Hair.

Seven Weeks After ACL Surgery

2011-12-02T13:27:00.001-06:00

Doctor Lowe said I have the knees of a teenager. I'm healing up nicely and should be back to at least endurance skating in January. I still have some swelling and some bruising and my thighs are different sizes, though I don't think it's terribly obvious. I'm doing physical therapy twice a week and I'm able to stationary bike and get on the elliptical and some basic squats and stair step things. I have a little spot that remains numb and the scar isn't terrible, you can click on the pic and zoom in to see. I'm able to get around pretty well and I no longer have to wear what affectionately became known as the iron maiden on my leg. I'll get a smaller one just for exercising, late next week.

Projects from the Home Sick Department

2011-12-01T15:47:00.001-06:00

She put four stuffed animals under the cardboard box on the living room floor, a cat, a whale, a frog and Charlie peacock. She put a sign on the box that said "Chaos" and then announced to the room there was a terrible animal fight going down inside the box.

Adventures in Momming

2011-12-01T12:21:00.001-06:00

My very good pal Kiki over at I Still Hate Pickles said "Sharing struggles doesn't mean that your struggles don't matter. It helps to know that you aren't alone, and that you always have things to be thankful for!" I am thankful she said it, because here I go sharing:

Today, I am home with two sick kids, a fever, no voice or groceries and a dog with a flea. When a toddler that is still nursing gets a sore throat, do you know what happens? He wants to nurse non-stop. So while I am trying to clean up the dog barf resulting from the hair ball the dog pulled from the spot in her hind quarter where the single flea that she's very allergic to bit her, my son is frantically yanking on my shirt trying to get things out, and the harder he cries the more snot pours from his face. I am thankful Ella is content to lay about on the couch and overdose on cartoons, but a few times she's had some odd requests; "I need to put pockets on the inside of my robe so I can whip out tools and weapons like a spy, where's the tape?"

At some point this afternoon, I need to pack everyone up and their snot and venture out to the grocery store because we were in Illinois last week and the ice box has in it: tortillas, clementines, old lunch meat, pickles, a half bottle of wine and ketchup. If I can get my boob back in my shirt long enough to get shoes on we'll go get supplies and maybe plumber will finally call me back. While we were gone, the odd smell in the master bathroom's toilet room, that didn't go away when we bleached everything in there, got worse. I think an animal expired in the exhaust vent, Dan thinks there could be something wrong with the pipes, so I need a plumber who knows ducts and won't hang up on me when I say "dead animal." So far I've called six and only one called me back. He wants $120.00 to walk in the door. Also before he walks in the door, I need to put the dirty laundry away, empty the diaper pail and wipe the toothpaste off the mirror. In the mean time, I've shut the door and am pretending that room no longer exists. Which brings me to being thankful for having a second commode.

Four Things

2011-11-30T10:38:00.001-06:00

I've lost all hope in ever getting any sort of customer service from a store with more than 2,000 square feet. I'm shopping, hence forth at small stores, literally.

***

A first grade boy told me a story in the car the other day, it started with alien robots and wrapped up on Mars with farting and dinosaurs. I encouraged him to make it into a comic book.

***

That all said about small stores, this presumably big store makes a wonderful commercial :

***

Jack needs these pants

***

Another Cherry Vale Mall Response

2011-11-30T10:31:00.001-06:00

Jenny - I am not clear what your intended use is. Many uses can be acceptable if cleared thru the mall management office. Feel free to contact me as the need arises.

Mark Peterson
General Manager
CherryVale Mall
815-332-2451 x.228

***

Mark,I was at the mall on Thursday, November 25th with my mother, a friend, and my two small children. I was using my iphone to record people singing an impromptu version of "This Land is Your Land" when mall security approached me and said policy was "No filming" and I must stop or leave. It was confusing because several other people were recording this event, but I was the only one with several shopping bags, strollers, coffee, phone, and children in hand. The rest of the people recording were men with nothing in hand but a camera. The video of the incident is here http://bombadee.blogspot.com/2011/11/occupy-cherryvale-mall-rockford-il-on.html I was unable to find any mention of this strict policy on your website in the Cherry Vale Code of Conduct, so I was looking for a clarification of your use of cameras.

Awaiting your reply,
Jenny
Houston, Texas

***

Jenny - mall security is correct in speaking to you regarding filming as prior authorization thru the mall management office would need to have been granted.

Thank you for shopping CherryVale.

***

First post here
Initial response here

Occupy Cherry Vale Mall Response

2011-11-29T10:39:00.001-06:00

Original Comments:
To Whom It May Concern;
re: http://bombadee.blogspot.com/2011/11/occupy-cherryvale-mall-rockford-il-on.html
What exactly is the policy on using my camera in your facility? Thank you.

***

from CherryVale Mall malls@shopcherryvalemall.com
Tue, Nov 29, 2011 at 9:53 AM

Hi Jenny, the mall's policy is that if you are taking a picture of yourfamily, there is not an issue, multiple pictures or trying to "sneak" apicture at Santa's set are when there are issues, either store proprietaryinformation or the fact that the pictures are sold with Santa visits.Thanks very much for asking and have a wonderful holiday season.

***

On Friday November 25th I was singled out and asked to stop using my camera by two security guards. I was told it was "Mall Policy" and if I didn't stop I would be asked to leave, while the security guard had her hand on my iphone. I'm confused because several other people were also using their cameras, but I, having my mother, a friend and two small children in tow, one in a stroller, seemed to be an easier target for enforcing the imaginary policy. I was not trying to take a photo of Santa, nor was I stealing any proprietary information. The link to the video of the security guard claiming it is policy and putting her hand on my phone is here http://bombadee.blogspot.com/2011/11/occupy-cherryvale-mall-rockford-il-on.htmlAwaiting your response.

Sincerely,
Jenny
Houston, Texas

Occupy Cherryvale Mall, Rockford, IL on Black Friday

2011-11-25T19:40:00.000-06:00

Shortly after eating lunch and taking the children to see Santa, we heard people yelling in the town square of Cherryvale Mall. We stopped just past the elevator and looked around. A few years back someone lit themselves on fire in protest at the very same mall so of course like a true American I got my camera out. I was face to face with the Occupy Rockford movement. People strolled in calling and responding "Occupy Rockford!" They hung a banner from the second floor mezzanine and read a short paragraph just feet from us. We were unable to discern much over the din of the holiday shoppers, other than "...We are your friends and neighbors!..." Next the police rushed up and confiscated the banner and stood very close to our neighbors who started to sing "This Land is Your Land." Then I raised a camera to capture what felt sort of patriotic and sweet and this is what happened.

