Apr 30, 2006

Rainy Sunday

It’s a cold, windy and rainy day. I took photos.

















































Apr 29, 2006

8 Garage Sale Tips

Things to remember if you’re having a garage sale:

1. If you don’t want kids to play with it, then don’t put it on the ground.


2. I’m either buying that old brides maid gown for Halloween or the kid’s dress up box and I will not pay more than $3.00 for it – seriously it’s lime green.

3. If you’d like to make more than .10¢ on that nasty old t-shirt then sell it on E-bay and call it a vintage.

4. Nobody wants to buy old crumpled up pipe cleaners and the left overs from your bedazzler.

5. Don’t sell any children’s books that are missing pages, it's just a cruel joke for later.

6. Put prices on everything – I don’t want to have try to not insult you with my look of shock when you tell me you want $45.00 for the orange and brown velour loveseat with the stain on the arm.

7. If that toy isn’t for sale, please don’t put it out for my kid to fall in love with and then tell me at check out “Oh, that’s not for sale”.

8. Please pick up the dog poop.



Apr 28, 2006

Principles

Please excuse Jenny from blogging today, she isn't feeling very well. She has a scratchy throat and the chills, she should be back tomorrow in ship shape. Also if you see a girl that looks just like Jenny out and about going to garage sales with Tater Tot and her son Sugar Lips please be assured it’s not Jenny it's probably Jenny’s cousin who just happens to look exactly like her and is visiting form out of town and also who is babysitting Ella for the day. If you have any questions, don’t call the house because the phone line is being worked on, please just call my cell phone. Thank You, Mrs. Bombadee

PS I'm totally serious and stuff.

Apr 27, 2006

Just Passing the Time

From April 13th 1999 while I was working in Chicago I wrote:

…We were just trying to pass the time hanging around behind the office sitting on the stoop smoking cigarettes when I asked "What is the tastiest sounding number between one and ten?" Joe said “Why, eight of course duh!” and Shell said “I think two; you know tea for two and all.” Muey tilted his head they way he does when he’s really thinking hard and then said in his thick Polish accent “I know," and we all looked at Muey when he presented five, but it wasn’t just a regular old five like I pronounce it. It was a slow deliberate thick and delectable “Ffhhivvvah” like a magnificent and mysterious Polish delicacy dripping with honey. When he said it, his eyes closed a little as if he was thinking of this magnificent dish and he actually savored the word as he spoke it. We agreed that afternoon “five” was the tastiest sounding number…



***

Go visit Tater-Tot today and see how adorable my little buddy Sugar Lips' new hair cut is!

Apr 26, 2006

Where I'm From...

More Owlhaven games, this is a response to the "Where I am from" post. If you want to join in, the template is here.





I am from blue jeans, and swing sets and Peppermint Patties bought at the convenience store with a weeks worth of nickels saved from my lunch money.

I am from the big white Victorian in a bad neighborhood where the dust never settled long enough to be wiped away and there is a story in every crack in the sidewalk. I am from the elm trees that hang over the street, the dandelions growing through the cement we drew hopscotch on and the mulberries we secretly picked and ate behind the garages. I am from a loving ideal surviving in a struggling old neighborhood and a dinner table where talk of politics was encouraged.

I am from homemade pasta sauce and big St. Patrick’s Day parties, from Betty who sings while she cooks and Helen who always knelt on the floor with us to play checkers. I am from stubborn resolve and determined pride, being told I can accomplish anything if only I would just apply myself. I'm from Ellis Island and a dairy farm from oatmeal cookies and bread and fried cardoonies and manasta shama and pear wine and granola and olives and herbs.

I am from the hospital waiting room and, Grandma’s guest bedroom and the woods where fairies lived.

I am from a giant drawer in a buffet in the middle of my mother’s house where all of our family vacations are mixed with grade school portraits and lost baby teeth and hand colored cards it’s the kind of junk drawer that one grabs first if the house ever burns.

But these are not the only places I am from.

Are You on the Pot?

We went to our little town’s first DARE program graduation last night and my high school buddies who dumped me after I quit smoking the weed would have been very disappointed. Yes, I’ve smoked the weed before. I quit when I reached college for three reasons:

1. The boy I liked didn’t do any kind of drugs at all (Dan) not even cigarettes, his drug of choice was Mountain Dew and skate-boarding which apparently is a sport were being fit is a bonus.