Camping for the Future

2011-11-23T23:01:00.001-06:00

I got a new phone. I love it. Dan gave it to me right before I left on the long drive to Illinois for turkey, with two kids, a decrepit old dog and a bum knee in the car. I like to think he gave it to me so that if the car broke down I could tell Siri "I need a tow truck" and she would order one up for me, like a small computerized body guard or an obedient domesticated pocket robot assistant. The idea of domestic robots is exciting to me. Ten years ago, I named my first robot; Algernon will never know how to do more than vacuum a room, much less tell me what a Wappy Dog is or where to locate one but he is still monumental to me.

I want to keep my new pocket assistant safe, so I decided to find a case, or as I like to think of it a tiny little toddler proof vest. I went to Best Buy. To my surprise, there were people in tents on the side walk. I got excited about talking to some Occupiers; maybe they would ask me not to patronize the corporate box store, maybe they would tell me about all the things in there not made in America, or about how none of the people working inside have the leverage to negotiate decent health insurance. As I saw the camper's smiling faces, the realization they were camping in preparation for black Friday descended. It was the exact opposite of what I was anticipating.

I thought about it the whole time I was shopping. Protesting campers are maced and removed from public space under the guise of safety, but these voracious consuming campers preparing days in advance to storm the gates and trample people, possibly to death, in hopes of consuming more plastic electronics assembled by impoverished children in other countries, the very same items that will later be obsolete and occupy landfills also in other countries, leaching mercury and poisons out into the dirt, washing into the ocean and riding out on the winds young developing lungs breath... these campers are welcomed. (Ok, maybe I didn't think all of that at the time, maybe I was just trying to keep a one year old from falling out of the cart and the brilliant consumerism commentary was discussed and read later on Facebook) but, while I was shopping there was the echoing question of why these campers, but not those and as a result I couldn't buy anything. I just didn't want to.

Breakfast at Bombadee's III

2011-11-17T09:02:00.001-06:00

Jack's snack.

-Breakfast at Bombadee's

-Breakfast at Bombadee's II

Breakfast

2011-11-14T09:25:00.003-06:00

Jack bounces out of bed and climbs upstairs to wake Ella who is already sitting on the side of her bed rubbing the sleep from her eyes. I hobble up the steps as fast as I can to keep anyone from going back to sleep or eating any leggos. After we pick clothes, we all rumble back down to the dining room and eat cereal in various dampnesses while I sip instant coffee. Everyone is officially UP and I lament running on five hours of sleep. I am a notorious insomniac. While we wait by the window for the neighbor to pick Ella up for school, I peel the tape off my knee and we all peer at the scar underneath. Ella asks me if I am all right and I say the truth, "No it hurts, and it's going to hurt for a while, while it heals." Then her ride is here and she is off to school. She is bursting about her first Girl Scout meeting and I can hear her already telling everyone in the carpool it is tonight.

Jack sits down in the living room ready to watch his favorite show while working at peeling the tabs on his diaper. I finally help him and upon feeling the open air on his hind side, he takes off running through the kitchen. He makes six or seven giggling laps around the island before he comes back to the living room dancing to the music from the television. I turn towards the computer to see if I have any e-mail and turn the volume up on NPR. I tune in WNIJ, because I like to hear the news and the voices from Illinois, the same people that have told me things every morning of my adult life, it makes me feel stable. I hear water hitting the floor behind me and remember Jack isn't wearing anything on his bottom half. I grab a paper towel, wipe up the little puddle and explain to my son again, that if he has to pee he should go to the potty in the bathroom. He seems to be telling me something, perhaps explaining his reluctance, but I don't speak seventeen month old as fluidly as I'd like so I just nod and say, "I see."

He runs to the kitchen and pulls on the refrigerator handles telling me he's ready for something more exciting than dry cereal. I open the door for him and he peruses the eye level shelf where I keep all the Jack friendly foods. He hands me a small crate of blueberries and an avocado. "Good choice" I say and cut a slice of avocado into little squares and put them next to the berries on a plate. While he munches, I get my bagel out of the toaster and spread butter on it. I think; butter in Texas spreads so easily, you don't have to fight with it like you do in Illinois. Up north the butter is never warm enough to spread and you are trying to shave a millimeter from the top so you can put a thin curl of it on you toast to melt and you have to do it while the toast is still warm, so there's a time factor. If you say, screw it and get a solid square from the end you end up with big divots in your toast as you try to drag the chunk across your breakfast. This must be why that southern lady, on television, likes butter so much; she never had to fight with it in the morning.

I wonder how long it will take before I stop comparing here and there when a quiet knock at the door drags me from my thoughts. The neighbor lady I like so much is standing there with a Starbucks in her hand. I say "Come on in" and she says she doesn't have time, but she was having a tough morning and stopped for coffee for herself and thought I should get a fancy coffee too. She hands me a mocha and smiles. I tell myself again, I must do something amazing for their family on Christmas. I'm not sure what, as she out housewives me on a regular basis, so I consider doing a small painting of their house. She compliments my pajamas and I become hyper aware of the fact that I only seem to see people around here when I have no bra on. I thank her and say we should go to lunch sometimes soon, again vowing in my head to buy lunch for her and she agrees we should go sometime soon.

Next, I'll get dressed and drive to my physical therapy appointment. I'm hoping there will be a nap after, in which Jack and I snuggle up into a tight knot of chubby limbs and soft curls. I'll lie perfectly still trying to will Jack to sleep while he squirms and kicks and fights off missing a minute of the waking world. When his blinks get longer and longer, I'll know it's alright to drift off. But first I'll set my alarm for 2:30 to ensure I don't miss picking the children up from school, knowing Jack always wakes me far before the alarm does.

The Prefect Car Seat

2011-11-10T11:14:00.000-06:00

I'm going to buy a new car seat today. A front facing one so Jack can sit up high on longer drives and see the world. I went and looked yesterday for one that reclines so when he falls asleep his little head isn't lolling about with every bump and the one I liked was the most expensive one in the store - damn. So today I'm going over to Once Upon a Child to see if they have that model or one similar, for less. It needs to be side impact tested, have a five point harness, and recline slightly. It would be awesome if it also had a cup holder and easy clips so getting Jack in and out isn't always a yoga experiment. While I'm at it, it'd be stellar if the thing could;
-have a heated and cooled seat depending
-clean itself of crumbled gold fish and raisins
-be antibacterial
-have a vibrate to sleep setting
-only use up the space of one seat
-fold into something portable on wheels so I could take it to the airport
-have quiet little speakers on each side so Jack can listen to Justin Roberts while I listen to NPR
-be less than $100.00

Stupid Yesterday

2011-11-08T10:04:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was stupid. After closing out the day with three beers, I just don't have the energy to write the narrative, so let me just give you this list of things that yesterday brought to my house in no particular order; dog pee, a broken glass, tiny shards of glass in every corner of the entire kitchen and dining room, poo on the floor (not the dog's,) dog food scattered across the dining room floor, robot head making instead of homework, three different dinners nobody liked, flying macaroni and cheese, almost non-stop nursing, dog pee, small leggos under my feet, 4 baths (not for me,) a soaking wet bathroom floor, an astonishingly refreshing five minute nap at bedtime (again, not for me,) two bedtime snacks, late night beat-boxing from bed, clean laundry on the floor, broken dishwasher, and dog pee (yes, again!) All I have to say now is good riddance and Yesterday better run and hide, because if I ever see it around here again I'm going to slap the crap out of it and sick my dog on it and my dog will totally pee all over Yesterday's feet.

We Like the Biz

2011-11-06T13:52:00.001-06:00

Ella: "You know Biz's Beat of the Day on Yo Gabba Gabba?"

Me: "yeah, what about it?"

Ella: "I was thinking his mom must be very proud of him."

Me: "Why is that?"

Ella: "Because he's such a great beat boxer."

Me: "I'm sure she is, Sweetheart."

Steppin' Out Art Gala

2011-11-05T01:04:00.001-05:00

November 3rd 2011 at the Houston Museum of African American Culture, the Steppin' Out Art Gala and Silent Auction.

Sixteen out of two hundred and fifty artists showed and auctioned their work, proceeds went back to the museum. Two pieces were chosen to represent Houston at Art Basil in Miami. Al Saulso was the photographer selected and the artist selected was Rachel Stephens. The party was sponsored by Rush Philanthropic Arts Foundation and Bombay Sapphire Vodka who entertained us with masterful drinks all night. There were lovely horderves too, though I never made it close enough to pick up anything other than a grape off the table, instead I just stole all the snacks Kiki had on her plate. Also, thank you Fred or Tiffany for taking the first picture (above,) I really adore it.

I showed two pieces (below) and chose not to sell them, mostly because I like them and I want to keep them. I think I also gave the worst interview in the history of ever, stuttering something about "liking the exposure because I liked it" or some such awfulness, oh wait... I should know I give bad interview and subsequently only offer them in writing (see "Certain Searches for Certain Subjects") Later after a few drinks seeing all the art, I got quite obsessed with people's shoes. I took about a dozen pictures of shoes, (maybe fancy shoe post coming.) I wish I'd taken more photos that made sense, but you add vodka into the night and suddenly I'm all magpied up and wandering around blathering about shoes.

The dress I wore with the iron maiden on my leg

Hi Mom!

"Kiss" & "Prime Rib" by me

Sam, Kiki, Christine, & Erin

Tiffany & Fred

Sara

More beautiful people

My eyes are open!

Clapping for the winners

There's my name on the glass!

Gratis drinks

The band who's name I don't know

more pretty people

"Supertheory of Supereverything" - by Rachel Stephens

"The FBI is Hiring Con Men and Sell Outs" & "Ilham" - by Michael Carter

Highlights

2011-11-03T12:18:00.000-05:00

Out of the blue, the neighbor kid turned to me and said "Sometimes I get wedgies."

Jack whacked me in the cheek bone with a ukulele, I'm putting it in the baby book under first shiner given.

Ella is working on her beat boxing skillz, she's pretty good.

I spent the equivalent of a grocery bill at the book fair, (you're welcome grade school.)

Me and the kid joined Brownies, I refuse to wear a sash but I will sew patches.

One of my favorite artists was inspired by a Vachel Lindsay poem and I want to show it to you (below)

Halloween on My Street

2011-11-01T12:49:00.000-05:00

Spring Heeled Jack 2011

The neighbors have been getting together for a street party for fifteen years here on Halloween. Everyone brings their best crock pot of chili and we all turn our house lights off and put all our candy at the candy table at the end of the cul de sac. The kids run wild in the street and the adults taste everyone chili and potato salad and eyeball shaped cupcakes and drink beer. At some point we gathered up kids and walked a few blocks trick or treating.

On the next block over the neighbors turned their garage into a haunted house and it reminded me of the many times my dad and uncles turned a basement into a haunted house. Usually there would be a scarecrow at the end who was holding perfectly still but then jump at you once you got close to see if it was real. I think we may still be a few years away from doing that in our garage, but it is now on the list.

The kids had a blast. Even after Jack fell on the sidewalk and fattened his lip, he didn't want to go home. It was lovely to meet all the people on our block and only have to walk two houses home and even better that I didn't have to answer the door forty times with the dog barking each time.

Mail Time

2011-10-30T14:03:00.000-05:00

I Guess it Wasn't Such a Long Way

2011-10-28T17:02:00.002-05:00

I turned the car radio up and exclaimed "I love this band!" My seven year old replied "Ug, Mom. Are you kidding me? It sounds like muppets trying to rock n roll."

Even When No One is Looking

2011-10-27T12:18:00.000-05:00

It bothers me that during these protests everyone is filming things. The idea that we have to film for any story to be believed absolutely floors me. It is another way we are sapping the humanity from the world and handing it over to an impartial machine. This is scary because integrity and judgment is what makes us civilized. When we flatly legislate instead of using our best judgment, we create loopholes that allow a person to feel good beating The System, forgetting that the system is us. Laws represent the hopes we hold for society and a dollar represents a human's time and effort on the planet. Circumventing one to take the other isn't beating a system, it's beating people.

While it is easier and faster to present irrefutable video evidence, it makes me utterly sad we need it, like a giant global nanny cam. It is impossible to legislate everything, there is always a horrible way to exploit while staying within the law and always some place a camera is not. We have to put the value back into personal honor. It's what every one of those signs at Occupy Wallstreet demand.

"I can't cover all the rules for how to treat your brother. They do include; no hitting, stop poking him when he cries, don't pull him around by his arm, don't put playdoh in his hair, help him get a drink and don't let him break his neck climbing the bookcases. But I can't think of all the things you and he haven't though of yet, so lets just say this; Even when I'm not looking, I expect you to use your best judgment and be nice to your brother." - Everyone's Mom

Fashion Emergency! Help, Advice Kneeded

2011-10-21T09:13:00.000-05:00

On a whim I entered a contest I saw advertised on Facebook. I picked a tiny drawing I liked and submitted it. You can still go vote for it here http://bit.ly/oYozZj voting continues through 11-13-11 so you can keep going back every day and voting if you like. This lead to an actual show at the Houston Museum of African American Culture. I submitted two pieces. Bombay Sapphire Vodka Artisan Series is sponsoring the show and the afterparty in conjuction with the grand opening Gala of HMAAC. It's a juried show and two artists will be selected to participate at Miami Basel this December.