2. When I was stoned it never made me feel liberated or free. Mostly I was just paranoid, like I just knew a booger was hanging out of my nose and everyone was looking at it and in their heads they were thinking “What a freaky gross chick that girl is with her red eyes and cotton mouth and her booger just hanging out there, she’s probably a little slow, poor weird girl.” So if pot enhanced anything for me it was all my insecurities about my teenage self.

3. If I flunked a class because I was partying too much to actually do my paper I had to pay for the class again, out of my own pocket. (Not Cheap)

I found out I actually like myself better when I’m not getting high and I have more pocket money and smarter friends. It’s not that my stoner friends were dumb, it just turns out we rarely ever talked about anything other than cool things to do when you were stoned, i.e. watching movies like “The Doors”, how many pieces of bubble gum one can stuff in one's mouth without choking and why a trampoline is the greatest invention ever. In fact other than sitting in a basement giggling and throwing darts at John Anderson’s head or playing Nintendo we didn’t accomplish much when we were high unless you count all the creepy things I drew on the back of my notebooks as productive.

After sitting through the DARE program I feel seriously lucky to not have become a statistic. I could be living at my boyfriend’s best friend’s sister’s house dealing coke to the rich kids up the street to buy McDonalds for my undernourished, dirty faced, barefoot, crack baby who is standing in a pile of dirt in the front yard crying and holding a naked baby doll that’s face has been colored on with blue pool-cue chalk. Or I could be living out of a tie-dyed tent desperately selling enough Patchouli incense and hand made beads to buy tofu patties and soy milk for my undernourished, dirty faced, naked baby who’s face has been painted on with blue peace signs while she is standing in a pile of dirt at the PHISH concert crying and holding an all natural hemp doll.

Ok, I did have a glass of Pinot Grigio and some chocolate cake before I got in my minivan and rode to the school function with my toddler in tow who sat still and colored the DARE Lion’s face blue with crayon during the program. What…? It’s not like Ella plays soccer, in fact she’s going to take Karate and that's totally different – so there.

Apr 25, 2006

Thirty Three

I have discovered as of late the importance of Birthday parties. I’ve always thought them to be a little vain and silly, but have come to the belief that this celebration is more about honoring your parents. We’ve never really celebrated Birthdays around here, perhaps a present and a special dinner maybe desert at the restaurant. We certainly would never don a giant sombrero while the entire restaurant staff stands at our table singing “Feliz Cumplea├▒os!” So, why the change of heart? Ella.

When she turned one I wanted to throw the biggest party to announce to the world “Look what I did! I grew a person and then I cultivated her for a whole year and we didn’t even break her!” Plus, I couldn’t let the day that I pushed a whole person out of my person go unnoticed. So we celebrated Ella in all her Ella-ness and the fact that Dan and I had started our Magnum Opus!

So today in honor of my parents – Thank you, I love you and Happy Birthday to Me!





















"My ancestors watch because at this moment, I am the whole reason they existed." -David H. Franzoni

***

10:20 update I almost forgot - the following conversation took place last night:

Ella: Mom’s so old
Me: Because it’s my birthday?
Dan: Did you tell her that?
Me: I thought you did.
Dan: Ella, tell mom she’s a hottie.
Ella: Mom, you’re a potty!

Apr 24, 2006

Bragoramma, Now with Links


















We arrived at the resort early Friday afternoon and after getting settled into the room went over to see the toy soldiers (yes, that’s the reason we went) I think this guy must’ve spent thousands building this game – it was about Zombies. The board is a detailed diorama of the city complete with a moving Elevated train and LED screens one on the side of building for a moving billboard and the other a drive in theatre (showing what else?... Dawn of the Dead).





























We tested out the hotel pool - and for the record, it was really warm and clean and very fun and they had all the fluffy clean white yummy smelling towels you could ever want. So we decadently wrapped our heads in a towel and had one on our shoulders and one around our waist and then we stood on towels while we put our shoes back on for the stroll to the elevators wich Ella kept calling "alligators". Whoever washes the towels - please forgive us, we don't usually get to do such things.

After a nap we ate
very yummy sushi for dinner at a nice place up the street called Wakaba.

















We played in the park at the resort until the sun went down at which point we walked all over in the hotel observing people in evening gowns for a wedding and sparkly sweaters for the theatre and business attire for an awards ceremony and then we went into the gift shop. Ella found the tiniest little tea set and anyone who’s ever been to our house can attest for how she loves to play tea so – voila! We were back at the room playing tea with her Mermies on the giant bed. We ate
Fruit Loops and Reeses Pieces from the tiny plates while we watched "Hoodwinked".
















The next morning we awoke to room service. Lovely lovely lovely.
















Even though Ella had perfectly yummy eggs and bacon and jelly toast for breakfast she opted for her most favorite thing in the whole world... butter. What am I going to do - tell her she can't have her favorite when they so clearly put it in it's own little dish so nicely for her?













We went shopping at
my favorite mall with some very good friends. We had lunch and played at the giant tree in the middle and bought:
-A swimming suit for Ella
-Presents for Baby Colin (Welcome to the world kiddo!)
-Sun hats
-A wind up tin robot for Dan (from Ella)

-New lipstick at the Clinique counter (where the two Russian ladies working there gave Ella a makeover and a free bag while I looked at colors). Let me take this moment to say: I love
Clinique!


After shopping we ventured outside again. To our delight there were lots of kids Ella’s age to play with at the playground. I was afforded the luxury of putting my ear-buds in and listening to the program I downloaded for just this occasion. I heard “This American Life, Episode 311 entitled ‘A Better Mousetrap’” uninterrupted in its entirety. I didn’t even have to make small talk with the other moms, they talked to each other – aaaaah.






















Back in our room, Ella played and took a hearty 2 hour nap while I ordered “Nanny McPhee”, drank coffee and ate a blueberry muffin. Yes, I could’ve watched a “The Hills Have Eyes” or “Memoirs of a Geisha”, but I wanted to see “Nanny McPhee” and it was probably a little scary for a two year old. I liked it. After, I took Ella to Red Robbin for dinner where we stood around amongst the other cool kids on dates (honsetly this must be THE PLACE on a Saturday night). We put our hands in our pockets and slouched and looked cool too. This, just before we colored our menus with crayons and stuffed ourselves with cheese burgers, french fries and ice cream floats.





















On the way out we played video games untill we were out of quarters and then we went back to the hotel with nothing else in mind except swimming until exhaustion and watching
SNL in our undies.

Sunday morning started like this...















We had a nice breakfast, went back to look at the games again and played in the park one more time before we left for home stopping for lunch at Roly Poly Sandwiches for totally yummy sandwich wraps.




































What a great weekend - Thank You Dear Husband!

P.S. Dan won a nice prize at his toy soldier thing (a BIG box of toy soldiers), Ella peed in the potty at least once a day and the hotel stay was free as was the room service because of a letter I wrote last year. How's that for whipped cream and a cherry on top of my Sunday?

Apr 20, 2006

Tell the Milkman will ya?

Dear Internets,

Please watch the blog while I’m gone. I am leaving on Friday morning and coming back on Sunday and if anyone suspicious is lurking around here please, skip calling the authorities and commence with the verbal whipping until they leave. Don’t worry about the plants; I can kill them on my own. The dog is going to the doggy spa and Dan already made arrangements for a fish sitter (I hope, because I didn’t). We will be eating room service from our beds, swimming indoors and shopping in Chicago until our inner guitar strings tune down an octave. I will not send postcards because that would take effort, but I will take lots of photos and brag all about it when I get back. Thanks for blog-sitting, by the way I can’t pay you.

Love, love, love,
Bombadee

Apr 19, 2006

Links I’ve been meaning to share.

Leslie Hall is a rap artist so brilliant I can’t even explain… It’s like Napoleon Dynamite knocked up Lisa Loopner and had a child raised on QVC. Her collection of Gem Sweaters is magnificent. Just go see it already http://www.lesliehall.com/8-sweaters1.html

The
Glen Feron Portfolio is also a shining example of… well, just go have a look http://glennferon.com/portfolio1/portfolio36.html Please drag your mouse over the image when you get there, then call your teenage daughter into the room and make sure she understands what she’s seeing. Mr. Feron is a genius for putting his portfolio out there as a teaching tool for parents. (see more photos here http://glennferon.com/portfolio1/index.html)

Our Bodies Our Selves is asking for you to share your birth story for their new book. Go visit http://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/programs/projects/childbirth.asp and tell the truth about those stitches and that annoying nurse that wouldn’t stop being so cheery.

And please go visit one of my favorite internet comedians Eugene Mirman. The
Marvelouse Crooning Child is both disturbing and satisfyingly funny, while you're there click on 'more songs' so you can enjoy such greats as "Born in the USA" and "Roxanne".