These are the two pieces I submitted

06.02.11

04.24.11

They are from the Tiny Drawings series and the only way to appreciate exactly how small they are it to see them in person.

I think I'm going to go to the after party. The question now is; what does one wear to her first show, down-town, in the Museum District, in the fourth largest city in the nation, where people are likely to be wearing sparkly evening gowns, and the party is thrown by a vodka company, and the prize is an entrance into the biggest art show in the country, and she is wearing a leg brace hip to ankle? I mean really? What the hell do I wear? Do I get all Lady Gaga with it or just opt for a quiet little black dress cut very short? One thing is for sure, high heels are out.

Socks

2011-10-19T09:28:00.001-05:00

This brace covers my whole leg. I'm waiting for the stitches to come out before I attempt to wear pants under the thing. I'm trying to figure out a way to wear tall warm socks with shorts that doesn't look ridiculous or inappropriate (so far, unsuccessful.) That or I think I need to go over to the goodwill and get a pair of jeans to cut one of the legs off. The second option sounds good, but I can't try pants on with the thing on my leg. I hope it warms up today.

Jack is wearing socks for the first time he can remember. He thinks they are great, he socked around the wood floors for a bit this morning dragging his little heels all over and he keeps looking down at them and wiggling his toes. Yep, your toes are still there.

Frankenee

2011-10-18T17:22:00.000-05:00

In which I talk about my surgery (not very exciting unless you've googled ACL injury/are about to have the same proceedure.)

The bone patellar bone ACL reconstruction surgery I had after the complete tear in ACL from playing roller derby, performed by Dr. Walter Lowe in Houston, TX, went very well. I've relied on wonderful friends and neighbors to get through the first week despite my desire to do everything on my own. So, if you're at this blog post for insight before you have it done, please get someone to help you for the first week, you will need it. I had the proceedure on Thursday I went back to the doc today and they gave me a 60° bend in my brace and unwrapped the gauze. It feels wonderful to be able to bend it some and even better to have all the wrapping off. It wasn't as scrambled as I expected it to look under there and I'm a week away from getting the stitches out and being able to have a good soak in the tub. Here's what it looks like 5 days after surgery (today) while the brace is off. You can click to embiggen.

Thank you Kiki, for going with
and taking the gross photo.

The pain of the first two days after surgery are something to sleep through. The physical therapy regime is full and difficult but will get me back up and going fast so I'm eager. In an earlier post, I misspoke, I do have two screws in there, one will turn into bone eventually and the other is titanium and MRI/metal detector safe. I'll keep posting the progress and the evolution of the scar that I don't think I'll mind. I'm viewing it as one would view a tattoo, it's a permanent reminder of a time in my life that I loved (more on that later when I can wrap my head around my gratitude.)

"Then The Dam Broke, The Whole World Recognized It"

2011-10-11T13:19:00.000-05:00

Tiny Matadore

2011-10-09T10:28:00.001-05:00

This morning Jack is chasing the dog around the house with a tiny baby doll stroller. The dog is rearing and jumping and running and Jack is squealing and doubling back to get her. At times the dog is wild eyed with almost getting rammed and dodging out of the way at the last moment and Jack is perfectly giddy running as fast as he can and barely missing. In my head he is yelling "Olé!"

Penny Commerce

2011-10-05T17:45:00.000-05:00

Ella will remember the Ice Cream Man. We never had one, because I grew up on the edge of the hood, in the 70s, where a fella with iced goodies and a pile of money might get shanked. We did have a little convenience store up the street called Park-It-Market and someone tried to rob it once but the owner was a black belt and he beat the crap out of the robber and held him until the police came and nobody ever tried it again. The place is still there, though I don't know if John still owns it. In grade school, I used to get $1.00 every day for an .85cent lunch. I'd save the other .15cents ever day and on Friday I'd take my .75cents up to Park-it Market and pour over the candy. I could afford two .35cents candy bars or one candy bar and six smaller candies. A Peppermint Patty was always in there, and the smaller stuff was crap like Bottle Caps, Laffy Taffy, and Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum. But on very rare occasions, I'd buy just one whole bag of circus peanuts using up all the money. I never could save up two weeks at a time.

Childhood Memory

Goody Two Cups

2011-10-04T16:15:00.001-05:00

I was supposed to take a photo of a bad habit. Since it seemed too difficult to capture myself yelling "Shit!" in front of the children, I opted to turn to the few cups of coffee which without, I get seriously crabby. (I know lame, but the truth is I'm too tired to try to make a habit out of things that are bad for me.)

Ambushed

2011-10-04T08:36:00.001-05:00

Hey you! Other Mommy Blogger! I surf the blogosphere between the wee hours of 'The Baby Finally Fell Asleep While Jumping on the Couch-O-Clock' and a 'Quarter Past I Can't Keep My Eyes Open Any Longer'. So if I click on your blog and suddenly Shania is singing about how Today is my Day, loud as shit because the last person to use the computer was a seven year old who thinks the volume should always be on eleven, then you are ensuring I can never read your blog. Because, like a jack in the box, something you thought was totally cute popped out of it's box and scared the crap out of my kid. Stop it.

The One Year Old Blues

2011-10-03T13:54:00.000-05:00

In the Key of A

Fruit

2011-10-03T09:51:00.003-05:00

I've taken soo many photos, my old Casio Exilim 7.2 is busting at the seams. It doesn't always turn on and the battery only stays in when the little door is shut because the piece that holds it in broke off. I always liked that it fit in my pocket and turned on super fast allowing me to get pretty good pictures because the action is fast and even the flash is pretty fast. But I've always thought the quality was sort of poor. I think I was spoiled by my clunky old Fuji.

My Fuji Finepix 4700, I pulled it back out to take photos of my dying camera, and I snapped this one of Jack and confirming it's quality is better. It uses hexes instead of square pixels and creates a clearer image with less computing (2.4MP.) It also has a higher ISO which I love, especially snapping a busy toddler.

I took today's photo with my phone but I intend to do some wonderful things with my trusty hex-pixeled Fuji.

First Plumb

Art Cars at Trader Village

2011-10-02T16:51:00.000-05:00

From a low angle

Little Jack Corner

2011-09-30T09:36:00.001-05:00

Jack likes to sit on my art box and look out the window. It's his quiet thinking spot. It's not often he is still and reflective. Like his uncle Joe, he is usually either going full blast or sleeping. I like that he has a place he's decided is his own.

Partly Sunny

2011-09-29T16:15:00.003-05:00

Something Green

Because of the drought, there is a lawn watering restriction in effect. I don't mind, it's less lawn maintenance when the grass doesn't grow. Though playing in the yard worries me because it's not as soft and lush as I'd like. Oh, the sad problems of the first world I deal with. I hope for rain.

I only have one thing I do in the day that is imperative and scheduled. I mean of course it's important to upkeep the household and the health and well-being of the children, but if I skip folding the laundry there is none to yell at me but me. My only Monday through Friday must, is picking up the kid and the neighbor kids from school in the afternoon. It only takes ten minutes, unless it rains. On days it rains, apparently, everyone runs around the school asking each other if they should let the kids go or not, despite the form I signed that said "the kid will not melt in the rain, nor will she shrivel up in the cold and I'll let her outrun the tornado if need be, just let her go out the door at the end of the day" or something like that.

Today I stood under a tree in the school yard trying to shield the baby from the freak ten minute monsoon blowing through by wrapping my body around him and his shivering blue lips while the grade schoolers peered out the window and across the field at their waiting and drenched parents. After which they only released kids to the parents who trashed their shoes trudging across the big field of mud, with baby in arms and mascara running down their cheeks like a Tammy Faye Baker. Yes, there was more than one of us that said to each other while walking up to the school "Oh look at this freak little grey cloud." "Maybe it'll rain for five minutes or so." "This could be fun!" and "Shouldn't be too bad. Good for the plants."

***

Middle Class Problems
First World Problems
First World Problems Rap

I Had to Make Some

2011-09-28T15:43:00.000-05:00

Texas Clouds 09/28/11

What I Wore

2011-09-27T11:48:00.001-05:00

Grey Shirt over white tank,
favorite grey mini skirt, red flats,
red hair tie, red sunglasses
and a one year old.

Spider

2011-09-27T08:53:00.000-05:00

I yelled over to the second lifeguard,

"There's a really big spider in the wading pool, can you get a net and come get it out?"

The young man took his time walking to the pool house to get the net while I was doing my best to corral my squiggly toddler to the non spidery end of the wading pool. As he strolled over to us he rolled his eyes and sounding annoyed, asked me

"Where's the spider, lady?"

to which I replied

"Oh! You will see it when you get over here!"

When he dredged the water logged body of a three inch tarantula from the bottom of the pool he said

"Holy crap! I knew they lived here, but I've never seen a wild one."

We all peered into the bottom of his net looking at the furry little thing. We beckoned lifeguard number one to stop watching the kids in the pool and come see it before he emptied the net into the garbage. The drought has all sorts of wild animals venturing into populated places in search of water.

***

Story about Texas tarantulas during drought
Texas Drought: Fish to be rescued from River
Cattle Boom on Market
Drought Could Be Causing Uptick in Rabies Cases

Mercurial

2011-09-26T11:34:00.000-05:00

Me 9/26/11

***

When the power goes out, everyone gathers up underneath me. Candles lit, we hold each other for a good long moment before everyone is calm. I make a mental note to buy a big battery powered lantern and decide a game of Crazy Eights is in order. I use a flash-light to find a deck of cards that the baby hasn't taken a bite from, all the while stepping over the dog who keeps manically placing herself at my feet. We sit at the big dining room table and arrange candles. Light is bouncing off the ceiling and fanning out over the room. We play two hands of Eights and lose ourselves in conversation about how unfair second grade can be. The baby is trying desperately to eat the seven of clubs. We forget who's turn it is. We run our hands quickly through the little flame and then dip the tips of our fingers in the candle. I pepper the fun by telling a story about a kid getting hurt playing with fire. We negotiate a group expedition to the bathroom and back. We eat cake. We attempt another hand of Eights. Every appliance in the house jumps on all at once and soon I am sitting among empty cake plates, finger prints cast in wax and abandoned playing cards.

30 Day Photo Challenge

2011-09-24T11:49:00.000-05:00

The Age of Uncertainty

2011-09-24T09:43:00.003-05:00

Subatomic particles traveling faster than the speed of light, the changing atomic weight of elements, dinosaur feathers and non carbon based life forms ensure the inaccuracy of 5th grade science text book across the globe. Imagine an electronic text book on a reader type device for a kids, eliminating exorbitant text book costs and schlepping thirty pounds of books around in a backpack. The concept has the makings for a great sci-fi-post-apocalyptic story in which all knowledge is lost, proving when children are taught how to learn instead of what to learn, they will be able to better navigate a Truth that is fluid. Also there should be robots and explosions in the story and perhaps a super heroine teacher type person played by Milla Jovovich.

Getting Her Bearings

2011-09-23T08:52:00.000-05:00

Last night was school skate night. The skate rink is as close to a grade school disco as it gets. Watching one little gangly girl clip clop across the floor with her arms doing a wild and jerky air-swim was as comical as watching another's dance moves in which she leaned way down low, bending at the waist doing a circle motion with her arms in perfect rolling down the river precision. This is where the lip gloss and fingerless gloves cease to be dress up items and become a totally serious part of one's style. It's where sitting on a wall becomes an art form in cool, not something Humpty Dumpty did and parents are the most un-hip people in the room. It's where toddlers strive to become feral children under the benches where the carpet glows bright and Cheetos are hitting the floor. For two glorious hours the world spins in screams of joy and shared nachos.

Blame Game

2011-09-22T09:59:00.000-05:00

According to my morning news, Obama will be responsible for:
-Failure of Peace Process,
-Job Killing
-Debt Ceiling Crisis

I'd also like to blame him for my bum knee, this drought and my dog's breath.

I know, how dare I minimize the failure of peace by comparing it to my dog's breath?! But you really don't want her to breath on you, she's 14 and she eats garbage whenever she can.

Let me give you a list of things I like to blame Obama for:
-Repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell
-Osama Bin Laden's death
-Adding 4.6 million to the Veteran's Admin Budget for mental health care professional
-Increasing funding for the Violence Against Women Act
-Cutting prescription drug costs by 50% for Medicare users
-Signing the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act
-Increasing Pell Grants for College Students
-Reversing the Global Gag Rule
-Signing New START Treaty
-Getting CHIP for 4 million uninsured kids
-Stem cell research - yay science!
-Creating more private sector jobs in 2010 than during entire Bush years

Plus; giving me cash for my clunker, getting the strawberry milk out of the kid's lunch, making it possible for me to live in Houston and while I'm at it - this incredibly great cup of coffee I am having this morning.

***

Obama talks about Lasting Peace
"Peace will not come through statements and resolutions at the UN – if it were that easy, it would have been accomplished by now."