***

The first thing Ella said this morning when she woke up: "I got cookies in my belley".

Apr 18, 2006

White Boy Crumps

I would now like to present to you the funniest video I've seen ever. My friend KTJ sent it to me, it stars her DH and Son#1. I can say nothing more that I LOVE IT! She call's it "White boy crumps", please go vote for it here.




Definition #5 of Krump
"A dance done in inner cities made up of quick jerking movements. Little movement of the lower body is used. Krumping is generated from Los Angeles. AND krumping is the SH*T. This is the definition, no questions asked. " by ATJ Long Island, NY Jul 5, 2005

Thank you KTJ for sharing and Tater Tot you have to just come over to see it.

The Owlhaven Challenge

Owlhaven proposed this as the Monday Challenge and I think it’s an awesome idea and I am anxiouse to see the results. I encourage you to go participate.

she writes: “So here's your challenge. Take three photos in your home that are reflections of YOU! What small items or small areas do you have in your home that makes your home your own? What shows your personality?Post your photos with explanations on your blog by Tuesday evening and put the link in my comments section. Wednesday morning I'll look at all the entries and choose one that I think shows the MOST personality or is the most interesting.”

So here are my three:
















Sitting on this 1950s ‘office trash’ rescued desk is my beautiful computer monitor/flat panel TV. My dearest husband gave it to me on our ninth wedding anniversary last year and it was totally unexpected. Sitting on the right side of my desk seemingly glowing in the sunlight is a plain brown mug of instant coffee; it’s from a set of 12 that I inherited from my grandparents. To the left of my monitor is the crossword, I use a mechanical pencil. On top of the half finished crossword is one of Ella’s blue hair ties and sitting just behind perched on top of two cigar boxes filled with received greeting cards and my Renoir Stationary is my old journal/sketch book. I’ve always left it out for anyone to read, but it’s dusty because I blog now. On top of that are a framed photo of Dan and Ella, a giant rubber-band ball and some African Violets my dear friend AW sent me last time I had a cold. There’s a tiny patch of spackle on the wall in the back and that reminds me how much work there is to do on our turn of the century building and underneath the desk is a box of receipts I am entering for my Dad’s business.

***

















Here is a corner of our library were you can find lots of books including the King James Bible, Al Quaran, the Tanakh, four different dictionaries, two diffrenet thesauruses, lots of sci-fi and classic novels, a few trashy beach novels, photo albums, board games and even a bowl of Mardi Gras beads all in no particular order. The teal reading chair was bought on E-bay the tricycle belongs to you know who and on the end table you’ll find Buddha.


***

















This is my Hearth and perhaps the most symbolic photo of all. I’ll just list for you what I see:
-My Grandparent’s stove rescued from their basement after their passing
-Dan’s apron
-Sunny wind chimes brought back from FL from a friend
-Little elephant door bells so I can hear when people are walking in
-Well used white enamel tea pot - wedding present
-Muffin pan, pasta pots, a wok and a Casserole dish
-Chinese coins hanging out to dry on the pot rack for good luck
-A cast iron egg skillet
-Soy sauce, vegetable oil, Garlic, Salt & Pepper
-The floor Dan and I installed together
-The broom I rode in on

-Rag rug
-Cheery yellow paint
-Step stool

Apr 17, 2006

Baby Bongo Bird

The Easter Bunny came to our house yesterday morning just before the thunder storm and when Ella woke up she said “The Easter Bunny was loud”. Upon going downstairs, she was then faced the excruciating decision of peeing in the potty or filling her Easter basket with candy. She decided on candy but not without much frustration and lament, poor kid.

















The Easter Bunny also brought her a little Doctor Kit. Ella examined each piece as she took it out of the little case; stethoscope first – “Mom let me hear your chest” she patiently asked, “Let me see in your ear” gently looking in my ear “Good job, Mom” as she patted my back, and next scissors “I’m gonna cut your hairs now” tenderly brushing my bangs aside she tilted my chin down and pretended to cut the back, Dan exclaimed “KTJ would be so proud!” and snapped this picture.



















We finally made it to the breakfast table where Dan and I ate cinnamon rolls and coffee and Ella ate a whole chocolate bunny. And while she bounced about the house in a chocolate caffeinated fervor, I read My Beloved Monster & Me, an agnostic who talks about difficulties explaining Easter to his kid:

“I guess the big difference is that Christmas celebrates hope and peace and harmony and good stuff that even us heathens can get behind. Easter's harder to explain. "Yeah, we killed Jesus, but he didn't hold it against us, and then he turned into a zombie, the Greatest Zombie of All, and so we play with rabbits and chickens and eat chocolate eggs. Any questions?"”

This brings up the question, what exactly will we tell Ella about Easter? Dan and I agreed not to think about it until it’s upon us. It’s hard enough explaining Easter eggs. Ella took one bite of yolk at lunch and exclaimed “Mom, It’s a
baby bongo bird in there!” to which I sputtered “Well, yes, it’s kind of a baby bird in there, but not really it’s actually a yolk or more of a yellow egg part, yes, that’s it. It’s the yellow part of the egg called the yolk and the baby bird lives in... It’s just a yolk honey.” And Ella said “No, Mommy it’s a baby bongo bird” And then she ate it.


Apr 15, 2006

Good Egg

We are going to an Easter egg hunt today. We went to this same one last year and Ella was content after finding one egg. I bet this year she will enjoy the other kids more than the eggs. That’s ok, that’s one of life’s great joys, enjoying your fellow human beings. It’s easier to do when you are 2 and a half, you don’t yet know anything about people who are closed minded or have a chip on their shoulder are who have screwed up priorities or self loathing. At two you can just decide weather a person is nice and fun or not and if not you can just stop playing with them.














Unless your mother keeps telling you that you have to be nice and include everyone regardless of how you feel about them. ..















Is this fair or not?
How do you teach a child to be inclusive while respecting their choices?

Apr 14, 2006

Two

Two conversation with Ella, two sentences I’d never thought I’d say, and two photos of me.

Me: Hey the garbage truck is coming, come see out the back door.
Ella: Wow, that’s a big truck
Me: Yes, it is
Ella: An' it’s orange and black and white
Me: Yes, it is
Ella: Nice Mom. Is he’s getting our garbage?
Me: yeah, he’s putting it in the truck
Ella: Good, garbage stinks.


Me: This is a slice of juicy orange, eat the middle part
Ella: MmmMMmm, I like this.
Me: Good
Ella: It’s looks like a boat
Me: Yes it does
Ella: Like a pirate boat
Me: Are you a pirate?

Ella: No Mom, I’m Ella… wimper… Mom, Mom, Mom, I’m Ella!
Me: Hi Ella, I’m Mom
Ella: Hi Mom, I like dis jooosy pirate orange.
Me: Me too.

***

"That Sandwich is not for squeezing it’s for eating!"

"Did you get a little pee in you shoe? That’s ok."


***

Apr 13, 2006

Those Elephants

Mom took Ella and I to the Garden Brother’s Circus yesterday. It was so fun! We had to wake Ella up out of the van to go in so she just wasn’t sure if she was dreaming still or not for the first 15 minutes.












We had just settled in with all the munchies that go with the circus, popcorn, lemonade, and cotton candy, when a lady with giant hair came and sat down right in from of Ella. Mrs. Giant-hair lady also brought her very spoiled grandson who wasn’t satisfied with just going to the circus. He had to wear his Batman costume to the circus and posses EVERY crappy plastic toy the circus sold, one of which was a giant light up sword and yes, he kept it lit up and poking straight up into our view the whole time. ARG! There were plenty of open seats, so I’m not sure it was necessary for anyone with a head that big and hair piled on top of it to sit directly in front of a child who is already struggling to see over the seat in front of them, but hey, maybe that’s her thing. So I kicked their chairs alot (hey, that's my thing).

After intermission we moved to much better seats.



















About half way through the show, Ella must’ve finally found her wits because she started jumping up and down and yelling “It’s a circus Gramma! A CIRCUS!” it was very cute. Then we had nachos and Ella just dipped her whole hand in the nacho cheese and licked it off her fingers. The show finished with this guy – ZAAL the Human Cannonball flying 45 feet up at 50mph accross three rings and into a giant bag of air. I had never seen and human cannonball before, so I was fascinated.















In the car afterwards Ella became extremely concerned with where the elephants went. She kept asking “Those elephants goin’ home?” and the repeating “Yeah, those elephants are going to their house.” It got me thinking about where those elephants did go? I’m sure PETA has a theory and I’m sure the circus handlers have a story too. I’m choosing to believe - Those elephants went home to their trailers where they will hang out on their giant modular couches and watch their soaps while they drive to the next city and half way there they might stop at a rest stop for Nutter-butters and sodas and a game of tag to stretch their legs.