10 Things I Like

2011-09-21T08:56:00.001-05:00

Tassles
Blanket tents
Mermaids
Miniatures
Ribbons
Photos of Cuba
Wing tips
Orange Crush
Squished pennies
Beach glass

Shopping For a Huge Stone

2011-09-19T08:23:00.000-05:00

Click Here to Find Fun!

Gateway Breakfast Food

2011-09-18T10:58:00.000-05:00

My friend Derek was at the after party last night with a baggie of candied bacon in his pocket. He'd pull it out and open the bag wafting bacon smell out into your face before the offer "Candied bacon?" The first one is free kid. Little did I know that one bite of it would lead me out to the food truck outside where they were selling chocolate covered bacon which I loved soo much that later when our coach pulled out a bacon chocolate bar and offer everyone in the room a square, I would put both hands up and yell "Me! Me! Oooh, me me me! Pick me!" while hip checking every one in the way, between me and that little square of artery hardening goodness. I hope last night's binge doesn't lead to a hardcore deep fried butter habit.

***

Dear Greenpeace, sending me an e-mail with the subject line "A Horrible Way to Die" does not entice me to open your e-mail. Put some candied bacon in your pocket.

These Boots Are Made for Taking the Garbage Out

2011-09-17T10:10:00.000-05:00

We are cleaning the entire garage this weekend. I have to. I don't think I can sleep until I do. I took the garbage out last night through the garage and saw a cockroach so big that it made a noise when it ran. It stopped skittering across the floor for a moment and turned to look at me, it's little arm throwing some sort of gang sign at me; it's other little arm grabbing its crotch, all the while yelling "What what! These are MY wet boxes motha fuckah!" Had I a can of Raid, I'm sure I coulda popped a cap in his ass, but all I had was a longish t-shirt barely covering my bum, a bag of tasty garbage and flip flops. I could have stepped on it, except I had the feeling that I would have felt it's little cockroach muscles flex through my squishy, wimpy, foam flip flop pushing back against my foot and then I'd have to flex my toes into the floor to actually squish it. I couldn't do it. I just slowly backed my way out the side door to the garbage can where I fought off the urge to run and turn over the whole house, furniture, kids, food and dog to the roach. Instead I'm fighting back, armed with various chemicals, a broom and big black boots, every box gets put away, every hunk of garbage is going out and every unwelcome animal obliterated.

A Girl Scout Tell All Post

2011-09-16T09:40:00.000-05:00

My kid and I joined Girl Scouts, you know that Radical Feminist Lesbian Agenda Group where women get together and show girls how to be cooperative, capable, adventurous, proactive humans. We're pretty excited about it and hope to learn some things about the Texas wilderness that we can't get from books. Plus - Cookies!

***

When I was a Brownie, my parents agreed to be the cookie warehouse for our troop and we had cases of cookies piled high in our dining room for what seemed like weeks. Then John Belushi died. Insert ominous music here. My Dad and a few of his friends went out to celebrate Belushi's legacy of Belushiness. Upon returning to our house with the been-out-partying-all-night-munchies they stood in front of that mountain of girl scout cookies and did what any red blooded fans of Animal House would... they shoved as many cookies as they could into their cheeks. I'm not sure how they sorted out the great cookies shortage of 1982 but I remember my Mom being pretty pissed about them going all Cookie Monster on that mountain and someone had to call Grandma and tell her the Thin Mints were never coming. I don't think I was in Girl Scouts the next year.

***

Dad's are the Original Hipsters

Florida Woman Busted For Assaulting Roommate Over Girl Scout Cookies

The Girl Scouts' Allegedly Radical Feminist Lesbian Agenda

Chart from wired.com

Connected

2011-09-15T09:21:00.000-05:00

Tiny Vandal

2011-09-15T08:23:00.001-05:00

While my son TPs
the living room, I can drink
coffee he splashed in.

Danger

2011-09-14T09:11:00.000-05:00

My pal Kiki, over at I Still Hate Pickles posted today about the wildfires and it got me thinking about what I wish I'd grabbed when we started over in Texas. George Bush Park was on fire last night, right in the midst of Houston. The smell of smoke hung heavy and ash rained down over our dry dead grass and brittle pine needles. I realized, while sitting atop a giant pile of kindling, of all the things I left in Illinois that I wish I kept, a hose might be trump.

***

Heart Attack Jack has the uncanny ability to find the most dangerous thing in the room. This morning he climbed the stairs to Ella's lair of pink, sparkly, fluff and found the single thumb tack residing in the corner of a night stand drawer and decided it looked pretty tasty. As I found him teetering down the stairs with a tack in his mouth, I decided that he would make a good bomb squad member, he'll be able to immediately find explosives with his special danger-senses.

Terrorism

2011-09-12T09:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday's overwhelming news coverage without mention of the 750,000 people facing "imminent starvation" as a direct result of terrorism is a travesty. By all means vow to never forget, but please also find in your memory those big bellied babies standing in the dirt watching each other shrivel up in the sun while terrorists play politics with relief efforts, because I can't bare to look at the photos again and find one to show you. I just need you to remember them, and then imagine more than 200 World Trade Centers going down in slow motion over the next year.

Holiday Hair

2011-09-09T10:45:00.001-05:00

I was at Half Priced Books a few weeks back and found some Life Magazines from 1942. I took home three. The articles are terribly interesting and the ads are equally entertaining as well as far more suitable for a Friday morning post. My favorite line: " -unless you like that shiny, plastered down look which jitterbugs often prefer when they dress up for a rug-cutting session."

Enjoy!

Kreml Hair Tonic Ad 1942
Click to enlarge

Texas Fires

2011-09-08T08:14:00.005-05:00

There was a haze in the air this morning and the smell of smoke. I found a lovely sunrise and no fire out the window but turned the news on anyway to make sure Ella had school. They are evacuating Magnolia. The fire is moving South-East with the wind and some schools are cancelled, not ours. I closed the windows, turned on the fan and let it filter.

Light morning snacks

2011-09-06T12:30:00.005-05:00

I bought Jack a book called Yummy Yucky by Leslie Patricelli, because he likes to eat crayons, paper and loose change. The book is supposed to teach him the difference between yummy and yucky things. "Blueberries are yummy. Blue Crayons are yucky." He thought the book was yummy. Thanks Leslie.

Break

2011-09-01T14:23:00.007-05:00

Locust buzz washes
in and out like waves on air

and the baby sleeps

New Knee News

2011-08-30T20:41:00.008-05:00

In three weeks the swelling should be gone and my range of motion back and I go back for a recheck with the surgeon and to schedule an ACL recosntruction. They do it out-patient and depending on which procedure I get done I could be back in good form before 2012. Now I just need to read everything I can about the difference between a hamstring autograft and a bone patellar bone autograft. Anyone had either?