Apr 12, 2006

It's My Soapbox and I'll Preach if I Want to

A few weeks ago Ella was terribly sick for the forty-hundredth time this year and she reverted to crying and kicking as her preferred form of communication. I wondered aloud on the blogosphere if it was the sickness that infected her brain or a dreaded phase she was entering. Alas the pestilence subsided, the curse lifted, the demons expunged, and the "Terrible Twos" debunked. My happy smiley child is back to speaking in full sentences, giving hugs away, saying please and thank you, helping pick up her toys and loving everything. She's a joy to be around again.

Let me take my rose colored sun glasses off and tell you that I think my kid is no different than a lot of other kids. Barring extreme circumstances like last month’s scourge, I find most toddlers remarkably pleasant and I certainly don’t care for the term “Terrible Twos”. Imagine if every time you got crabby someone leaned over and uttered “PMS”, I bet you’d just love that! So, why in the world would we choose to discount children’s feelings and difficulties by characterizing them as a phase to survive? Why demean their emotions? Is it because it’s easier to call someone a “bitch” or a “terrorist” or chalk it up to “the Terrible Twos” than to try and understand their point of view?

Maybe instead of having a “fussy baby” she is an “effective communicator”, or is she “learning to manage frustration” instead of “throwing a tantrum” and when she’s running around screaming “No! No!” maybe she is “asserting her independence” and not “trying to test your patience”. Babies and toddlers don’t yet understand patience or revenge or malice; they barely even see other people as separate entities much less understand other’s complex feelings. This is not just a PC way to say “she’s a goblin child”, I really believe kids just try to get their needs met in the best way they know how. It's up to us to guide them in learning ways to reach goals as well as teaching them about prioritizing. (Actually, I know a lot of grown ups who still need to learn about prioritizing and learning honorable and acceptable ways to reach goals).

This is why I’m so excited to see the new show “Shalom in the Home”. Rabbi Shmuley will travel the US teaching his philosophy “…there is no such thing as bad children”. I love him already. I hope the show does well.

12:45 update entitled "Oh the Irony"

Ella and I were just outside playing and the following exchange took place:

Me: You found a stick

Ella: Yeah

Me: What are you gonna to do with that stick?

Ella: I gonna poke you in da eye! (proceeds to run toward my eyeball with stick in jousting position)

Apr 11, 2006

Listen Up Producers

Dan: “What crap are you watching now, TVs Next Top Star Bull Fighter?”
Me: “No, but do you know what channel that’s on?”
Dan: “Probably Telemundo or Univision”
Me: “Really?”
Dan: “No, I just made it up”
Me: “Damn, ‘cause I would totally watch that show.”
Dan: “You would.”

Other Reality TV Shows I’d Like to See


Survivor - Minnesota North Woods

The Real World - Mom Edition

Queer Eye for the Republican

Working for Charities with the Stars

Amazing Race Family Vacation

America’s Next President

Pimp My Stroller or Pimp My Pushchair
.
Also, can we kill the laugh track already, it's insulting. And who's family works in way in wich the kids don't get grounded for having a smart mouth when they rip on thier parents?

Apr 10, 2006

Are Marshmallows in the Food Pyramid?

I wasn't kidding about the Cheetoes and marshmallow thing. Friday night we gave Ella this
















so we could eat this













without interruption.

Apr 9, 2006

Uninvited Guests

I was looking through photos of my cousins wedding and came across a nice shot their photographer took of their guest book.
















Funny, I think that couple came to our wedding too.

Apr 7, 2006

Things someone should’ve said before hand:

  1. The first two years of marriage are the worst. It’s when you have all the arguments about how to squeeze the toothpaste, should one leave a note when leaving the house and weather the cups go right side up or down in the cupboard. Some arguments are stupid, some matter but all get worked out in the first two years.
  2. The same thing happens again when you have a baby.
  3. Never start keeping score in your marriage - you are on the same team.
  4. When you’re in labor you don’t give a crap who walks into the delivery room and peeks at your business, you just want someone to help you.
  5. After you have a baby you have your period for what can last up to 6 weeks.
  6. Nursing is uncomfortable and weird at first but nursing mothers don’t get their period back until they start to reduce the nursing schedule.
  7. A newborn causes such sleep deprivation that you will be happy to go back to sleep with “just a little baby puke” on your PJs and it won’t even bother you.
  8. Someday you will beg your toddler to just eat one marshmallow or a Cheeto and then she can get down from the dinner table.
  9. Even though you know what pushes the buttons of your family members, you shouldn’t.

That’s all I have so far. I’m putting it out there because these things I discovered while they were happening to me. So, maybe someone will find something of value here and if you didn’t then perhaps you have information that “someone should’ve told you” to leave.

Yogi Wants His Money

My Grandpa opened his mail to find the Yellowstone National Park demanding he pay a $250.00 fine for destruction of property. He had never been to Wyoming but we had and my dad vehemently refused to pay it. This was the summer after I turned eight. In two weeks we drove from Illinois through Iowa, saw the sites in South Dakota, camped in Wyoming, toured Colorado and visited friends in Arizona where an air conditioned car was a necessitate. My parents borrowed my grandparent’s air conditioned Mercedes for the trip.

In Wyoming we found a nice little portion of Yellowstone that rented camp sites next to a fresh little stream. While my parents set up camp we played by the stream. Mom wanted to make sure my littlest brother didn’t drown, so she tethered him to a tree giving him enough rope to get his ankles wet. My middle brother and I took delight in wading in to our knees and taunting him, of course. The game didn’t last long because despite the 85* weather the water was cold, it was melting snow coming down from the mountains. We played at the camp site all afternoon and after dinner, toasted marshmallows, listened to stories Dad made up for us and then went to sleep in the tent. The next morning was going to be a big day.

We were visiting
Old Faithful and it was a site to behold, if you’re interested in geology and hydrothermal occurrences - which I wasn’t. I was just interested in horseback riding and rolling my eyes at my parents, my brothers however loved it. We spent all day looking at stuff, I’m sure it was all amazing and marvelous geological stuff and I’m sure I rolled my eyes at all of it while wishing we would visit just one horse ranch. It was a long day and we three kids must’ve fallen asleep on the way back to the campground because when I awoke I was still in the car.

I was in the car, it was daylight and my parents were running the heat full blast and I’m pretty sure my dad was cussing. I looked out the window to find the babbling brook turned to raging river while we were gone and our tent with all our possessions in it was under 12 inches of ice water. My dad, with bare feet and pants rolled up, waded in to retrieve our gear while Mom entertained our questions with reassurance. After every expedition into the ice water Dad would get back in the car shivering and cussing long enough to regain feeling in his toes. I vaguely remember other campers craning necks to see the calamity that was our camp site, but no one offered help. I think I even remember someone refusing my father the use of their canoe, but Mom couldn't verify, so I might just be summoning extra drama

After all our stuff was saved including my extra special stuffed white unicorn with the sparkly rainbow horn, Dad sat in the car warming up his feet and his temper. Why hadn’t the park ranger mentioned the spring thaw would gorge the river? Why do they allow anyone to camp in a flood plane? What would’ve happened if we were sleeping when the water came seeping into the tent? Why didn’t anyone offer help? Who was going to tell the next people not to camp there? Well the answer to that last one was - my Dad. He promptly took out his hatchet and chopped the word “FLOOD!” with huge letters into the picnic table before we drove away.





















Brace yourself Mom...
The Environmental Assessment "Enclosed is a copy of the Slough Creek Campground Rehabilitation Environmental Assessment for Yellowstone National Park. The National Park Service is proposing to relocate some campsites within the 29-site Slough Creek Campground. Major flooding in the springs of 1996 and 1997 inundated several streamside campsites and has resulted in erosion at these sites. These events have prompted the National Park Service to evaluate the location of some existing campsites and propose their relocation to prevent further degradation of campsites due to water erosion and to alleviate safety and sanitation concerns." ... Click on Part 4 it has a picture of what I think is OUR campsite half way down the page.

Apr 6, 2006

My Best Friend

He's handsome

He’s a great cook

He’s really really really smart (yes, 3 “really”s worth)


He dances with me every time we hear “Brown Eyed Girl”

He’ll argue with me - "about the hypothetical legal liability and moral responsibilities of a video game company that has found the mechanism to induce obsession in writing the perfect addictive video game” - for fun

He has great looking calves

He changes poopy diapers

He’s great at planning trips

He can massage a knot out of my neck in about three minutes

He can be unexpectedly funny

He plays ‘tea party’ with the kiddo

He over-indulges his loved ones

He’s got a plan and it fits in with mine

Monkeys almost always make him laugh

He has the unusual ability to easily interpret and make judgments about tricky moral, ethical, legal dilemmas while cutting out the particulars that cloud the issue. It makes for good conversation and I might someday make bracelets “WWDD?” (What would Dan do?)