The Seventeenth Floor

2011-08-27T10:41:00.008-05:00

I went to physical therapy yesterday and it was glorious. I hadn't straightened my knee out in a week. I was convinced it was locked and there was an obstruction. There wasn't. After an hour of exercising and stretching I was able to get it almost straight and am working on a regime of stretches and squeezes to get full range of motion back. Next, I see the orthopedic surgeon. They say ALC surgery is an art. I want the Rembrandt of Joint Surgeries working on mine. I did a little lopsided celebratory dance when I found he was in network. I see him on Tuesday afternoon. His office is downtown on the seventeenth floor. I've never had an appointment on a floor higher than four before. One day I will take the stairs to his office.

Slower Yet

2011-08-23T17:05:00.002-05:00

My spare tire went flat this morning while trying to take the kid to school and we had to walk five blocks. No big deal unless you have a torn ACL and no stroller for your one year old.

Polaroid

2011-08-22T10:11:00.011-05:00

Remember when it cost .35 cents to find out one of the twenty eight photos taken included closed eyelids? That was back when picking up photos felt as exciting as getting mail with handwriting on the outside. I'd try to make it at least to the front seat of the car before tearing open the thick packet of shiny photos, but sometimes I'd stand right there in the store reliving a birthday party and feeling incredulous about someone ruining a perfectly good group shot by putting rabbit ears behind someone else. It felt special to get double prints and sometimes I'd send them out to the people who were in them, using the mail, paying for a stamp, writing a note on the back, in cursive.

In total, I took 4 years of photography classes in high school and college. The smell of the dark room still reminds me of the freedom a photography teacher grants to roam the campus or chat away the hour with your lab partner in a tiny red lit closet with frozen moments worth printing, clothes pinned around the room. Getting your photo taken meant you'd better comb your hair, stop horsing around and smile and the only people who looked like models on film actually were models. Fixing a photo took skill, filters, a darkroom, a light hand and patience. Sometimes is was just easier to retake a photo when the zit was gone.

When I see people photobomb, duckface and put a carefully rehearsed grin behind a peace sign, I get wistful for just saying cheese and hoping your eyes are open and your fly is shut. It reminds me, in a game of charades, should I pantomime a photographer focusing a camera, my children will never guess it correctly, just like rolling down a window, dialing a phone number and tuning in a radio station.

I still have eight rolls of film undeveloped in my box of family photos. They are from 1999 the year I saw the Cubs at Wrigley field, we had a New Years Eve party and I got a my first digital camera. I've long since forgotten what could be on those rolls and I suppose I should get them developed before there's nobody left that can remember how. Maybe there will be a good shot or three on each roll or maybe our eyes will be closed in all of them.

The Universe is Slowing My Roll

2011-08-21T11:57:00.004-05:00

Last Wednesday night, I twisted my knee funny during a roller derby drill and popped something out of place. It didn't really hurt, it was just bending in ways it didn't before and felt unstable. The next day it was swollen pretty bad and I went to the doctor. They did an X-ray and an MRI, no broken bones and I won't know about the MRI until Monday. I am off skates until further notice.

On the way home from the Boss game last night I got a flat tire. While doing 70MPH on an eight lane highway. The tire shredded and flew off in pieces. There was smoke. I wrestled the car to the side of the road just fine and called roadside assistance who upon arrival said "It's lucky you drive a big car, all that weight kept you from flipping it." Then we found a very flat spare in the trunk and had to tow the whole car home. Let this be a reminder to check your spare!

Today I am staying in the house. Should I go anywhere, I will hobble there and back. There may be beer involved.

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

2011-08-17T09:25:00.004-05:00

There were relatives and friends, water parks, camping, caves, movies, chocolates, malls, skating, shopping, concerts, cabins, dancing, parties, motorcycles, parks, amazing foods and all round great fun. We were on vacation so long, we got home sick. Today we sign up for second grade and unpack clothes, skate gear, mementos and 1005 photos.

Refreshing

2011-07-24T16:51:00.003-05:00

In the car

Me: Can I have some of your Sweet Mint Tea?

Ella: Sure

Me: (chug)

Ella: It's tear free

Me: Huh?... Wait, how do you know it's tear free?

Ella: Because when the light turned green and you drove, I was smelling my tea and it went in my nose. It didn't even sting, so it's tear free.

Me: Did I just drink Sweet Mint Tea that was in your nose?

Ella: Don't worry, not much of it went into my nose.

Kilroy

2011-07-23T14:16:00.001-05:00

Jack Was Here

Traveling Light

2011-07-19T14:39:00.006-05:00

I'm doing the big trip to the Midwest to visit friends and family in a few weeks and will be traveling light again. Sort of. I'll combine the diaper bag and purse and I'll probably be carrying a one year old in a sling, though we will also bring the stroller and car seat for the airline to check at the gate and of course my one carry on bag with all mine and the baby's clothes and don't forget in there my skate gear so I can make all practices while away and of course a seven year old in tow and all her clothes in her carry on behind her and a travel bag full of crayons and snacks and sparkly things. So traveling light is really sorta funny because I'll be a veritable sweaty camel humping it all through the airport, trying not to check anything and dragging it all behind me and some of it hanging off my arms and no doubt tied around my waist and jammed into my pockets. Anything else I may need will get borrowed or bought upon arrival

First Trip Around the Sun

2011-07-08T09:42:00.000-05:00

The Tooth Fairy Talks Tooth Taste

2011-07-03T16:28:00.001-05:00

Sometimes you film a thing and then file it away and find it later and it makes you super happy.

again.

Tiny Beasties

2011-07-01T14:10:00.000-05:00

Two Miles with One Stone

2011-07-01T10:47:00.018-05:00

I decided Ella should get an allowance and I asked her how much it should be. She said $2.00. I don't make her do anything for the $2.00 and I never threaten to take away her allowance, she just gets it. What I get in return is a shrewd analysis of what is worth buying.

Ella jumping up and down holding a sparking, pink, plastic whatsamagig "Ooooo, can I get it? Can I get it? Can I get it?"

"How much is it?"

"$14.99"

"Do you want to spend your allowance on it?"

"Nah, I don't like it that much. Never mind."

Recently at the We-Have-Everything Store, she decided to spend her allowance. She started by making a list; One gallon fish tank $10.00, Fish food $2.00, Three Tiger Barbs $6.00.