He smells super good when he’s all sweaty from working in the yard or on the house, (I bet only I appreciate this quality though)

He never lies (Don’t ask him if you look fat in those jeans unless your ready for the Truth)

He will always do what is right even when it’s unpopular

He laughs at my jokes

He knows things like the history of
Guy Fawkes which totally makes for good conversation after seeing a movie like V for Vendetta. (I recommend the movie)

Apr 5, 2006

A Housewife's Dream

I dreamt I was running from man eating dinosaurs from outer space. My dream-meister must be stuck in a fifties sci-fi movie. It’s really just an extension of the old zombie dream with different monsters. Everything else is the same, the running, running, running and planning and this time I was with Mr. Bombadee and Mr. BlahZeeBlah (the zombie killers) so I knew I was mostly safe as we drove down a mountain side screaming in and out of traffic being chased my a giant t-rex and me riding in the bed of the truck. We holed up in a brand new half built and newly abandoned prison were we only had left over Happy Wok to eat and the only way to get in and out was through a giant new cement sewer pipe leaned up against the new building. It was like all those years of climbing UP the slide at the playground were finally paying off. There was a scene were I was chased up the pipe by a colossal dino-tongue scrapping the sides of the tube trying to knock me back down into its enormous mouth. This scene should be shot in 3-D and the audience should feel like they are about to get licked in the head and we could pipe in dino-breath through the theatre for extra scary-ness.





















Any dream interpretations folks?


also


  • What the heck happened on American Idol last night? I have to agree with Simon, it all sucked. It was like “sing through your nose night”. Frankly, I expected more from Kenny Rogers.
  • I totally want the Dr. Pitt Collection, see the ad with the kids on it here.
  • I read Trying To Grow Up: Why I'm Quitting Chick Lit by Mary Katherine, it was pretty funny.

Apr 4, 2006

Gifts that Keep On Giving

We’ve stayed in the house for three weeks now and are totally over our colds. No snot here and so it’s become apparent that we must find another cold to go lick. Does anyone want to invite us for a play date and when we get there tell us your kid’s snot and fever are due to teething? Seriously, if your child is just on the tail end of that cold, we’ll be right over, Ella would like to drink out of your child’s sippy cup and won’t mind another round of $50.00 antibiotics for the ear infection that inevitably ensues. We also enjoy the quality family time we have when Dan holds Ella’s arms and legs down and I pinch her nose till she can’t breath and gasps for air and I shove a spoonful of Zithromax into her throat and she sputters it out all over my face and then we can collectively wonder the rest if the night about how much she ingested, it’s way more fun than High-Ho-Cherrio. Come on sickies, invite us over or we are going to have to go to the indoor play facility and try to rub up against the kid that just puked? We’ve gone two days with nostrils that function and our day doesn’t feel right without a wad of sticky Kleenex in our pockets and a healthy appetite, for craps sakes I have to actually cook when she’s feeling well! Do you have any idea how that cuts into my blog reading? Should anyone come down with a pox, please just let us know right away.


PS Hope you are enjoying the cold we gave you as much as we did Grandpa - Love you.

Apr 3, 2006

I Think I'm Ernie

  • While watching Seasame Street Sunday morning with Ella, the following conversation took place:

    Dan: I’m Bert… Honey am I Bert?
    Me: Well, you do watch shows like ‘The History of Grape Nuts’
    Dan: Hey! It was a good show.
    Me: You might as well collect bottle caps.
    Dan: What’s wrong with bottle caps?
    Me: Nothing sweetie.
    Dan: Sigh, I’m Bert

  • Phrases she starts with “But”

    Ella: But I probably need some more more (Mommy’s milk)
    Ella: But I have tears in my eyes!
    Ella: But pleeeeease


Apr 2, 2006

Challenge

I'm having a hard time uploading my mini-music video and text so I'm posting them separately. I accepted a challenge from Mr. BlahZeeBlah to produce a 60 second narrative. It’ll have to be more interesting than watching my happy kid run around and play. But, I need a script folks! Any ideas?


Also, please go visit Apollo Sunshine and buy something.

Today Is Your Day










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