The following pay-day we made the trip, but after reading tiger barbs are aggressive and will nip each other, she considered other fish. She settled on glow light tetra who are docile, only a dollar and promptly died in the little fish tank next to her bed that night. The next morning, I told my tearful child there was nothing we could have done for those little fishes, they were doomed from the beginning. I assured her fish don't feel much because they're just fish and in fact we were going to be eating fish for dinner... talapia not tetra. She didn't think it was as funny as I'd hoped.

After washing the tank, refilling it and letting it run for two days, we ventured out to the pet store and talked to the fish guy who assured us we were doing everything wrong.

"Tetra! Why would you do that? They are delicate and hard to keep."

"A one gallon tank!? Oh boy, you are already stressing any fish, you should just get the ten gallon instead."

"Plastic coral?! I recommend a live plant."

I smiled and explained about the allowance while he continued to talk over me, then we went ahead and bought three little tiger barbs. We're keeping them in the kitchen for three days before moving them to the kid's room and giving them names.

Yesterday, day two, the littlest tiger barb swam in circles and did flips. I announced he was a goner and the kid disagreed, claiming that he just liked adventurous swimming. Last night he was floating at the bottom. I scooped him out before realising he was still trying to breath and put him back in the tank where he just floated at the top.

In 2001, this happened to our long time self-sustaining-cube-guppy, Spike. He was two years old and dying of old age. His floater wasn't working right, he couldn't get off the bottom of the tank and for two days I hand fed him with a toothpick, a half a food flake stabbed onto the end. When he started looking bad and no longer eating, I fretted and made Dan get Spike out of the cube and chop it's head off with a pairing knife. It was the quickest thing I could think of. Later a biologist pal informed me Dr. Kevorkian would put Spike to sleep in the freezer.

So now, I have a tiny tiger barb flavored fish-sicle in my freezer next to the talapia.

Corn Syrup + DHA + Pro-biotics = Toddler Food?

2011-06-25T16:10:00.010-05:00

I got this stuff in the mail today. The first few ingredients include whole milk powder, corn syrup solids, galactooligosaccarides...

Why in the world would you make the second ingredient corn syrup? and why would this product have so much sodium in it? I just don't understand why this is better than actual milk and food.

Ok I just looked at the add and it says;

" milk lacks, like Iron, Vitamin C, and DHA - a building block of the toddler brain."

But I'm pretty sure feeding a baby other things in addition to milk at one year old will do the same job. They pretty much want to put things in their mouths and that's the baby's way of yelling to you "Feed me things with vitamins and minerals in them!" It's called learning to eat.

I'm still not sure exactly what DHA is. When I looked and it seems to be in a bunch of food I've been told not to feed the baby yet; egg yolks, fishes, sea weeds. Also the third ingredient "galactooligosaccarides" is a pro-biotic that helps the baby digest the stuff his gut is not really built to digest yet that delivers the supplements that replace the foods he's not supposed to eat. Does this sound stupid yet?

So in total the idea is, don't feed him the foods he needs to grow his brain, instead feed him this undigestible supplement requiring a pro-biotic that will change the flora in his gut so that he can digest the supplement we say is necessary and by the way it contains a crap load of corn syrup so that it's palatable.

I'll probably throw it in the garbage and opt for actual milk and in a month or so scrambled eggs.

Summer

2011-06-22T00:18:00.004-05:00

Dusty

2011-06-19T13:29:00.004-05:00

Living on a corner in the city of Houston is dusty business. I try to keep the windows open often to counter the smell of ageing dog and children on summer vacation. The cars drive by in this drought and send a layer of red topsoil and yellow pollen to settle on my sills. The house smells of earth so I consider it an even trade.

Dancing Jack

2011-06-09T23:50:00.002-05:00

Late at night, me and my favorite guy, we boogie down. He picks the tunes.

Things she said that I want to remember.

2011-06-07T11:19:00.002-05:00

All of everyone on the planet is related somehow, we are all a big family and we should take care of each other.

***

It's time to get up the late birds are singing.

***

I won't ever hate you even when I'm 14.

Four Things on a Sunday

2011-06-05T15:24:00.004-05:00

Is cursive going to be obsolete? My kid wants to learn it so bad and I spent years perfecting mine and I still like using it. Perhaps in the future I'll be able to write secret notes to other old people in the retirement community in cursive.

***

Jack has big eye brows, I only noticed today when we went to the pool and they were wet and stuck half way up his forehead.

***

A moment ago I felt something crawling on my shoulder, I grabbed it and it was a spider. I put it outside and then leaned way down over the sidewalk to learn it was a wolf spider.

***

This is the Edmonton roller derby eville Orange Crushers logo, I heart it and want it on a shirt.

First Day of Summer

2011-06-02T17:03:00.005-05:00

So far nothing on the list crossed off, but the day was epic anyway.

Summer List 2011

2011-06-02T10:17:00.008-05:00

Today is the first day of summer vacation and the ladies in the neighborhood keep asking me what summer camps we've signed up for. Perhaps I'm just a glutton for parenting or perhaps I can think of better ways to spend $250.00 in a week, but the answer is none. That's right, no summer camps, no summer tutoring, no summer programs. Instead we are making a list of 50 things we'll do this summer. Maybe you'd like to help...

So far on the list:

1. Visit Grandparents

2. Watch Astro's game

3. Get in the ocean

4. Slide at the water-park

5. Swim in the neighborhood pool

6. Tour a Cave

7. Bear Hunt

8. Play video games in PJs all day

9. Get new glasses

10. Picnic

11. Learn to ride a bike without training wheels

12. Hear music at a folk festival

13. Climb tree

14. Go to the library

15. Hula hoop

16. Jump rope

17. Make a very short movie

18. Learn a new magic trick

19. Children's museum

20. Eat something new

21. See a movie at the theater

22. Build blanket fort

23. Make a painting

24. Play outside with pals

25. Make a greeting card

26. Finish this list

27. Roller skate

28. Sing Happy Birthday to someone on their birthday

29. Teeter totter

30. Wish on a star

31. See fireworks

32. Sleepover

Additions:

33. Read a book

34. Catch lightning bugs

35. Visit a state park

36. Make popsicles

37. Make and eat S'Mores

The Accompanying Video

2011-05-31T17:29:00.003-05:00

For this post

Walking Jack

2011-05-31T16:45:00.002-05:00

Brilliantly Awkward

2011-05-23T17:42:00.003-05:00

Living with a lanky seven year old can be like living with Kramer from Seinfeld. Not only is she skittering into a room and tripping over her growing limbs constantly, she often has these ideas for businesses she'll start when she grows up.

"I'm going to start a business that shops for the groceries for you and then brings them to your house, I'll call it 'Food Getters.'"